10 (okay, 12) on 10

I wanted to take 1 picture every hour for 10 hours on the 10th of each month, but totally forgot January! Here is February 10th, 2011 - Claire Janelle's birthday!

8 a.m.
One more cavity down...one more to go!

9 a.m.
Play time at the new McDonalds Play Place between appointments

10 a.m.
Still a happy girl after her Dr. appointment.

11 a.m.
Yes! Football...their favorite!

12 p.m.
My two Africans...always the last two at the table...
eating cooked cabbage!

1 p.m.
A game of War

2 p.m.
Cupcakes for Claire

3 p.m.
A little stress reliever for Mommy

4 p.m.
Decorating Cupcakes for Claire's Birthday

5 p.m.
5 balloons for a 5th birthday

6 p.m.
Movie time with Grammie

7 p.m.
We're just missing the birthday girl...

5 years

Today is Claire's 5th birthday. I'll be honest. It snuck up on me this year. It's not as if I didn't know what date it was, or that I only had "x" amount of days before her birthday, I just didn't allow myself to think about it in detail. I didn't want to sink into a depression like I have every year in the past. I wanted this year to be different.

But, it's really not.

Lincoln and I with our precious bundle

I'm still grieving the loss of my daughter. I'm grieving the life that she was never given, the curls, and dresses, and princess play. I'm grieving the joy of another daughter, the sister bond that she would've had with Graysen, the gift of her presence in our home.

I allowed myself a few moments last night to get out her scrapbook and photo album and skim through them. I didn't cry, just had a sick to my stomach feeling realizing that that's all I have of her. One tiny photo album (which contains mostly pictures of us before and after her birth), and a scrapbook with the imprints of her tiny hands and feet on the front.

I'm kind of numb and in shock.

Our proof that she was really with us.
Her hand and foot prints.

I had dreams of the six of us taking five birthday balloons out to the cemetery today. Dreams of having a quiet day with Graysen and not pressuring myself to do anything that I didn't want to do. Dreams of baking cupcakes to celebrate tonight.

But, life presses on, and instead of those things, the boys are out of school and I'm taking Hunter to the dentist, and Graysen to the doctor for a mysterious lump on her leg, and Blake to the only black hair stylist in the area. We won't be going to the cemetery because the gates are closed due to the weather. We'll still bake cupcakes, but I'm sure the day will also be filled with discipline and frustration.

On days like today, I just don't want to deal with it.

So - Blake, Silas, Hunter, and Graysen...I'm sorry if you watch a few more movies than you would regularly, or play 2 or 3 games of X-Box Football...I don't really think you'll mind though.

The hand out that we gave at her funeral.

My mantra for the day is:
God works ALL THINGS for my good...
and
He is good ALL THE TIME.

Created for Care Retreat 2011!

I can't even begin to give you all the details of my weekend away in Atlanta at the Created For Care Retreat... I'm still processing all the information I heard. I was encouraged beyond belief.

Our shuttle driver who met us at the airport.
1. Welcome to the South!! I LOVED being in Atlanta.
2. I'm sure he felt really awesome carrying that sign surrounded by all those other men...

I was surrounded by women who "get it". I actually sat down at a table and the woman next to me asked me how I was doing with the boys...I smiled and responded with something like "oh, they're awesome!"...to which she responded, "really? because that's the same smile and voice I use when people ask me that question...remember - I. get. it."

Ahhh, the blessing of being around people who have walked your road...

We had sessions and speakers on such a wide variety of topics. Things ranged from "Hope for the Hard Days" to "African Haircare".

Kristi and Lucy Lane giving a presentation on African Haircare.
When I first saw her at the Retreat I turned to Britt and said, "oh. my. goodness. This is seriously like meeting Christina Aguiler*a, only BETTER!"
1. I have no idea where Christina Aguiler*a came from, because I would not even like to meet her.
2. Hilarious that she sang the National Anthem (and messed it up) 2 days later.
3. I realize that I'm a nerd for feeling this way, but I've been reading Kristi's blog for over 2 years now, and she is one of my original "adoption idols", so she's totally famous in my book!
4. It's blurry because I didn't want to be stockerish and snap a picture of her during her presentation, so I didn't use the flash!
5. I can not BELIEVE I just admitted all that!!!!

