In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,
I (Merrily) was in Ethiopia two weeks ago where I caught a terrible cold. My work was primarily to meet with our legal staff and social workers so I avoided the babies and children and hope I didn’t pass the cold along. I spent most of last week in bed but am now back in the office and hoping that is all behind me.

The courts have reopened in Ethiopia. AAI had cases originally scheduled for the first days after the reopening, but the court staff was sent to training during the first two weeks after reopening so all cases were delayed. We now have 10 cases or so scheduled to be heard in the next 10 days. Fifteen new cases were filed the week that the court reopened and we expect more to be filed soon.In order to keep the amount of time between referral and court filing shorter, we will not be referring children until Temesgen has told us that the child’s legal documents are complete and that all relinquishment or abandonment paperwork has been obtained. During the past few months, many families have felt in limbo while our staff had to go back and get new relinquishment or abandonment paperwork due to changes in adoption rules. We are working to avoid this, though it may mean that the wait for referrals will be longer for awhile.

On the other hand, we have already begun to see that the numbers of babies and young children arriving at AAI is increasing. Historically this has been the pattern; many babies are received at Layla during the period after the rainy season. We are now working with some additional orphanages as well and some of these are sending us toddlers. In the past we have not had many toddlers available for placement and we are reorganizing space a bit at Wanna to provide well for them. In the upcoming newsletter you will see pictures of the toddlers learning and playing.

Last month you were sent information on keeping your I-600a file current. From now on, before making a referral to a family, we will be checking the status of their visa application. It is important that children not be delayed in travel because the family’s visa file is not current and we will be more attentive to those who are behind on this.There have been a few referrals lately but not much movement on the list as we are waiting for the go ahead from the legal department before making new referrals. There are lots of babies and young children in the nursery and we hope to begin calling families very soon.

Sincerely,
Merrily and Susan H.

3 Months

Today is a milestone in our adoption journey. When we signed with our adoption agency they told us the average wait at that point was 0-3 months for infant boys. Here we are. 3 months into "The Wait". They are still handing out February infant boy referrals. So, obviously no where close.

I've read lots of people who at this point (when they reach the maximum wait their agency gave them to start) are very agitated. Annoyed, frustrated, discouraged. I am glad to say that I am not feeling any of these things.

Maybe the slow down in adoptions is because there are lots more people adopting from Ethiopia currently... But maybe, just maybe, it's because more families are able to keep their children.

...and in my book that's the best possible situation.

Having lost a child myself in 2006 I would NEVER hope that a family would have to go through that. Even if it means that I sit on the wait list forever. Although yes, I am anxious to meet the newest addition to our family, I am all too aware that in order for me to gain a son someone has to lose one. That is something that I would never wish on anyone.

So - as we wait patiently, and prayerfully, we continue to hope that maybe it's taking so much longer than expected because more families are staying together.

Happy 3 months on the waiting list!

No Computer

Hey everyone,

We are officially without a computer. Bummer. Thus, the obvious lack of blog posts. Yes, I have access to a computer every few days, but never enough time to sit and really let my thoughts, feelings, and experiences flow onto the computer. I always blog after the kids go to bed at night and obviously can't leave the house after that to go use someone else's computer.

So - I've had tons of blog posts swimming around in my head, but who knows how long it's going to be before they come to frutation. I miss you all, and someday I'll be back...

I just don't know when.

My Uncensored Thoughts on Neighborhood Animals

I hate animals that run around the neighborhood!

Honestly, I can not say that I hate the owners of these animals, because some of them (2 on my street) are very nice people. Unfortunately I HIGHLY disagree with their decision to let their animals run wild around the neighborhood. Okay, so I know that one of these people consider her cat and dog her pets. Maybe the other couple on the street doesn't really consider the (who knows how many) cats their pets...but they are the only ones who feed them. To me, that shows that they are taking responsibility for them and therefore, qualifies them as pet owners in my eyes.

I came home a few days ago to a trash bag completely ripped open and the contents strewn all across my front porch, yard, and driveway. One of the stupid neighborhood cats. I, in the pouring rain, was then forced to put on rubber gloves, get a new trash bag, and clean up the contents of the original bag. Boy was I mad.

