What should I do with this?

I need your help.
I scored this small buffet at a yard sale this weekend for 5 bucks!


I love it.
I love the potential it has.
I would love to know it's history.

Should I have a hutch built to sit on top?
What room of my home do you think it belongs in?
What treasures should it store?
Should I refinish it or paint it?

What do YOU think I should do with it?
I can't wait to hear all of your suggestions and visions for my newest piece of furniture!

It hurts

To see this.

When I let myself really sit down and feel, it hurts.
Real, physical pain in my heart and stomach and head.
It's so much to process, even 4 years later.

Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I'm just in pure shock.
Disbelief that our daughter really died.
I never got to see her open her eyes, I never got to hear her cry.

Confusion to see her name on a stone.
A name I never got to say to her.
A name I will never hear at pre-school graduation, or high school graduation.
A name I will never hear being baptized.
Or being wed.

Hunter said to me, "Mom, I wish she would have lived so I would have two sisters"
I know, son, I wish so too.



It also hurts to see this.
Still so new.
Too new to even have MAR 19, 2010 on it.
So fresh.

It still seems like she's on vacation,
maybe in Kansas City spending time with my aunt.
It doesn't seem like I'll never be able to run next door and visit for a few minutes again.

The reality hasn't settled in yet.
When will it?
I'm not sure. Maybe it never will.
I think I'll just keep living, waiting until she comes home...
or more accurately, until I go home.

I hope you've had a great 1st month in Heaven Grandma. Remember, you've got no less days to sing God's praise then you did a month ago when you entered into Heaven to be with Him. I'm anxious to join you someday!

Grace Like Rain Falls Down On Me

I learned this new song in church today...
I just stood there with my eyes closed listening,
letting God's grace rain down on me
and letting the tears fall from my eyes.

I was filled with a great presence from God,
and from my Grandma...
the last time I heard Amazing Grace I was sitting at her funeral.

I think she would've liked the extra lyrics.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

One of my favorite parts of the day

This is always one of my favorite parts of my day.
Right after bath time.
Whether it's first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon, or right before bed,
(because ya know, we do it whenever we can fit it in in the Redburn household!)
I love seeing Gray with her wet head.

I love the way the kids smell.
I love to sit her up on my bathroom sink and brush her hair out.
I love seeing how long it has gotten.
I love watching her make faces at herself in the mirror.
I love playing with her hair.

After we're done, her head often looks like this


and I love that too.

Easter Favorites (Lots of Pictures!)

* WARNING: There lots of pictures ahead, with lots of adorable children!!

Graysen with her Easter basket

Hunter with his Easter Basket

Hunter was so patient with Graysen, helping to show her some of the hidden eggs...

Momma with her kids hunting eggs before Church

Aunt Kim with her Great Niece.

Look at all those beautiful children!
(from L to R: Back Row - Ally, Hunter, Jake, Baylee, JJ.
Front Row - Mya, Ganon, Graysen)

Anything to get the kids to smile!!
(Nice Matt, this is a classic!)

Lots of playing outside, Easter Egg Hunt, Sidewalk chalk, bubbles, sticky ball, etc.

Aunt Sissy with Gray and Hunter

Matt, Nick, Lincoln, Uncle Mike, and Chad playing poker downstairs while the women visited upstairs. (oh yeah, it helps that Lincoln won!)

Hope you enjoyed a sneak peak at our Easter Celebrations.

I'll leave you with this beautiful picture of my daughter...

I hope you all took the time to celebrate the rising of Christ with your friends and family. Without Easter we wouldn't have any hope beyond the grave...but Glory to God, we DO!!

All Because Two People Fell In Love

My sister gave me this sign for Christmas. I'm ashamed to say that I just got it up. I am so crazy about it! I think it's perfect on my wall and above the pictures of us falling in love with our babies!! It is centered on the wall, not on the frames, because we're getting ready to move those around to make space for two more! Praise God!

Easter Egg Dying: Round Two

Egg Dying Round Two took place at The Redburn's house on Saturday. Lucas, Tamra, Marcinda, Hunter, Graysen, and I got together at 11:00 to color eggs. The kids had a lot of fun with it. Tamra got very creative and gave Hunter some great ideas!



We colored another 36 eggs out there...so I think the kids got their fill of coloring eggs this year. I think we'll try to keep it to a minimum next year...as we still have TONS of hard boiled eggs in our fridge!

