Confessions

• I hate bedtime. There, I said it. I'm feeling like a "struggling" mommy (I don't like to say a bad mommy) right now because of it. It's not for good reasons, like I don't want the day to end and I want more time with my kids. It's because it's a very stressful time of the day. By far the MOST stressful time of the day for me. It's the end of a usually very long day. We're all tired, and Hunter and Graysen don't do well. Blake and Silas have not had the option of sleeping with parents, being rocked to sleep or otherwise, so they just lay down, kiss us goodnight, say I love you and lay there quietly until they fall asleep. (Which makes me sick to my stomach and my heart aches for the first 6 years of their life.) Hunter and Graysen on the other hand cry, and beg to sleep in our bed. They scream and fain sickness. They ask for drinks, snacks, and more. They grab onto my hand and cry, not wanting me to leave the room. They've always been this way, and before bringing the two other boys home, most nights we would give in and I would rock Graysen to sleep, or Hunter would come to bed with us. We just can't do it anymore. Unfair, maybe, probably in fact. But it's the way it is, with four children, I can not rock each of them to sleep, or lay in bed with them until they fall asleep, and we definitely can not have 6 people falling asleep in our bed every night. So there it is, far more information than you wanted to read, but it's out. I hate bedtime.

• My heart aches for Ethiopia tonight. I miss being there. This adoptive mom said it so eloquently. I wish I could share my heart and thoughts about Ethiopia like this mom does, but I can't, so tonight I will use her words to share my heart with you.

(Man, I miss you girls!!!)

"We, Americans, live so differently. We are really good at being comfortable–and even expecting it. We like comfort. Air conditioning. Upgrades on appliances. We cook for pleasure more than need. Yet-while we live in comfort (and often FOR it as well)-all while the REST of the world…lives and breathes much, much differently. We get to a hotel or restaurant–and if everything isn’t perfect, we complain, threaten and expect to be reimbursed. Of course we do this politely and might not say we expect something back–but we really do, don’t we? And really–we just don’t know any better.

We also think it’s okay, and we deserve. Who am I to deserve? Do I really think that it’s possible to work for something and deserve something just because I “earned” it? We just don’t know any better. This is how we have been taught and raised…raised by our culture–and until we step outside our culture and ourselves it’s hard to see that really–we don’t deserve anything. And while we point fingers at poverty stricken cultures and come up with our brilliant solutions and say it is they that don’t know any better—really, we are just as guilty as we often forget that it may be the LORD’s brilliant solution– for us to give up some of our daily comforts to bless them. And just maybe it could be what the LORD has given THEM to bless US.

Bless us? Given them?

Yes. We have much to learn from the 3rd world countries that we often forget to visit. (James 1:27) How they give up a month’s wages to serve a guest and do without so another could be blessed…trying to make us feel special and to serve us no matter the cost it will mean to them. Stand back in small, dirty, hot church in one of these countries–and watch the people with what we consider to have nothing put their hope in God and dance before the Lord declaring their joy and trust in Him. Dance before the Lord? Oh Andrea-you are getting crazy on me. But really? Have you read the Bible? We go to church and get dressed up…or chose not to go because we don’t have anything to wear…yet–we often forget to go and dance before the Lord. So much we can learn. Seeing them sitting together in their huts–with no place to go…but having time for one another and developing relationships instead of busy agendas…barefoot children laughing and running about…playing with paper airplanes and their own invented toys. SIMPLE. There is so much to learn from 3rd world countries–and my heart often wishes it could be a place like this where we could raise a family.

But instead…we have been called to a city in the South–where soccer moms and tennis skirts abound…and to figure out how to live in this world but not of this world…to focus on relationships rather than putting my kids in the best of everything…to prepare them more for the kingdom of heaven rather than an ivy league school or future career on earth. Now–let me add–there is nothing wrong with soccer moms and tennis skirts…unless by doing them it keeps my focus off what life is really all about or if takes up more time than serving others.

And now…in this culture–our day here begins. I pray I can soak up every detail to share with Richard and one day with Isaac. I pray we can forget about our lack of comforts and rejoice in what really does matter in this world. I pray the Lord would build in me today and make me a mom who raises our children to live in this world but not of it. And I pray that my children’s hearts would also beat for countries like these. Yes, something about it does say “welcome home”…not sure if that’s because my son is from here or because the Lord loves these people so much and longs for us to love them like He does."

• We are leaving for a vacation soon. We'll be gone 6 days. Wow...that's a long time to be away from home and routines with four children...two who are still very new to all of it. We haven't discussed the trip because we're concerned that Blake and Silas won't fully comprehend the discussion and therefore will be left with concerns about what is about to happen in their lives. I will be away from the computer (camping(ish) - in a cabin), and unfortunately, don't have many posts ready to go while I'm away. I hope you all have a great July 4th, we're excited to celebrate the boys' first 4th of July in America! I can't wait to share pictures when we get home!