New Years Eve

I love holidays because I love seeing how everyone chooses to celebrate them. I feel like I get to know each person better by viewing what they deem important as each holiday comes around. Not that any one way is the RIGHT way to celebrate a holiday, it's just everyone's personal choices. Some people think we're wrong for doing the whole Santa thing with our kids, we don't understand those who don't do it. Some people can't stand the Easter Egg dying fiasco - I bask in the messiness of it! We're all different - it's what makes the world go round...right?!

New Years Eve is yet another holiday that I have strong feelings about (I bet you're quickly learning that I have strong feelings about a lot of things huh?!). I am a firm believer in the statement "What you're doing at midnight is a picture into the next year of your life". Silly, I know. Superstitious - YES. Anyway you look at it - I believe it. I REFUSE to be without my husband and all children at midnight. I don't mind if we're out (although I would prefer to be at home), as long as we're all together. My ideal night would be to stay at home - possibly have one or two other couples over - and just play games, watch movies, and eat good food together. Snuggle my kids into bed with us and feel the safety and security that togetherness brings.

What am I going to do when my kids get old enough to want to go to New Years Eve parties with their friends? I'm not sure. Will I make them come home before midnight instead of staying the night? Possibly. I suppose we'll just see what my kids are like, who they are wanting to spend it with, and what the plans are. Hopefully they'll just want to throw the party at our house!! :0)

My husband and I struggled with this difference shortly before we got married. He was a partier. I was not. We did not spend our first New Years together while we were dating. He did end up calling me sometime in the night to come pick him up from the party and bring him back to my parents house...not a good situation. Our second New Years was spent together on the beaches of Hawaii watching fireworks. It was a good night. Our third New Years was a little over a month before we got married. We both spent it in STL, but him with his friends, and me with mine. Again, he called shortly after midnight for me to come pick him up. After we were husband and wife he grew up and realized that New Years in not all about partying, but about bringing in a New Year with the ones that you love.

Every December 31st is the start of another challenging year. It's a year that we'll go through ups and downs in our marriage. It's a year of disappointments and joys. It's a year of learning to be better parents while making some mistakes along the way. It's a year with losses and gains. You can be assured of these things no matter what year it's going to be.

Whatever you're doing a midnight I hope that you are enjoying yourself and those around you!

Staples

Every household has food staples that they keep in their house at all times. When a staple is gone, you definitely know it! I have started noticing since I've become an adult that every house has different staples. You would think that my staples would be the same as my mom's since I was raised in her home, but that's not always the case. I find this funny.

Here's the list of our staples:

Pantry:
Goldfish crackers
Cream of mushroom soup
Cream of Celery soup
Cream of Chicken soup
Nacho Cheese Soup
Brownie Mix
Cake Mix
Flour
Sugar
Fruit snacks
Syrup
Kraft Mac and Cheese
Hot Chocolate Mix

Fridge:
Milk
Chocolate Syrup
Ranch
Eggs
Ketchup
Mustard
Tortillas
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Lunch meat
Sliced American Cheese
Caffeine free pepsi

Freezer:
Frozen Pizza (usually two)
Waffles
Ice cream (usually Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough)
Juice


What is your most important staple?

Thanks for making me aware!

Obviously there are tons of reasons friends are great, but I realized one that I never really noticed before. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's the specific friend. My friend Bethany ( http://thefabulousmrshaid.blogspot.com) has made me much more environmentally aware. I was never the type to stop and think about how I could help save the environment or how what products I purchased made an impact until I met her and became an avid reader of her blog.

I got a new set of silverware for Christmas - we needed it desperately! I finally got around getting them out of the box and into the dishwasher this morning and I was very disappointed when I realized that each individual piece of silverware was wrapped in a plastic bag! There were 72 plastic bags and several "filler" cardboard boxes in the package. It actually made me sad and I couldn't believe the company was so wasteful. I'm thinking about writing them a letter letting them know my feelings.

What would you say in your letter?

...

Christmas let down
Exhausted from four days of celebrating
messy house
sore throat
body aches and chills
impatient children

just want to spend the day in bed by myself!

God vs. Storm

I recently read this quote:

"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big your God is!"

I really stopped and thought about it. It's a great concept. I believe that every time I've had a storm brewing in my life I run to God and tell Him how big the storm is. I remind Him (as if He didn't already know) how much I need His help through the problems.

Maybe next time I'll just tell my storm to back off because my God is bigger!

