Happy Halloween!

Ah, Halloween is here again. This year ('08) I've got a Rock Star and a Butterfly at my house! Halloween is by no means our favorite holiday, but it is one that falls during the fall season, which IS our favorite season! Therefore, we have a lot of fun picking out our costumes, preparing them, getting pumpkins, and carving them.
Hunter's first Halloween ('04) he was almost 3 months old and was a bumble bee. He was super cute with those little antennae sticking out from his head! The costume was warm enough that we were able to take him over to my Grandma's to "Trick-Or-Treat", and then it was fun to just have him all dressed up while we handed out candy at our house. His second Halloween ('05) he wore a bear costume that my Grandma made for Kara when she was a little girl. It was awesome to see him in it and I think Grandma really enjoyed knowing that her hard work was appreciated for YEARS! His third year ('06) he was a lion, and last year ('07) he was the Red Power Ranger. This Graysen's first Halloween and I am looking forward to compiling her costume list just like Hunter's! Really our only rules on costumes are that it has to be something "real". Okay - so maybe that's not the best description of it because Power Rangers aren't real...but any mummy, witches, Scream characters, etc. are out. But you all know what I mean by "real"...an animal, person, cartoon character, etc.
I was recently at a Halloween party where parents dressed their 3 year old daughter in a bloody, gory, sick costume. Why?! It made me question some parents "thrill" behind Halloween and realize that I am so lucky that my husband and I agree on the meaning / importance of all the holidays that we celebrate. To us, Halloween is just a fun day to dress up (who doesn't like to get dressed up?!), carve pumpkins, get candy, and eat until you're sick! Ha ha.

I wonder how other families view Halloween and what their "rules" are for celebrating it.

Kisses

Kisses on the cheek. I think they might be my number one favorite thing in the whole world. Odd maybe. Okay, definitely. But truth none the less. To me, kisses on the cheek mean the following:

1. I love you
2. I care about you
3. I like you
4. I adore you
5. I want to do something just for you

Kisses on the mouth are wonderful - but have their place in my world. Kisses on the mouth for me are passion filled. They mean I am attracted to you, I'm thinking about you in "that way". (Which is great sometimes...)

So when I was almost asleep last night and I felt my husband lean over and give me a kiss on the cheek I feel asleep a very happy girl.

What do kisses mean to you and what are your favorite kind?!

Sugar, Spice, and Everything nice...that's what Apple Pie is made of!

That's right world - I made my very first Apple Pie tonight! I had a couple of great tips from dear friends of mine. One being Bethany, who always amazes me with her cooking / baking skills, and the other being Miss Sadie Baxter. Alright, so the later isn't truly a friend - she's a character from one of my favorite books (The Mitford Series), but I spent so many hours "with" her that I feel as though we're friends. I bought the cook book that is filled with all of the recipes from the series. So, I combined the two recipies / tips and I think I made an AWESOME apple pie! I used the apples that we picked at Ekert's the other day, but cheated with a pre-made crust (or you know, the ones that come in the roll by the cookie dough...but I had to start somewhere right?! I let Lincoln do the design on top - we ended up with a basketball - but he was so excited, I just couldn't make him change it! Ha ha.

4:30 ramblings

Randomly I'm up at all hours this week.  What is going on?!  Graysen woke up at 4:30 to eat and I couldn't go back to sleep!  So instead, I'm scouring the internet for something useful to read and occupy my mind until I'm tired again.  I'm not overly rested or anything, in fact, I find that the less I'm able to sleep, the more I wake up.  Why does the world work that way??  So instead, I'll use my hours in a dark, quiet house to fill in the cyber world of the happenings that have been going on at my house.

1.  Gray is now a full fledged walker.  She started several days ago taking some steps from here to there, but now she is walking almost all the time.  She gets up (without pulling up) and starts off for her destination, after she falls (which is almost assured), she gets back up and walks some more.  No more crawling the rest of the way - she is determined.  It's precious to see, but so sad for me.  Knowing that she is most likely my last I want to savor every moment with her, and of course, keep her a baby as long as possible...it's just not working.

2.  Hunter has transformed into a kid I never pictured myself having.  He is an awesome challenge every day!  He has moments of adorableness (if that's a word), and moments of becoming some monster I don't even recognize.  He is a very smart kid (alright, every parent probably says this about their child), and I can see that he's learning to try to use it to manipulate the situation.  I've been letting him try simply because I think it's good for him to use those skills - you need them in the world we live in...but in the end, the consequences are always there for his actions, which I pray is teaching him responsibility.  Whew, being a parent gets harder every single day.  Although I am by no means wishing his life away, I do look forward to the day where there doesn't have to be any discipline.  A single 24 hour period where he doesn't get into trouble...

