4:30 ramblings

Randomly I'm up at all hours this week.  What is going on?!  Graysen woke up at 4:30 to eat and I couldn't go back to sleep!  So instead, I'm scouring the internet for something useful to read and occupy my mind until I'm tired again.  I'm not overly rested or anything, in fact, I find that the less I'm able to sleep, the more I wake up.  Why does the world work that way??  So instead, I'll use my hours in a dark, quiet house to fill in the cyber world of the happenings that have been going on at my house.

1.  Gray is now a full fledged walker.  She started several days ago taking some steps from here to there, but now she is walking almost all the time.  She gets up (without pulling up) and starts off for her destination, after she falls (which is almost assured), she gets back up and walks some more.  No more crawling the rest of the way - she is determined.  It's precious to see, but so sad for me.  Knowing that she is most likely my last I want to savor every moment with her, and of course, keep her a baby as long as possible...it's just not working.

2.  Hunter has transformed into a kid I never pictured myself having.  He is an awesome challenge every day!  He has moments of adorableness (if that's a word), and moments of becoming some monster I don't even recognize.  He is a very smart kid (alright, every parent probably says this about their child), and I can see that he's learning to try to use it to manipulate the situation.  I've been letting him try simply because I think it's good for him to use those skills - you need them in the world we live in...but in the end, the consequences are always there for his actions, which I pray is teaching him responsibility.  Whew, being a parent gets harder every single day.  Although I am by no means wishing his life away, I do look forward to the day where there doesn't have to be any discipline.  A single 24 hour period where he doesn't get into trouble...

3.  We are deep into our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University study.  That in and of itself is exhausting if you ask me.  I am not a money person.  I wasn't raised with money being an issue, and I still to this day have a hard time sitting down with Lincoln and "reviewing" the bills.  I would be happy for him to pay all the bills and let me know how much I have to spend.  ha ha.  Don't worry though - I've learned my lesson and will always be involved in our financial situation, no matter how it pains me to figure it out.  Anyway - I feel as though we're doing really well.  Lincoln is a FREAK with the budget, not a single dollar gets past this man, I swear.  I know I'll thank him when we're debt free (in 5 years maybe?!), but at this point I find myself getting aggravated at least once a day.  Dave is having us go about it in ways that I wouldn't have originally planned for ourselves, but we've prayed about it and are going to follow his instructions to a "T" and hope that we don't regret it in the long run!  

4.  We've always said we were going to sell our house in about 5 years and upgrade again (hopefully for the last time), but in new developments, we're currently tossing around the idea of just adding on to our house.  It would mean that we would stay here for another 10 years (so 15 from now), but we like our house and location.  Neighbors aren't the best, but all of that drama has died down a lot and I think we could stay here.  For those of you familiar with our home, we would like to add on a dining room from the left side of the house to the kitchen window (which we'll turn into shelving) and then from the window to the right side of the house add another master bedroom and bath.  Behind all of that all the way across the entire length of the house we'll add another family room and a deck out the new back doors.  Not a lot, but just what we need.  I have always wanted a 4 bedroom house so that we could have an office / guest room.  Alright, silly sounding, I know since most of both sides of our family live in STJ...but there's never any harm in having an extra bed in the house without having to kick one of your kids out of their rooms right?

5.  I believe I may have hit a slight readers block.  You heard me right.  I've been flying through books like they're going out of style and I think I might be done for a few weeks.  I finished all of the books that I ordered from Amazon and  picked out 3 from my Grandma's house, but I tried to start all 3 of them yesterday and couldn't complete the first chapter in any of them.  So Lincoln, knowing how much reading means to me (it's totally my escape from the world) volunteered to start his book over (I wanted to read it when he was done, but it takes him WEEKS to finish a book) and read it out loud to me at night.  What a husband.  So - last night, I laid in a warm bed, eyes closed, listening to a funny story and my husband's voice - life doesn't get a whole lot better than that.  

