Cupcakes Galore!

Yesterday was Graysen's First Birthday Party! As a side note, I love birthday parties. I know I've mentioned this before in previous posts, but today reminded me of why I love them. It's not because I enjoy myself at them, it's because I see the smiles on other people's faces. I love watching the kids interact, the excited screams as they chase each other with balloons, as the candy falls out of the pinata, the icing smeared all over their faces. I soak it in as I watch my friends and family interact, seeing the expressions on people's faces while in the middle of a deep conversation. I love playing hostess - before, during, and after. I love the anticipation of the day, the weeks building up to the party, all the little projects laying on every available surface of my house, a constant reminder that the day is coming, and I get to celebrate the birth of my child with those that I love. What's NOT to like about it?!

I hope that as my children grow older and look back on their birthday parties over the years they are able to see, through them, how much they mean to me!

Memories of Gray's birthday

Graysen,

Today you turned one. I was very scared a year ago today. I wasn't convinced that even though you were born that God would let me keep you. Yes, I loved you when they laid you on my chest, but I kept a distance in my heart. You have torn through that wall and I can not imagine life without you ever being in it. You have saved me. You have restored my faith in the good of the world. I will forever be grateful for that.

I'm amazed at how you have developed over the past year. You are a beautiful little girl, both in and out. I adore your big brown eyes, your sweet blonde hair with wisps over your ears and on your neckline, and your fingers that wrap around mine. I love the faces you make with your cheesy smile and scrunched up nose; your teeth with a space between the top middle ones, the way you have 4 on top and only 3 on the bottom. You have such a calm personality. You are an extremely happy baby, only recently have you started to weary of strangers. You bring such joy and happiness into our home.

Last night as your Dad and I lay in bed we talked about what our lives were like a year ago. We went to the hospital on the evening of the 27th thinking that we were going to be induced and have a baby. Once we got there Dr. Karrie Cunningham came in and explained that there had been some miscommunication. We were only to be observed, not actually induced. Your Dad and I tried to convince her to let us stay and go ahead and have the baby (I was already having some natural contractions), but she explained that if there were any complications with you when you were born she would rather it not be in the middle of the night when every emergency response team is a bit slower. That's all she had to say, we were okay with going home, only to return in less than 12 hours. Hunter was spending the night with Grammie, so we just left him there, as not to confuse him. We came home to an empty house, knowing that the next time we entered we would have TWO children with us. It was so hard to fathom at that point, and so hard to imagine the opposite now, just one year later. We got up in the morning and had to check in at the ER entrance. We went upstairs, started the pitocin, and we were on our way! It didn't take long for Mommy's contractions to kick into high gear...I knew you were going to come fairly quickly. Grammie came to Rolla and dropped Hunter off with Rita Wells. She came on to the hospital and helped your Daddy try to comfort me during the toughest of labor. By 9:30 we knew that you were going to be here very soon and we called Aunt Sissy out of school (she was going to cosmetology school in Rolla at the time), Grandma from work (she was working at Triad in Rolla) and Rita to bring your big brother. Aunt Sissy got there right after the nurse told me I was a 10 and was able to give me a quick hug before Dr. Cunningham came in to deliver you! There was an intern with her and so she showed him how to do everything. I pushed one time and there you were! You were 7 lbs. 1 oz., 20 inches, and were born at 9:51 a.m. You were READY to meet your family! I should've known then you were going to be a very easy going baby! Although there weren't any major complications you had trouble keeping your body temperature up, so they wisked you away to the warmer very quickly after you were born. Our family was able to come back, but just to see us, Dr. Sean McEnaney was looking you over in the nursery. You took to nursing pretty well, although you weren't very interested after you went into your "sleep stage". I even called the lactation consultant in for suggestions on ways to wake you up and make you eat! We wanted to get out of the hospital and back home as soon as possible, so we left the hospital 26 hours after you were born.

I think every girl wants to know the story of her birth, so there it is. Your birth was a wonderful experience. Holding you for the first time was like nothing else in the whole world. We had prayed for you for almost 2 years before you were even conceived, and then we continued to pray for you the entire 9 months that you grew in my tummy. You are proof that God does answer prayers in the way that we hope at times.