Many of the posts coming in the future will be inspired by the words of wisdom I heard this past weekend.


I was able to connect with several different organizations who are doing AWESOME things around the world. I am so overwhelmed with the excitement that there are people, who have the same heart as I do and who are stepping out in faith to serve as Jesus' hands and feet!!

Britt and I. We do life together - I'm so blessed.

Check out these organizations...I spoke with each of their founders personally and totally believe in what they are doing!

Sixty Feet



Sole Hope



147 Million Orphans



Into the Streets of Ethiopia



Wiphan



Promise 686

Asher Collie and I.
1. She's a fellow AAI girl AND the founder of Sole Hope!
2. How awesome does that Ethiopian flag above my name (on my name tag) look? Really...I love the look of that!

I had a date with God (more on this to come...if I had flown to Atlanta for that one hour it would have been worth it!) and heard Him speak to me about several things. I had been praying to hear God loud. and. clear. this weekend - and that was accomplished! He spoke to me about a lot, but specifically two things that I'm terrified of (so He and I have a lot more talking to do!), and one thing that I didn't even realize I still needed to deal with.

Legacy Lodge on Lake Lanier where we stayed!

Here is the video that was shown at the beginning of the Retreat. All so true...

There will be more...I promise!
Until then,

Our afternoon at the gym

Sometimes, when the weather is just too cold, and the energy level in my house is about to blow the roof off we head up the gym at the local High School.

The kids dribble, and run, and shoot.


We play follow the leader and have races.


We enjoy being together.


...and yes, we blast the music and dance.

Project 11 - Birthing Kits for Haiti

This awesome group of women gathered one Sunday evening at my mother in law's home to help bless other women...that they've never met...across the world.

And I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Back row, L to R: Alicia Whitaker, Dana Rapier, Marcinda Redburn, Georgia Turrentine, Amanda Davis
Front row, L to R: Mindy Merenghi, Casey Smith, Molly Slowensky, Kelley King, Brittany Krueger, Me, Amber Colman, and Kara Fannon.
Not pictured: Shelley Allen and Megan Zika.

Cutting string

Since I hosted the Pad Party (you can read about it here), I had been praying for another opportunity to help. It finally arrived! I actually still had around 50 bags that we sewed at our party. I only sent what I had threaded to Andrea at the time she needed them...and look what I found!

Project 11....needed bags!!!

Our beanie babies

Here is a little info on Project 11 from their website:

"Project 11 will benefit Konbit Sante, a wonderful organization that has, for nearly ten years, worked to provide the education and resources necessary to improve capacity within the public health system of Cap-Haitien, Haiti’s second largest city. Even before the earthquake, Haiti’s health statistics were dismal, and now the need is even greater. Shockingly, one in eight Haitian children dies before the age of five, and their maternal mortality rate is 1,400 deaths for every 100,000 –a reflection of the fact that the majority of the population lives in poverty/on less than a dollar a day. Only one in every 10,000 Haitians has access to a physician."

"For the past three years, Konbit Sante has been spearheading a family planning and maternal health project in the most needy neighborhoods of Cap-Haitien that includes working more closely to support trained birth attendants (TBAs) who attend the vast majority of births in the community. They began supplying them with safe birthing kits to use in their deliveries. TBAs attend the vast majority of births in Haiti and have no formal medical training to speak of. The kits represent a “value added” component to their services, offer a measure of status, and are well received. There is ample evidence internationally that the kits can reduce infant and maternal mortality."

"When you simply need a clean piece of plastic sheeting, a clean piece of string, a new razor blade, an alcohol wipe, and hand sanitizer to save lives during delivery, it is humbling. When you can send a message of hope and solidarity with mothers in Haiti by including a hand made receiving blanket, it is empowering. We may not be able to change much about the challenging reality faced by mothers and children in Haiti, but we CAN do this. And it will matter."