I despise the cat prints on my car. The dog poop in my yard infuriates me. I hate getting out of bed and opening my front door to yell at the cats who are fighting on my driveway and keeping me up at 2 a.m. The trash bag sent me over the edge.

"Neighborhood" cats...you are now classified as stray cats in my eyes and I WILL call the animal control (do we even have one of those in STJ?) next time I see you on the prowl. No more nice rubs when we're walking down the street. You'd better not cross my path.

It's Okay, Your Kids Are Here

When one of my kids is hurting in some way, physically, emotionally, etc. You will overhear me whisper in their ear, "It's okay, Mommy is here". I want my children to always have confidence that even when it doesn't feel okay, Mommy is always doing her best to make it okay. I want them to know that I will always be there, whether it is in person, over the phone, or tucked away deep in their heart to comfort them in their times of need.

I realized something today. Even on some of the worst days, as long as I can cuddle my kids up onto my lap and hug them, I'll be okay. They may even be the reason for my stress, anger, frustration, or tears. But as long as they will give me a hug I feel something deep in my soul start to settle.

Sometimes I just need to breathe in their scent slowly and deeply. Wrap their fingers around mine, and rest my head against theirs. My kids are such a huge comfort to me. Is it because they are part of me? Is it because I know that they are two of the only people that I'm guaranteed to always have a relationship with? (Because after my experience I know that losing your kids isn't worth anything else in the world.)

Whatever the reason, I'm okay - as long as my kids are here.

An email to a friend

This is part of an email to a dear friend of mine that I wrote this evening. I just wanted to record my thoughts tonight:

"Thank you for the prayers. This journey has stretched us individually, and as a couple more than we could've ever imagined...that's for sure. I have learned more about the heart of God in the last few months than in my previous 26 years. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I am walking the path that He set out for me. The one that is closest to Him. I feel him present in my life like never before, and amazingly, it's not as comfortable as I thought it would be, but that's what's so exhilerating about it! It's so awesome feeling like I have to lean on Him daily to get through rather than looking to Him only when times are at their worst. I feel a passion inside that I've never found before. I'm only sad that it took me 26 years to find this!! I feel confident that this is what my life is supposed to be about - standing in the gap for the orphans of the world. Advocating for them when no one else will. Loving them like Christ loves me. I can't wait to get to Ethiopia and love on the children there!"

My TV "no" list

I recently had a friend, Amanda, ask me what my TV "no" list was for my kids. I think TV is such a touchy subject, so please don't be offended if one of my "no's" is an "okay" for your kids or family. I'm not even going to explain why it's a no for our family...just list. We really don't like having TV in our home and will be getting rid of it when our contract runs out in a little less than a year.

1. Sponge Bob Square Pants
2. Any Japanese Anime' style shows (Pokemon, etc.)
3. All adult shows with the exception of Extreme Home Makeover, Biggest Loser, Sports games, and If Walls Could Talk
4. Suite Life of Zack and Cody*

There were lots more when Hunter was little, but more because they were super annoying to me rather than because I felt like they were a bad influence on my kids. I'm sure there are more, but since Hunter can't read yet and I am the one controling the remote I don't even pay attention to what they are!

There are a few that I feel kind of guilty about.

1. Biggest Loser. I love that show and it's on Tuesday nights. Once in a great while I will be able to catch the very end of the show when I get home from work. Since Hunter is still awake at that time and I've been gone from him for several hours I like to snuggle him right before bed and catch the end of the show at the same time. Selfish, I know. Most of the time I watch it online after the kids go to bed though. I think it's good for him to see that people can have problems with their weight and to learn to be sensitive to it. I think it's good for him to see them working hard to change their lives. I don't like the profanity (but it's always bleeped out) that is sometimes thrown in there. I don't like him seeing Bob and Jillian scream in people's faces, but we do talk about how that's not a good way to communicate with others.