Satan Hates Adoption

I'm convinced.

The Evil One really does not like adoption.

We have run into all kinds of issues with this adoption, most recently one requiring me to contact our Senator to advocate on our behalf.

Satan may be trying to play his hand and slow this down or keep it from happening,
but our God is bigger than that!
He will work this out for the ultimate good - 2 boys joining our family, forever!

Please pray for peace for Lincoln and I during this unsure time,
and continue to pray for Bizayehu and Sintayheu's hearts...
because their parents are coming to bring them home...
SOON!

Comfort Goes Both Ways

Many of you may remember this post I wrote about how wonderful it was to see my children curled up together.

I walked into my bed the other morning and saw this.

I guess the comfort goes both ways. It warms my heart!

Easter Egg Dying: Round 1

Egg Dying Round One happened on Friday. Kara took a few hours off work in the middle of the day and we all met at our house to dye eggs.


It started off well..




Until Chad showed up...and then the kids just wanted to go outside and play with Chad and Kara... Which left my mom and I to dye some 92 eggs!

So, we decided we might as well have a little fun with it!

Thanks for dying eggs with me mom!

MOM - Go Fish Guys

I learned this song a little over a year ago at my very first Hearts at Home Conference. It's so very true. I love each little line, and every time I hear it I praise God that I am blessed enough to be a mother and to do each of those things every single day. I am excited beyond belief that I am able to stay at home with my children and be a full time Mom, sometimes my first occupation does sound like a sweet vacation, but there's really no where else I'd rather be. Thank you Hunter, Graysen, and soon Sintayehu and Bizayheu for letting me be your Mom!

If you have a stroller
But you're still a rock and roller
You're a mom
If you're tired of doing dishes
And you know who Elmo's fish is
You're a mom
If you have a lot of fun
But your work is never done
You're a mom

You're the boss, the driver
The ultimate survivor
A doctor, a cooker
Your man thinks you're a looker
If you work all day
But you never get paid
You're a mom

If you need a sick day
But instead you're gonna play
You're a mom
If your first occupation
Sounds like a sweet vacation
You're a mom
If your living room floor
Looks like a toy store
You're a mom

If you mean the whole world
To a little boy or girl
You're a mom
The Bible that you hold
Can shape these little souls
You're a mom
If you have the most important job in the world
You're a mom

You're the boss, the driver
The ultimate survivor
A doctor, a cooker
Your man thinks you're a looker
If you work all day
But you never get paid
You're a mom

The crash

Hunter had his first real wreck.
This is the culprit.(only red)

He was brave, but got a pretty good scrape.

Here's a little closer (but blurrier) shot.
The scrap is bad, but the bruise around it is worse.

Looks like it's time to invest in some elbow and knee pads...

Which came first?

Lincoln asked Hunter which came first, the color orange or the orange fruit.

I was very impressed with his answer.

With just a few seconds of thought, Hunter replied, "The fruit, because God made the plants and then Adam was given the job of naming everything, so the orange fruit was there, and then Adam decided to call it an orange, which is where we got the name of the color."

Good job Hunter! This is what I've been striving for...to raise kids who think through every aspect of their life in a Biblical view. To always know what God's word says, and believe that THAT is truth.

How do you help ensure that your kids are getting that kind of an education?

The Witness - Lincoln's First Guest Post!

As a faithful follower of my wife's blog, she's asked me numerous times to make a "guest appearance." I've finally conceded, but only because this story is way too cool NOT to share.

The other day, Hunter was playing with one of the neighbor children in the backyard. The boy is a few years older than Hunter, and frankly, I was a little concerned that he may be a bad influence on my son. It was a beautiful day, so all of the windows in the house were open. I had been watching and listening to them play for some time as they ran circles around the house and did all of the things that little boys normally do. Regardless, I just didn't have a good feeling about it. I went into the kitchen and towards the back door to tell Hunter that in was time to come inside. As I got closer, I could see them standing at the bottom of the back steps talking. I thought to myself, "Great! Hunter is probably learning his first four-letter word from this kid!" My curiosity got the best of me at this point. Instead of going to the back door, I took a detour to the kitchen window so I could listen in on their conversation.