I sent out an email to several of my friends asking if they would want to help...and God answered...through each of them!!

Our assembly line of kit "stuffers"

I was overwhelmed with the response I received. Statements like,

"Count on me FOR SURE!!!!" "Sounds like a fun thing to do!" "The list also makes me appreciate what I have for a birthing experience." "Love doing these projects!"

Each kit we made included:

1 small bar of soap
1 piece of clean plastic sheeting (3 feet wide by 4 feet long)
3 pieces of clean string, 12 inches long
2 alcohol wipe packets
1 set of sterile latex gloves
2 packets (or a travel container) Purelle
1 receiving blanket–36 inches square
1 beanie baby

We put each kit into one our home made bags.

I love seeing how God uses all kinds of women to minister to His people.
We had women in their 20's, and women in their 50's.
We had women with no children, we had women with 4 children.
We had women with grown children, and women who were pregnant.
We had a woman who will be leaving to move overseas as a missionary soon,
and women who have adopted from overseas.
We had stay at home mom's, students, teachers, business women, and counselors.
But we all had one thing in common...a love for other women in Haiti.

As we visited, prayed, and counted our blessings, these bags filled up.
Not only with supplies for a safer delivery, but also love and hope.

I hope I am able to give you an update on the delivery of these bags to the women in Haiti, but even if I can't, I know that there are 50 women who will experience a safer delivery, and 50 babies who will have a better start in this world...and that's all the "outcome" I need.

Paying it forward

This morning I am headed out of town to have my Date with God. I'm attending the Created for Care Retreat and could NOT be more excited! I have been looking forward to this time - a time to Come to the Well and refresh myself for 9 months...it's here!! Please pray for me, and my family, as we spend the next three days apart. Pray for the kids hearts, that they know their Momma is with them, loving them from afar, and for my heart - that I would be able to have the conversation with God that I've been longing to have for so very long.

Some of you know that our daughter, Claire's 5th birthday is coming up quickly (February 10th). In years past I've seemed to sink into a depression and hibernate in my home. This year I'm bound and determined to handle it differently. This year I want to pay it forward. February has been and will continue to be a month filled with helping other Mommies!

Here is another awesome opportunity to Pay it Forward and help others! Small Bird Studio is hosting a journal drive in honor of her daughter's 2nd birthday. These journals are to give to other families who are spending time in the NICU . Journaling (blogging) is so very important to me, mentally, and I think it will be such a gift to my children in the future, that I think this is a great, great idea! Although we never spent time in the NICU with Claire, I sure could've used a blank journal at the time!

So, go here and donate! (On the left hand side of the page)

You can also send blank journals, writing pens, or tissue paper here:

P.O. Box 2398

Cypress, TX 77429

You can read more about it here, here, and here.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you donate, I can't wait to see how many she is able to collect!

ps - if anyone wants to get together sometime soon and decorate some journals together to send, I'd LOVE TO...hint, hint!!!

100 Days of School

January 31st marked 100 days of school!

My boys really enjoyed counting out 100 things to take and share with their classmates.
Hunter took the marshmallows from Lucky Charms cereal,
Blake took M&M's,
and Silas took suckers.

PS - Remember today is One Day - One Lunch Day...
I hope you will take part!!!

One Day - One Lunch: February 3rd!

A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor Proverbs 22:9

Every 5 seconds a child dies of starvation.

And the truth is this, most days; this never even crosses our minds.

Perhaps that is because with a number like this- we don’t even know where to begin.

But what if you knew where to begin? What if you knew what to do to make a difference?

And what if that difference simply started with your lunch?

What if all it took was One day and One lunch- to make a huge difference in the life of a child?

What if all you had to do was simply give what you would have spent in one day for one lunch?

If you are reading this today- yes YOU… I’d like to ask you to be a part of something big. God usually preferred to work through people- people like you and people like me. You have two choices right now-you can click off this page and pretend you didn’t read this and go on with your everyday life- or you can choose to see that God brought YOU here- to read this- for a purpose- to be a part of something big.