6.  The holidays stress me out.  Not sure how many of you knew that, but they do.  Thanksgiving is better than Christmas, but still it stresses me.  Don't get me wrong, I put on a happy face and pretend that I'm having the time of my life.  In reality I'm screaming inside and just want to hole up in my house!  For Thanksgiving I think it begins a week or so in advance when we're trying to work out the logistics of being at two dinners in one day.  It has always happened that my Thanksgiving dinner is before Lincoln's and therefore we rush through mine (usually spend about 2 hours) and go on to his in order to get there half way in time, and spend about 6 hours.  This causes me stress.  I'm not always about having things fair and equal in our marriage, but when it comes to extended family, I try really hard so there are no hurt feelings.  This just isn't possible.  The Christmas stress begins months in advance while trying to budget / buy gifts for everyone.  Lincoln's side has 12 gifts and 2 stockings to purchase for and my side has 6 gifts to purchase.  Those numbers in and of themselves are intimidating to me.  Thank the good Lord the Redburn's have decided to rotate siblings for gifts now, so that brings the total down to 8 gifts and 2 stockings for his side.  Try finding decent gifts for that many people without breaking yourself.  Another stress reliever for Christmas is that the last two years the Redburn's have celebrated on either the weekend before or following Christmas, freeing up the actual day for all the siblings to go to the in-laws families.  It's so nice to not have to rush through either side!  We always go out to Marcinda and Carl's Christmas evening after all the festivities are over and visit and it's so peaceful and quiet.  I love it. 

7.  Basketball is starting...!!!  Ah, my life as I know it is over until March.  Lincoln is up and heading out the door as we speak (at 6:00 a.m.) to head to conditioning.  This pattern will continue for 2 weeks until practice starts on November 10th (I think that's the day)...then it will rotate, early practice one day, late practice the next.  Games on Tuesdays and Fridays, throwing in a few Mondays just for good measure.  It never fails our kids end up with grandparents and aunts more during these months than I ever wished them to be.  (Or wished for the people now responsible for raising my kids half the time...)  Really, his basketball coaching and my dance teaching just don't mesh.  He's not willing to give up the coaching (and I don't want him to because he would be a mopey mess if he did), and I can't give up my teaching (financially)...so we're just stuck...Until I go back to work full time when Gray goes to Kindergarten, which is a whole new topic that I don't care to think about nor discuss.  

Well, now he's gone and the house is cold (because we're trying to be financially savvy), so I'm going to go curl up on the couch with a blanket and see what America broadcasts at this horrible hour.  

I'm also going to put a space heater on our Wal-Mart list for tonight.

I miss you.

Something odd is happening.  Many more people that I know are blogging now...but somehow the number of blogs are going down.  

Where are you all??!!

I suppose it's getting to be that time of year when we all get busy and have less time to ourselves to be sitting in front of the computer.  I just wanted to let each of you know that I'm missing the daily blogs.  I feel like I'm losing touch with each of you and your lives.

I love cartoons!

I love weekend mornings.  It seems that my kids know it's the weekend.  Graysen always wakes a little earlier than usual (around 6) and eats, and then goes back to sleep.   When Hunter wakes up he usually yells from his bed for me to come get him (and wakes his sister in the process), but on Saturdays and Sundays he always comes into my bedroom and wakes me up in a unique way.  (Yesterday it was a rooster call, today he made bubble sounds.)  Then he crawls in bed with me and I turn on morning cartoons.  I curl up with him and drift back to sleep while he watches a show or two.  Eventually Graysen wakes back up and we start our day, but those two hours (from 6-8) are two of my favorite hours of the week!  

2 a.m.

Midnight - 2:30 a.m. last night were the best middle of the night hours I have ever spent.  Gray must've had a bad dream and cried every time I laid her in her crib, so instead we rocked and slept on the couch together.  She was perfectly content and snuggly when I was holding her.  It felt good to know that she felt safe and secure in my arms.  I hope my kids will always feel that their mom can fight off the evil of the world for them.  I sure will try.

I could've stayed like that forever...

I care about you!

So...I'm an avid Gray's fan.  I watch every Friday (sometimes Saturday mornings) online.  I love the quotes that Meredith gives at the beginning and end of every show.  Usually, that's where my favorite quotes of the show come from...but tonight it actually came from Izzie.  Really?  Izzie, who I usually find to be very overemotional and dramatic?  Yes, Izzie.  I think she's grown up a lot.  

I care about you.  I care about you.  I care about you.  

What powerful words.  Really let those soak in.  How would it make you feel if someone just let you know that they simply cared about you?  Caring involves work.  It means that you take the other person's emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions into consideration.  It means that you are willing to put aside some of the things that are important to you in order to help the other.  I means that you want to be selfless.

I think we should all do a little more caring... 