Today, your first birthday, was a fairly quiet day around our house. You have a cold, runny nose, cough, breathing difficulties, so we gave you lots of medicine, nose wipes, and breathing treatments. Mommy baked about 70 cupcakes for your birthday party on Sunday and Aunt Sis, Grammie, Charlie, and Jamie came over for cake after dinner. We sang you happy birthday. You weren't real sure what to think about it, but after we were all done you decided it was good enough to clap for. :0)

I love you with all of my heart - you have made me into who I have become over the last year, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Moving Song

This is a new song to me. We sang it in church last Sunday and I was just especially touched by the lyrics. I thought others might be as well. Often times I find myself getting so caught up in the noise and commotion of the world that we live in. It was nice to voice the chorus.

"Word Of God Speak" by Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Lincoln "The Great"

My husband makes me laugh. We are currently sitting in the kitchen. He is doing the dishes at the sink and I am sitting at the computer ordering Christmas gifts. I say to him, "oh man - I have to write a new blog for tomorrow, all of mine have posted". His response? "Write one about how great I am!" LOL Whew, comic relief! I laugh and he says, " that should be easy right?!" After a louder laugh from me, he responds "you can say that I said that too! Just start the post...as Lincoln was slaving away at the sink today..."

What a crack up. But seriously, I am blessed with a great husband. He is wonderful at listening to me and making me feel better about whatever the situation may be. He cares about my physical and mental health and always encourages me to do whatever it is that will make those things better. When I actually express my needs he is always there to meet them (he cleaned the entire house yesterday!!!).

I am Thankful.

What Moves Us to Tears?

After the sermon on Sunday I got to seriously thinking about this question. The pastor presented us with the question at the beginning of the sermon.

So - what moves us to tears? Do you cry over the things that hurt us directly? The things that make us sad. Or...do you cry over the things that God would cry over? What is the difference in the things that move us to tears vs. the things that move God to tears?

I have come up with a brief list of some of the things that have moved me to tears in the last week:

1. My daughter blowing me kisses when I walked in her room to get her up a few mornings ago
2. Thinking about and feeling the pain of losing my middle daughter almost 3 years ago
3. Thinking about my daughter's 1st birthday that is coming later this week
4. The thought of not having any more children
5. My son's attitude a few nights ago

I thought more in depth about each of them:

1. These were good tears - something that made me so extremely happy! I think God may cry when we blow Him kisses too! That's how much He loves us!
2. Although I know it's normal to cry when we experience loss or feel pain, but God isn't crying over Claire not being here with me. He's happy that she's in Heaven with Him...so maybe I should just look forward to the day when I can be there with her!
3. Again - a bittersweet kind of crying...
4. I shouldn't cry over this! I am so very blessed to have two healthy children here on earth with me. I should focus my attention and energy on raising these two!
5. This was more of a fear of failure in myself. My husband and I have tried so hard over the last 4 years to balance discipline with self-confidence. Being a parent is such a challenge - never knowing until it's too late whether you did the right thing or not. Overall Hunter is a wonderful boy - I'm sure every parent wonders what happened to their "sweet" child at some point or another.

What things move God to tears though? Do we cry for the babies who never get a chance at life because their parents made the decision to abort them? Do we cry for those who are homeless on the street and no one gives them a second chance? Do we cry for those around us who don't know the love and saving grace of our Heavenly Father? I believe in my heart that those are the types of things that move God to tears.

Maybe we should stop being so "all about me" all the time and think about what makes God cry everyday. What can we do to help eliminate His tears? Isn't that what we try to do for others that we love? Try to fix things so that they aren't sad, hurting, etc.? Haven't we all said "I'd take the pain, sickness, hurt, if I could"? Let's try to do that for God!

Doing the impossible

A blogging friend of mine has recently written a couple of posts about how hard it is as a woman to keep up with everything that is expected of us. Although I empathized with her at the time of her posts, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed with my own life at that point. Well - the time has come. I'm overwhelmed. I know this is the same as every woman feels, but sometimes it's just nice to vent right?