You Learn Something New Everyday!

Two new things I learned:

1. A Basketball Ref circling his hand in the air means that there was an air-ball free throw. This automatically gives the other team the ball. (I learned this while Lincoln was quizzing me on all the Ref signs - lol)

2. People actually eat raw potatoes - and I HATE THEM! I literally almost threw up when I took a bite. YUCK.

Merry Christmas to All

Dearest Friends and Family,

Finally, 2008 has been a fairly quiet and calm year for the Redburn's! We have been so blessed this year with good health, wonderful children, and fun adventures together. Here are our favorite events from each month...

January started the new year off fairly quiet, and was filled with lots of basketball games and the purchase of our first replacement appliance as a married couple!

February is always a tough month for our family. Squished between the Super Bowl, Winter Guard, Valentine's Day, and our 4th wedding anniversary, is our middle daughter Claire's birthday. She would've been 2 this year.

March was a fun month with the end of basketball season (you can tell who is writing this letter can't you?) and Lincoln's 26th birthday. We also enjoyed celebrating the resurrection of Christ and Graysen's first Easter together.

In April Lincoln and I attended our first marriage seminar. It was a WONDERFUL experience. We learned a lot and continue to apply new concepts that we learned in those four days.

May was a very busy month for the Redburn family and started with a trip to the spa for me and the other women in my bible study group. Our husbands decided to pre-arrange everything for a special day of shopping, spa treatments, and dinner out for us in St. Louis. I also attended my second annual March of Dimes Walk this year. I was blessed to have both of my children with me (I was pregnant with Graysen last year when Hunter and I walked) and my Mom! The 11th of May was a busy day for us, as it was Graysen's baby dedication at church, Mother's Day, and Kara's birthday! There were lots of family members present at Gray's dedication and it was wonderful to be able to share that special day with all of them. I also had The Dance Studio Annual Recital the middle of May. Lincoln was a very supportive husband and got up on stage and danced with me! It was a first for him and he was WONDERFUL!

In June Lincoln and I started a new job - babysitting! We started keeping our cousin's little girl Libby this month. She fit right into our daily routine and we loved having her! Lincoln was able to go on an overnight float trip with the men in our bible study, and Ashley kept busy teaching week long camps at The Dance Studio.

In July we attended Lincoln's annual family reunion in Branson. We also had 4 friends add 5 new babies to their families! It was a GREAT month to celebrate the miracle of birth!

August was bittersweet with Hunter starting the month with his 4th birthday. We celebrated with his very first "kids only" Power Rangers birthday party! I turned 25 this month as well. We added two more kids to our daily babysitting and our lives became slightly more hectic with 5 children rather than just two.

September brought Hunter's first tumbling classes at The Dance Studio where I work. He loves them and looks forward to every Monday! Hunter also played on a 5 week Pre-K soccer town league. He loved being on his very first team and made sure everyone knew that he was playing on a REAL sports team!

In October Lincoln went on his annual Disc Golf Trip. It was the largest group ever as they traveled to Il for 3 days of disc gold madness! Halloween was fun this year with two kids. Hunter was a Rock Star, complete with torn jeans, a black leather jacket, a red electric guitar and red spiked hair! Graysen was a butterfly fairy in a precious pink, purple, and mint tutu' and butterfly wings. There were lots of trips to farms, pumpkin patches, and Halloween Parties.

November flew by with basketball season starting again, Thanksgiving, and Graysen's First Birthday! We had a pink, purple, and yellow cupcake party with a pin the candle on the cupcake game, cupcake pops for everyone, and a huge cupcake just for Gray!

December came all too soon and I started the month with a trip to Chicago with 3 of my good friends. It was the first time I have taken a trip without Lincoln since we've been married, and the very first time I've spent more than one night away from the kids. It was a great trip, but reminded me of how blessed I was to have such a beautiful home and family waiting for me to get back. Christmas was wonderful, this one being the first time Graysen was able to open her own gifts. I don't believe I will ever outgrow the magic of Christmas morning.

As I reflect on this past year I am filled with a peace that our life is directed by the The One Who Loves Us Unconditionally. How nice it is to know that He is bigger than any storm we may face!

Have a blessed New Year,

Lincoln, Ashley, Hunter, and Graysen Redburn

What's YOUR Secret?

