A different kind of list {from Jack and the Kumquat}

This time of year always feels like so much pressure!  Do this, do that, be here, be there!  I love that Melissa, at Jack and the Kumquat posted a list of things you don't have to do this time of year!  Check out her full post HERE.

I'm going to just post her list and then my own thoughts with each one!   (Her words are italizied.)  

1. Christmas Cards. 

(Gasp!)

(source)

I never do Christmas Cards!  But...I do New Years Cards.  I think it's a nice way to recap the whole year, and I LOVE getting Christmas Cards from others.  I especially love it when I get a letter from them with an update on their family, or new pictures.  This year I have created a box that we're going to keep all our cards in, and we're going to use it to pray for those families throughout the whole year!  

2. New Christmas party attire. 

(source)

I don't know many people who throw Christmas parties...especially ones that require dressing up.  I guess I'm lucky we just don't really associate with that kind of a group!  

3. Cookies.

I don't go all out, but this is something I really enjoy.  Usually it means an afternoon in the kitchen with my mom and sister and kids.  Getting messy, taste testing, and enjoying company.  We will be doing this this year!

4. The "to-do" list.

You know what?  I made one...then wadded it up and threw it away!  Can you believe it?!  It had things like drive around and look at lights, make gingerbread houses, string popcorn, etc. on it.  But, if the mood hits and we do them, great, if not, I don't think we'll be any worse for the wear.  

5. Elf on the Shelf.

(source)

I've never really gotten this guy.  I mean, I get that he's cute, and maybe it's a fun tradition for your family this time of year, but I just wonder why kids need an elf looking out for their good behavior this time of year.  I'm confused, and I could never remember to move him every night.  geez.

6. Christmas parties.

Like I said earlier, we just don't get invited to many of these.  Thank goodness.  But, I also like what Melissa has to say about them:  

If you want to go, go!

If you don't, don't!

We're grownups. 

We get to decide things like this.

"I'm sorry I can't make it. Thank you for the invitation."

"I wish we could, but we have a prior engagement that evening."

Your "prior engagement" could be sitting in your pajamas, watching Elf with your family.

That's legit.

7. Travel.

We're very blessed to live in the same town as most of our extended family.  We're kind of in the town that's considered "home base" for both of our families.  That takes away a lot of the out of town traveling, which is awesome.  But, we still have the across town travels and it's becoming important to me that we spend some time at our own home on Christmas.  Again, I like Melissa's take on this:  

People understand that...or at least they should.

You get to call the shots for what works best for your family.

(source)

8. Shopping.

I've done the Black Friday thing for a few years now.  Not sure I'll do it again next year.  I'll have a baby who is still nursing, and I doubt that I'll feel caught up enough on sleep to waste a whole night of it!  We also don't have TV, which helps curb that "Wants" from the littles greatly.  

9. Christmas music.

Oh, but I like it!  I started listening to it way early this year!  This isn't pressure to me, it's soothing...if only my kids would learn all the words and stop making them up as they try to sing along.  (one of my biggest pet peeves...)

10. Pinterest.

I've read about several ladies lately who are "fasting" from Pintrest.  They are starting to feel inadequate, etc.  I don't struggle with that.  I guess I don't spend that much time on there, either...

You can choose not to open it.

Or choose not to type "Christmas" into the search bar.

Choose not to feel like a crafting failure for not making your own pine tree and Christmas lights.

Choose not to feel like a bad mother for not implementing 5 new Christmas traditions this year.

You can choose to keep it simple.

Isn't that what Christmas should really be about?

Simplicity?

Silent night, Holy night.

All is calm, All is bright.

Fall on your knees!

Oh hear the angel's voices.

Oh night divine.

Oh night when Christ was born.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I hope this is a blessed time for you and your family!

What is on your "not to do" list this season?

Girls Weekend to Branson

Kara, Aunt Kim, Mom, Gray, and Me...
off for a girls weekend to Branson!

