Break my Heart...

We sang this song in church this past Sunday:

Hosanna

Refrain:
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest

I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

(Refrain)

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

(Refrain)

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause As I walk from earth into eternity

(Refrain)

I can't get it out of my head.  I can't stop thinking about those verses I put in bold.  I want to be part of that generation that is rising up.  I don't want to be left behind.  I want to help bring that revival by praying on my knees daily.  

I want my heart healed of all the yucky things that take up part of it.  I'm tired of carrying them with me.  I want to let them go.  I want a whole, clean heart to love others like He has loved me.  

Mostly the line "break my heart for what breaks yours" is killing me.  Another blogger wrote this, which I think says it perfectly, "If I truly say that and believe it, my life will become messy. You can't turn your back on the depressed, lost, orphaned, widowed, single mother etc. There is nothing neat and tidy about living a life where you surrender your life for the kingdom's cause."  

I am tired of living in this neat and tidy, unknowing world that I've lived in for the last 25 years.  God is pulling me, in a big way, to those who are close to His heart.  What am I going to do about it?  I'm not sure yet.  In fact, I have no idea how to balance taking care of my family and helping an unknown world out there. 

 But I do know this.  I don't want to disobey God.  I don't want to tune Him out and continue to live this life where everything fits nice and neat into little compartments.   I realize how blessed I am to be able to raise my children in that kind of a world, but I don't want them to become too comfortable in it.  I don't want them to be ignorant about how the rest of the world lives.  I want my kids to have a heart for the homeless, needy, helpless, fatherless, widowed, lost, and depressed. 

Be Still...God Knows.

Are you ever so confused, so frustrated, mad, sad, or exhausted that you can't seem to pray?  

I came to the realization tonight while driving home that even though I may not know what to say, God already knows what's on my heart.  All I have to do is Be Still...and know that God is exactly who He says He is.  He is the God of all creation - of Heaven and of Earth.  He created me, He knit me in my mommy's womb.  He counted my days before I even had the chance to live one.  

Of course God wants us to pray to him.  To have a conversation.  That's what relationships are all about right?  Communication?  So, obviously God likes it when we talk to Him, express ourselves to Him.  

But...

Don't you have that one person in your life that KNOWS what you're feeling before you even tell them?  That individual who can put it into words when you can't.  That one that doesn't care if you can't ever put it into words?  

Let God be that person.  God created me...he made my heart, my soul, and my mind.  He knows how it works, he knows what it thinks and how it feels.  

So, from now on, I'll be content.  The next time I'm feeling frustrated because I know I should be praying, but I can't...for whatever reason, I'm just going to be still.  And know that God is there, already knowing what on my heart and mind.  And feel okay about the fact that I can't always express myself.  

Adoption...

• Takes you through a wave of emotions
• Makes you think thoughts that many people live their whole life without thinking
• Makes you open your life to judgment whether it is from your social worker, friends, family or an acquaintance. 
• Humbles you and makes you a stronger person. And, I am thankful in so many ways for what this process has brought me so far (and man do I have a lot further to go). 
  
• Is not for the faint of heart.
• Is what God has called us to do.
• Is not that hard... (ha ha, I really make it sound that way huh)...please pray and consider what God is laying on your heart.

Positivity

Philippines 4:4-5 says:   Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

What makes you full of joy?  What makes you more positive?  What makes you feel that sense of peace that only God can give?  

Here are 5 things that we can do to be more positive in our lives:

1.  Cast our worries on God.  

What brings you down faster than a worry or stress?  Isn't it awesome that we have a loving God who cares about us so much that He is willing to take all of those worries, stress, and anxieties away from us?  For that...I am forever grateful!

Philippines 4:6-7 says:  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

2.  Learn to be content.

This means that we will be content whether we have mac and cheese on the dinner table or a prime rib.  This means that we will be content whether we are making a 6 digit salary or barely scraping by on minimum wage.  This means that we will be content whether we are vacationing in Hawaii or visiting the in-laws.  I think this is the hardest one to do...but something that I am working extremely hard on after having my eyes opened to Ethiopia and the beautiful, cheerful, content people of that country.  I'm sure that our trip to Africa will make it all the easier to be content with my life.  

Philippines 4:11-12  says:  Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.  

3.  Filter our minds.

Can you think of that ONE person in your life that no matter what their given situation is they are always complaining?  It's pretty hard to keep a positive attitude after being around them isn't it?   If we always thought of true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable things, it would be pretty hard to think or talk about negative issues wouldn't it?  I think so...

Philippines 4:8-9  says:  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

4.  Believe that we can do all things!

When was the last time you thought to yourself "I just can't do it", or "it's impossible"?  I am guilty of thinking those thoughts quite often.  What I have to believe and remember is that God has told us that we can do ALL THINGS through Him.  If God has called us to do it, no task is too big.  I dare you to test God on this.  I dare you to do something that He has been tugging at your heart for a long time to do.  It may be as big an undertaking as adoption or as easy as walking across the street and visiting with the grouchy neighbor.  Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO IT!  When you see God come and walk along side you to accomplish this task, joy will well out of your heart!

Philippines 4:13 says:  For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

5.  Give fragrantly.  

When was the last time that you bought something for yourself, that new car, shirt, toy that you thought later, "man, why did I spend the money on that?!"  Now...when was the last time that you gave to further God's kingdom, whether it be to the church, sponsoring a child, or providing a meal for a family that couldn't afford it that you later thought to yourself "man, why did I spend my money that way?"  I would venture to say that you have NEVER thought that.  I know I haven't.  Big difference.  Giving always makes us feel good.  Give of your heart, time, or money.  All three can make great lasting impacts on God's kingdom!