Don't misunderstand me - I have a wonderful husband who is very helpful when it comes to keeping the outside of our home in order, repairing things that are broken around the house, taking care of the children, etc. Unfortunately, he's just not too helpful when it comes to the inside of our home. I find this odd because I know that he had chores while growing up. Pretty much he leaves the cleaning and picking up to me. That would be fine if I only had to pick up after myself and the children...but I don't. He is famous for leaving his dishes by the recliner or on the bedside table, shoes all over the living room, dirty clothes in the floor, and trash on the counter.

I hit my wall last night and made a chore chart. Yes, I'm aware he might take offense to this and that it seems extremely elementary. I'm not saying that we'll post it on the fridge and get stickers or anything, I just want something to use as a guide. Something that he can look at and know what needs to be done and how he can help me around the house.

I'll let you know how it goes. ;0)

To Read List:

Here is my list of books that I would like to eventually find time to read:

1. The Professors Wives Club
2. The James Miracle
3. All We Know Of Heaven
4. Captivating
5. Do You Think I'm Beautiful?
6. The Christmas Sweater
7. The Difficult Child
8. A Million Little Pieces
9. Sunset
10. Twilight
11. The Mommy Diaries

If anyone has any other suggestions for me to add or have read any of the above books and would like to give me their input on them I would greatly appreciate it! :0)

What do you hear?

I'm listening to my home right now. I hear the muffled sound of the washer and dryer running behind the closed laundry room door. I hear Charlie and Lola in the living room (they are regular guests of ours on TV...). I hear a bird outside in the tree. It's a crisp sunny day outside. I hear the clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I type.

I also hear my own thoughts. Do I make this house a home? Do I do enough to keep it presentable, functional, and cozy? I know I don't. Sometimes I feel as though I could do a better job, sometimes I feel as though I'm tapped out; like I'm extended to the fullest extent. Sure, I should use these minutes blogging to unload the dish washer...but sometimes I just need some time for ME!

Here's my list of things that I do for me that I will NOT let myself feel guilty for:

1. Blogging
2. Baths that include shaving my legs
3. Reading my book for less than 30 minutes a day
4. Time spent on choreography
5. Taking a walk

That (not so loving) feeling

Do you ever make a decision and then regret it?
Do you ever wish you would've stuck to your guns a little longer?
Wish that you had put up a bigger fight to get what you wanted?
Wish that you prayed a little longer about it?

Do you ever feel sick to your stomach when you think about it?

whew. I hate that feeling.

Volunteer Work

If you had the freedom to do volunteer work for three months (with all barriers removed such as finances and childcare,) what would you do?

I saw this question on a blog that I read daily and I was so excited to answer the question. Then I sat down to answer it...


and nothing. I had no idea where to start! I have so many things I'd love to do, but how could I possibly pick one?! I want to volunteer in a pregnancy resource center, I want to travel overseas and work in an orphanage, I want to work in a home for battered women, the list is endless.

What would your answer be?

80's fans beware...

I have never been a huge fan of the 80's. Odd because I grew up during them. I thought I hated the off the shoulder shirts, stretch pants, bright colored costume jewelry, and leg warmers...but I was wrong, I have come to love each of those styles as they have recently come back around. If I had to choose one clothing trend to never come back I would venture to say it would be the scrunchie. Let me be more specific. Those huge cloth covered rubber bands that come in all colors and fabrics. If I ever see someone wearing one again it will be too soon... I'm all for hair bows, ribbons, colored rubber bands, clips, etc. It's just something about those scrunchies. :0)


What past clothing trend do you think should never come back in style?

Comfort Food

Does everyone have a comfort food? Yes, I eat for comfort, but I don't have a specific food. I think I might be the minority on this one. I love holiday food - holiday food in my family includes 7 layer salad, turkey, ham, green bean casserole, rolls, corn, pumpkin pie, and apple pie. These are the staples at any holiday gathering. Of course there are many more mixed in there, but they differ year to year. If it's not holiday time I eat anything. Cheese-it's, brownies, spaghetti...basically anything in my house that is unhealthy.

Why is comfort food never healthy for me?!?! (aside from the quantity of it I eat...I'm talking about the type of food...)

Love, hate, lucky

I love to cook dinner.
I hate to clean up the dishes afterward.
I'm lucky I have a husband who will do that for me.