Pumpkin Patch Un-drama

Just wanted to update all you fellow blog readers and let you know that the kids and I took our annual pumpkin patch trip today and it was very smooth (unlike a fellow blogger that we know!).  I have no crazy stories to tell, just a fun day with my kids, mom, and sister, picking both apples and our pumpkins!  We rode the bus to the apples, the tractor to the pumpkins, took lots of fun pictures, and ate carmel apples!  

We also went and ordered my bridesmaid's dress for a good friend's wedding.  I have to admit - I was scared of this!  It's been years since I've had to fit into something like that, and I was nervous to find out my "size".  Luckily, I was a size smaller (and no, I'm not going to tell you what that was...) than I had prepared myself to be!  The dress was extremely flattering on, and I'm excited about it!

When I got home my husband surprised me and had cleaned my car - and if any of you know me very well, you know that that is a FEAT!  He cleaned it all out, and then took it and REALLY cleaned the inside and out!  I'm so happy about it - it was a great surprise and I intend on keeping it that way for a long time!!!  

Tomorrow is going to be filled with baking an apple pie (my very first), and relaxing from our fun filled day...preparing for a week filled with more friends and Fall Fun!  We'll keep you updated!   

But How?

Do you ever question what you're supposed to do with your life?  Okay - I know the broad answer to that...I know that I am supposed to use my life to praise God and further His kingdom.  

But How?!

I find myself asking this question all the time!  I decided that I should look at what I'm good at, or what talents He has given me and find a way to use that.  So...what am I good at?  Dance, and...being a mommy.  Honestly, that's all I can come up with.  So then I look at those two things.  

I feel like I am using my dance in a small way.  I am a dance teacher who tries very hard to share her faith and be a positive influence in the lives of my many students.  At this point in my life, it would be hard to use my dancing in any other capacity.

Being a mommy is great!  It's my favorite thing to do, but we are faced with so many challenges when it comes to having children.  We already have two children waiting for us in Heaven, and had an extremely "iffy", high-risk pregnancy with Graysen.  God showered us with mercy and allowed her to arrive safely into this world.  My doctor has told me that I will have the same sort of pregnancy every time from here on out because of my liver and genetic disorder.  So...basically any more biological children are out of the question for us.  We try everyday to be good parents who raise our children to love our God and teach them His ways.  But what else can I do to further His kingdom by being  a Mommy...???

There in-lies my question...BUT HOW?

Recovering Charles

Yet another book review from the book worm formerly known as Ashley.  :0)  I just finished 'Recovering Charles' by Jason Wright.  I am really torn at how I feel.  I always like to record my feelings on a book directly after finishing it, but this one has left me confused and feeling more like crawling into bed than writing a book review.  

Thought #1:  I think he may have written this book directly for me and my relationship with my Dad.  Although the estrangement is not due to the same circumstances, it's there none the less...and the ending has left me questioning how I will feel.  

Thought #2:  I am extremely self absorbed.  Okay, maybe not SELF absorbed, but absorbed in my own little world filled with my family and friends.  I learned more about Hurricane Katrina while reading this book than I have ever known...and this is a fiction novel.  I realize now how little attention I pay to world events.  Note to self... change that.

Thought #3: This book was very unlike the other two of his that I have read.  I feel as though he has reached a new level in his writing...one that I enjoy...but hope that we will see more "light-hearted", easy to reads coming from him in the future.  

Thought #4:  I'm exhausted - mentally.  I really can't give a book review without giving away the entire plot and ending of the story...so this is about the extent of my "book review".  

Decibels

Does anyone else notice a difference in the noise level from one home to another?  

This is something that I never even considered before I started dating Lincoln.  Since then it's become an almost daily conversation for us.  I find it intriguing that some families are so much louder than others.  I'm reminded very often that it's "not right, not wrong, just different".  Maybe it's the number of people in the family, maybe it's just the members.  

Lincoln is loud.  Plain and simple.  He talks, walks, snores, fights, plays, and cheers loud.  Everything is loud.  I on the other hand am a fairly quiet individual.  I can walk across the house at night without making a sound, I never yell at the television set, and in an argument I'm the one who is silent rather than raising my voice.  

My family gatherings are filled with quiet conversations between two or three family members.  The TV is never on and people quietly come and go as their schedule allows.  His family gatherings are filled with a circle of chairs and a loud conversation including everyone at once.  There are often times full family games occurring with lots of competitive yelling and cheering.  

The difference is not necessarily bad, but they do definitely take some adjusting to.  I was extremely intimidated and filled with anxiety at every one of Lincoln's family gathering early on in our relationship and he used to dread mine because he was bored out of his mind.  I'm glad to have married someone who is so very different from me.  It has reminded me that differences are not always negative and that there is always something to learn from others.