Philippines 4:18-19  says:  At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me with Epaphroditus. They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

**Thanks to Justin Cook for the outline of this blog post.  This is what his most recent sermon was on, and I was very inspired by it!  

Banana Bread

My grandma has always made the BEST Zucchini and Banana Bread.  My kids LOVE it when she comes over with a loaf.

Well, Grandma is on a 2 week trip to visit my Aunt, and today we had three bananas that were going to go bad.  Lincoln suggested I make some bread.  I had never made it, but I decided to tackle the task!

So, during rest time I did it!  I really made 2 loaves of banana bread, following my Mother in law's recipe!  It turned out wonderful, and I will definitely make some more in the future!

I Wish They Were My Adults

Apparently Hunter isn't very happy living at our house.  He told me yesterday that he wished Grammie and Poopa were his "adults".  He said again tonight that he wishes that Grammie and Poopa were his "grown ups".   After the second time of this comment I dug a little deeper. 

Here was our conversation:

Me:  Hunter, why do you wish they were your grown ups?

Hunter:  Because, I think Grammie is just so nice and adorable.  I mean, I think she's sooo cute!

M:  Well, that's very nice Hunter!  Is there any other reason that you want them as your grown ups?

H:  Because they feed me more than you do.

M:  Seriously?  

H:  Well, I mean, Grammie feeds me more.  Like she sits next to me at the table and feeds me.

M:  Ahh, so you mean that I make you feed yourself.

H:  yes.  And Poopa taught me to spit watermelon seeds.

M:  well, yes, he did.  

I guess I'm going to be positive and think that at least he hasn't come out and said that he wishes they were his parents...that might actually hurt my feelings.  

Although, that's what a grandparent's job is right?  To spoil, feed, and spit watermelon seeds?  

I think so.  

Great Day!

It was a Poppy Dip Day for me!

• I got all the laundry caught up.
• I sat outside under the shade tree and watched Hunter run through the sprinkler.
• I listened to the marching band...and was able to appreciate the sound without being on the field with them.
• Graysen was extra cuddly today.
• I got to Zumba tonight.
• My feet didn't hurt after Zumba tonight...because I had my new insoles and shoes on!
• I visited with a friend who I haven't seen in ages.
• I blogged a lot today.  (Be looking for several posts coming soon)
• I started a new, great, book today.
• I got wonderful news about a new life in the world!
• I went to the Chiropractor.

I hope you all had something about your day that made it Poppy Dip as well...

why don't you share what it was with me?

My 5 Senses - July 27, 2009

I copied this idea from my cousin Jessica who posted something similar to this on her blog.  Go check her out!

I'm Seeing...a beautiful day outside that is calling me away from the disastrous house.  There is laundry folded covering the couches waiting to be put away, dishes to be done in the sink, and general picking up around the living room.  Outside the sun is shining, the tree is casting the perfect shadow for me to sit in while the kids splash in the little pool.  

I'm hearing...Maggie and The Ferocious Beast on the TV.  Hunter is finishing up his lunch while watching some cartoons.  Graysen is  "talking" to a mystery person on my phone while sitting on my lap.  

I'm smelling...The fish sticks and Mac and Cheese that we had for lunch just now.  I wish I was smelling that new candle that I have waiting to be burned!

I'm feeling...JOY!  I just got a very special phone call!  I'm also feeling the weight of my little 19 month old girl on my lap.  It's a perfect fit.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by my "to do" list that is sitting next to me that I am not accomplishing.  

I'm tasting...chocolate milk in my mouth.  It's about the only chocolate I'm getting these days, so I savor my glass each day!  I'm anxious to taste that lovely, juicy, delectable watermelon that is sliced in my fridge.  I think we'll take that outside with us this afternoon after rest time...

Sweet phone calls

A few days ago Hunter and I took a trip to Versailles, Mo and then stopped in Waynesville to watch a movie together.  We were gone from 11:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.  8 hours away from Lincoln and Graysen.  About half way through the day Hunter asked if he could talk to Graysen on the phone.  It was good for my heart to hear that he was missing his sister and wanted to talk to her.  There are some days where they fight all day long and I wonder where we've gone wrong.  Then there are phone conversations like I overheard the other day. 

H:  "Hi Sissaboo"

G:  "BUBBY!"

H:  "I miss you"

G:  "Uh huh"

H:  "I love you"

G:  "I love you"

H:  "I'll see you as soon as I get home"

G:  "Yea!!!"

H:  "Bye bye sweet thing"

G:  "Bye Bubby"

As soon as he came in the house that evening they ran to each other to give hugs.  They had obviously both missed one another.  I'm so glad that God is blessing their Brother / Sister relationship.  

If God Made It...

Lincoln, Hunter, and I are on a new journey. 

Lincoln and I have both pushed our bodies to the limit over the last 27 years.  We have pushed, and strained, and pulled, and damaged to the max.  Not only have we expected extra-ordinary things from our bodies physically, we haven't taken very good care of them in return.  We don't eat healthy foods, and let's be real, no one's life is very stress free these days.  

Time for a change!  I'm tired of being mayor of "Cranky Town".  My family deserves more than that.  I'm tired of being tired!  I want to have more energy to play with my kids.  I want to be able to stay up past their bed time to have some time with my husband.  I want more out of my life than I'm getting.  It's not an unrealistic expectation...I'm only 25!!!  

After lots of research on natural medicines and healing we've decided to all start seeing the chiropractor on a regular basis.  We are all taking nutrients, and getting adjusted regularly.  The frequency of the visits won't last forever, but until we are all "lined out" again we are going to see Dr. Tim quite regularly!