Pampered Chef Closing...

Just wanted to let all of you fellow bloggers out there know that I'm getting ready to close my Pampered Chef Party tomorrow! I honestly am not one to do these kinds of parties, but I love their stuff. I own tons of it and use it every single day. If you are interested in browsing through the stuff you can look online. You may place your order at the website below or call me and I'll do it for you.

Remember all the unglazed stoneware is 20% off right now!!! That's a great deal for all of your holiday foods that are waiting to be prepared! :0)

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/jshaner

The next stage...

I'm entering a new stage of my life. Okay, so really it has nothing to do with me, but since this is my blog I'll tell it from my perspective.

My mom is engaged. Yup. She says she's not calling it that, but that's what it is. Charlie (Charles, Char, Chaz, LC, Chuck, etc.) bought her a beautiful diamond ring. She's wearing it on her left ring finger. It's an engagement. My mom is getting married!

I'm happy for her. I really, honestly, can say that I am. Until the past 6 months or so I don't know that I could've said that truthfully. This has been a long time coming, a long hard road. My dad left us almost 6 years ago and Mom met Charlie 4 months (or so) afterwards. He's been around in one capacity or another ever since. He was there for my wedding, the birth of all of my children. He has helped me through lots of things over the past 6 years. Whether or not he knows it, I feel like we have an unspoken connection, an understanding that only comes from people who have experienced what we have. Charlie is a wonderful man.

It's odd to say that I'm going to have a step-dad, or step-sisters. Only little kids have those things. That's something that a child of a broken home grows up with. I am not one of those children. Although the "technical terms" of things like that sound odd to me, I am happy to say that Charlie will be a wonderful addition to my family.

Welcome!

TWLOHA

Check it out. I dig it.

http://www.twloha.com/index.php

Let Down...?

Have you ever built something up so much in your mind that it's then impossible for it to go as smoothly as you had pictured it? It seems that I let myself do this all the time! I have a real problem with change, I'm able to admit this, but if I have something in my mind then it should just go that way - no matter what! Very unrealistic, I know.

Take Christmas Tree Putting Up Night for instance. (And yes, it should all be capitalized, it's a proper name - like Christmas or something. ha ha) I had this picture perfect night in my mind with Christmas music playing, Lincoln, Hunter, and I putting the tree up, Graysen playing with the santa dolls and a few ornaments. All gathered around the stove making home made pizza and then eating it under the lights of the tree.

What I didn't picture was a husband who was VERY tired (but trying desperately not to act like it), a son who had an ear infection and was acting up more than usual, a strand of Christmas lights that were burnt out, a daughter who would pull every ornament off the tree as soon as we could put it up there, a kitchen that had to be cleaned, a pizza that took twice as long to bake as I had guessed it would, and me, putting the rest of the decorations up by myself after the other three had gone to bed.

I have to admit, I am rather proud of myself. Despite the "set-backs", we had a wonderful evening together and I didn't stress out one single time. Amazing. Lincoln even commented to me how impressed he was before heading off to bed...that's how I know I was truly successful.

A Good Daddy Memory...

One of my favorite memories of my dad from my HS years was the time that he took me to the Fox on Homecoming night. I can't tell you what show we saw...actually, I couldn't even tell you if it was homecoming, courtwarming, or prom. All I remember is that I didn't have a date and my Daddy came to the rescue. Instead of me having to go to the dance alone he bought me tickets to the Fox, and we had a date together. We planned to be home about the same time that the dance was getting out and we had the usual post-dance gathering at my house. My mom was home and got all the food ready for my friends and they were all there when I got home from my date with my daddy. I had the best of both worlds that night, a date with my dad, a show at the Fox, and a slumber party with my friends!

My dream spot

One day I'm going to have a "spot" in my home. I'm going to have a cozy corner in a spare bedroom where I have a chase lounge and a tall stand lamp. It's going to have a cozy throw blanket over the back of it to tuck in around my feet while I sit and a small antique table beside it to put my ice tea and book on. I'm going to curl up there by myself and read my book and sit on my laptop...

Someday.