2. Wizards of Waverly Place. I think this is a cute show, but don't feel 100% positive about the "wizard" part of it. Hunter knows that there is no such thing as wizards, but still you know it goes somewhere in that vault of a brain... It also sometimes has inappropriate boy/girl relationships. I know some out there think we're WAY off the deep end with trying to instill in our kids that boys and girls shouldn't kiss until they are married, but that's our decision, and so we don't like allowing him to see that on television.

Saying that...Wizards of Waverly Place is not NEARLY as bad with the boy/girl thing as...

3. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. We used to let Hunter watch this show all the time and found it to be extremely funny actually! Unfortunately it seems that more and more it's more about "who likes who" than the twins getting into mishap funny situations. There is tons of "daydreams" about what it would be like to date or kiss another character. Way too much real kissing of others, and always fighting over who can be someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. We no longer chose this for him to watch. There are times when it comes on after the show he is watching and depending on the episode we allow him to watch it

We also always try to read reviews or talk to others who have already seen a movie before we let him watch one of those.

What is on your "no" list?

Rev Run Tweet

Good morning! Do a checkup from the neck up! Let's keep our minds in tune! Thinking positively with an exclamation point will win the game today!

My favorite time of year

Dear Basketball Season,

Maybe I'm being a bit facetious when I say you are my favorite time of year...but maybe not. Maybe I really actually enjoy my husband being gone for 3 hours every evening for practice and gone the entire night for games. Maybe I love the fact that Lincoln and I have very few conversations that don't include a basketball play, a basketball player, or the recap of a game. I'm blessed to be able to watch and sometimes even try new drills for practice before he actually uses them on the boys. Okay - so I am totally lying. You are definitely not my favorite time of year.

You do, however occur during some of my favorite times of year! I adore the changes of the leaves, the crisp weather, the pumpkin patches, the fall decorations, the hay rides, the Thanksgiving turkey, the 7 Layer Salad, Graysen's birthday, mall Christmas decorations, chi lattes, Christmas music, and all the celebrations of Christ's birthday!

I do like that you are an indoor sport. I do enjoy that my kids can run in the commons while I keep an eye on the game. I do like that we see more of our fellow coaches and their families during this time of year.

I do love seeing my husband active in something that he adores. I do smile from the inside when he wants to talk about and pray for the boys on his team daily. I love that he takes his role as a coach and influence on his players life so seriously.

I enjoy the fact that Lincoln gets his fill of basketball during the week and therefore we are not forced to watch very many hours of it on TV. I adore the fact that because he is gone from us so much during these long months that he really appreciates the few hours that we do have as a family. He is more present during these times than any other time of year.

So, dearest basketball season...although you have your negative aspects, you have some pretty decent ones too.

Love,
A Coach's Wife who resigns herself to see her husband again in March

Hunter and Graysen's New Favorite

My kids are in love with Tom and Jerry!!  We just recently started watching this classic cartoon and it's their new favorite!  I especially enjoy the fact that there is mostly music and very little talking.  I love to hear them laughing and laughing at all the silly antics.  

Can I Live?

I don't know much about Nick Cannon or what he believes or stands for, but I am proud to see someone of influence sharing their story and encouraging others to think before taking negative action!

Our Toy Story Date

Lincoln and I took Hunter on a date to Opening Night of Toy Story 1 and 2 Double Feature in 3D! It's only playing for 2 weeks, so we wanted to go on Opening Night! We so rarely get to both do anything with our kids one on one that we were all very excited about it! My sister kept Graysen for us and we headed to Sullivan for the movies! We got there pretty early because I was afraid they might sell out... We got our tickets and a large soda and popcorn (with free refills) and headed in to find our seats. There were approximately 5 families in the whole theater!

Even though we've seen both those movies a thousand times a piece it was still quite exciting to see them in the theater and in 3D! We refilled our popcorn 2 times and our soda 3 times! Yikes! I've never seen Hunter sit on the edge of his seat and eat popcorn like that before! I thought he might turn into a piece of popcorn before it was over! He was precious quoting movie lines and laughing out loud.