3.  We are deep into our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University study.  That in and of itself is exhausting if you ask me.  I am not a money person.  I wasn't raised with money being an issue, and I still to this day have a hard time sitting down with Lincoln and "reviewing" the bills.  I would be happy for him to pay all the bills and let me know how much I have to spend.  ha ha.  Don't worry though - I've learned my lesson and will always be involved in our financial situation, no matter how it pains me to figure it out.  Anyway - I feel as though we're doing really well.  Lincoln is a FREAK with the budget, not a single dollar gets past this man, I swear.  I know I'll thank him when we're debt free (in 5 years maybe?!), but at this point I find myself getting aggravated at least once a day.  Dave is having us go about it in ways that I wouldn't have originally planned for ourselves, but we've prayed about it and are going to follow his instructions to a "T" and hope that we don't regret it in the long run!  

4.  We've always said we were going to sell our house in about 5 years and upgrade again (hopefully for the last time), but in new developments, we're currently tossing around the idea of just adding on to our house.  It would mean that we would stay here for another 10 years (so 15 from now), but we like our house and location.  Neighbors aren't the best, but all of that drama has died down a lot and I think we could stay here.  For those of you familiar with our home, we would like to add on a dining room from the left side of the house to the kitchen window (which we'll turn into shelving) and then from the window to the right side of the house add another master bedroom and bath.  Behind all of that all the way across the entire length of the house we'll add another family room and a deck out the new back doors.  Not a lot, but just what we need.  I have always wanted a 4 bedroom house so that we could have an office / guest room.  Alright, silly sounding, I know since most of both sides of our family live in STJ...but there's never any harm in having an extra bed in the house without having to kick one of your kids out of their rooms right?

5.  I believe I may have hit a slight readers block.  You heard me right.  I've been flying through books like they're going out of style and I think I might be done for a few weeks.  I finished all of the books that I ordered from Amazon and  picked out 3 from my Grandma's house, but I tried to start all 3 of them yesterday and couldn't complete the first chapter in any of them.  So Lincoln, knowing how much reading means to me (it's totally my escape from the world) volunteered to start his book over (I wanted to read it when he was done, but it takes him WEEKS to finish a book) and read it out loud to me at night.  What a husband.  So - last night, I laid in a warm bed, eyes closed, listening to a funny story and my husband's voice - life doesn't get a whole lot better than that.  

6.  The holidays stress me out.  Not sure how many of you knew that, but they do.  Thanksgiving is better than Christmas, but still it stresses me.  Don't get me wrong, I put on a happy face and pretend that I'm having the time of my life.  In reality I'm screaming inside and just want to hole up in my house!  For Thanksgiving I think it begins a week or so in advance when we're trying to work out the logistics of being at two dinners in one day.  It has always happened that my Thanksgiving dinner is before Lincoln's and therefore we rush through mine (usually spend about 2 hours) and go on to his in order to get there half way in time, and spend about 6 hours.  This causes me stress.  I'm not always about having things fair and equal in our marriage, but when it comes to extended family, I try really hard so there are no hurt feelings.  This just isn't possible.  The Christmas stress begins months in advance while trying to budget / buy gifts for everyone.  Lincoln's side has 12 gifts and 2 stockings to purchase for and my side has 6 gifts to purchase.  Those numbers in and of themselves are intimidating to me.  Thank the good Lord the Redburn's have decided to rotate siblings for gifts now, so that brings the total down to 8 gifts and 2 stockings for his side.  Try finding decent gifts for that many people without breaking yourself.  Another stress reliever for Christmas is that the last two years the Redburn's have celebrated on either the weekend before or following Christmas, freeing up the actual day for all the siblings to go to the in-laws families.  It's so nice to not have to rush through either side!  We always go out to Marcinda and Carl's Christmas evening after all the festivities are over and visit and it's so peaceful and quiet.  I love it. 

7.  Basketball is starting...!!!  Ah, my life as I know it is over until March.  Lincoln is up and heading out the door as we speak (at 6:00 a.m.) to head to conditioning.  This pattern will continue for 2 weeks until practice starts on November 10th (I think that's the day)...then it will rotate, early practice one day, late practice the next.  Games on Tuesdays and Fridays, throwing in a few Mondays just for good measure.  It never fails our kids end up with grandparents and aunts more during these months than I ever wished them to be.  (Or wished for the people now responsible for raising my kids half the time...)  Really, his basketball coaching and my dance teaching just don't mesh.  He's not willing to give up the coaching (and I don't want him to because he would be a mopey mess if he did), and I can't give up my teaching (financially)...so we're just stuck...Until I go back to work full time when Gray goes to Kindergarten, which is a whole new topic that I don't care to think about nor discuss.  

Well, now he's gone and the house is cold (because we're trying to be financially savvy), so I'm going to go curl up on the couch with a blanket and see what America broadcasts at this horrible hour.  

I'm also going to put a space heater on our Wal-Mart list for tonight.

I miss you.