I think everyone has secret desires. I'm sure they range from material things, relationships, occupations, living situations.. depending on the person and their life experiences. Sometimes you share the secret desires of your heart with someone. Sometimes you don't. I don't know about you, but I'm less likely to share them if I don't think there is a way for them to come true. I don't want people to think I'm silly, dreaming too big, or unrealistic. Hopefully everyone has SOMEONE that they can share them with. I don't share some of them even with my husband because I don't want him to stress over the fact that he can't provide it for me. I don't want him to feel inadequate. One person always knows the desires of your heart...God. I'm lucky to have Him to talk to them about. Sometimes, I find myself researching my dream and plotting a way to make it happen. When the overwhelming desire comes over me, I just say a silent prayer and thank God for the blessing that I do have in my life and bring myself back to the place where I am happy and content with where I am.

Good Mom, Bad Mom

I have a confession to make. After last night's wonderful "good mom" experience with putting things into perspective when Gray woke up at 4 I found myself in the "bad mom" position tonight. I want to watch a show that comes on in 10 minutes and I found myself giving Graysen her bottle thinking "hurry up and drink this thing - I'm going to miss my show!". HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT??? I'm ashamed. I realized it while sitting there and apologized out loud to her - not that she knew what I was thinking anyway - and then to God. I realize that missing the first few minutes of my show - or missing it all together - is not the end of the world. They will play a re-run. Holy cow. Of course, she finished her bottle, put her down, checked on Hunter again, and saw that I still had 20 minutes until it started.

It's hard to go from Good Mom to Bad Mom - but the lucky thing is, is that God knows our thoughts, but He also knows our actions before we do them - and I know He'll always lead me back to being a good mom as long as I desire to follow Him.

Well - time for my show! :0)

Finally!

Ah, God knows what we need. I'm always amazed at how when I get to my breaking point He's merciful enough to give me what I need. Maybe not everything that I want, but at least what I need to find some strength and keep going. This is small, but isn't that where the miracles of everyday life are?

Hunter has never been a good sleeper. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 years old. Okay, so maybe he slept through the night like 5 times in those first three years. Yes, once he reached two it was usually just one time a night and he would come into our room and crawl in with us at some point, but...I was still woken at least one time every night. Graysen has been a much better sleeper (who knows if it's the kid or the adjusted parenting methods). Lately though, the past week or so, my kids have not been sleeping. Between the two of them I've been getting like 4 - 4.5 hours of sleep a night. Last night I felt like I might crash. Graysen went to sleep at 6:30 (maybe because she got up at 4:30 the morning before...) and I knew I was in for another horrible night. Hunter went to sleep at 9 and so did I. I was so tired I did not even hear Lincoln get up, around, and out the door. (It worries me a little bit that someone could be in my bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and open and close my front door without me hearing.) At 4:00 Graysen woke up. I came in, made her a bottle, and went into her room to feed it to her. As I'm sitting there I realize, she's been sleeping almost 10 hours already - she's probably ready to get up. DARN IT! But, I said a little prayer, possibly shed a couple of silent tears, and sat in the rocker counting my blessing on having a beautiful little girl who is in all other ways, a perfect child. I thought about my middle daughter Claire, who I only got to hold for an hour, and realized that this was NOT the end of the world. Thank God for providing me prospective in the middle of a bad situation. Before I knew it, I looked down and she was back asleep. Amazing. I gave her a kiss, laid her back in her bed, peeked in on Hunter across the hall, and went back to my own bed. I slept until 8:00 when Hunter woke me up.

That is my miracle for the day.

Tonight

Tonight I'm doing something outside of my comfort zone.
Nervous. New. Anxiety.
Couldn't get any worse.
Shouldn't fear, God is here.
Not setting any limitations on His plan.
Reconciliation?
Sharing. Learning. Loving.
Forgiving.
Just like God intended me to do.
Moving forward. Small, baby steps.
Please pray.

Christmas Cards

I'm always amazed at people who get Christmas Cards out BEFORE Christmas! :0) It always sneaks up on me, and I tend to forget all about the cards until I receive my first one in the mail! I'm big on including both a picture and letter in mine, so there is never enough time to accomplish this until after Christmas. So...mine are always New Years Cards. I wrote my letter tonight, but want to proof read before I put it on here. I would also like all of you blog readers to leave your mailing address so that I can get them out to you. I won't publish the comments so that your addresses aren't out there for the whole world to read...