I'm so blessed that we are able to take our kids to do special things like that together. To me, those are the kinds of thing memories are made of. I hope that he always remembers that he is special to us and that we have always strived to take time to spend with him alone. We sure love our precious first born son!**I have some cute pictures of us on our date, but unfortunately my computer is down again, so until I get it back I can't add any pictures! Boo......

Fashion Rules Children's Book

If anyone is interested in publishing a children's book I have a request.

I want a "touch and feel" book that explains basic fashion rules to children.  We're talking just the basics here.  I want them to know how to match colors (for example you shouldn't wear a red pair of pants with an orange shirt), and realize that you can't wear sweatpants with a nice sweater.  Learn that football pants should be saved for playing in the yard, not going to a birthday party.  I want them to be able to feel different materials so that they understand what material a sweatshirt is made out of vs. dress pants.  

Hunter has always been very particular about what clothes he wears...unfortunately they don't always match.  There is that cute stage around 2 years old where they are first learning to pick out their own clothes that it doesn't really matter what they wear out because it's just so sweet that they are finally having an opinion.  

Then there's 5 years old where they still have a (very strong) opinion, but no fashion sense whatsoever...  And it's not so cute when they don't match anymore...  I try to continue to give him a choice each morning because I think it's important for him to learn to make decisions on his own...but it's getting harder and harder to "reason" with him when his choices don't make sense at all!

HELP!

Adoption T-Shirts! **Updated

Great News! We placed an order for 37 shirts this morning! How awesome is that?! We have been blessed with such awesome family and friends and a wonderful community to support us ! We had two more orders come in this afternoon, so I'm off to get another order of at least 12 hopefully by next week...so, if you're thinking about purchasing one (or a few) let me know in the next couple of days and I'll get them in this next order!

We wanted to send everyone an update on the adoption! We are a little more then 2 months into the "waiting" phase. Right now all of our paperwork is done and in Ethiopia. We are just waiting until God has our child ready for us! We don't expect to hear anything until well after the new year...

So, to help pass the time, and save up for our traveling expenses, we are having T-Shirts made! We are hoping that these shirts will help raise adoption awareness everywhere they are worn around the country!

A picture of the T-shirt design is at the top of this post. They will be a greyish blue short sleeved t-shirt with off-white print. We are selling them for 15.00 or two for 25.00! We can order them from youth small (6-8) all the way through Adult XL. We can also get XXL (for 16.00) or XXXL (for 17.00). We can take cash or checks can be made to Lincoln or Ashley Redburn.

We have to place orders in groups of 12 or more, so as soon as we have 12 we will place the order and then wait for another 12 orders to come in. They should take under 2 weeks to get back after the order is placed.

Please forward this message on to anyone you know that may want to help advocate for the 147 million orphans of the world!

You can email me, snail mail me, or call me with your order and we will get them to you asap!

Thanks so much!!!
Lincoln and Ashley

215 LoisSaint James, Mo 65559

ashleyredburn@hotmail.com

573-263-0258

Adoption Update and T-Shirts!

We wanted to give everyone an update on the adoption! I can't write much about it on this public blog due to laws, so if you have any questions about specifics please comment and I'll invite you to our private adoption blog which should give you LOTS more detials!

We are a little more then 2 months into the "waiting" phase. Right now all of our paperwork is done and in the birth country. We are just waiting until God has our child ready for us! We don't expect to hear anything until well after the new year...

So, to help pass the time, and save up for our traveling expenses, we are having T-Shirts made! We are hoping that these shirts will help raise adoption awareness everywhere they are worn around the country!

A picture of the T-shirt design is on top. They will be a greyish blue short sleeved t-shirt with off-white print. We are selling them for 15.00 or two for 25.00! We can order them from youth small (6-8) all the way through Adult XL. We can also get XXL (for 16.00) or XXXL (for 17.00). We can take cash or checks can be made to Lincoln or Ashley Redburn.

We have to place orders in groups of 12 or more, so as soon as we have 12 we will place the order and then wait for another 12 orders to come in. They should take under 2 weeks to get back after the order is placed.