Something odd is happening.  Many more people that I know are blogging now...but somehow the number of blogs are going down.  

Where are you all??!!

I suppose it's getting to be that time of year when we all get busy and have less time to ourselves to be sitting in front of the computer.  I just wanted to let each of you know that I'm missing the daily blogs.  I feel like I'm losing touch with each of you and your lives.

I love cartoons!

I love weekend mornings.  It seems that my kids know it's the weekend.  Graysen always wakes a little earlier than usual (around 6) and eats, and then goes back to sleep.   When Hunter wakes up he usually yells from his bed for me to come get him (and wakes his sister in the process), but on Saturdays and Sundays he always comes into my bedroom and wakes me up in a unique way.  (Yesterday it was a rooster call, today he made bubble sounds.)  Then he crawls in bed with me and I turn on morning cartoons.  I curl up with him and drift back to sleep while he watches a show or two.  Eventually Graysen wakes back up and we start our day, but those two hours (from 6-8) are two of my favorite hours of the week!  

2 a.m.

Midnight - 2:30 a.m. last night were the best middle of the night hours I have ever spent.  Gray must've had a bad dream and cried every time I laid her in her crib, so instead we rocked and slept on the couch together.  She was perfectly content and snuggly when I was holding her.  It felt good to know that she felt safe and secure in my arms.  I hope my kids will always feel that their mom can fight off the evil of the world for them.  I sure will try.

I could've stayed like that forever...

I care about you!

So...I'm an avid Gray's fan.  I watch every Friday (sometimes Saturday mornings) online.  I love the quotes that Meredith gives at the beginning and end of every show.  Usually, that's where my favorite quotes of the show come from...but tonight it actually came from Izzie.  Really?  Izzie, who I usually find to be very overemotional and dramatic?  Yes, Izzie.  I think she's grown up a lot.  

I care about you.  I care about you.  I care about you.  

What powerful words.  Really let those soak in.  How would it make you feel if someone just let you know that they simply cared about you?  Caring involves work.  It means that you take the other person's emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions into consideration.  It means that you are willing to put aside some of the things that are important to you in order to help the other.  I means that you want to be selfless.

I think we should all do a little more caring... 

Pumpkin Patch Un-drama

Just wanted to update all you fellow blog readers and let you know that the kids and I took our annual pumpkin patch trip today and it was very smooth (unlike a fellow blogger that we know!).  I have no crazy stories to tell, just a fun day with my kids, mom, and sister, picking both apples and our pumpkins!  We rode the bus to the apples, the tractor to the pumpkins, took lots of fun pictures, and ate carmel apples!  

We also went and ordered my bridesmaid's dress for a good friend's wedding.  I have to admit - I was scared of this!  It's been years since I've had to fit into something like that, and I was nervous to find out my "size".  Luckily, I was a size smaller (and no, I'm not going to tell you what that was...) than I had prepared myself to be!  The dress was extremely flattering on, and I'm excited about it!

When I got home my husband surprised me and had cleaned my car - and if any of you know me very well, you know that that is a FEAT!  He cleaned it all out, and then took it and REALLY cleaned the inside and out!  I'm so happy about it - it was a great surprise and I intend on keeping it that way for a long time!!!  

Tomorrow is going to be filled with baking an apple pie (my very first), and relaxing from our fun filled day...preparing for a week filled with more friends and Fall Fun!  We'll keep you updated!   

But How?

Do you ever question what you're supposed to do with your life?  Okay - I know the broad answer to that...I know that I am supposed to use my life to praise God and further His kingdom.  

But How?!

I find myself asking this question all the time!  I decided that I should look at what I'm good at, or what talents He has given me and find a way to use that.  So...what am I good at?  Dance, and...being a mommy.  Honestly, that's all I can come up with.  So then I look at those two things.  

I feel like I am using my dance in a small way.  I am a dance teacher who tries very hard to share her faith and be a positive influence in the lives of my many students.  At this point in my life, it would be hard to use my dancing in any other capacity.

Being a mommy is great!  It's my favorite thing to do, but we are faced with so many challenges when it comes to having children.  We already have two children waiting for us in Heaven, and had an extremely "iffy", high-risk pregnancy with Graysen.  God showered us with mercy and allowed her to arrive safely into this world.  My doctor has told me that I will have the same sort of pregnancy every time from here on out because of my liver and genetic disorder.  So...basically any more biological children are out of the question for us.  We try everyday to be good parents who raise our children to love our God and teach them His ways.  But what else can I do to further His kingdom by being  a Mommy...???

There in-lies my question...BUT HOW?

Recovering Charles

Yet another book review from the book worm formerly known as Ashley.  :0)  I just finished 'Recovering Charles' by Jason Wright.  I am really torn at how I feel.  I always like to record my feelings on a book directly after finishing it, but this one has left me confused and feeling more like crawling into bed than writing a book review.  