Next time you are in someone else's home, notice...what is the decibel level?    

The Perfect Day...

Lincoln was off work today and I slept in this morning until 9:00.  Now that is the start to a perfect day.  

We laid around, Lincoln and Hunter playing Wii football together, some friendly father/son competition.  Graysen and I played together on the floor.  I made oatmeal and toast (another favorite part to the coming of Fall is eating oatmeal again) for breakfast.  We only discussed doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and living room.  Then laid back down on the couch to read some of my book.  

Mom called and we got dressed and headed over to Charlie's.  The boys played the Wii and raked leaves.  The girls played on the floor, cooked taco soup, and talked.  We all ate at least one bowl of taco soup, one piece of cake (colored with new neon food coloring...), and one bowl of ice cream.  We parted ways and headed home around 4:30.  

Lincoln and Graysen came home for a nap and Hunter and I went to the playground.  I had so much fun following him around the playground pretending to nap in our tree house and get a call from Farmer Ben to come help look for a lost cow.  Letting him "teach" me how to climb back up the slide, etc.  

Now the boys are eating leftover pizza and I'm blogging.  I'm sure we'll start bedtime routine here in an hour or so and then it will be time to start the week again.  Days like this are the ones that I hope will stay forever etched in my mind.  They pass all too quickly.  

Reunions...

Warning:  I might offend some people with this post.

High School Class Reunions.  What's the point really?  I've never understood why you would want to get together with a bunch of people who you suffered through some of the worst years of your life - 10 years after they were over.  Really?  Don't you keep in touch with the people who you are friends with?  If you're really nosy and want to know what has happened to them since high school look them up on facebook, google their name...I'm sure you can come up with something.  Sure, there are about 3 people that I can think of from my graduating class that I don't talk to on a regular basis that I would HONESTLY enjoy visiting with...but it's not worth going and seeing everyone else that I would be forced to smile at as we passed each other.  Alright, so I'm willing to admit that some of you were probably friends with a lot of people in High School.  Some of you may even have enjoyed those 4 horrible years...and good for you if you were able to.  Sure, I have some positive memories, but for the most part, it's something that I prefer never to recall, and wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.   

What's the point in going to a gathering of the people you went to high school with and "catching up" on what's been going on in their lives.  Are there really that many people who go and are genuinely interested?  I think not.  I think most people diet like crazy for the year ahead of time, get a new hair cut / color, dress their kids up in clothes that they would never wear on a normal basis and bribe them to behave with some reward following the gathering.  Then they go and try to convince each other that they have been the most successful, happiest, etc. since May of their graduation year.  

I saw that today is the 1998 10 year class reunion at the STJ City Park.  They were seniors my freshman year.  Sure, I'm just as bad as everyone else, I would love to see what's become (or not become) of a lot of those people - actually, I was probably closer to most of the people in that class than those in my own graduating class.  But it's just nosiness.  Thus, my tirade on High School Reunions began formulating in my mind.  To top it all of my mom just called to inform me that someone turned into the park in a white stretch limo.  

My point is proven.  Count me out.

Oh the Differences....

There are so many differences in children.  I look at the differences between my sister and I, Lincoln and his siblings, and my own two.  All raised by the same parents, yet soooo different!  

I have noticed the difference in Hunter and Graysen almost from day 1.  Maybe it's partially due to the fact that I was new at everything with Hunter, maybe it's just the kid.  Who ever knows.  Here are some of the differences I've spotted in the two:

1.  Hunter wanted to be held all the time - Graysen is normally content to sit and play with a toy.

2.  Hunter was never a "nurse on demand" kind of kid - Graysen definitely is!

3.  Hunter wanted to eat table food as soon as possible (somewhere around 8 months) - Graysen refuses to eat most table food and prefers Stage 2 Baby Food still.

4.  Hunter made up his mind to do something (crawl, walk, etc.) and once he started he never stopped - Graysen takes her time...she took several weeks to actually start crawling all the time and has taken a few steps here and there, but still isn't walking in long lengths.

5.  Hunter still wants to be cuddled to sleep and would sleep anywhere - Graysen does better by just laying her down and wants to be in her own bed.

6.  Hunter hates having anything done with his hair (brushed, styled, etc.) - Graysen has never minded me doing her hair.

I'm sure there's many more to come - none the less, I'm amazed at in Gray's 10 short months of life she's shown so many differences from her brother.

