I just finished reading "Vanishing Act" by Jodie Picult. It was terrifying and amazing all at once. It sure made me think though...
What will my kids remember about these first few years of their lives? I don't have many true memories until I was much older. I'm honestly not sure I remember anything until 3rd grade maybe?! Is that possible?! Nothing tragic happened to make me forget or push that time in my life to the back of my mind. I just simply don't remember much. Sure, pictures jog my memory...or maybe it's just the memory of the stories my mom has told me while looking at those pictures. Who really knows?
I know one thing for sure. I want my kids to remember the nights that I rocked them to sleep while whispering songs or prayers rather than the nights I let them cry themselves to sleep. I want them to remember the nights I welcomed them into my bed rather than shooing them back to their own. I want my kids to remember the times that we played together rather than the times that I told them to wait or "no" because I was busy doing something selfish like checking email or wanting to finish a book.
I feel very guilty on the nights where I've hit my "wall" right before bed time. The nights that I snap at Hunter as I'm putting him to bed or have to threaten Graysen with a "smack on the bottom" if she gets out of her bed one more time. I hate going to sleep on those nights. I find it really hard to fall asleep. It's just not the same going to bed when we've left off on rough standings.
I've found that as a parent it's very hard to ask forgiveness from your children. My pride, my standing as an authority figure often times stands in my way from doing what's right. I'm going to be better at this. I'm going to show them what humilty looks like rather than just preaching it at them...
starting right now.
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