Thought #1:  I think he may have written this book directly for me and my relationship with my Dad.  Although the estrangement is not due to the same circumstances, it's there none the less...and the ending has left me questioning how I will feel.  

Thought #2:  I am extremely self absorbed.  Okay, maybe not SELF absorbed, but absorbed in my own little world filled with my family and friends.  I learned more about Hurricane Katrina while reading this book than I have ever known...and this is a fiction novel.  I realize now how little attention I pay to world events.  Note to self... change that.

Thought #3: This book was very unlike the other two of his that I have read.  I feel as though he has reached a new level in his writing...one that I enjoy...but hope that we will see more "light-hearted", easy to reads coming from him in the future.  

Thought #4:  I'm exhausted - mentally.  I really can't give a book review without giving away the entire plot and ending of the story...so this is about the extent of my "book review".  

Decibels

Does anyone else notice a difference in the noise level from one home to another?  

This is something that I never even considered before I started dating Lincoln.  Since then it's become an almost daily conversation for us.  I find it intriguing that some families are so much louder than others.  I'm reminded very often that it's "not right, not wrong, just different".  Maybe it's the number of people in the family, maybe it's just the members.  

Lincoln is loud.  Plain and simple.  He talks, walks, snores, fights, plays, and cheers loud.  Everything is loud.  I on the other hand am a fairly quiet individual.  I can walk across the house at night without making a sound, I never yell at the television set, and in an argument I'm the one who is silent rather than raising my voice.  

My family gatherings are filled with quiet conversations between two or three family members.  The TV is never on and people quietly come and go as their schedule allows.  His family gatherings are filled with a circle of chairs and a loud conversation including everyone at once.  There are often times full family games occurring with lots of competitive yelling and cheering.  

The difference is not necessarily bad, but they do definitely take some adjusting to.  I was extremely intimidated and filled with anxiety at every one of Lincoln's family gathering early on in our relationship and he used to dread mine because he was bored out of his mind.  I'm glad to have married someone who is so very different from me.  It has reminded me that differences are not always negative and that there is always something to learn from others.

Next time you are in someone else's home, notice...what is the decibel level?    

The Perfect Day...

Lincoln was off work today and I slept in this morning until 9:00.  Now that is the start to a perfect day.  

We laid around, Lincoln and Hunter playing Wii football together, some friendly father/son competition.  Graysen and I played together on the floor.  I made oatmeal and toast (another favorite part to the coming of Fall is eating oatmeal again) for breakfast.  We only discussed doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and living room.  Then laid back down on the couch to read some of my book.  

Mom called and we got dressed and headed over to Charlie's.  The boys played the Wii and raked leaves.  The girls played on the floor, cooked taco soup, and talked.  We all ate at least one bowl of taco soup, one piece of cake (colored with new neon food coloring...), and one bowl of ice cream.  We parted ways and headed home around 4:30.  

Lincoln and Graysen came home for a nap and Hunter and I went to the playground.  I had so much fun following him around the playground pretending to nap in our tree house and get a call from Farmer Ben to come help look for a lost cow.  Letting him "teach" me how to climb back up the slide, etc.  

Now the boys are eating leftover pizza and I'm blogging.  I'm sure we'll start bedtime routine here in an hour or so and then it will be time to start the week again.  Days like this are the ones that I hope will stay forever etched in my mind.  They pass all too quickly.  

Reunions...

Warning:  I might offend some people with this post.

High School Class Reunions.  What's the point really?  I've never understood why you would want to get together with a bunch of people who you suffered through some of the worst years of your life - 10 years after they were over.  Really?  Don't you keep in touch with the people who you are friends with?  If you're really nosy and want to know what has happened to them since high school look them up on facebook, google their name...I'm sure you can come up with something.  Sure, there are about 3 people that I can think of from my graduating class that I don't talk to on a regular basis that I would HONESTLY enjoy visiting with...but it's not worth going and seeing everyone else that I would be forced to smile at as we passed each other.  Alright, so I'm willing to admit that some of you were probably friends with a lot of people in High School.  Some of you may even have enjoyed those 4 horrible years...and good for you if you were able to.  Sure, I have some positive memories, but for the most part, it's something that I prefer never to recall, and wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.   

What's the point in going to a gathering of the people you went to high school with and "catching up" on what's been going on in their lives.  Are there really that many people who go and are genuinely interested?  I think not.  I think most people diet like crazy for the year ahead of time, get a new hair cut / color, dress their kids up in clothes that they would never wear on a normal basis and bribe them to behave with some reward following the gathering.  Then they go and try to convince each other that they have been the most successful, happiest, etc. since May of their graduation year.  