Christmas Jars

Alright, so the books arrived last night and I'm done with Book #1!  Yippy!  I read Christmas Jars today.  It was great.  Obviously a quick read, but incredibly inspiring.  The overall theme is giving out of love.  My family will start a Christmas jar.  It won't be much this year (considering it's already the middle of October), but that's not the point.  It's not about how much money is in it, it's about the sacrifice it takes to make the jar and the love that it's given out of.  Every night when we put our coins in we will say a prayer for the mystery recipient.  I know that those prayers will do more for the individual than the money that they receive.  

If you're interested in starting your own Christmas Jar let me know and I'll explain in more detail...or read "Christmas Jars" by Jason Wright. 

Phineas and Ferb just for you blog stalker!

So...I had a "blog stalker" over at my house today...she shall remain nameless for her safety.  (By the way - "blog stalker" is a technical term with the definition of: someone who doesn't have a blog, but reads everyone else's and never comments.)  Hunter was watching cartoons while we were visiting and during a lull in conversation I began singing the Phineas and Ferb Theme Song.  Is that really all that weird?!?!  Apparently so.  Obviously I am home with several children most of every day...and during the course of those days I'm subjected to several cartoons.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and risk persecution and say that Phineas and Ferb is one that I actually enjoy...along with The Backyardagins.  

She informed me that I need to get out more - and I know it's true, but when all of your friends have kids you find yourself discussing cartoons even when your kids aren't around!  

For that special blog stalker in my life...here are the lyrics (I know you're dying to know!)

"There's 104 days in summer vacation

and school comes along just to end it

So the annual problem for our generation 

is finding a good way to spend it.

Like maybe...building a rocket

or fighting a mummy,

or climbing up the Eiffel Tower

Discovering something that doesn't exist (Hey!)

Or giving a monkey a shower (da, da, da)

Surfing title waves

creating nano bots (I think that's what they say...)

or locating Frakenstein's brain (it's over here!)

Finding a dodo bird

Painting a continent

Or driving your sister insane (Phineas!)

As you can see there's a whole lot of stuff to do

Before school starts this Fall (Come on Perry)

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all!

Mom - Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!"

**Most other cartoon lyrics available upon request!  ;0)

My Books Are Here!

Yea!  My books came in last night!  "Christmas Jars", "Recovering Charles", and "The Lucky One" were at my door when I came home from dance last night!  Yippy!  I'm looking forward to diving in...now which one first...?

Lincoln's on the annual DGRT and We're THERE!!!

So, I've decided that Lincoln and I are finally starting to truly know each other.  You know, the kind where married people finish each other's sentences and can read each other's minds?  Yeah, - we're pretty much there.  

Last night we were laying in bed watching the debate (no comment), and when it was over we turned off the TV and laid down.  Out of the stillness and darkness Lincoln says to me, "Honey, if I die while I'm gone this weekend I want you to know that you won't have to go to work or sell the house okay?"  Now, this may sound morbid to some, but that is EXACTLY what I was laying there thinking about.  What my "game plan" would be to keep life as normal as possible for the kids if something happened to Lincoln this weekend.  So, we proceeded to lay there and talk through how much money I would get and exactly what he wanted me to do with every dollar.  

It's so comforting to know that I trust my husband like that.  To know that he is always looking out for our best interest and making sure that we'll be okay (in life or death).  

I then proceeded to tell him just not to die because I didn't want to clean his clothes out of our closet or re-arrange the house so that it felt like a new place.  I didn't want to lay in bed with anyone else like we were that night, marry anyone else, or grow old by myself.  So his only instructions for this trip were to have fun and not die.  

Nice huh - as I type it now I realize that it sounds heartless and weird...

But he understood me and I understood him.  And in our world, that's all that matters.

October 15th

Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.  I have thought about my angel baby and Claire a lot today.  It's great that the nation is acknowledging that number of babies who are loss either during pregnancy or shortly after their births.  We need to figure this out!  How many more lives are we going to lose due to "medical mysteries"?  Don't get me wrong, we've come a long way in the medical world...but there is always room for improvement.  

I try to talk about Claire and my miscarriage as much as possible because I'm tired of the "weirdness" that surrounds discussing someone's loss.  It's time to mature as a human race.  You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get when someone tells you that they've lost a child?  The one that makes you go "oh, geez, I shouldn't have mentioned that, or I shouldn't have said that, or what in the world do I say now?"  Yeah, that one.  I want it to disappear!  I want families to be able to talk about their losses without feeling guilty because they've obviously made someone uncomfortable.  I want to be able to talk about my other two children the same as I talk about my two here on earth without people feeling sorry for me.  Don't feel sorry for me - or anyone else.  I guarantee that they aren't feeling sorry for themselves.  