I believe these two things:

1.  God made the body to be in a state of health and wellness, not sickness.

2.  The body always does the best thing for itself given it's current situation.

Our diet is changing as well.  We're starting slowly adding lots more fresh fruits and veggies.  Instead of a piece of left-over cake or goldfish for snacks, we're now having grapes, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, oranges, apples, peaches, cucumbers, carrots, green peppers, etc!

Our new moto is..."If God made it, thumbs up, If God didn't make it, thumbs down"!  

Please say some prayers for us on this journey.  We all know it's for the best, but habit is hard to change!  Lincoln and I are missing our sweet tea and Hunter and Graysen are missing their chocolate snacks.  Eating healthy foods is also hard on the checkbook...but, I guess it's coming out one way or another - either food or medical bills right?!  

It's a Poppy Dip Day!

I have found a new site that I am IN LOVE WITH!  

Poppy Dip makes the cutest dresses around!  

Poppy Dip:  "Everything is good"

Sallee is the mom of currently 5 children - 3 biological, 2 adopted from ET, and 1 more from ET on the way!  She is making these beautiful dresses as a fundraiser for her adoption for only $25.00 and I'm so excited to be able to support her!  

I have been scoping our her fabric section of a few weeks now hoping to see something that will match Graysen's 2nd birthday theme...but, alas, nothing has appeared.  So...what do I do?  I just asked!  I commented on her blog, asked her if she would be interested in helping me find the perfect fabric and make Gray a special birthday dress, and she responded with a resounding YES!  

These dresses make the perfect outfit for a special occasion...or they would make awesome Christmas gifts to those little girls in your life.  I know I sure wish I had a niece to buy one for this year!   

My favorite times

When I get "Me Time" here are the things I love to do the most!

1. Go over to my mom's house and visit with her and Kara - kid free!
2. Take a walk with my i-pod
3. Take a long, hot bath in the dark
4. Watch a favorite TV show in my bed by myself (although I have none at the moment...)
5. Go to Applebees for 1/2 price appetizers with friends
6. Sit at STL Bread Co. by myself, journal, and people watch
7. Read a book 
8. Get a pedicure during the summer months

When I get "un-scheduled family time" here are the things I love to do the most!

1. Cuddle and wrestle with the kids in our bed
2. Go to a park or Meremec Springs
3. Take a walk and stop to play at the Elementary Playground
4. All lay around on the couches in the living room watching cartoons together
5. Sit on my Grandma's porch visiting with Lincoln and Grandma and watch the kids play in our yards
6. Go to dinner at my Mom's
7. Take a family vacation - just the four of us
8. Take a "spur of the moment" day trip to Chuck E. Cheese, the zoo, most anywhere!

When Lincoln and I get a date night here are the things I love to do the most!

1. Go to a movie
2. Go to a quiet dinner
3. Take a walk
4. Drive around and visit going no where in particular
5. Go to a basketball game and actually get to sit with him
6. Go on double dates with good friends
7. Send the kids elsewhere and have a PJ party in our house...watch a rented movie and have pop popcorn with M&M's!

While the kids are fixing a mistake that they have made, such as re-folding the pile of laundry, or rolling back up the toilet paper roll, I never expect perfection from them.  I understand that they do the best that they can do...obviously they can't fold like me, or roll the toilet paper up evenly.  It's the fact that they are correcting their mistake, they are righting a wrong, they are contributing to the well being of the home.  

But what do you do when your almost 5 year old son CAN do better...but acts like he can't?  Sometimes I know Hunter is capable of more.  I know he can color in the lines, write his name, etc.  I've seen him do it all before...He just pretends that he can't.  

How do I encourage him to do better without getting frustrated with him that he's not living up to his potential?  How do I make sure that the "slacking" behavior doesn't continue into school, and well, life in general?!  How do I help him to WANT to strive to do his best at all times?  I don't want him to be satisfied doing what comes naturally or easy to him.  I want him to want better for himself, to always strive to achieve that next thing.  

Now, saying that, I realize that it sounds like I'm not satisfied with who he is.  Like I want him to be the next Albert Einstein or Michael Jordan.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I think he's great.  I'm proud of all of his accomplishments.  I just want him to live up to his potential...no matter what that is!

Her Hair

...is long enough to have to pull out from under her shirt collar!  It's really getting so long and staying curly on the ends!  It's absolutely beautiful!  She's such a good girl, letting Mommy fix it every day, and leaving her bows in.  God gave me a beautiful daughter, inside and out!

Dossier in Ethiopia!

After some miscommunication between our two agencies, everything is worked out!  Here is the email I recieved from AAI just today...

"Hi Ashley and Lincoln,

 

Your Dossier was assembled into final form and shipped to Ethiopia on July 21st.  Your family is now on the referral waiting list for 1-2 children, at least one male, 0-4 years of age (with the younger child being as young as possible at the time of referral).  Currently, families who had their Dossiers shipped to Ethiopia in February 2009 are receiving referrals of infant/toddler boys.  Families waiting for the referral of young sibling sets frequently wait a year or more for a referral.  Please feel free to call the office each month regarding your position on the referral waiting list.

 

Also, once your family receives I-171H approval from USCIS, please be sure to forward a copy to our office.

 

Thanks and congratulations,

Susan"

YEAH!  IT'S THERE.

I really expected this whole process to be a lot harder than it has been.  We've been blessed with very few pot holes slowing us down.  I've always been good at waiting during my pregnancies, never overly anxious to get the baby here.  I've always had a peace of mind that they will join our family when the timing is perfect...and I know this child is no different...