Coupon Codes

Maybe I'm way behind times - but... Yesterday I finished ordering the stuff for Graysen's birthday party. In MOPS last week we were discussing frugal living and someone mentioned that you can google coupon codes and come up with all those codes that give some sort of a discount when you're online shopping. I decided to give it a try. So, I found a site where all you had to do was type in the store that you're shopping at (online) and it gave you a variety of codes that did different things. I found one that gave free shipping for orders over 40.00. Luckily mine was 52.00! I typed it in and what do you know, I save 9.95 on shipping!!! Awesome! I was so excited. For about 60 seconds of work I saved almost 10.00! Just wanted to share, obviously it was thrilling to me!

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder what a particular day means to someone else?

I always get a little depressed around the holidays, it's not a good thing, but it's a fact. There are several things that I feel contribute to this slight depression that I have.

1. The stress of buying Christmas gifts.
2. The stress of splitting up the days between families.
3. My dad left our family on Dec. 26, 2002.
4. My grandma had open heart surgery in November 2002. Although she pulled through and is a very active 81 year old, it was a very scary and hard time on my entire family.
5. My grandpa died on Jan. 20, 1994 and my grandma has always struggled with depression around this time.
6. Claire was born and passed away on Feb. 10, 2006.

So, within a 4 month stretch my family has experienced a lot of downers over the years. While I was thinking about this the other day (and trying to find perspective to overcome it), I thought about a close friend of the family. He and his first wife lost 2 baby boys within days of each of them being born. Although I know this fact about his past, we have only talked very briefly about it two times in the almost 6 years that I have known him. Once being when I was told I had Strep B when I was pregnant with Hunter (this is what one of his boys passed away from like 26ish years ago), and again when Claire passed away. He recently told me that just like I look at 3 year old little girls and think about what Claire would be like, he looks at Lincoln and thinks about what each of his boys might be like. He has never told me their birthdays or days that they passed away. It makes me wonder what I've been doing on those days over the last 6 years and if I've been insensitive to his bad moods.

So there started my deep thought process on what any particular day might mean in the life of someone else. February 10th for me is a bitter sweet day, the day I got to meet my first daughter, and also the day that she left me to go to Heaven. For another family that I know in STJ February 10th is a wonderful celebration of their first daughter's birthday.

I'm going to make it my goal to be sensitive to others lives, moods, and feelings. You never know what may have happened on a particular day many years ago for them.

Hippie Me

Yeah, call me odd. I just realized tonight that I'm going to miss nursing when it's over. I only got to nurse Hunter until 9.5 months because of the medicine that they gave me during my miscarriage. I thought that I missed it then due to the promptness of it's end and that I was shorted 2.5 months. I thought that if (God granting) I was able to nurse for a full year this time, I would be totally satisfied. For a short period of time (around 10 months old) I was satisfied. But now I'm not. Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's the 1st birthday party planning. Whatever it is, I'm not ready to give it up. Sadly, I have a 3 day, baby-free, trip planned a few weeks after Gray turns one. I suppose I'll just play it by ear when the times comes, but I am by no means going to "cut" her off by November 28th. Maybe I'll take my pump with me on the trip, maybe I won't. We'll see how my heart feels by then.

p.s. - I'm not at all sad about my trip, just about the implications it has on my nursing...after re-reading that it sounded like I wished I wasn't going on the trip - that, my friends, is not true at all! :0)

Tigers vs. Bulldogs

We are a STJ Tigers family. My husband was born and raised a Tiger. I purposefully shop for winter clothes in Red and White for the entire family. Lincoln is a Tiger coach. He lives and breaths this job. The rivalry that he felt while playing on the court from 97-00 is still alive in him today. The Rolla Bulldogs are our sworn enemy. Maroon and Gray are never welcome in our home.

Lincoln has bred this into Hunter since the day he came home. Lately Hunter has found a great new way to ruffle his dad's feathers. He is constantly wanting to be the Rolla Bulldogs rather than the STJ Tigers while playing games. I've given up on correcting him. He knows exactly what he's doing. The look in his eye when he says it cracks me up. He never says it when Lincoln isn't around - then he's always the STJ Tigers!