Please pass this message on to anyone you know that may want to help advocate for the 147 million orphans of the world!

Feel free to comment with any questions or orders!

Thanks so much!!!
Lincoln and Ashley

ashleyredburn@hotmail.com

Just who I am

Some of you may have noticed that my little family has become all but absent in the community since May.  Some of you may not have noticed at all, but regardless...this has been the case. 

Lincoln and I had entered into a stage in our lives where we were extremely unhappy.  We were working almost around the clock, making no time for us and our children.  We had overcommitted ourselves to everything - jobs, social lives, extra curricular activities, volunteer positions.  We felt a huge strain on our relationship and the relationship with our children.  

Finally, one day in March we were able to sit down and take a look at where our lives had ended up.  We weren't happy with it.  It was time for a change.  We decided to cut out nearly everything that wasn't of utmost importance to the health of our family and our relationship with God.  So, in May I quit baby sitting, we quit soccer and t-ball.  Summer was beginning and I wasn't going to be working as much at The Dance Studio.  I made a commitment not to work at anything that I couldn't have my kids with me except 1 week of camp over the summer.  We continued Bible Study on Wednesday nights, but that was the extent of our commitments through August.  

Although we don't have nearly the social life that we once had, we are more satisfied now.  Our spirits and minds are calmer.  We have time for one another.  Time to grow a marriage that is going to last a lifetime.  We are able to raise our children in the way that we feel The Lord has called us to.  Our children are healthier, happier kids.  We have time to explore the surrounding communities and teach them things about real life.  

Although life has "picked up" a little bit again - I've started teaching dance 3 evenings a week, and Hunter has started pre-school 2 mornings a week this year I still feel settled.  I feel content with what is in our lives.  

I read a woman who I think might be my "soul sister"...here was a portion of her blog post from a few days ago...I love the way she simply stated her (and my) situation.

"Life has been simplified. I know I’ve alluded to this, and how hard it has been to untangle ourselves from unhealthy expectations. But for us, this has been necessary and life-giving. To say “no”… to only focus on our little family and what can fill our souls for this season of our lives. It’s been full of healing and quality time together. Our kids are thriving… and the protective mama bear in me is calmer. I see that things have settled… that my kids are in a good place… and I’d like to stay in this place with them for awhile. I’m not the person who can do it all. Sometimes I really wish that I was “that girl”. I’ve always wanted to be the bubbly popular one who gets involved in everything and who is loved by all. As I grow older I realize it’s okay to release that image of myself… and that maybe, just maybe, some folks will be okay with me being me."

Amen Sister.  Amen.

God through a 22 month old

When asked to pronounce "God" Graysen comes back with something that undeniably sounds like "Die".  Every. single. time.  There is no mistake.  While Hunter was laughing over this in the back seat the other day it really got me thinking.

To me, "God" and "Die" are very much the same.  In order to have a relationship with God we need to die to self.  In order to be saved we need to die.  In order to have everlasting life with Him we have to die.  

Thanks Gray, for the  reminder.

A Hand Full

Today Hunter had this conversation with a friend:

Hunter:  "I'm five"

Friend:  "I'm three"

Hunter:  "Yeah, I'm a hand full"

Friend:  "Someday I'll be five and be a hand full too!"

So sweet and innocent...but my girlfriend and I couldn't help but notice the play on words...Five IS a hand full!

Plan B

We are Plan B for this baby's life.  

Luckily, I'm okay with that!  God's first plan is for every child to stay with their birth family.  That is why He gave them to those parents.  Because of our fallen and broken world, that is not always possible.  So...Plan B comes into play.  That's us.  We are Plan B.  

We will always love our son's birth parents.  I hope that we are able to know some of their story to share with him.  If not, I trust that he will be at peace with knowing that although he may not know his biological story, he will know that he is a son of God's and ours...and that we both love him unconditionally.

We are so blessed that God is going to place him in our lives.  We will forever be connected to Ethiopia.  Part of our son will always be there, and therefore part of our hearts will be as well.