Don’t worry, I am not going to ask you to do something you can’t- I am asking you to do something you can. The average American spends between $2.00 and $8.00 a day on lunch. If everyone who reads this blog post would simple choose- on February 3rd to give up their ‘lunch money’ and then donate what they would have spent on lunch that day to Lifesong For Orphans for the Adami Tulu preschool in Ziway, Ethiopia. Can you image what Jesus could do? A mere $3.00 feeds a child for ONE MONTH.

Can you imagine the impact we could make- simply by giving being willing to make a small sacrifice for someone else?

So mark your calendar for Feb. 3rd and spread the word about the One Day- One Lunch Project. Put it on FB, add it to your blog- ask your friends, coworkers and church family to join in. Let’s make a small sacrifice- to make one big difference.

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

~ Mother Teresa

Donations can be given online here: http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html please indicate it’s to go to the Adami Tulu Preschool.

Or mail checks to:

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40
Gridley, IL 61744
Indicate for the Adami Tulu Preschool

(The One Day – One Lunch Project was started by Addisyn and her family. You can learn more about them and the amazing journey God has put them on here!)

Weight Loss, Love Cookies, and Prayers

It's random day here. Currently we're under a "Winter Storm Warning"...they say we're about to get the worst weather we've had here since 1980. Looking out my bedroom window I see ice on the windsheild of the car, and a tiny bit of snow on the ground...I'd say the snow better start coming, or a lot of people are going to be disappointed! I really feel like Mrs. Haid about this storm, but like her, I must also speak carefully, because I'm sure there are people who are without shelter or can't pay to heat their home, who this is effecting greatly.

The kids have colored this morning, eaten breakfast, and the boys are now playing X-Box Football. Although sometimes it's hard to stick to our guns by greatly limiting their TV time, I am greatful for it on days like today because they are SO excited to be able to play X-Box and watch movies when we let them.

Today is Tuesday...weigh day! I was talking to Lincoln about it last night and I've decided I've come to the point in my journey where I'm just not sure what to expect every week. In the beginning I felt like could tell that I'd lost weight each week...but not so much anymore. I suppose when it comes off about 2 pounds a week there's not much difference. I'm glad that it's coming off slowly, I think the slower it comes off the more time I have to make this a lifestyle change and not just a diet. I have more time for my taste buds to forget the taste of those greasy McDonald's hamburgers and french fries, and learn to love apples and cabbage. I'm really thinking of this as a journey to a healthier me...a change in my life where I train my body to crave exercize as a stress relief over sleep, a change in my life from fast food to delicious energizing food.

This has been another good week - I lost 2.8 pounds this week! That means that I've lost 18.8 pounds so far. I was also able to move down 2 pants sizes!! For me, that is the most important milestone I've reached so far. I'm actually only one size above what I set out with as my "goal"...I don't know what the means, but I do think I'll keep going on my weight loss journey past my original goal. At the time it seemed so unattainable, and now that I'm almost there, I have set my sights a little greater. I think that's okay.

Today was the first day of my kids Love Cookies. They weren't as crazy about them as I had hoped, I must be honest, but I hope that they begin to look forward to them each morning in the next 14 days. Today they opened the following:

Blake: Colossians 3:12

Silas: Ephesians 3:12

Hunter: "You are forever my love"

Graysen: "We love you like a turtle loves it's shell"

My kids continue to inspire me each day. I learn so much from these little boogers, I don't know why I continue to be amazed at them, but I am...and I hope I always will be. This morning as they were taking turns saying prayers before breakfast, I was so humbled as they each thanked God for things like:

His Word

Going to School

Having shoes to wear

Each of their brothers and sister and parents by name

"Giving us everything we have"

I was reminded that far too often I get too big for my pants and start taking the credit for things that we have...it's not mine, it's not ours, it's God's, and we need to be grateful every day for the fact that (for some reason), He's given us these things...what are we going to do with them...?