We're there...first order of business...
JUMPING ON THE BED!

but it's not fun to jump by yourself...
so Aunt Sis and Aunt Kim join in!
(I was sad I couldn't jump this time...next time!)

she loved that our hotel was PINK!
ps - when did she get SO BIG?!

Dixie Stampede.
Grammie carried her the whole way in so she could see all the horses and say hi.

Mommy and Gray on the way out.
She LOVED the show!

Cuddling with Aunt Kim and Grammie.  She was in hog heaven!

Sweet bed head during breakfast at the hotel.
She was enthralled with the group of singers that came to perform for us!

On the way to the Dutton's.

Pretty big stuff in control of the remote all weekend!

I had an amazing weekend away with some women in my family!  Thank you ladies for going with us and investing in our lives.  You are each so precious to me!

taking care of momma {when there's been a tragedy}

A woman emailed me and asked me "for any tips or advice" for helping her friend who had a still born baby.  Here's what spewed out of my mouth in a matter of seconds:

Ah, it’s so hard.  I would just tell you not to feel any pressure to say anything.  Just BEING there with her is perfect.  Sometimes words ruin it.  Light a candle for her, clean her house, take care of her other children, make a meal, run her a hot bath.  Just baby her…she probably can’t even take care of herself right now, let alone her other family members.  If she has other children try to keep their lives as normal as possible, if she will let you, take them to your house to play, if she wants them close (which she might), bring a craft or board game over to play with them.  Also, write down her baby’s birthday on your calendar for next year, and even if she doesn’t talk about it much at LEAST send her a card or flowers next year.  Just acknowledge it in some way.  That’s SO important to me.  We still celebrate Claire’s birthday as a family, but it did hurt after the first year when people started forgetting it each year.  Maybe take balloons out to the baby’s grave site.  Let her cry, sleep, wallow.  She’s never felt as low as she does right now.  

It's a subject that's not talked about much.  Losing a baby.  It's strange, foreign...it's not how it's "supposed" to be.  Unfortunately, it does happen...and it may happen to someone you know...

Pete's Pumpkin Patch

Not sure why I didn't share these pictures back in October, but I've found lots of things in drafts lately that I want to make sure are recorded!  

My friend Heather and I took our kids to Pete's Pumpkin Patch one afternoon...it was great fun!

getting nice and dirty in the corn!

Ah, my heart...

The whole crew 

ready to go into the pumpkin patch!

Link Love

I'm sharing links today of posts that have helped me in some way lately:

From Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, a post full of affirmation:  A Way Out

From Sit a Spell, a post reminding me what my heart's passion is:  Orphan Sunday:  Preventing Orphans

From We Are THAT Family:  Why We Must Not Stop Dreaming

From Mom's of Boys:  someone else who thinks that it's normal for boys to climb, jump, wrestle, and climb trees!  Bucking the Boy Raising System

17 month reflections

*I wrote this post on October 31st.  I didn't post it then, but just re-read it and decided that it needed to be shared.  We are better than we were when I wrote this post.  Perfect?  No.  Seamless?  No.  But, we have changed some things in the way our home is run.  We've stopped spreading ourselves so thin.  We're focusing more on the 6 of us and staying home more in the evenings.  I've stopped trying to be "super mom" and started just checking myself at the end of every day by asking "Did they hear about Jesus today?  Did I pray with them or for them?  Did they see me reading my bible?  Did we talk about Him in our home today?"  If so, then we've had a successful day in our home.


I've had a really hard couple of weeks.  I've hit a place mentally where I'm tired and I'm depleated.  I'm craving time away from my home more than ever, which is always a warning sign to me that the Devil is attacking me where it has the potential to hurt the most.  My home.  My children's safe-haven.  My heart.

I'll start this reflection saying that Blake has turned a major corner.  Are we anywhere near "healthy and whole"?  No.  Definitely not.  But...we're not contstantly battling each other.  When he prays at dinner he's recently added "Thank you for my family" or "Thank you that Dad is my dad and Mom is my mom."  It's the first time in the last 17 months that I feel like he really feels that way.  The first time that I've believed that he's happy to be here. 

