If I were to go on to Heaven before my kids are grown, here are some things that I want them to know about me:
1. I love to travel. I enjoy every facet of it, from planning, to getting there, to exploring once I'm there.
2. I love to learn about other cultures...specifically their views on marriage, men and women's roles, religion, parenting tactics, and the arts.
3. I love to lay with your Dad. Anywhere - feeling his arms wrapped around me brings me more comfort and security in this crazy world than anything else. Please find this before you marry...
4. I Love to read. It's a great escape and a way to expand your mind and heart.
5. I love listening to song lyrics. Although it has to have a good beat, it must also say something of worth for me to really love the song.
6. I love you kids more than anything on earth. I want you find to what makes you happy - whether it be people, arts, sports, religion, whatever it may be, immerse yourself in it.
7. I want you to find the peace on Earth through Jesus Christ that I have found. Nothing else in life will be more important, more impacting than this one single thing.
8. I want you to be proud of yourselves and understand your self-worth. If you find you're not proud of what you've done with your life - that's okay, don't beat yourself up over it...just change it. God is the ultimate forgiver!
9. My family (Mom, Dad, and Kara) helped to mold me into who I am. I had the best upbringing - we all four loved each other very much. I feel like your dad and I are creating the same type of family - one that is dependent on each other, who will support each other through thick and thin. I pray you will also create this with your family.
10. Even though I did not have a relationship with my Dad for much of my adult life, I loved him very much. I never stopped loving him and being grateful for the raising that he did for the first 19 years of my life. I chose not to have a relationship with him because I wanted the best for you kids. I wanted to only surround you with positive influences, people who you could look to to show you the right way to go in this world. When you get older there are going to be enough negative influences, I didn't want to start your life with them. I believe that had he stayed the same man of God that he was at one point he would've made the BEST grandpa in the world! I know he would've been very involved in your lives and interacted with you every day. I can still, sitting here, picture what it would be like for him to be wrestling with Hunter and playing blocks with Graysen. I know he was looking forward to grandchildren and loved and prayed for you before you were even thought of. I hope you understand that I pray every night that our relationship can be reconciled and you all can have that great individual in your lives someday. I worry that this is something that you will hold against me someday, and I hope that you understand I was only doing what I thought was best for you.
1 comment:
The part of this post about your dad really made me think and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. I don't really have a relationship with my mom and my dad has chosen not to not really have a relationship with his dad. Granted these are all for different reasons...even really for no reason at all other than they are just people we don't get along with (sure there are things that they have done in the past to facilitate this, but nothing really specific). I often wish that I could have a relationship with my mom, but I just can't make myself do it. Maybe it's too much energy or the benefit seems too little. Heck, I am even trying to figure out how to not invite her to my wedding if I ever get married. My dad has similar feelings about his relationship with his dad. We often went to visit him when I was a kid so that I could have a relationship with him, but it was always so obvious that my dad and him didn't get along that it felt weird for me to try to have a relationship with him. So now I don't. Similar things have happened with my dad's brothers and their dad (not the same as my dad's dad), but they have been able to incorporate their dad into their children's lives.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just sharing my experiences. If you can't forgive and build a new and better relationship with your dad...trying to let your kids have a relationship with him has the potential to be uncomfortable for them. There may be a way to do it, and if there is, I'm sure you can figure it out. I'm also not a parent so I don't know if making sure your kids have a relationship with their grandfather is more important than any negative feelings you have. All I know is that when there are hard feelings, kids pick up on them whether they are obvious or not (speaking from the perspective of the kid).
Keep up with the blogging! I love reading it. I feel like I'm getting to know you better from thousands of miles away!
Post a Comment