Goodbye Pleasant, Playful, Puddles...

Yesterday was a day of mixed feelings around the Redburn home.  

We FINALLY got a new road.  It's beautiful, and it's smooth.  We are super excited about it.  There are no more rocks for our kids to trip over, fall down, and scrape their knees on.  It makes our house look a lot better.  We're thrilled with it.  

Don't get me wrong...

But it we are also in mourning because we had so many fun times jumping in the puddles that were formed by the holes in the road.  My kids LOVED putting on their rain boots and running from one end of the street to the other straight though them.  Hunter and I had contests to see who could make their splash the highest while jumping in the biggest one.  Our elderly neighbors often came outside to sit on their porches and watch the kids running, jumping, and splashing.  I never complained about the holes in the road because they provided so many hours of entertainment for everyone.  

I know the next time we have a rain I will have to remind the kids that there are no more puddles to run and jump in...

and we will be sad.

Goodbye pleasant, playful puddles.  We will miss you on Lois Street.  

Menu

Most recent menu for the Redburn home:

Breakfasts:  Blueberry muffins, granola bars, cereal, oatmeal, nutri-grain bars, fruit, eggs, waffles, and toast.  

Lunches:  Deli Turkey Sandwiches, fish sticks, mac and cheese, tuna salad sandwiches, PBJ sandwiches, black beans and cottage cheese, frozen pizza, and leftovers!

Dinners:

Wednesday:  Chicken Quesadillas with fresh fruit

Thursday:  Lincoln and kids on their own

Friday:  Fajitas with Mexican Rice (actually turned into Chicken a la King since Lincoln was cooking)

Saturday:  Sloppy Joes with oven fries

Sunday:  Roast with carrots and potatoes (we ended up staying at The Redburn's and eating dinner with them after Keaton's birthday party)

Monday:  Lincoln and kids on their own

Tuesday:  Personal Pizzas (on bagels)

Wednesday:  Tortellini with caesar salad (we decided to eat together as a bible study so I took spinach and artichoke dip as a side instead)

Thursday:  Lincoln and kids on their own

Friday:  Taco salads

Saturday:  Jambalaya

Sunday:  Fettuccini Alfredo with peas and ceaser salad

Monday:Lincoln and kids on their own

Tuesday:  Hunter's Family Birthday Party

Wednesday:  Hunter's real birthday - dinner at Six Flags with Mom and Dad!

Thursday:  Lincoln and kids on their own

Friday:  Meatloaf and corn

Saturday:  Tortellini

Sunday:  Roast with potatoes and carrots

Snacks:  grapes, fresh pineapple, apples, peaches, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, oranges, cucumber, and green pepper, strawberry yougart, applesauce, rice cakes, and cheese and crackers.

Desert:  frozen fruit bars, ice cream, cake, and strawberries and angel food cake

So close to my heart

A topic that has become so very close to my heart...

the O.R.P.H.A.N.

O - Open your heart.  God tells us in James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  

The orphan is not on everyone's radar...but they should be.  God calls us to look after them.  To provide for them.  To give them hope.  God doesn't tell us, if you feel passionately about orphans look after them, He simply says "do it".

R - Recognize your responsibility for them.  After we are able to open our hearts to the 138 million orphans world wide, we need to recognize that we are responsible for them.  If we aren't willing to be, who will?

P - Prevent orphans.  Orphans are not able to advocate for themselves.  They are children, without parents, who end up in orphanages, foster care, state custody, or on the street.  We need to take personal responsibility for them and quit leaving it up to everyone else.  We need to be creative in the ways that we can help prevent more children from becoming orphans.  We could provide money or medical care for mothers so that they can keep their children.  We can pray on the behalf of families who are facing this situation.  We can lobby with our local law makers to keep the laws of our country on the side of the fatherless.  

H - Help orphans.    Deuteronomy 10:16-19 says, "Circumcise your hearts, therefore and do not be stiff-necked any longer.  For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.  He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow and love the alien, giving him food and clothing.  And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt."  

We are responsible for relieving their hurts.  We can give clothing, food, money, and medical donations.  We can visit orphanages and state facilities playing with the children and loving on them.  We can befriend a foster family and take the children out on special outings doing things that a normal family does.  

We need to defend their rights.  They are children with no voice, who else will defend their rights?  Deuteronomy 24:17-18 says, "Do not deprive the alien or the fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of the widow as a pledge.  Remember you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there.  That is why I command you to do this."  

We can provide long-term solutions.  A long term solution is NOT an orphanage, foster care, or state custody.  A long term solution is a FAMILY.  

A - Accept them into families.  Psalms 68:5-6 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."  

God sets the lonely in families.  I know not everyone is able to actually adopt or become foster parents.  (Although, many more are actually able then THINK they are!)  But we are all able to HELP others accept them into families!  We can pray for the adoptive families, help financially, care for their other children while they travel to pick up their new addition, donate items for fundraisers, etc.  There are a million ways to help bring orphans to families, you just have to get creative and look at what your God given gifts are...and use them!

Children are meant to be raised in families.  In homes.  With parents, and siblings.  With love.  Children are not created to be raised in orphanages or state facilities.  They do not prepare children to enter into the real world at age 18.  Only homes are suitable to prepare children for real life.  Only families provide the love and care that children need to thrive.  

N - Never forget the church.  Who is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week?  Only the church.  There are 2.3 billion people in this world who claim to be "Christ followers"...that's a lot more families than orphans.  Why isn't the math adding up?      