I saw that today is the 1998 10 year class reunion at the STJ City Park.  They were seniors my freshman year.  Sure, I'm just as bad as everyone else, I would love to see what's become (or not become) of a lot of those people - actually, I was probably closer to most of the people in that class than those in my own graduating class.  But it's just nosiness.  Thus, my tirade on High School Reunions began formulating in my mind.  To top it all of my mom just called to inform me that someone turned into the park in a white stretch limo.  

My point is proven.  Count me out.

Oh the Differences....

There are so many differences in children.  I look at the differences between my sister and I, Lincoln and his siblings, and my own two.  All raised by the same parents, yet soooo different!  

I have noticed the difference in Hunter and Graysen almost from day 1.  Maybe it's partially due to the fact that I was new at everything with Hunter, maybe it's just the kid.  Who ever knows.  Here are some of the differences I've spotted in the two:

1.  Hunter wanted to be held all the time - Graysen is normally content to sit and play with a toy.

2.  Hunter was never a "nurse on demand" kind of kid - Graysen definitely is!

3.  Hunter wanted to eat table food as soon as possible (somewhere around 8 months) - Graysen refuses to eat most table food and prefers Stage 2 Baby Food still.

4.  Hunter made up his mind to do something (crawl, walk, etc.) and once he started he never stopped - Graysen takes her time...she took several weeks to actually start crawling all the time and has taken a few steps here and there, but still isn't walking in long lengths.

5.  Hunter still wants to be cuddled to sleep and would sleep anywhere - Graysen does better by just laying her down and wants to be in her own bed.

6.  Hunter hates having anything done with his hair (brushed, styled, etc.) - Graysen has never minded me doing her hair.

I'm sure there's many more to come - none the less, I'm amazed at in Gray's 10 short months of life she's shown so many differences from her brother.

Christmas Jars

Alright, so the books arrived last night and I'm done with Book #1!  Yippy!  I read Christmas Jars today.  It was great.  Obviously a quick read, but incredibly inspiring.  The overall theme is giving out of love.  My family will start a Christmas jar.  It won't be much this year (considering it's already the middle of October), but that's not the point.  It's not about how much money is in it, it's about the sacrifice it takes to make the jar and the love that it's given out of.  Every night when we put our coins in we will say a prayer for the mystery recipient.  I know that those prayers will do more for the individual than the money that they receive.  

If you're interested in starting your own Christmas Jar let me know and I'll explain in more detail...or read "Christmas Jars" by Jason Wright. 

Phineas and Ferb just for you blog stalker!

So...I had a "blog stalker" over at my house today...she shall remain nameless for her safety.  (By the way - "blog stalker" is a technical term with the definition of: someone who doesn't have a blog, but reads everyone else's and never comments.)  Hunter was watching cartoons while we were visiting and during a lull in conversation I began singing the Phineas and Ferb Theme Song.  Is that really all that weird?!?!  Apparently so.  Obviously I am home with several children most of every day...and during the course of those days I'm subjected to several cartoons.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and risk persecution and say that Phineas and Ferb is one that I actually enjoy...along with The Backyardagins.  

She informed me that I need to get out more - and I know it's true, but when all of your friends have kids you find yourself discussing cartoons even when your kids aren't around!  

For that special blog stalker in my life...here are the lyrics (I know you're dying to know!)

"There's 104 days in summer vacation

and school comes along just to end it

So the annual problem for our generation 

is finding a good way to spend it.

Like maybe...building a rocket

or fighting a mummy,

or climbing up the Eiffel Tower

Discovering something that doesn't exist (Hey!)

Or giving a monkey a shower (da, da, da)

Surfing title waves

creating nano bots (I think that's what they say...)

or locating Frakenstein's brain (it's over here!)

Finding a dodo bird

Painting a continent

Or driving your sister insane (Phineas!)

As you can see there's a whole lot of stuff to do

Before school starts this Fall (Come on Perry)

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all!

Mom - Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!"

**Most other cartoon lyrics available upon request!  ;0)

My Books Are Here!

Yea!  My books came in last night!  "Christmas Jars", "Recovering Charles", and "The Lucky One" were at my door when I came home from dance last night!  Yippy!  I'm looking forward to diving in...now which one first...?

Lincoln's on the annual DGRT and We're THERE!!!

So, I've decided that Lincoln and I are finally starting to truly know each other.  You know, the kind where married people finish each other's sentences and can read each other's minds?  Yeah, - we're pretty much there.  

Last night we were laying in bed watching the debate (no comment), and when it was over we turned off the TV and laid down.  Out of the stillness and darkness Lincoln says to me, "Honey, if I die while I'm gone this weekend I want you to know that you won't have to go to work or sell the house okay?"  Now, this may sound morbid to some, but that is EXACTLY what I was laying there thinking about.  What my "game plan" would be to keep life as normal as possible for the kids if something happened to Lincoln this weekend.  So, we proceeded to lay there and talk through how much money I would get and exactly what he wanted me to do with every dollar.  