Congrats to those of you who get yours done before Christmas...you're more organized than I am! :0)

The Christmas Sweater

I just finished The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck. Remenisent of Jason Wright's books, it was an easy read with a great story. This is a terrific book to read on the plane or in the car if you have travels ahead of you for the holiday season. Although the story was enjoyable, I thought the afterward was even better.

It made me sit back and think about how unappreciative we all are a children. It makes me sad to think that I have hurt my Mom like that a time or two I'm sure. We have no idea how much time and effort parents put into special occasions for us until we are parents ourselves. The stress of trying to provide a speical holiday for your children when money is tight is incredible.

It's a great reminder that even when the storm seems too big for us to handle, God is with us, wrapping His arms around us and keeping us safe and dry.

All is well.

Christmas Plans?

I always love hearing how everyone sets up their holiday schedules. Our lives used to be crazy busy during Christmas trying to get to everyone's house for every gathering and meal. We have been very blessed that last two years that the Redburn family has re-arranged their Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings so that all of Lincoln's siblings are no longer as stressed. Every family views different days / meals as "most important" and I enjoy hearing why...so share your stories with me!

Here is our holiday schedule:

Wednesday Evening: Bake a cake for Jesus' birthday at home and take it over to G.G's (next door) for Potato Soup and finger foods. This is always a drop in type of evening for my family - come and go around everyone's church schedules, etc.

Thursday Morning: 5 a.m.ish - We wake up at our house and see if Santa has come yet. Mom, Kara, Charlie, and G.G. come over. We open gifts from us and Santa. Usually we do our gift exchange between the rest of us at this point as well, but I think this year we're just going to do Santa gifts at our house. Then we clean up and rest up for the afternoon with extended family at one of my Aunt's houses. This year Christmas is at my Mom's, so I'm sure we will skip clean up and head over there as soon as Santa gifts are open to do the rest of the gifts and help her prepare food / the house for the family to come. I'm sure we will eat an afternoon meal with my Mom's side of the family and then head home. We usually try to go out and see Marcinda and Carl on Christmas evening because they are alone of the actual day.

Friday and Saturday are filled with meals and cookie baking with the Redburn's. Although we probably won't attend the entire Friday and Saturday festivities, we will be popping in and out working around Graysen's nap schedule, etc. They treat Friday as Christmas Eve and Saturday as Christmas with the main meal around 2:00 and gifts that evening after Lincoln gets off work.

It's so nice to have 4 days of festivities ahead of us, but exhausting by the time Saturday night rolls around! What are your plans this holiday season??

Excessive Mothering?

In what area of your life do you tend toward excess instead of moderation?

Hmmm - I'm really not an excess kind of girl. Although I'm sure others of you can think of many other ways that I'm excessive (and feel free to leave those on the comments..lol), here are the few that I could come up with:

1. Mothering - I'm a little overbearing I'm sure. I ALWAYS want to be with my kids. I just took my first trip away from the kids and spent more than one night away from them. I am constantly thinking about how what I am doing and what I am saying is molding my kids into who they are going to become. I am trying to invent new ways to make memories for them. Ways to record our lives together (such as this blog). I can admit - I'm excessive.

2. Birthdays - I've talked about this a lot on this blog, but I love birthdays. I love birthday parties. I am excessive in party planning.

3. QFT - Also known to the outsides world as "Quality Family Time". Although we don't get nearly enough of this, I am obsessed with trying to create opportunities for us to have QFT. So - if I could be excessive in this area of my life - I know I would be.

4. Party Food Preparation - No matter the occasion (friend get together, holiday, birthday party, baby / wedding shower, dinner to a new mom, etc.), I go overboard with the amount of food that I prepare.

Lull

I've hit a blogging lull. I was gone a few days to Chicago and when I got back I thought I was going to be SO anxious to get back to blogging...but...I've got nothing I feel is blog worthy. I've got several prompts ready from oneminuteblogger.com, but nothing I feel inspired to really answer.

Instead, I'm going to make some Christmas cookies at my Mommy's with some dear friends and family - THAT I'm inspired to do! :0)

Obesessed

You know you're an obsessed blogger when something happens in your life and you think - ah, I can't wait to blog that.

You know you're a mom when you can't remember what that was by the time you get to actually sit down and blog.