I firmly believe that everyone is able to open themselves to the orphans of the world.  You can open your heart, eyes, mind, and homes to these awesome kids.  If there are 138 million orphans in the world that's a large chunk of our world's future.  Who is going to get to them first?  Who is going to show them love first?  If it's the Christians, then it will be a Christian influence that they have.  If it's another religion, that will be their outlook.  If it's the seculars, etc.  I hope that it will be the Christian people of the world that will open their hearts, obey God's command, and show these children the love of Jesus Christ.  

Adoption takes sacrifice.  Think about it.  God sacrificed his son so that we could be adopted into His family.  Can you imagine sending your one and only child to earth to suffer and die so that you could adopt all the children of the world?  That's exactly what God did!  Adoption wasn't the easy choice for God.  It isn't an easy choice for those of us who are adoptive parents today either.  It requires sacrifice.  It demands of us a change in our financial stability.  A commitment to love a child that isn't part of you and your husband, a child with possible medical and emotional problems that you can't know about until they are in your family forever.  A sacrifice to risk your heart and lay it out there for much longer than a usual pregnancy only to find out that maybe your baby dies before you can get them home, maybe the country shuts down or changes laws and they won't be allowed into the the United States.  Maybe the biological parents change their mind and decide to keep the baby.  There are lots of risks, lots of sacrifices...but it's what God calls us to do.  

If orphans and / or adoption are heavy on your heart please pray about it.  God will show you some practical (or maybe not so "practical"?) things that you can do to help His children...the Fatherless.  

James 4:17 says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

Proverbs 24:12 says "If you say, 'But we knew nothing of this,' doe not he who weighs the heart perceive it?  Does not he who guards your life know it?  Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?  

I will be writing another post soon with a list of websites, resources, and practical ways that everyone can help...

Two More Beautiful Ethiopian Faces!

Yesterday Lincoln and I were able to see two more beautiful Ethiopian faces!  The newest Pritchett boys are home (ages 7 and 8)!  They sat 2 rows in front of us during church and kept turning around, in amazement at all of the people, projection screen, and sound system.  As we left Lincoln turned to me and said "I could just bring 50 of them home, couldn't you?!"  I sure could!  :0)  

I am so glad that God is at work in our lives.  He is moving our hearts toward the heart of Orphans and we're being more and more blessed everyday by it.  

We have been so moved by our own children, all of our experiences with pregnancy, birth, and loss.  Our two with us have taught us so much about love and the importance of family.  We are committed to continuing to help Orphans find families that are able to raise them and will love them forever even after our newest little one comes home.  

We're Poor, but Happy!

**Warning - this post is weighted heavily on the side of stay at home / part time working parents, offense may be taken by full time working parents...

I'm glad that Lincoln and I are on the same page on what's best for our family.  

I worked a little over 40 hours this past week.  Although it was at The Dance Studio, a job that I am passionate about, and is very family friendly, it was still 40 hours of me working, away from our family and home.  I was crabby, tired, and short with my family every time I was home and around them.  I was not helpful around the house.  I did no laundry, no dishes, no picking up of the living room.  I wasn't home to put the kids to bed one night.  

Lincoln told me at the end of the week how much he appreciated me taking care of the children.  He was able to see how much work it is to be responsible for them every hour of every day.  He was able to find out how much of a trick it can be to arrange for child care when you must be gone from them.

We came to the realization that although we may be poor, we're doing the right thing for our family.  We feel as though we haven't talked in about a week - oh wait, that's because we haven't!  If we both worked full time jobs we would have little to no time as a couple.  Call me crazy, but could this be part of the blame for the rise of divorce in American families?  Both parents work, so when they get home they are crabby, tired, and short.  When they are home they feel the need to spend time with their children since they don't get any parent time during the week.  If parents are working all week, and spending all evenings with their children, when is their time for each other?  We are so blessed for me to stay home so that we don't feel guilty for taking a date night here and there in order to keep our marriage strong...  Without our marriage, our family would forever be broken, and our children deserve better than that!   

Needless to say, this week reaffirmed the fact that me staying at home is the right thing for our family.  We could not function with two full time working parents.  

We may be poor, but we're happy!!

Shame on me!

Tonight I was ashamed.  I have passed a very bad trait on to my eldest child.  I am extremely selfish with my food.  If I have one pet peeve, it's when people try to sample my food before I'm finished with it.  Don't ask me why...I honestly don't have a good explanation for it; I just know it makes me madder than a hornet!

side note:  I have never been stingy with my food when it comes to my kids.  They are welcome to eat any and all of whatever they want.  My husband, sister, mother, etc...they are NOT allowed!  

Apparently I have passed this terrible trait onto Hunter.  We drove through Dairy Queen tonight and rather than ordering 2 small M&M McFlurries for the kids, I ordered 1 medium.  It was plenty of ice cream for both of them...and a smaller price.  I gave the cup to Brother with the spoon and asked him to feed himself one bite, and Graysen one bite.  This was NOT a good idea.  Within 60 seconds I had the cup back in my hand, he was in tears and refusing to eat any of it at all, and Graysen was happily chowing down while saying "Bubby, Cry, It's Okay Bubby".  

When Hunter calmed down enough to start taking bites again I asked him why he didn't want to feed Sister and he explained that it makes him mad to give someone else his food.  How was I supposed to argue that when I feel the exact same way?!  

I did my best to validate his feelings without encouraging them.  We talked about how he has never had to go hungry.  There is always more food if someone eats all of yours.  We talked about Africa and how there are lots of kids there who go days without eating because their parents don't have money.  That statement led to a rather lengthy discussion about how we are blessed to live in America, where there are jobs that pay us money, so that we can buy food, and pay to live in a house.  