It's so comforting to know that I trust my husband like that.  To know that he is always looking out for our best interest and making sure that we'll be okay (in life or death).  

I then proceeded to tell him just not to die because I didn't want to clean his clothes out of our closet or re-arrange the house so that it felt like a new place.  I didn't want to lay in bed with anyone else like we were that night, marry anyone else, or grow old by myself.  So his only instructions for this trip were to have fun and not die.  

Nice huh - as I type it now I realize that it sounds heartless and weird...

But he understood me and I understood him.  And in our world, that's all that matters.

October 15th

Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.  I have thought about my angel baby and Claire a lot today.  It's great that the nation is acknowledging that number of babies who are loss either during pregnancy or shortly after their births.  We need to figure this out!  How many more lives are we going to lose due to "medical mysteries"?  Don't get me wrong, we've come a long way in the medical world...but there is always room for improvement.  

I try to talk about Claire and my miscarriage as much as possible because I'm tired of the "weirdness" that surrounds discussing someone's loss.  It's time to mature as a human race.  You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get when someone tells you that they've lost a child?  The one that makes you go "oh, geez, I shouldn't have mentioned that, or I shouldn't have said that, or what in the world do I say now?"  Yeah, that one.  I want it to disappear!  I want families to be able to talk about their losses without feeling guilty because they've obviously made someone uncomfortable.  I want to be able to talk about my other two children the same as I talk about my two here on earth without people feeling sorry for me.  Don't feel sorry for me - or anyone else.  I guarantee that they aren't feeling sorry for themselves.  

I urge all of you (with or without children) to do whatever you can to help the children of the world.  Children are NOT  a right, they are a privilege, and one that should NEVER be taken for granted.  Your children can be taken from you at any moment so try to enjoy every moment that you can with them.  (Yes, I'm a mom, I know that there are always the not so enjoyable times).  

When you're throwing up everyday during your pregnancy - remember those who can't get pregnant.  When your child won't sleep through the night - remember the parents whose child died in their sleep last night.  When your child is throwing a temper-tantrum in the middle of the store think about the parent who would do anything to have their child back to buy them that candy bar.  I'm not saying let your kids run the household, I'm just saying that I think we need to stop and Thank God for what we have more often than we do.  

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What goes on in that head?!

Random Thought #1:  Tonight was Hunter's last soccer game.  He only got to play 4 since last week's was rained out.  He had such a good time with practices and games that I'm afraid that he'll really miss the exercise, friendship, and time doing his favorite thing - playing sports!  I'm going to have to make an extra effort to make sure he gets those things even though soccer is over until March.  

Random Thought #2:  My new books still haven't come in!  I've been without a book now since Thursday (I think)...and that's a long time for me!  I have The Love Dare that I've been reading, but it's broken down into 40 days and it's only about 2 pages per day...so that takes me a total of like 10 minutes to read and think about.  

Random Thought #3:  I am wanting to make a list of places that I would like Lincoln and I to eventually be able to help support financially...maybe now is a good time to start it:

1.  Joy FM

2.  Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla

3.  Bethany Christian Adoption Agency in St. Louis

4.  March of Dimes

5.  Our home church (above and beyond our regular tithe)

6.  Ekklesia Dance Company

Random Thought #4:  I have been searching for a wall calendar for 2009 for months now.  I need one like I have for '08...it's got a column for each of us and large squares.  I can't remember where I found this years, but I sure can't find one for next year, so currently I'm using a little planner for next year's events (which we already have SEVERAL of...crazy how fast your life fills up!)

Random Thought #5: I subbed for PE today at the HS and it actually motivated me to work on my body a little more than I already am.  My problem is my love of food.  I know if I didn't like it so much I wouldn't have the body issues that I have, but I just can't seem to give up the food in order to slim down the body!  I would like to start walking (outside or treadmill) as well as actually dancing more in the classes that I teach 2 nights a week.  

Random Thought #6:  I dropped off 5 tubs of things at the PRC today (baby and maternity clothes and stuff to donate) and when they call me to pick them back up (my tubs that is), I want to ask them two questions:  1)  Is there a way I could volunteer there without having a regular time to be there every week (aka stuffing envelopes or something at home)?  2)  Do they have some sort of a private adoption program set up where mom's who come in and are wanting to give their babies up can look through profiles of couples wanting to adopt in the area and have the opportunity to 'hook up' with them?  

I'm off to bed - sleep tight world!

Jason Wright read MY blog!

No way!  The author of The Wednesday Letters just commented on my blog!  Alright, I know I sound like one of those teenagers who is going gaga over some pop star...but I'm thrilled!  I could go forever without TV, Movies, Music...but books - never!  Books are my passion.  When I saw it I yelled for Lincoln to have him come see it as well!  Mr. Wright commented on my post about his book The Wednesday Letters.  It does make me realize how public these blogs are...yikes!  ;0)  For the last hour or so I've been researching all about him and reading his blog, his wife's blog, etc.  I even added him as a friend on Facebook!  LOL

Alright, now I'm cracking myself up - but this may be my closest brush with a celebrity!  He is having this contest to receive his signed books for life - now THAT would be awesome!  I wish I didn't live in such a remote area and could actually go see him at a book signing or something.  

