The Redburn family is about to embark on a new era.
I must preface this story with the statement that I think I'm pretty good about change. Not last minute change (that, I am very bad at), but change that I can prepare for; change that I know is coming. I have always handled moves, changes in schools, marriage, pregnancy, new babies very well. (Or so I think...if I'm wrong, please don't tell me.) One summer day in July 2004 my dear sweet husband put together a baby crib. We bought it used, at a garage sale, and I was in love with it. I thought it was beautiful, and of course, a highly prized possession. I sat back on the couch, very pregnant and watched Lincoln and Vimal debate, laugh, and get frustrated again over putting together this crib. Once it was assembled it was perfect. Only one thing was wrong -
it didn't fit through the bedroom door way! So, the next day, while Lincoln was at work my mother, a good friend of hers, and I took it apart and reassembled it in the baby's bedroom.
Side note...this is also the day my colostrum arrived. I know, TMI, but this is MY journal, and I want to remember the horrified feeling and look of my face when I walked into the room and cried to my mom wondering why in the HECK my shirt was all wet!!!
That beautiful crib has been up in our home since that day in July 2004. I'm not sure that Hunter slept a single night in that crib in our house on W. James where it was assembled. We purchased our first home on Seymour in October of 2004 and moved the crib there, fully assembled. He rarely slept in it in that home either...actually, he rarely slept in it at all, but the fact remained that it was there, standing proud in his room.
I kept the crib up when I found out we were expecting our daughter Claire. We moved a toddler bed into Hunter's room as well and trained him (sort of) to sleep in it. We didn't want him to feel like the new baby was coming in and stealing away his bed, so we talked often about how his new baby would sleep in the crib while he slept in the toddler bed just a few feet away. He liked this idea and began referring to the crib as "the baby's bed". I pictured our two precious children asleep at night in the same room, sleeping like angels. I never got to sneak in late at night and see that picture. Our daughter passed away about an hour after she was born and never got to come home and sleep in the crib that I love so much.
We kept the crib up after Claire's death because I couldn't bear to tear it down knowing that we weren't bringing a baby home after all. It would've been far too harsh of an action for me to take. I wasn't ready. We sold our house on Seymour and moved to our new house on Lois in October 2006. We all needed a change of scenery. We couldn't bear to look at the living room table that had been filled with sympathy flowers or walk into Hunter's room another time.
We again, moved the crib fully assembled, to our new home. It went straight into the "spare" bedroom, the room we knew would some day, in God's timing, be the nursery. We waited 2 years to lay a baby in that crib, but it stood, waiting the entire time.
Oh how Graysen loved that crib. She wouldn't sleep anywhere else from the time we brought her home.
(and as much as I wanted to see my precious baby girl sleeping in the crib, I wanted her more to sleep next to me...and she wouldn't!) Eventually we decided that a playroom was necessary and we moved the crib across the hall to Hunter's room. He had a twin bed, and she had the crib. They were precious together, I could finally sneak in and peak of them late at night when I couldn't sleep. They loved it, I loved it. It was the perfect set up.
When we started the adoption process in March 09 we bought a set of bunk beds. We slowly transitioned Graysen to sleep with Hunter in the bottom bunk...of course leaving the crib up across the room for the newest baby addition to the Redburn family. Again, I imagined sneaking in and seeing Big Brother on top, Graysen on bottom, and Baby Redburn snug in the crib that has held his older siblings.
Then we got the news that two big brothers would be joining the family. Glorious, perfect news. News sent by God...but it meant one thing.
The crib was no longer needed. We were given another set of bunk beds for the newest boys. They couldn't sit in the living room forever, so we set about the task of getting them set up in the bedroom. For some reason I never imagined the emotions that would swell inside of me knowing that the crib would come down. And that we would sell it. I took one last picture of Graysen in her bed...
(of course she needed to lay down and pretend to sleep...)
Then the tears started to flow. All of the memories came flooding back and I couldn't stop myself. As Lincoln started to disassemble the crib I shared all of my memories, dreams, and wishes that involved that crib. I'm usually not that attached to material items (except my blankie, which is a whole other post). I really surprised myself.
But, as I sit here and write this I realized how the crib was really a symbol of my love for my children and family. As a little girl I always imagined myself tucking my children into their cribs. I could raise and lower the side in my sleep. I have spent countless hours standing next to that crib rail rocking each of my babies. Praying with them, singing to them. I have stood next to the crib with my arm over the rail, my hand on their stomachs, coaxing them to sleep, comforting them, making sure they were still breathing.
The bunk beds are now up. In fact, Hunter and Graysen have taken to sleeping in them rather then the first set because they wanted to make sure they were good enough for their brothers.
It's a new era. Soon I will be able to sneak in late at night and check on all four of my precious babies, sleeping soundly in their bunk beds. And they will be more beautiful than the crib.