Silas, on the other hand has taken over where Blake left off.  Praise be to God that they did not go through these stages at the same time.  Even when the days seem so terrible that I can't possibly make it through, I remember that God showed me tremendous Mercy when He began healing Blake's heart in time for Silas to start grieving.  I'm not going to go into depth about my sons grieving process, but it's hard...on all of us.  Please be praying for him.

I did get the boys into counseling last week.  I pray this is going to be a great thing for our whole family.  Hunter needs a safe place to vent about all of the changes he has and continues to endure by adding these brothers into his life, and Blake and Silas need help processing all of the changes they are going through.

I've been really struggling with the idea that a new baby is coming into this mix lately too.  When I'm able to step back and look at the time line of my life, I can see how God is teaching me to rely more on Him, which, no matter how hard the lesson, is of course, a great one. 

When we decided to purse adoption our lives were "perfect".  We were a happy family of four.  We were seamless it felt.  We were in tune with one another, our lives were easy, carefree, and happy. 

Then God turned it all upside down when Lincoln and I boarded that plane to Ethiopia.  We came back 10 days later devestated by the things we had seen and the lessons God had taught our hearts.  With us, came two 6 year old boys with very special needs.  No, they weren't physically handicap in any way, but their hearts, souls, and minds had been competely devestated by their first 6 years.  God had entrusted US to lead them to HIM in order to be healed.  What a job. 

Here we are, facing another upheavel to our family, another addition and interruption to our lives.  A baby, the best kind of interruption, of course, but a major change, none the less.  I don't feel nearly as confident going into it as I did adding any of my other children into the family.  We are not anywhere close to seamless.  We don't have an easy, carefree flow to our days. 

But...God is faithful.  God is teaching me to lean on Him more each day.  I can't do this on my own.  Before I didn't need Him  like I do now.  I can't have the patience or wisdom to raise these children He's entrusted to me without Him.  He is the source of my strength.  (Psalm 121)  I can do all things through Christ, so strengthens me.  (Phillipians 4:13)

I read this today on Andrea's blog:  Babe of my Heart.  I wanted to record her words here to read in the future.

"I was just talking to my precious adoption mom friend Martha Cook on the phone yesterday–and we were reminiscing about the “before adoption” in our parenting…where everything seemed like clock work–I felt confident about what to do and what to say. There was a deep rooted connection that I didn’t even realize the depth of until now.I laughed and told her, “You know–I guess adoption is kinda like falling in love and getting married VS. pre-arranged marriages. When you fall in love–it’s so natural. There’s chemistry. There’s time together…getting to know one another…and lots and lots of gazing into one another’s eyes just like there are from the first newborn days with your biological children. This wee one needs you to nurse them to survive–and because he knows your heartbeat…after all, he’s heard it for 9 months–he is instantly calmed the minute you pick him up. TO THIS DAY–I can even pick up my older children–and gaze in their eyes…and no matter what fit they were pitching, hurt they experienced, boo boo they just gained–THEY MELT. Their little bodies just melt into mine. It’s chemistry…it’s natural…it’s easy.

 And then you have pre-arranged marriages in India. You have dreamed. You have waited. You have LONGED. Your big day arrives. You put the veil over your face, you meet your beau at the alter–lift your vail to say, “I do!”…and your groom looks at you…and…SCREAMS! Not exactly the reaction you had hoped for…” YET…my mommy heart has over and over and over and over and OVER again…longed for the only reactions I have ever known and dreamed for as a mommy…so this–”pre-arranged parenthood”…this has been new for me.