When we started this process I was so unsure of where all the money was going to come from, so unsure about how this small community would accept a little boy from Ethiopia, so unsure about so many things.  But the two things I did know were that a)  God calls us to care for the orphans and b) there were children out there going to bed every night without a mommy and a daddy to tuck them in and calm their fears.  I knew that they needed a family and that is one thing I think we do well.  

We have a family.  A family who loves each other unconditionally.  A family who is committed to each other.  A family that is committed to the King of kings.  

We can do family...so let's do it!

   

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

Today I leave again for Ethiopia. It will be a short trip with some specific goals and I don’t expect to be able to spend much time with the kids, unfortunately.

One goal is to try to get status reports on the legal process for each case. Gail has said, however, to remind families that there won’t be much change in most cases. September is not a month when a great deal gets accomplished in Ethiopia. The courts will reopen in a few days and we hope to see things moving again. A number of cases are ready to be filed with court as soon as the office reopens. The legal process has been hampered by massive changes in the process for adoptions, mostly the relinquishment procedures and also by changes in leadership in some key offices. Notably, the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, which oversees adoption on the federal level, has changed directors in the adoption office itself. The new person has worked in this office for some time and is known to Temesgen, our attorney, and he believes that this will be a positive change.

Many of you may have seen or heard of the news story from Australia regarding adoption from Ethiopia. It concerned child trafficking in Ethiopia and targeted a particular U.S. agency. Child trafficking is an issue of grave concern to all who care about orphan children and who would like to see them in good adoptive homes. The Ethiopian government has responded by setting up new and ever stricter guidelines and requiring that all recognized agencies go through a new registration process. AAI commends the Ethiopian government for taking positive action to deal with this issue.

Six or seven referrals of infant and toddler children were made last week and I received a number of inquiries as to whether this means that there will be no more referrals for awhile. We refer children to families on the waiting list as the children’s files are completed. Most of the little ones referred last week came into our care in August but there are additional babies in our nursery, both girls and boys, whose files are not yet complete. Once we get full information, those babies can be referred to families. We usually receive babies one or two at time, sometimes several in a week. The pattern is irregular which is why it is so hard to give good numbers to our families in terms of timing. 

There is one last family whose dossier was sent in November who will receive the next baby girl referral. Then we will start on December families. For baby boys, we will be referring to families whose dossiers went in mid-February.

There are many new families in process and I want to give some reminders for those traveling.

Remember that it is not allowed for families to carry gifts to children from their new adoptive families. Each child receives a welcome bag, then no further gifts or packages until placement. It is not fair to other children to see those who have families receiving gifts on a regular basis and we instituted this rule several years ago.

Please be considerate of staff when photographing children, in terms of interrupting their work to ask for certain children or babies. Older children cannot be taken out of class for photos. We also ask that you not give messages to the kids from their families. You may give them letters and photos that their parents have sent but messages can be easily misunderstood. Above all do not tell children that their parents are coming on a certain date. If the children ask, be vague, saying that they want to come as soon as all of the paperwork is finished.

If you are in Ethiopia adopting an older child and have given your child an iPod or other expensive item, please do not allow your child to take the item to Layla. Ivy makes this request saying it sends the wrong message to other children who then expect that they will get an iPod (for example) when their parents come. And again, it really isn’t fair to children who do not yet have families. 

For families who are using an escort, we have decided to no longer ask families to pack a travel bag but instead the staff will pack a bag in Ethiopia with clothing that will fit the child, and items we know the child will enjoy on the flight. We are in need of some travel bags to use for this purpose, backpacks or medium sized travel bags work best. Used is fine but they should not have wheels. Diaper bags typically are padded and take up too much space to work well. Any bags can be sent to the AAI office or if you are traveling but can leave an extra one for an escort trip, just give it to Gail in Ethiopia. 

The fundraising effort for the Holiday Project has begun. Details are available on the AAI blog, www.aainews.blogspot.com and I hope you will take a minute to read about what is planned and to contribute as you can. We were delighted to have the kick off donation of $1000 toward this project from one of our adoptive families.

I’ll try to write to the aaiethiopia list from Ethiopia.

Merrily and Susan H.