**As a side note - I was never really a Tiger growing up. Maybe it's due to the fact that I never stayed at one school very long in my younger years, maybe it's because I never played sports of any kind in HS, but I never felt a loyalty to the Tigers. Since Lincoln has started coaching I have to admit that I am more a Tiger now than I've ever been. During the '05-'06 school year I learned a lot about being a fan, a coaches wife, and loyalty to something other than my family. Since then I've been kept away from games more than I'd like (due to pregnancy and newborns), but I am looking forward to getting back in the stands this season and seeing what the Tigers have lined up for us! :0)

STJ ALL THE WAY!

Christmas Music

I made my Christmas playlist on i-Tunes today.

Tomorrow's job is to download the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD and add it.
Tuesday's plan is to clean out the corner of the living room for the tree to go up in.
Wednesday's job is to get the Christmas lights on the house (okay - so that's Lincoln's job)
Thursday's plan is to decorate the living room
Friday is TREE PUTTING UP DAY!

I've never been as excited about Christmas as I am this year. I am NOT going to stress over the fact that all the gifts are not bought and we don't have the money to do it. I am not having to stress about splitting up the day this year, we're going Christmas Day at my Mom's and the Saturday after at Redburn's. Charlie bought Graysen's Christmas dress for me today and Hunter has a nice suit from Merilee (or CJ, which ever way you want to look at it), so the kids clothes are covered already. Everything is falling into place this year and I'm going to sit back and enjoy every minute of it!

Tinkerbell

Everyone must see the new Tinkerbell movie!!!! We rented it last night and it was WONDERFUL! I dare say it's my new favorite Disney movie! Yes, it's girly, but Hunter loved it - he found it very funny and there are boys in it as well, so don't count yourself out if you only have a son. It's magical.

Only my baby

I love the smell of Graysen in the middle of the night. While I hold her close she rubs her hand through her hair then reaches for my face. Her hand smells like a mixture of baby soap from her nightly bath and sweet smelling sweat from her hair. It's a wonderful mixture that only a mom could cherish. I inhale as deep as I can and try to lock it away in my memory. I hope that I can recall that smell even when I am old and gray.

Words to live by

Yesterday Hunter was having an especially hard time laying still and quiet for rest time. Lincoln on the other hand was not.

Eventually this was the conversation:

Ashley - "Hunter, just do it like Daddy is"
Hunter - " Do what like Daddy does?"
Lincoln - "Pretty much everything son - those are just good words to live by"
Ashley - "Not full of yourself are you honey?"
Lincoln - "Ha ha, just couldn't pass it up."

Thought it was pretty funny. The lucky part is, I can actually say I would be a very happy Mother if Hunter did follow those words of wisdom.

Undefinable

I had a fun two hours tonight. It's amazing how you forget what your "old" life was like after you've gotten married and had children. Since I don't get out of dance until 9 p.m. on Thursdays (after my kids are already in bed) I decided to go over to my mom's tonight to visit. My mom and sister and I laughed more in those two hours then I have in two weeks. I love being with them. Now it may sound as if I don't get to spend much time with them which isn't true. In fact, I see them almost every day - but usually it's with my kids. There's something very freeing about being with two of your best friends without your kids. Something amazing happens. I can't put my finger on it, but I do know that it's fun. Just plain fun. We didn't do anything spectacular, we sat around the computer and laughed at things online, we laid in my mom's bed and talked. It didn't matter...it was fun.

I love you girls. Thanks for reminding me of who I am deep down at my core.

Black

Ah, the irony of the color black.

1. Black clothes - positive: shirts, pants, doesn't matter, if it's black - I'm going to like it. negative: Old black clothes - the faded look just depresses me.

2. Mom's - positive: slimming. negative: spit up, snot, etc. all show up BAD.

I'm just not sure if the pros outweigh the cons...but I do know this. I want to be able to dress up wearing black and go out for a night on the town and not worry about snot or spit up on me.

A Thankful Month

In honor of Thanksgiving I am going to start an "I'm Thankful For" list - kind of like my "Like / Dislike Lists". I'm not going to re-post everyday, but I will go back and add to this post everyday of November.

1st: Today I'm thankful for a day full of eating Halloween Candy with my son. Today is the day every year where we eat candy all day long. Doesn't matter what time or if you ask first - the day after Trick-Or-Treating is a free for all.