Oreos and Milk hold a special spot in my heart

My earliest memory is sitting on a bed in a tiny little room with my Dad dipping oreos in milk. We were in Korea at the time and I must've been 2 (I think - correct me if I'm wrong Mom!). I don't remember much except it was a little room with a bed on the right end (where my Dad slept) and a dresser in front of it, and a pallet on the floor to the left of it where I slept while my Mom and I visited Dad. I don't remember a single other thing about that trip except that night, sitting Indian Style on the bed with my Dad dipping oreos and milk. It must've been my first time dipping anything in milk...it was so fun! To this day that's one of my favorite snacks - yum, wish I had some right now!

What is your earliest memory?

Not worth it?!

I have a bracelet. Apparently it's not worth much money. I recently took it to two local jewelers asking to get it repaired and they both told me that it wasn't worth enough to fix. Here in-lies my problem. It's worth it to me. This is the bracelet that my husband gave me on our first Christmas together - not our first married Christmas, our very first ever together. It's the bracelet that I wore every day for 3 years. The bracelet that I felt when we were a few hundred miles apart and I was missing him very much. The bracelet that I wore even through our break-up, that reminded me of our feelings for each other and gave me hope that we could work things out.

Shortly after we got married my bracelet broke. One of the links broke and I could no longer wear it. I put it in my jewelry chest and kind of forgot about it. A few months ago I saw it and decided I wanted to get it fixed. I love the bracelet and it has such fond memories attached. Unfortunately I was "turned down" by the two jewelry stores in town. They both said it would cost much more than the bracelet was worth to fix it. Yes, I could have demanded that they fix it anyway, but, after their attitudes, I didn't want to give them my business. My MIL suggested that I take it to a little bead shop downtown and see if they could fix it.
The bracelet is not beaded, so I was skeptical, but it was worth a shot, so I took it in and what do you know...they fixed it over night. For $2.50!

Amazing what a little persistence will get you! :0)

My meditation play list

Here's my i-Tunes play list that I play late at night when I need some time to myself to reflect on the day that has just passed.

1. Word of God Speak by Mercy Me
2. While You Were Sleeping by Casting Crowns
3. Tonight I Want to Cry by Keith Urban
4. Tonight by FM Static
5. She's My Kind of Rain by Tim McGraw
6. I Melt by Rascal Flatts
7. Raining on Sunday by Keith Urban
8. Ordinary Love by Rascal Flatts
9. My Wish by Rascal Flatts
10. Open The Eyes of My Heart Lord by Mercy Me
11. I Love to Love You Out Loud by Rascal Flatts
12. Lost by Anouk
13. I Love You Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel
14. You're All I Need
15. Black Balloon
16. Bring the Rain by Mercy Me

What great parents they're going to make!

I am so inspired by some friends of ours. They have talked about how much they wanted a family since before they even got married. When they decided to start trying for a family they started buying baby stuff. They have closets full of boy and girl clothes. Tons of toys. They discussed parenting techniques They are READY. The only problem is that they can't have a baby. After enduring lots of testing they have decided to expand their family through Ethiopian Adoption! They have put so much time and effort into their children and they don't even know them yet! They have bought a new house that is big enough for several children and has a fenced in back yard. They have painted and set up the kids room. They have fundraised for this adoption in so many ways - from selling pizza cards, home made jewelry, and signs, to running a marathon - they have made this dream come true through hard work and faith in God.

Right now they are about 1 - 2 months away from getting their referral (seeing their children's faces for the first time!!!!) and then they will travel thousands of miles across oceans to pick up their children and bring them home. I can't imagine how anxious they are right now, but they are handling it with patience and grace. Simply amazing.

Every single day the last few weeks I have woken up wondering if today is the day that THEIR baby might be born. Or if it is already born what new milestones it is hitting. What it's eating that day, praying that it is comforted...that somehow it knows that Mommy and Daddy will be coming soon.

Guys - we are so proud to be your friends. We love you both and your children. We can't wait to meet them and shower them with gifts and love. You are constantly in our prayers and thoughts. WE MISS YOU!

Blogging: New Marriage Counseling Technique?

You'll never guess what my husband came home from the store with yesterday...

A FROZEN CHEESE PIZZA!

Yup! He read my blog the other day and when he was stopping by the store on his way home from work today to get milk he picked one up for me. What a guy!