Take just one instance for example: Adoption specialists tell you to “look for ways to give your child yes’s instead of no’s–because children from hard places can NOT handle no well”. (FYI: They are right.) I remember attending some of the conferences PRE-adoption and thinking, “Okay–I’ll be creative with yes’s when the answer is really no…it’ll be smooth–and even fun! We’ll have this crazy quick connection because of my creativity with yes’s and we’ll be one big happy:) family! I can totally do that–easy, peasy–lemon squeeze:)! Now–just give me a new number because I am READY!” I had no idea how hard it would be–or how our other little ones watching “yes’s” be given more frequently than “no’s” would raise their eyebrows (heyyyy…i’m gonna try that screaming fit thing to see if i get some yes’s too!)–and how we would have to be more creative and work harder and take lots of deeper breaths each and ever day.
What I’m SO THANKFUL for is–truly, we’ve come SO, SO, SOOO far. Like–you have NO idea how far."

We have also come SO FAR.  

We will continue to walk, one day at a time, following God, letting Him lead

...whever that may take us. 

Question for the day...

Roughly 155,000 people die every day in the world.  

Why are you still living? 

Why have you been chosen to live this very day?

Please share with me...

Graysen's 4th Birthday Party: Rapunzel {Invite, Decorations, Food}

Graysen wanted a Rapunzel themed birthday party this year!  Thanks to pintrest, it was so much fun!

Invitations.  

Banners strung all over the house...Kara sewed them!  So smart!

Craft table.  Tried hanging the balloons upside down.

Chairs.  I liked the way this turned out...and the fabric is totally reusable!  This can be used for any "girly" get together!

Lanterns.  We didn't float them, as there wasn't much to hang from, but I thought they were cute on the table with battery operated candles inside.

Purple cake pops with little Rapunzel flags on top.

Jello Boats:  Blue jello with orange boats.

Plates...really the only "Tangled" thing we had there!

Cupcakes.  Graysen like them much better than regular cake.  We had special picks with "4" and "G" for her!

Rapunzel's braid coming out the front door!

View from the front door.  Bless my mom, she always gets her house decorated for Christmas before the party if we have Gray's parties at her house!

PBJ Sandwiches cut into the flower / star shape.

Drink bucket.  I bought the mini water bottles and made them into pink lemonade.  Then put custom wrappers on them.  

Adoption Fundraising: Lauren Casper

I know I've shared several different fundraisers for adoptive families on my blog, but couldn't pass up the opportunity to share this one with you as well!

Lauren and her husband are starting their second Ethiopian adoption...

and they are doing a monthly basket giveaway!  

Go HERE to check it out...she's got an amazing basket full of goodies to give away this month!!

my first baby is seven.

no, that's nothing new.  he's been seven since august.  but some days I can't even stand the fact that my first baby is 7 years old. 

it literally brings tears to my eyes. 

but - this is a beautiful time as well. 

to see his heart expanding, to see him learning to love the Lord and others. 

to see his compassion growing. 

tonight as we sat in the middle of the kitchen floor.  just him and i.  him on my lap and my arms around him as he brought an unfairness, an injustice to me and finally handed it over.  

asked the question...why. 

 i think it's a silly little thing that should make perfect sense.  

why doesn't his sister have to go to bed when they do.  

he really doesn't understand.  he's been struggling with it for quite awhile now and has been (not so secretly) griping to his aunt about it.  but tonight he's decided to share it with me.  

not in an angry way, but in an honest, need to understand why. 

 i'm so proud.  

God gives us such an amazing gift in motherhood.  i'm so grateful He chose me to trust with these little ones.  

6 Confessions

1.  My Christmas anxiety has already kicked into high gear.  I don't "do" all the expectations well.  Gifts, family gatherings, parties, food = stress for me.

2.  I ate 4 brownies two days ago and 2 more yesterday.

3.  I've let Graysen sleep with me every night this week because Lincoln's been at basketball games.  It's easier, and I don't ever get enough cuddle time with my girl.  It's been amazing for my soul to cuddle up to her and fall asleep.  

4.  I can't choose a name for my son.  I can't think of one that I love.  

5.  I'm dreading losing all this weight after the baby is born.  The thought of it makes me want to curl up in bed (which is exactly the opposite of what I need to be doing!).  

6.  I feel the need to simplify my life more and more every day.  We're not going to dance this month...we'll see if she even mentions it.