2nd: I'm thankful for Sundays. These are fun days for my family - we get to go to church (soon as a whole family!), then eat a big lunch (usually with my mom and sister), and then relax the rest of the day. There are no expectations of us on Sundays, just a day to be together as a family.

3rd: I'm thankful for a job that I love. I'm so lucky to influence young people in both life and dance. I'm thankful that I get to share my skills and I smile every time I say something that I remember hearing one of my teachers along the way say to me. I love to see their smiles when the concept finally clicks.

4th: I'm thankful to live in a nation where we have the right to vote. I'm thankful to all of those who have served fighting for our nation and those nations who are less lucky than us.

5th: I'm thankful to be a Christian and know that God is in control of every situation. No matter what the American law says I have the right to raise my family to believe what the Bible says and follow the laws of God.

6th: I am thankful for being able to socialize with other mom's. Although some parenting decisions are different we are all mom's and can relate on some of the struggles and highs of being such.

7th: I am thankful that my children have inherited the love for music that their father and I have. While neither one of us are talented enough to create music of our own we do love all kinds of music. I believe that we have both always been this way. There is a rare day that goes by when we don't have a music / dance session in our living room. This is what is happening right now and I am greatly enjoying watching Lincoln recline in his chair, close his eyes, and soak in Jack Johnson today. Hunter is shaking his booty all over the place, and Graysen is standing in one place bouncing up and down. What a wonderful family I have.

8th: I am thankful for a mom who values my children and their development. My mom is great at making learning fun for my children. She is constantly coming up with new games to play and is always on the floor with them doing one thing or another. Such a terrific grandma!

9th: I am thankful that I have a family who understands and supports the fact that I still mourn the loss of our middle daughter Claire. Amazing that she would be 3 in February and some days are still harder than others. I had not shed tears over her in a long time but I did last night. I will always miss her.

10th: I am thankful for a steady income. There are so many that work on commission or have seasonal work. Although we have 5 small incomes between the two of us, they are all steady work and pay the necessary bills.

11th: I am thankful for friends of many talents. Some of my friends are great listeners, some always know how to make me smile, some are wonderful to pitch in around my home helping me do whatever it is that needs to be done, some are photographers, some are musicians, some are great cooks. Whatever YOUR talent is, thank you for being my friend. I appreciate each and every one of you.

12th: Whew, today is a tough one. :0) I am thankful for a husband who is willing to help me with the baby sitting kids even though it means that he doesn't get a single day off every week.

13th: I am thankful that people are gracious when I am not a good cook. I failed miserably on my first lasagna try tonight and my mom, grandma, and husband all ate it...and didn't give me too hard of a time! ;0)

14th: I am thankful for family traditions. We put up our Christmas tree tonight and it was so nice to have a family night, just the four of us doing such a fun activity together.

15th: I'm thankful for my health.

16th: I am thankful for my kid's laughter. It can brighten any moment.

17th: I am thankful for the little perks of the holiday season. This year Walmart is giving us a 10% discount on EVERYTHING in the store starting today and going through the 1st of the year! Yea for discounted holiday food! :0)

18th: I am thankful for considerate friends. A friend of ours volunteered to keep our kids this afternoon while Lincoln and I had a lunch date at Applebees. How nice to be able to sneak out for 2 hours in the middle of the day!

19th: I am thankful for Christmas lights! Lincoln put them up outside today and I am looking forward to driving home after dark and seeing them!

20th: I am thankful for days that I feel motivated. Today I am getting all the laundry caught up in our home.

21st: I am thankful for my kids who behave in public.

22nd: I am thankful for my sister being a stylist. It's amazing how much a new hair color or cut can make you feel better about yourself!

23rd: I am thankful to have a caring father figure in my life.

24th: I am thankful for routine. Somedays being to feel monotonous, but all in all, I love having a routine that I can depend on from day to day.

What turns around your day?