I urge all of you (with or without children) to do whatever you can to help the children of the world.  Children are NOT  a right, they are a privilege, and one that should NEVER be taken for granted.  Your children can be taken from you at any moment so try to enjoy every moment that you can with them.  (Yes, I'm a mom, I know that there are always the not so enjoyable times).  

When you're throwing up everyday during your pregnancy - remember those who can't get pregnant.  When your child won't sleep through the night - remember the parents whose child died in their sleep last night.  When your child is throwing a temper-tantrum in the middle of the store think about the parent who would do anything to have their child back to buy them that candy bar.  I'm not saying let your kids run the household, I'm just saying that I think we need to stop and Thank God for what we have more often than we do.  

www.october15th.com

What goes on in that head?!

Random Thought #1:  Tonight was Hunter's last soccer game.  He only got to play 4 since last week's was rained out.  He had such a good time with practices and games that I'm afraid that he'll really miss the exercise, friendship, and time doing his favorite thing - playing sports!  I'm going to have to make an extra effort to make sure he gets those things even though soccer is over until March.  

Random Thought #2:  My new books still haven't come in!  I've been without a book now since Thursday (I think)...and that's a long time for me!  I have The Love Dare that I've been reading, but it's broken down into 40 days and it's only about 2 pages per day...so that takes me a total of like 10 minutes to read and think about.  

Random Thought #3:  I am wanting to make a list of places that I would like Lincoln and I to eventually be able to help support financially...maybe now is a good time to start it:

1.  Joy FM

2.  Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla

3.  Bethany Christian Adoption Agency in St. Louis

4.  March of Dimes

5.  Our home church (above and beyond our regular tithe)

6.  Ekklesia Dance Company

Random Thought #4:  I have been searching for a wall calendar for 2009 for months now.  I need one like I have for '08...it's got a column for each of us and large squares.  I can't remember where I found this years, but I sure can't find one for next year, so currently I'm using a little planner for next year's events (which we already have SEVERAL of...crazy how fast your life fills up!)

Random Thought #5: I subbed for PE today at the HS and it actually motivated me to work on my body a little more than I already am.  My problem is my love of food.  I know if I didn't like it so much I wouldn't have the body issues that I have, but I just can't seem to give up the food in order to slim down the body!  I would like to start walking (outside or treadmill) as well as actually dancing more in the classes that I teach 2 nights a week.  

Random Thought #6:  I dropped off 5 tubs of things at the PRC today (baby and maternity clothes and stuff to donate) and when they call me to pick them back up (my tubs that is), I want to ask them two questions:  1)  Is there a way I could volunteer there without having a regular time to be there every week (aka stuffing envelopes or something at home)?  2)  Do they have some sort of a private adoption program set up where mom's who come in and are wanting to give their babies up can look through profiles of couples wanting to adopt in the area and have the opportunity to 'hook up' with them?  

I'm off to bed - sleep tight world!

Jason Wright read MY blog!

No way!  The author of The Wednesday Letters just commented on my blog!  Alright, I know I sound like one of those teenagers who is going gaga over some pop star...but I'm thrilled!  I could go forever without TV, Movies, Music...but books - never!  Books are my passion.  When I saw it I yelled for Lincoln to have him come see it as well!  Mr. Wright commented on my post about his book The Wednesday Letters.  It does make me realize how public these blogs are...yikes!  ;0)  For the last hour or so I've been researching all about him and reading his blog, his wife's blog, etc.  I even added him as a friend on Facebook!  LOL

Alright, now I'm cracking myself up - but this may be my closest brush with a celebrity!  He is having this contest to receive his signed books for life - now THAT would be awesome!  I wish I didn't live in such a remote area and could actually go see him at a book signing or something.  

I hope that two of his other books (that I ordered on Thursday) come tomorrow so I can start reading...and blogging!  :0)

Yard Sales

I have to admit, although I always love going to yard sales, I've never really been a believer that they were much of a money maker...until this weekend!  :0)  Kelley and I had a yard sale right on Jefferson Friday and Saturday.  It was Old Iron Works Days Weekend, which drew a lot of "out-of-towners" in to STJ and got all of the locals out and about!  