I wish we could take him with us to Africa when we go next year.  I really believe he is old enough and would benefit SO much from being there with us to pick up his brother and see that the whole world does not live like us.  BUT, I don't think that Graysen would survive well without both her parents and Bubby.  He is always the first one she asks for when she wakes up and she reaches for his doorway when we're standing at her crib ready to put her to bed.  I'd say they are rather attached...  

So, after a rather random post...I realize that I need to be more giving and sharing with my food.  That is surely not a genetic trait!  (Although it's alright if you want to pretend that it is and that I had no control over Hunter's possessiveness of food!)

Sisters

I love sister relationships.  

They usually start off rocky, but end up as the best of friends...

only better.

There is no fear of abandonment.  No fear of rejection.  

Only honesty, support, and endless love.  

I saw a sight that I hope I never forget.  

I was sitting in the cemetery at Claire's grave before heading to work for the day and along came an elderly man.  He had white hair, a plaid golf hat, shorts, white socks pulled up tall, velcro tennis shoes, and a walking cane.  He walked right down the row behind Claire's headstone.  He was on a mission.  He finally stopped at a grave a few from the end of the row.  He pruned the flowers that were hanging in a basket next to the headstone and then brushed off the stone.  He walked in a circle inspecting every inch of it.  He stopped, bowed his head for a moment and then turned and headed back the same way he came.  It was a short visit, but one that you could tell he was used to; comfortable with.  He nodded his head and smiled at me as he walked past on his way out.  I walked down to see who it was that he visited.  It was a woman who had been gone 12 years.  

As I left the cemetery I saw him walking down one of the side roads into a neighborhood.  You could tell this was a walk he took often.  Probably every morning.  How many years he has walked to visit this woman?  One might think it was just a routine, just the perfect distance for his morning exercise, but I saw something different.  I saw devotion.  I saw love.  I saw a longing, and desire to still be close to the one he loves.  

Will Lincoln visit my grave after I'm gone?  Will we have a love story that will survive the years?   

Natural Consequences

We believe in Natural Consequences in our home.  We have tried the spanking route.  It's extremely ineffective with Hunter.  It doesn't phase him when Lincoln spanks him and told me the last time I did it that "it didn't even hurt", so what makes more sense than letting the natural consequences take place (as long as it won't truly hurt him of course...)?  

My ability to stick to this method was truly tested last night when Hunter decided to take a black permanent marker and draw two lines almost the entire length of his white bedroom carpet.  Then he drew a picture on the hardwood floor in the hall way and several nice lines up and down the white door frame to his bedroom.  

He initially tried to use the "blame it on my baby sister" move, until I realized that the marks up the door frame were much too high for Graysen to reach...  He was caught, and he knew it.  I gave him a "re-do" and gave him one more chance to tell me the truth rather than lie.  We talked briefly about how telling the truth is always the better route to take, and he confessed.  

Me:  Hunter, you are almost 5 years old, what made you think that you could do something like this?

Hunter:  Mommy, (pause), well, the truth is, I wasn't thinking about you when I did it, I was only thinking about myself.  

Me:  Now that is an honest answer...thank you very much baby.

So, the natural consequences were that he had to use the Magic Eraser to clean the hardwood floor and door frame, and he is no longer allowed to play with markers without asking and having and adult get them down for him to color with.  

Me:  Hunter, you realize that you are going to have to live with those lines across your floor now because I can not get them up.  They are going to be there forever.

Hunter:  That's okay Mommy, I LOVE artwork in my bedroom!

:0)  What a sweetheart.  He truly does always see the good in a bad situation.  I'm so very blessed to have an honest, sweet baby boy.  

The Luckiest

I want to be the woman who dies a few days after her spouse because she just can't go on without him.  I want to live a hopelessly romantic life.  I want to be Melanie from Gone With The Wind.  I want to be Ellie from UP, both, women whose husbands are so crazy about them that they stay faithful for years after they die.  I want my kids to be embarrassed by how crazy their Dad and I are about each other during their teenage years.  I want them to find love letters between Lincoln and I after we're gone and finally appreciate the love that we had.  I want them to hope their marriages mirror ours.  

My new favorite song:  "The Lucky One" by Ben Folds Five.  This is a song I could listen to with no lyrics, with only lyrics, anyway you slice it, I LOVE it!  

"I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am

I am
I am
The luckiest"

Yard Sale Update

We had a great turn out today at the yard sale in spite of the weather!  We moved everything inside the studio and posted "indoor sale" signs and still have lots of customers!  We will be having another one next week with the items that we didn't sell PLUS at least 4 more truck loads that I just didn't find time to get up there for this week's yard sale, a new family's things, and more of Megan's that she didn't unpack today!  So...if you missed out this weekend...come next weekend!  :0)

Adoption Yard Sale

I will be having a yard sale tomorrow at The Dance Studio (behind The Family Center on Hwy 72 in Rolla)!  

All proceeds will go toward the adoption.  

There are several families joining me, so LOTS to look through!  

Children's clothes, home made jewelry, toys, name brand mens and women's clothes, housewares, furniture The Dance Studio apparel, lightly used dance clothes and shoes, etc.

Yard Sale tomorrow!!

I will be having a yard sale tomorrow at The Dance Studio (behind The Family Center on Hwy 72 in Rolla)!  

All proceeds will go toward the adoption.  

There are several families joining me, so LOTS to look through!  

Children's clothes, home made jewelry, toys, name brand mens and women's clothes, housewares, furniture The Dance Studio apparel, lightly used dance clothes and shoes, etc.

Hope to see you all there!