I hope that two of his other books (that I ordered on Thursday) come tomorrow so I can start reading...and blogging!  :0)

Yard Sales

I have to admit, although I always love going to yard sales, I've never really been a believer that they were much of a money maker...until this weekend!  :0)  Kelley and I had a yard sale right on Jefferson Friday and Saturday.  It was Old Iron Works Days Weekend, which drew a lot of "out-of-towners" in to STJ and got all of the locals out and about!  

I decided to rid my shed of all of my baby and maternity clothes (11 tubs in all) and we cleaned out all of the closets in the house as well.  Yes, it was a lot of prep work, but I am feeling fairly good about all of that stuff being gone from my house.  I will admit that I shed several tears over letting go of all of the clothes because I have so many memories of my precious kiddos in them, but when the day is done, they are just clothes (and I kept their coming home from the hospital, first Christmas clothes of course!).  

The great part is that I made 4x's the money that I had hoped for!  :0)  So...we're that much closer to fulfilling one of my bucket list items (be debt free)!  I also have 5 tubs full (of mine, Kelley's and Becca's) stuff to take to the Pregnancy Resource Center on Monday!  Yea!  I hope that these clothes will be a blessing for a mother who has decided to give her child a chance at life!  :0)  

The Wednesday Letters

Ah - how I wish I got Wednesday Letters! I just finished this easy to read novel...and it was terrific! :0) I finished it in 3 days, so if you're looking for a fun, quick time filler, this is it! It was the first of this author that I had ever read, and directly finishing the book I got on Amazon and ordered the other two that he's written.

I don't want to ruin the plot (which is a great one...), but I will talk briefly about the Wednesday letters! The husband in this book vows to write his wife a letter every Wednesday of their marriage. What commitment! Sometimes they are one or two lines, occasionally they are pages. Sometimes they are on stationary, others they are on a restaurant napkin. The point is, he made a promise to his wife and he keeps it until they die. How often does that happen anymore in today's society? Not very often...that much I know. People take promises and commitments to light heartedly anymore it seems. Makes me really sad.

This book was a boost to my confidence in the human race, and in marriages in general. With the sky rocketing rate of divorce all around us, I need books like this to remind me that it is possible to live a lifetime with one person growing your love together.

Happy Reading!

My Bucket List

A friend of mine started a bucket list on her blog, so I thought I should give mine a try...here's what I came up with.

1. Witness a miracle - Done, although I didn't know it at the time, my son Hunter is a miracle. With the genetic disorder that I have I shouldn't have been able to have him without being on medication.

2. Visit Rome and Venice

3. See my children grow up and accomplish their goals

4. Go to a ballet with Lincoln

5. Be debt free (and have a savings to pass on to my children) - In the process, we have started the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program...so we are on our way!

6. Provide a home and loving family for a child who needs one (other than my two biological children)

7. Make a difference for God - never know, I am not sure I will ever know whether I accomplished this one or not until I get to the Kingdom. It's just something I will forever be striving for!

8. Get a tattoo - (this is something that I waver on...I want one, but can't come up with an idea that I feel good about having on my body for the rest of my life, so when I finally come up with one, I'll do it!!!)

9. Totally and Completely not stress over Christmas gifts one year

10. Throw someone a surprise party


I think I'll keep adding to this as things come to me...what's on your bucket list?

God made us Glad, not Sad!

St. James has been through a terrible loss. We lost a High School student this week in a tragic car accident. Although we lost her here on earth with us, the universe did not lose her. She is with God now. I did not know her very closely, mostly just through working with the band the last few years. I do know that everyone at St. James High School thought very highly of her, and her happiness was contagious and her laughter could make any situation more bearable.

I was subbing at the High School yesterday when the students received the news that she died in a burning car on her way into early morning band. I overheard many of the comments that the kids made throughout the day both in class and in the hallway. Some were of anger, others of confusion and sadness. A couple of the comments I heard really disturbed me though. Those were the ones directed at God.

God has told us to "say it out loud, there is power in what my children declare". I am glad that these kids felt comfortable enough in their environment to discuss God, whether is be begging Him to be close to them, or angry words at Him for "letting this happen". I have always applied this commandment in my life to that of forgiveness...there is power in what I declare. If I am saying that I forgive someone out loud it helps me.