I decided to rid my shed of all of my baby and maternity clothes (11 tubs in all) and we cleaned out all of the closets in the house as well.  Yes, it was a lot of prep work, but I am feeling fairly good about all of that stuff being gone from my house.  I will admit that I shed several tears over letting go of all of the clothes because I have so many memories of my precious kiddos in them, but when the day is done, they are just clothes (and I kept their coming home from the hospital, first Christmas clothes of course!).  

The great part is that I made 4x's the money that I had hoped for!  :0)  So...we're that much closer to fulfilling one of my bucket list items (be debt free)!  I also have 5 tubs full (of mine, Kelley's and Becca's) stuff to take to the Pregnancy Resource Center on Monday!  Yea!  I hope that these clothes will be a blessing for a mother who has decided to give her child a chance at life!  :0)  

The Wednesday Letters

Ah - how I wish I got Wednesday Letters! I just finished this easy to read novel...and it was terrific! :0) I finished it in 3 days, so if you're looking for a fun, quick time filler, this is it! It was the first of this author that I had ever read, and directly finishing the book I got on Amazon and ordered the other two that he's written.

I don't want to ruin the plot (which is a great one...), but I will talk briefly about the Wednesday letters! The husband in this book vows to write his wife a letter every Wednesday of their marriage. What commitment! Sometimes they are one or two lines, occasionally they are pages. Sometimes they are on stationary, others they are on a restaurant napkin. The point is, he made a promise to his wife and he keeps it until they die. How often does that happen anymore in today's society? Not very often...that much I know. People take promises and commitments to light heartedly anymore it seems. Makes me really sad.

This book was a boost to my confidence in the human race, and in marriages in general. With the sky rocketing rate of divorce all around us, I need books like this to remind me that it is possible to live a lifetime with one person growing your love together.

Happy Reading!

My Bucket List

A friend of mine started a bucket list on her blog, so I thought I should give mine a try...here's what I came up with.

1. Witness a miracle - Done, although I didn't know it at the time, my son Hunter is a miracle. With the genetic disorder that I have I shouldn't have been able to have him without being on medication.

2. Visit Rome and Venice

3. See my children grow up and accomplish their goals

4. Go to a ballet with Lincoln

5. Be debt free (and have a savings to pass on to my children) - In the process, we have started the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program...so we are on our way!

6. Provide a home and loving family for a child who needs one (other than my two biological children)

7. Make a difference for God - never know, I am not sure I will ever know whether I accomplished this one or not until I get to the Kingdom. It's just something I will forever be striving for!

8. Get a tattoo - (this is something that I waver on...I want one, but can't come up with an idea that I feel good about having on my body for the rest of my life, so when I finally come up with one, I'll do it!!!)

9. Totally and Completely not stress over Christmas gifts one year

10. Throw someone a surprise party


I think I'll keep adding to this as things come to me...what's on your bucket list?

God made us Glad, not Sad!

St. James has been through a terrible loss. We lost a High School student this week in a tragic car accident. Although we lost her here on earth with us, the universe did not lose her. She is with God now. I did not know her very closely, mostly just through working with the band the last few years. I do know that everyone at St. James High School thought very highly of her, and her happiness was contagious and her laughter could make any situation more bearable.

I was subbing at the High School yesterday when the students received the news that she died in a burning car on her way into early morning band. I overheard many of the comments that the kids made throughout the day both in class and in the hallway. Some were of anger, others of confusion and sadness. A couple of the comments I heard really disturbed me though. Those were the ones directed at God.

God has told us to "say it out loud, there is power in what my children declare". I am glad that these kids felt comfortable enough in their environment to discuss God, whether is be begging Him to be close to them, or angry words at Him for "letting this happen". I have always applied this commandment in my life to that of forgiveness...there is power in what I declare. If I am saying that I forgive someone out loud it helps me.

As I saw teenager after teenager crying yesterday I was reminded that God tells us that "this world is full of tears, but if you remember, I promised that it would be Me who would wipe them from your eyes." How nice is that promise? How nice is it to know that God is weeping with us, that God feels our sadness and wants to take it from us. Just like any mother or father who wishes they could take the pain, sadness, and sickness from their child, God feels the same for us. It also reminds us that God didn't promise us a perfect life as his children. He tells us that it is not going to be easy, that there will be tragedies, and sadness, but that He is there to walk with us through it all.