It Adds Up

Husband with severe back pain

+ Less Help with the kids and around the house

____________________________________

Less Blogging Time

About 8 years ago Lincoln hurt his back.  We went through an entire summer of 2 chiropractic visits a week and custom made orthotics.  We find ourselves here again...first chiropractic visit was yesterday, next one on Monday.  Today we're taking a family "trip" to Versailles to get new orthotics.  

The Good News?  Although Lincoln will be off work for at least 2 weeks, dance is starting back up for me, so we won't be missing out on a paycheck!  God is always watching out for us, and knows how to provide even in the trickiest of situations.  This also means that our kids won't have to be with a babysitter this week while I'm working...Lincoln will be able to be home with them!  See...God even takes care of my emotional wants!  :0)  

Writing Prompt

"God has given you (women) eyes to see. And those eyes can be a man’s most reliable mirror of who he is and who he can be. "

- "What's He Really Thinking?"

I would like to read a blog post from everyone exploring this quote; your thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc....will you write one?

Zumba Summer Session

Thank you to everyone who joined us at the Free Zumba Class!  If you weren't able to make it to that class, no fear, the Summer Session is getting ready to start and your first class is always free!

Based on the positive feedback that we received following the free class, we have made a few changes to the Summer Session.  First, an elevated instructor stage at the Community Hall so all can see, two class locations (The Dance Studio, and the Community Hall), and because of the overwhelming registration, extra classes to allow for a smaller class size!

Class Times:  Mondays from 7-8 p.m. (Every Monday from July 13 - August 31st)

                   Thursdays from 7-8 p.m. (July 16, 23, and 30th, August 13, 20, and 27th)

Class Locations:  The Dance Studio (Mondays only) - 1100 Hwy 72, Rolla

                        The Community Hall (Mondays and Thursdays) - 404 W. 4th Street, Rolla

Class size at The Dance Studio is limited, so you must pre-register if you would like to attend class at that location.   

Instructors:  Miss Sarah will be at The Dance Studio on Mondays and at The Community 

                    Hall every other Thursday.

                   Miss Ashley and Miss Megan will be at the Community Hall on Mondays and 

                    every other Thursday.

Child Care:  $1.00 per child.  Available at both locations.  Must pre-register so we have 

                      proper staffing!  Class is for teens-seniors.  

Any child under the age requirement will need to be registered for child care.  (Please note:  Scheduled activities at the community Hall will be playground type games and held outside)

Items needed:  Towel, low traction shoes, water, and be ready to join the party!

Cost:  First Class is always free!  Session Pricing Available!

For more information or to register, call The Dance Studio at (573)364-0696, visit www.missmegans.com, or email me!

God is Good to Me

Sunday, Hunter's bible verse was "God is good to me".  

Sunday evening we ended up in the ER with him.  As we walked in the ER I asked God very bluntly to "please heal my son".  As they were putting the IV in Hunter arm and the nurse, Lincoln, and I were all holding him still, I was reminded to whisper in his ear his bible verse from Sunday School that morning.  "God is good to me" I said to him.  He stopped fighting.  "God is with us everywhere we go", I reminded him (another verse from a few weeks ago).  Finally, he was still and quiet.  

It was a reminder to me to trust God's word and to use the power that it possesses.  

When he started feeling better and we were finally released around 1 a.m. we talked about how Mommy prayed for God to heal him as we walked in, and He did!

God IS good to us...and He is with us everywhere we go.  I'm thankful for the last 5 weeks in the 4 & 5 year old Sunday School Class, to learn bible verses with them, and then to be able to apply them in life with my son.  

"I say to you that, as you lay your head down tonight, you are sleeping on fertile ground. Think. Learn. Pray. Plan. Dream. For soon . . . you will become.” - The Noticer

A spirit boost...

A late night date with my husband was just what I needed tonight.  

It felt like our "younger days" slipping out of the house at 8:30 to start our night rather than around 5:00 like we usually do.  We got a quick bite to eat together, and then headed to a movie - a chick flick of my choice!  "The Proposal" was a great romantic comedy...one that reminded me of lots of the movies we watched when we first started dating and Lincoln always let me pick!  We got home at midnight and had a short conversation with my mom...only this time, instead of Lincoln heading home, my mom headed home!  :0)  

I was in a little bit of a funk this afternoon and tonight definitely pulled me out of it...all I needed was a little one on one time with my husband out of the house!  

Update

I just spoke with AAI (Adoption Advocates International, our Placement Agency) this morning and they informed me that everything else in my Dossier is ready to go to ET (Ethiopia) except they need AKI (Adopt Kids Incorporated, my Home Study Agency) to change something in my home study about AGCI (All God's Children International, a different Placement Agency).  I'm frustrated because AKI can't seem to get my home study right, and  because I got a phone call a few weeks ago from AAI saying that my home study was approved...so, why did they approve it if there were changes that still needed to be made?!  Seems like there is a lot of "back tracking" or "going back on their word" in this adoption process... 

But...I just have to keep my eye and heart on the goal.  God told us to do this adoption and we will succeed no matter how long or frustrating the journey is!

Conflicting Personality

I went clothes shopping a few days ago...by myself. Amazing, I know!!!   I realized something as I was picking out new clothes.  My personality is all over the charts.  I'm not sure how to describe it, but here are a few conflicting things that I noticed.

• I wear rather conservative, bland colored clothes
• My taste in music is not conservative (I wouldn't say...)
• I am a rather outgoing person, but I don't like large crowds where I am expected to socialize
• I am very conservative in my beliefs

I often look at others and think that I can pretty much "guess" what kind of personality they have, music they like, etc. by the way they dress.  I would say that that is not true with me...it's probably not true for anyone else either!  