This is what I heard:

Hunter: Are you a good boy?
Boy: Yes
Hunter: Are you sure?
Boy: Yes, I'm sure
Hunter: Are you a Christian?
Boy: What's a Christian?
Hunter: It means you believe in Jesus and live like He did.
Boy: I know about God.
Hunter: God is Jesus' father. Do you read Bible stories?
Boy: Well, I know what the Bible is.
Hunter: I read 3 Bible stories every night before I go to bed.
Boy: Ok, I'll try to do that too.

I stood there with my mouth open and my heart full. My son wasn't being influenced in a negative way, he was witnessing to this boy. At that moment I was very convicted. If my 5 year old son, with limited understanding and knowledge of Christ, can witness to a neighbor boy he's only played with for 30 minutes, why can't I be a better witness? As a parent, it was a wonderful, humbling experience.

But it left me thinking: What's my excuse?

What's Yours?

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
Matthew 25:40

Sacrifice

Yesterday Hunter reminded me of the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus took for our sins.

I asked Gray to put two pairs of socks away in her bucket. She threw them across the room and very promptly told me "NO!". I asked her one more time and then she went to time out. After her 2 minutes had passed I went in and asked her if she was ready to come out and put her socks away. She still refused, so I explained that she could sit in time out until she was ready, and at that point she was welcome to come out of her room and put away her socks. 15 minutes later, she was laying under her bed, still refusing to do the small task that I asked of her.

Hunter asked if he could put the socks away for her so that she could come out of time out.

Such a sacrifice.
He paid the price for her transgressions.

I was very proud of Hunter for being willing to sacrifice a little work for the happiness of his sister. I saw it as a teachable moment and used it. I hope that moments like this will come around more often...

I think we all need to remember the sacrifice that Jesus made so that we could have eternal life...
and model it in every way that we can!

The Least Of These

Our church did a sermon series on "The Least Of These". It was the most challenging set of sermons that I've listened to in a long time. It was definitely a call to action. To help jump start the members of the congregation, we were given a challenge for each Sunday. Here is a recap of our series! Good job FCC!

You can listen to all of the sermons HERE. Just scroll down to The Least Of These...

The Zoo

The kids and I went to the zoo over spring break. It was almost 80 degrees out (if not more) and lots of fun! This was the first time I've ever taken the kids by myself, and I must admit, I was a little nervous, but they were VERY well behaved, and it turned out to be a great few hours together!

We always have to see the giraffes, as they are Grammie's favorites!

Then of course we must call Grammie while we are looking at the Giraffes...


This guy is my favorite. I love watching him, but do feel slight anxiety, nervousness while I'm at his cage. He's so powerful, so huge! He could eat me in a second! Strangely, I think that's part of the draw to him. I'm odd, I know.
Side note: Please, if you're ever with me at the zoo, do not let your child kneel on the top railing of his cage and lean over to get a better view of him. No matter how hard you think you're holding on to him/her. This scares the begeezes out of me. (This happened the other day while I was there...it was someone I didn't know, so I did not feel as though I could say something to the mother...but I would say it to you!)

The kids always love to climb on this statue on our way out! Man, my kids are precious!

My favorite memory of the day was the moment when Hunter looked up at me with a big smile and out of the blue said, "Mommy, thank you for bringing us here!" Sometimes we need our children to model correct grateful behavior to help bring us back to perspective...

My Morning Walk

The last few mornings I have gone on a walk.

Not a speed, get as sweaty as possible in 45 minutes walk,

but a comfortable, enjoy quiet time with God walk.

As I walk I feel refreshed, awoken, and ready to meet the day that God has presented me with.
I pray, breath deeply, and enjoy the beauty that is all around me.

I have seen the sun rise between my house and my Grandma's house. It's a beautiful hue of yellow and orange. Something I'm sad I've missed so many mornings in the past.

As I walk by our neighbor's house, I always stare at their flag. On my way out of the neighborhood this particular morning the flag was tangled around the tree limb, and I skipped taking a picture of it because it wasn't "what I wanted". But, as I walked, I thought about that tangled flag and how I felt as though it pretty acurately represented the current state of our nation. We've got the right ideas, we're beautiful, unfortuantely we've let ourselves get tangled in a yucky web that is distorting the beauty that we truely posses.

On my way back home, I saw that the flag was untangled and flying freely in the breeze. I felt a renewed hope for our nation. I feel blessed to live in a state where our legislators call upon Christian people for 40 days of prayer and fasting while trying to balance our budget. What an opportunity to remind the rest of the country how powerful our God is!