I am having a bad day. It started last night when I went to bed with a headache. Then I was up practically all night with a teething baby. One of the kids I'm baby sitting today is extremely fussy - one of those days where nothing really helps. Lincoln had an orthodontist appointment this morning and got there only to find out that he needed his Etainer (sp?) so he had to turn around and come home to get it and then go back. When he called to tell me this bad news. I just cried. I'm tried and I have two fussy babies (teething Graysen being the other one)...and now Lincoln's trip out of the house has just been extended. I apologized for being in a bad mood - he understood...

Then he walked in the front door with an IC Moca from STL Bread Co.!!! Bless my husband. He just wanted to try to do something to make my day better. What a man. I'm so lucky. I had a feeling my day was turning around. Then a friend of mine stopped by to visit and she offered to take Hunter with her to the library. Hunter loves going to the library and he loves going with other people, so this was great for him. They left and Graysen went down for a nap. The fussy baby is currently happy sitting in the floor surrounded by toys, and I'm getting to blog while sipping my IC Moca.

Amazing how one little act of kindness from someone can turn your day around!

The question...

Recently I was visiting with a very good friend and she was telling me about some retired NFL player who came to her church to speak. She said he was speaking on the role that a father plays in his children's lives. For a son, a father teaches what is expected out of a husband and father. For a daughter he teaches what she "deserves"; how she should expect to be treated from her future spouse. She said that the speaker said that every girl is born with a question in her mind:

Do you see me? Am I beautiful? Do I deserve to be loved?

When I first heard that I thought - oh that's silly. Not every girl is that insecure. But the more I think about it - I think he may be right. Deep down girls - haven't we always asked ourselves that? Maybe some of us were lucky enough (myself included) to be raised in a family (and with a father) who filled those "voids" for us - who answered those questions...but some of us weren't so lucky.

I am blessed to have had a father who made sure I understood the answers to those questions until I was old enough to have a husband. I am further blessed to have a husband who reminds me daily of the answers and already (unconsciously) is answering them for our almost 1 year old daughter. Thank God for good dads.

The One and Only

Here is my one and only political post. You may be offended by what I'm about to say. If so, I apologize, I am just using this space to vent this evening, as I have reached my fill with the political field.

I am SO tired of hearing everyone's opinions. Yes, I understand that everyone has the right to voice them. But I also have the right to not listen to any of them.

I was raised in a household where elections were not discussed. I'm not sure my mom knows to this day who my Dad voted for ever. Did my parents watch the debates and do their research - like every responsible American citizen, of course they did. But did they debate the issues between each other? Not ever in front of me. Did they put signs in their front yard or bumper stickers on their cars proclaiming their "candidate of choice"? NO WAY. This year especially I have pondered where the secrecy of their feelings and actions stemmed from. I can't help but believe that part of it was that my father was in the military. He was going to be responsible for answering to the future President of the United States. He was going to follow his orders whether he agreed with him or not. Thus, I grew up believing that this was a private issue that is not to be discussed with anyone else other than God.

My husband has never, and will never know who I vote for at each election though our married life. We simply do not discuss it. We try to educate our son (who is only 4) on the importance of having an opinion, understanding what politicians stand for, and voting on election day. We have tried especially this year to help him learn each of the candidates names and what role the President of the United States plays in our country and lives. I feel like this is our parental duty. He must grow up understanding our country and the way it works to eventually become a responsible, involved citizen.

I think that many people view my lack of expression as a lack of interest or disagreement. This is not at all the case. I simply do not want to hear your opinions, be swayed by anything but facts, or listen to someone bad mouth and rant and rave about our future President. I think it's disrespectful. I was recently in a room full of people who were debating issues (although they were all on the same side - go figure that out...). When I didn't speak up during the entire conversation they took that to mean that I supported the opposite side. Ha ha. Not true. I was in total agreement with everything that was coming out of their mouths, but I just chose to keep mine shut.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to send forwards to others "pushing" their opinions on matters, why people post things on websites such as blogs, facebook, myspace, etc. Do you really think that everyone that is going to read them is that uneducated, that stupid as to not form their OWN opinion?

I just don't get why people don't keep their opinions to themselves. (That was a general statement...I don't understand that about every subject, not just politics.) I honestly TRY (and don't always succeed - obviously, or I wouldn't have posted this blog), to keep my opinion to myself unless asked for it. Why can't everyone do that?!?!