I'm not sure this post makes any sense whatsoever...but it does in my head.

8 Things I look forward to every day

1.  Seeing the kids' faces when they first wake up in the morning  

2.  The mail.  I love getting the mail out of the mail box!

3.  Drinking my one soda, I always try to save it until night time so that I have something to look forward to!

4.  Bed time - sleepy, freshly bathed kids in PJ's are the best!

5.  Seeing Lincoln walk in the door from work.

6.  Checking my email first thing in the morning.

7.  Hearing "I Love You" from Graysen.

8.  Listening to one of Hunter's stories - he always makes up the greatest stories about his "adventures"

You can't help but smile

At these two...

My most recent favorite quotes:

Hunter: "Mom, I don't like this kind of chicken and potatoes...but you could interest me in something else...like fish sticks maybe!"

Graysen: "no" - always in the cutest little voice and with the most stinkin' adorable face!!

Here's to hoping...

that we'll have a new US Citizen next July 4th!!!!  

Happy 4th of July!

Happy Independence Day from the Redburn's!  

The Night I'd been waiting for...

For 15 years!!!

My sister took me to the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK Concert for my birthday this year!!  Wow.  I have been listening to NKOTB since I was about 10 years old.  I have never gotten to see them in concert, and this did my heart good!  

Words can not describe the experience really...it was the best birthday gift I could've gotten.  An evening with people that I love, fulfilling a dream of mine.  It was AWESOME!

Here are my favorite pictures from the night...

Here are the four of us getting ready to head out to dinner before the concert...

Although I totally have a teenie-bop crush on Joey McIntyre, Lincoln really is the Love of My Life...hee hee

Alright, so I was a little excited and couldn't wait for the rest of my "crew" to take a potty break...I couldn't miss a SECOND of the show!  (I'm a huge dork, I know...)

To make the night even better the Jabawockeez were one of the opening acts!  I'm a HUGE ABDC (America's Best Dance Crew) fan, so I admit, I was a screaming nut during this show as well.  They even did a Michael Jackson tribute (one of the best artists that has ever lived, but that's a topic for another post)...I can't think of anything else that could've POSSIBLY made this show any better!!!  (Okay, except a hug from Joey...!)

The four us trying to contain ourselves before NKOTB came on...it was the nicest weather ever...just an overall perfect night...I really can't say it enough!

Alright...and the moment you've all been waiting for....you know you're dying to see them yourselves....

THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!!!!

For good measure...one more picture of them...

I admit.  I was a screaming, dancing fan.  And I did buy a T-Shirt.  I wasn't as out of control as some of the other girls there though...I did not bring my caboodle (like the group of girls behind us).  I did not make a home made t-shirt with one of the guys' pictures on it.  

I still have their original CD in my car.  We listen to it AT LEAST once a week.  I love their new music as well...let's face it, after The Jackson 5, they pretty much ARE the original Boy Band!  What girl my age isn't in love with them?!  (Just don't comment and tell me if you're not okay...nothing can bring me down from this high!)

Thank you Kara, for finding such a heart felt gift.  Something you thought through and KNEW would be PERFECT for me.  You're the best sister in the whole world...I'm so thankful God gave me YOU!  

A Freedom Loving American Family

(photos taken by Life By Light)

I grew up in a military family.  I lived on military bases off and on through my life.  Even when we weren't living on one, I visited them often.  I lived for a few years in Washington DC and saw all the sights.  We have been back at least twice to visit and sight see some more.  I was raised with a love for my country and those who serve it.  It's a passion of mine.  I have a belief that all healthy and capable men should serve their country.  (Although this is a belief of mine I am not pushy about anyone else believing it...aka, my husband, son, etc..)

I hope that I am raising my children to love their country, respect their leaders, serve where possible, and stand up for their God given rights with everything that they have.  

May God Continue to Bless America!

I've rarely been so grateful...

as I was while we were at St. Louis Children's Hospital.  Just while looking for a parking spot in the parking garage we drove past 1 little girl about Graysen's age that had cancer (you could tell from her bald head), 1 little boy who must've been about Hunter's age who was in a wheelchair, and 3 siblings walking with their mother.  I counted vehicles from 10 different states...all there, I'm sure seeking medical treatment or visiting a sick loved one.  

As we walked in the hospital we were overwhelmed with the cheerful atmosphere of the building, from a child speaking over the intercom as you entered the elevator, to a HUGE hot air balloon hanging in the middle of the building.  There were pictures and statues of African animals everywhere.  Bright colors surrounded you...but, there was something else present as well.  Something that I can't quite put my finger on, something that I don't have words to describe.  I'm sure you know what I'm talking about...sickness, worry, fear.  It was all around us.  

There were three little kids who walked in behind us and yelled out "Hi Berniece!" to the lady behind one of the registration desks, to which she smiled and responded with a "Hello" by name to each of them.  It broke my heart that these smiling children behind me came so often that they knew the registration clerk by name.  

We saw families of all races, ages, sizes.  We saw women with children, we saw men with children...but mostly, we saw the children.  

As we got back in our car I bowed my head for a moment and thanked God that we had only been there for a minor appointment.  Something that most families in there would pray to come for rather than what they are dealing with.  

I am so grateful to have 2 healthy children.  I am so thankful to have had life experiences that allow my heart to meet those around me who are struggling more on their level.  Although it's hard because my heart breaks so much more often, I am blessed to be able to see what I DO have, and be grateful for it.  

All American Girl

Here are some pictures of Graysen last July 4th - my how she's grown in just 1 year!!