Music in my life

Sometimes music plays a huge role in my life. I remember times through late high school and into college that I am honestly not sure what I would've done without my CD player. I remember laying in my bed listening to CD after CD. Sometimes escaping my problems, other times working through them with the help of the artist and the lyrics. Often times I realized how small my problems were in comparison, other times I finally felt validated by a particular song. I used to fall asleep with music playing. I have gone through so many phases in my musical choices it's not even funny! Growing up I remember listening to a lot of country music. I think my dad liked it. When I started dating my first boyfriend I began to listen to a lot of Christian (DC Talk, etc.) and Jazz (Louis Armstrong...). When I started dating Lincoln is shifted to Rap (Nelly...) and more "alternative" music (like Dashboard Confessional...). When I finally decided to listen to who I really was, I find that I love artists like Whitney Houston, Martina McBride, FFH, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, etc. The lyrics are way more important than the artist for me though. Lincoln can hear a song once and know the lyrics...I can hear a song once and know the tune, but am far from learning the lyrics.

When I had Hunter I found that I didn't have the time (or make the time anymore) to listen to music, but lately I have re-kindled the love and am finding myself drawn to new music and new lyrics. I hope they continue to transform me like the used to.

My cousin, My scar

A blog I read daily, http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com, has tons of great writing prompts. Usually I just think through my answer, but sometimes it sparks a memory so great that I have to share it on here.

Share the story of how you got a scar:

I really only have two scars. The first is huge on the top of my left hand. It looks like 1/2 of a set of butterfly wings. I got it when I was about 4 (maybe 5). I was living in Washington DC and was playing school in my bedroom upstairs with a friend. I had one of my grandmother's lamps on a table that I was wanting to use as a desk. It was an old fashioned lamp with the really thick antique glass. As I tugged on it to move it from the table (it was plugged in), it flew out of my hands and shattered mid-air. A piece of the glass sliced my hand, pulling a flap of my skin back. My mom took me to the hospital where they put butterfly strips on it. No stitches - but quite the scar!

My second scar is the one I'm most fond of because it brings back so many good memories! It was the last few days of school and I was in the 8th grade. It was warm outside - warm enough in May to be wearing a swimming suit while running around my yard with my best friend - my cousin. We lived on a gravel road off the main road and our mail box was at the top of the long gravel road, so we decided to ride the lawn mower up to get it rather than walk. (Lazy, yes, I know, but I believe that we had been sun bathing or something and the sun had zapped our energy.) So, my cousin and I hop on the 1 rider mower and head up the road to get the mail. We were young, silly, and not very smart. When we got to the top we decided that she would slip her foot off the break and I would slip mine on. (I was sitting on the back of the seat and she was in the seat driving). Well, our timing didn't work out as well as we had hoped, and the lawn mower lurched forward. I feel off the back of the seat (obviously) and landed (in a swim suit) on the OPEN motor. Yikes! My butt was BURNT! I don't remember much of the ride back to the house, but I do remember being scared to death to go in the house and show my mom what I had done. I'm still, to this day, not sure why I was scared to show her, because we hadn't done anything wrong, and she had never over-reacted about anything silly like that before, but none the less, I made Jayna go in to my grandma's bedroom and prep her. I had tears running down my face from the pain as I showed my mom and grandma my charred (literally) bottom.

The kicker is....it was a Sunday.

Now, this does not sound like something would be recall FOND memories, but it does. When I think about it I remember all those lazy days with my cousin and the fun we had together before our lives got so crazy and busy. Now she lives half way across the country and I only get to see her during the holidays. I miss her like terribly and wish that we could be closer and share more of our lives together.

I love you Jay - and my scar!

Hunter's life...

If I were to "map out" what I believe Hunter's life will look like; this is something of what I would imagine.

I think that Hunter will play sports (football, basketball, baseball, etc.) all the way through High School. I also think that he will be in either band or choir - something musical. I think he'll probably have a girlfriend, but nothing serious because he will be to focused on his sports (no, not education, unfortunately - lol). I do think he'll make good grades because he shows such an interest in learning already, but when there's an opportunity to play a game that involves a ball or learn about letters, he'll choose the ball any day! I think that he'll probably go to a university on the East Coast and play ball of some sort. Sometimes when I think about him leaving and going that far away I get tears in my eyes - already...he's only 4 years old!!! ha ha - silly Momma! I think that he'll meet a wonderful girl in college and will end up getting married shortly after graduation. Right now I imagine him finding a career in either construction management or sports / physical therapy. He has always said he wants to be a builder, but he loves sports and trying to "fix" the people who get hurt while playing. Obviously this will change over the years, but since I'm making a guess right now, I'm guessing based off of his current interests and comments. I think he will have a couple of children and hopefully move close to family.