I love this wooden cross that the Catholic Church puts out during Holy Week. I like the ruggedness of it, and the royal purple that drapes across it. It's a great reminder that the King of Kings was nailed to a rugged cross, all for the forgiveness of MY sins. Wow. Talk about perspective.

Look at the hope that these little buds hold! I just know that the next morning I get to walk by them they will be open and showing me a beautiful flower. This particular morning I felt excited and anxious like a little kid again at the possibilities that this flower represents. I was also reminded that my own children are much like this flower...still little buds, but opening up into their full potential more and more every day!

I find myself thankful for people that I've never met, nor will ever meet. Like the people from this church who helped my Grandma, aunts, and uncles when her husband passed away (while she was 7 months pregnant with my mom)...

When they lived in a house that used to sit on this lot...just a block away from my house now. My uncle recently recalled this memory of how precious the people from this church were to my family during a very hard time in their lives.

I think about things like this patch in the road. How it was broken and rough, and the street crew just came and repaired it the other day. How now it's smooth and nice to drive over. I know that this represents my life and how rough I am, yet God comes and smooths me over. Forgives me of my sins and makes my life good to be around again.

This picture, of our house and my Grandma's next to each other makes me feel so very grateful for all the years that I had with her, and especially the last 4 living right next door. I feel a heart full of thankfulness for every conversation that we had, and every time Hunter and Graysen ran between our two homes with one of us standing in our doorway watching them make it safely to the other house.

Lastly, this single flower. What hope to spout up in full color amongst the dead leaves of winter. I see this flower in my Grandma's yard and it reminds me of the woman that she was. I never saw my Grandma afraid to be different, to stand out against the rest of the world, or hide her light.
I hope that I am able to be this flower for the rest of the world, every single day.

What do you see on your walks?

Needs

I think this post is awesome. Written by a fellow adoptive mom, who has her hands much fuller than I've ever imagined, I'm inspired by her forwardness. I feel a call to action, and I can't wait to see where God leads me in this!


"I've been mulling this post over in my head for the past couple of weeks. This Sunday it was brought up at our small group and it was again when I went to our MOMS group at church.

The topic was basically on meeting needs for people whether they just had a baby, are going through a crisis, or just being an authentic community of believers.

The one thing that I have learned along the way is this: I must be intentional on meeting the needs of people around me. I cannot say, "Call me anytime." or "Let me know how I can help." Because if I am really honest, when people say this to me I don't or won't call them. I am not going to call someone who I know lives a busy life (don't we all live busy lives?) and say, "Will you come and clean my bathroom?"

Nope. Not a chance. I will suck it up and clean my own bathroom - even if it takes me a couple of weeks to do it. It is my own sin of pride getting in the way.

I started thinking that if I feel and do these things I am probably not alone.

What I need to start doing and saying is this:
"I have Tuesday night free. I am coming over to your house and I will do whatever you need done. I am bringing my cleaning supplies and you will put me to work."
"I am making you a meal. When would you like me to bring it over, or would you like me to freeze it so you can pull it out any night of the week?"

I know this is a little too straight forward for some people, but this is what has been done to me in the past. I was blessed last fall when a group of women came to my house and did a deep cleaning. It was so wonderful because I was 8 months pregnant and the two boys just had come home and life was hard. They said they were coming and I should make a list of things I wanted cleaned; they didn't give me much of a choice. I would have never asked in a million years for help, but they met a huge need. (of course I could have said, "no" to them and missed out on God's blessing)

I have talked to some of my friends about how I try to live my life at 75% speed. Meaning that I don't want to be running around at 100% because I can not maintain it long term. If I keep it at 75% then I am able to make that meal at the last minute, run an errand for a friend, make a phone call, or when life throws some punches I am not dropping all the spinning plates because I have left margin in my life. (This means I have to say "no" to some really fun and cool things - Can I even say godly things? ...gasp!)

Isn't that what we all long for? Margin....space...breathing space.

Honestly, right now with a new baby and 2 new sons from Ethiopia I am running about 94% just because I have so many little people and they have an enormous amount of physical needs. But this season shall quickly pass and become a distant memory. I am looking forward to finding my new normal 75%. What does that look like? I don't know yet, but I am hoping to find out this summer. "

Love

Looks like this.

We love you Grammie. Please don't go.

Please?