taking care of momma {when there's been a tragedy}

A woman emailed me and asked me "for any tips or advice" for helping her friend who had a still born baby.  Here's what spewed out of my mouth in a matter of seconds:

Ah, it’s so hard.  I would just tell you not to feel any pressure to say anything.  Just BEING there with her is perfect.  Sometimes words ruin it.  Light a candle for her, clean her house, take care of her other children, make a meal, run her a hot bath.  Just baby her…she probably can’t even take care of herself right now, let alone her other family members.  If she has other children try to keep their lives as normal as possible, if she will let you, take them to your house to play, if she wants them close (which she might), bring a craft or board game over to play with them.  Also, write down her baby’s birthday on your calendar for next year, and even if she doesn’t talk about it much at LEAST send her a card or flowers next year.  Just acknowledge it in some way.  That’s SO important to me.  We still celebrate Claire’s birthday as a family, but it did hurt after the first year when people started forgetting it each year.  Maybe take balloons out to the baby’s grave site.  Let her cry, sleep, wallow.  She’s never felt as low as she does right now.  

It's a subject that's not talked about much.  Losing a baby.  It's strange, foreign...it's not how it's "supposed" to be.  Unfortunately, it does happen...and it may happen to someone you know...