** I thought it would be interesting to have this recorded so that years from now I can look back and see how WRONG I was! :0)

I am a baby-wearing, breast-feeding, apron-wearing, cookie-making kind of girl.

Alright - usually I am the farthest thing from the typical "feminist". I believe that it is the woman's job to make her house a home for her husband and children. I believe it's the husband's job to make a living for his family (but the wives to learn to run her household within his salary.) I didn't even want to go to college because I always just wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. (My Dad demanded that I go.) I would rather stay home and take care of the kids, cooking, and laundry then get a job any day (okay - MOST days). I am a baby-wearing, breast-feeding, apron-wearing, cookie-making kind of girl.

The following conversation with my sister made me stop and think though. (NOTE: the exact conversation is not exactly remembered...but this is the gist of it)

Kara: "Why do you only buy supreme frozen pizzas?"
Me: "Because that's what Lincoln likes"
Kara: "Why does it always have to be what Lincoln likes?"
Me: "Because I want to make him happy"
Kara: "What about making yourself happy sometimes?
"
Me: "Well, because he's my husband I do whatever I can to make him happy"
Kara: "You're ridiculous"
Me: "You have to pick your battles when you're married and the marriage seminar that we went to suggested that if it's not immoral, un-ethical, or no one is getting hurt to give into the wants of the other person."
Kara: "So what if you want cheese and he wants supreme - who wins then?"
Me: "obviously Lincoln"
Kara: "I'm SO not going to be like that"

True. I never thought I would be like that either. I never imagined myself being the kind of wife who bought the food her husband liked and sacrificed some of the foods that I like. I never thought I would make the sacrifices that I make everyday and don't even think about anymore.

I'll be honest, sometimes I wish I could become selfish again. Even for just a few days. I wish I eat whatever I want, sleep whenever I want, go wherever I want, when I want. I envy my sister and her girlfriends for being able to run up to Applebees at 9:00 for 1/2 price appetizers without giving anyone else a second thought. I envy the fact that she gets to sleep in and not worry about going to the late movie because she knows that her child might wake up for her first night time feeding before she gets home.

But...someday I'll be "there" again. Someday Lincoln and I won't have any kids in the house anymore and we'll be able to do all of those things.

Hopefully we won't be too tired to do them by then.

Mary Did You Know?

What a great song. It really makes me stop and think. Obviously Mary knew that her child was special because she got pregnant without ever having sex. Who WOULDN'T know that was a special situation? I think it's disappointing that the Bible doesn't tell us more about Jesus as a child. There are a few stories of course - like the one about him separating from his parents to stay at the temple, but not too many about what it was like to be a parent to Jesus as a child. Do you think he acted up or was he always perfect? I mean, Jesus brought us the 10 commandments, so there wasn't an "obey your parents" commandment for him to break. It sounds funny to me, but in all seriousness - I would love to know what discipline techniques Mary and Joseph used with Jesus...or if they even needed any. Maybe he was perfect.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Did you know
That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that youve delivered
Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Did you know
That your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know
That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little boy
Youve kissed the face of god

Mary, did you know?
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
And the dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the lamb

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy is lord of all creation?
Did you know
That your baby boy will one day rules the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy is heavens perfect lamb?
This sleeping child youre holding
Is the great I am


When I think about Hunter and Graysen and all they have ahead of them in this world it's so overwhelming! Then I think about my parents and wonder if they pictured me turning out the way I have.

I wonder if I have fulfilled all of the "hopes and wishes" that they had for me or if I've been a disappointment in some areas. I'm sure they didn't imagine me being in an emotionally abusive relationship for 4 years of my young high school life. I'm sure my Mom never pictured paying for a college degree in something as useless as dance. I'm sure my Dad never imagined the day when we no longer had a relationship because of decisions that he made. I can bet that my Mom didn't fathom that I would get pregnant before I was married and that she would stand by and support me all the way.

What will become of my children? What will they do or not do that I imagine in my mind right now? It's funny how parents get an idea in their head of what activities their children will be interested in growing up. What they will do in college and how they will spend the rest of their lives.

Death

My camera died today. I'm sad. It was my very first digital camera. A gift from my mom one Christmas. It's been coming since about 2 weeks before Halloween. I'm glad I got all my pictures off of it. I feel as though there's been a loss in the family.

I'm lost without it. Help.