As I saw teenager after teenager crying yesterday I was reminded that God tells us that "this world is full of tears, but if you remember, I promised that it would be Me who would wipe them from your eyes." How nice is that promise? How nice is it to know that God is weeping with us, that God feels our sadness and wants to take it from us. Just like any mother or father who wishes they could take the pain, sadness, and sickness from their child, God feels the same for us. It also reminds us that God didn't promise us a perfect life as his children. He tells us that it is not going to be easy, that there will be tragedies, and sadness, but that He is there to walk with us through it all.

I just read somewhere about how people say "God doesn't give you anything you can't bear". That is SO WRONG. God DOES give us things that we can't bear - alone. We NEED Him with us to get through the tough things in life. Luckily He's always there when we call. "Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there, yes, I will. You've got a friend." How lucky are we to have God as our friend?

Unconditionally

My affirmation today was:

"I love and accept myself unconditionally"

This is so important.  I am blessed that God loves and accepts me unconditionally...but there are so few people here on earth that you can count on to do that.  Even those you grow up thinking will can surprise you sometimes.  

Who loves and accepts you unconditionally?  Maybe you should give them a big hug and say thank you next time you see them - just for that.

Why not? Everyone else is doing it!

Wow! This is definitely not who I would've thought I would be! Although I hated Sloane (sp?) at first, I have to admit I have grown rather fond on him lately...maybe that's how other people view me...???

Clean Sweep

Does anyone else ever feel like they are claustrophobic in their own home?  I have been lately.  Amazing how the four of us can live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and I can still feel like my skin is crawling, like I need to get out of here into a bigger house, a much bigger house!  Now don't get me wrong, I can't keep this house clean, I can't imagine how I would do it in a bigger one, but still, the desire is there.  

My girlfriend presented me with the opportunity to have a joint yard sale at a prominent spot in town the weekend of Old Iron Works Days.  I knew I couldn't pass it up...I had to take advantage of this chance to rid my home of clutter.  So began the undertaking...

The weekend started with Lincoln carrying in 11 tubs of children's clothing from the shed and my Grandma's garage.  I stayed up last night sorting by sex and size.  Whew.  Today I cleaned out my junk from Grandma's garage and carried that all in my living room.  Next was Graysen's closet, which has been the "catch all" for art supplies, home videos, gift wrap, etc.  Unfortunately I only got half way through there before it was nap time for her, so currently I'm waiting for Lincoln to get motivated so that we can do the laundry room closets together.  After that it's going to be a quick sweep of Hunter's closet, and our closet.  After Graysen wakes up I'll finish hers and then I'll be done!  

Literally you can not walk through my living room without stepping over big tubs.  I sort of feel like I'm moving...but I think I'll feel a lot better when I get all of this out of my house and up to the building where we're having the yard sale tomorrow at 1:00 - until then say a prayer for me!!!

Cold Weather = Dark Hair!

I am so lucky to have a sister who is a beautician!  Whenever I get the urge to do something new to myself, she's right there ready to help.  The cold weather bug bit me yesterday and I decided it was officially time to prepare for fall, so what did I want?  Brown hair of course!!!  :0)  What says fall better than a darker hair color?  Nothing!  So tonight Kara, Vanesa, and I had a fun hair dying party - Kara dyed Nesa and I's hair (2 slightly different colors) and then I dyed Kara's!  Amazing, but she totally trusted me to use all her tools and dyes and I colored her hair!  

Yea for fall!

Winter Birthdays...

Birthdays are my FAVORITE days of the year...it's the only day that is about YOU.  I especially love my children's birthdays.  This stems from the fact that my parents always made a huge deal out of Kara and my birthday.  It was great.  I have loved all 25 of my birthdays.  There's just something magical about the day being centered around you.  Knowing that this is the day that you entered the world, the day that your parents met you.  It's all wonderful.  

I have loved planning all 4 of Hunter's birthday parties.  I never get stressed out about them like I do usual huge undertakings.  I feel like we do rather "large" birthdays, obviously I've seen much bigger, but normally smaller.  I see NOTHING wrong with small birthday parties, don't misunderstand me.  They're just not for me.  This year is the first year that we actually did a "kid only" birthday (and by this I mean the parents were free to drop off their kids if they chose to).  

I've had the HARDEST time finding a place to have Graysen's first birthday.  Hunter's have all been easy because on August 5th it's generally warm!  November 28th is another story!  Not only is it only the day after Thanksgiving this year, it's cold, cold, cold.  No outside parties for her.  My house is not big enough to even fit our two families, let alone all of our friends...so that leaves me "party placeless".  After lots of stress (and actually after this post was even started), I've secured the Rolla Community Hall for her party!  Yippy!  It will be big enough, we can decorate, and it has a kitchen area to prepare the food!  Perfect!  Now I'm getting excited!  

I know it won't be so stressful when she gets a little older, we can do tea parties at our house, roller skating, Discovery Zone, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.  But for now - it's a challenge!  

Anyone else have a winter birthday?  What did you do for your parties growing up?