I just read somewhere about how people say "God doesn't give you anything you can't bear". That is SO WRONG. God DOES give us things that we can't bear - alone. We NEED Him with us to get through the tough things in life. Luckily He's always there when we call. "Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there, yes, I will. You've got a friend." How lucky are we to have God as our friend?

Unconditionally

My affirmation today was:

"I love and accept myself unconditionally"

This is so important.  I am blessed that God loves and accepts me unconditionally...but there are so few people here on earth that you can count on to do that.  Even those you grow up thinking will can surprise you sometimes.  

Who loves and accepts you unconditionally?  Maybe you should give them a big hug and say thank you next time you see them - just for that.

Why not? Everyone else is doing it!

Wow! This is definitely not who I would've thought I would be! Although I hated Sloane (sp?) at first, I have to admit I have grown rather fond on him lately...maybe that's how other people view me...???

Clean Sweep

Does anyone else ever feel like they are claustrophobic in their own home?  I have been lately.  Amazing how the four of us can live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and I can still feel like my skin is crawling, like I need to get out of here into a bigger house, a much bigger house!  Now don't get me wrong, I can't keep this house clean, I can't imagine how I would do it in a bigger one, but still, the desire is there.  

My girlfriend presented me with the opportunity to have a joint yard sale at a prominent spot in town the weekend of Old Iron Works Days.  I knew I couldn't pass it up...I had to take advantage of this chance to rid my home of clutter.  So began the undertaking...

The weekend started with Lincoln carrying in 11 tubs of children's clothing from the shed and my Grandma's garage.  I stayed up last night sorting by sex and size.  Whew.  Today I cleaned out my junk from Grandma's garage and carried that all in my living room.  Next was Graysen's closet, which has been the "catch all" for art supplies, home videos, gift wrap, etc.  Unfortunately I only got half way through there before it was nap time for her, so currently I'm waiting for Lincoln to get motivated so that we can do the laundry room closets together.  After that it's going to be a quick sweep of Hunter's closet, and our closet.  After Graysen wakes up I'll finish hers and then I'll be done!  

Literally you can not walk through my living room without stepping over big tubs.  I sort of feel like I'm moving...but I think I'll feel a lot better when I get all of this out of my house and up to the building where we're having the yard sale tomorrow at 1:00 - until then say a prayer for me!!!

Cold Weather = Dark Hair!

I am so lucky to have a sister who is a beautician!  Whenever I get the urge to do something new to myself, she's right there ready to help.  The cold weather bug bit me yesterday and I decided it was officially time to prepare for fall, so what did I want?  Brown hair of course!!!  :0)  What says fall better than a darker hair color?  Nothing!  So tonight Kara, Vanesa, and I had a fun hair dying party - Kara dyed Nesa and I's hair (2 slightly different colors) and then I dyed Kara's!  Amazing, but she totally trusted me to use all her tools and dyes and I colored her hair!  

Yea for fall!

Winter Birthdays...

Birthdays are my FAVORITE days of the year...it's the only day that is about YOU.  I especially love my children's birthdays.  This stems from the fact that my parents always made a huge deal out of Kara and my birthday.  It was great.  I have loved all 25 of my birthdays.  There's just something magical about the day being centered around you.  Knowing that this is the day that you entered the world, the day that your parents met you.  It's all wonderful.  

I have loved planning all 4 of Hunter's birthday parties.  I never get stressed out about them like I do usual huge undertakings.  I feel like we do rather "large" birthdays, obviously I've seen much bigger, but normally smaller.  I see NOTHING wrong with small birthday parties, don't misunderstand me.  They're just not for me.  This year is the first year that we actually did a "kid only" birthday (and by this I mean the parents were free to drop off their kids if they chose to).  

I've had the HARDEST time finding a place to have Graysen's first birthday.  Hunter's have all been easy because on August 5th it's generally warm!  November 28th is another story!  Not only is it only the day after Thanksgiving this year, it's cold, cold, cold.  No outside parties for her.  My house is not big enough to even fit our two families, let alone all of our friends...so that leaves me "party placeless".  After lots of stress (and actually after this post was even started), I've secured the Rolla Community Hall for her party!  Yippy!  It will be big enough, we can decorate, and it has a kitchen area to prepare the food!  Perfect!  Now I'm getting excited!  

I know it won't be so stressful when she gets a little older, we can do tea parties at our house, roller skating, Discovery Zone, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.  But for now - it's a challenge!  

Anyone else have a winter birthday?  What did you do for your parties growing up?  

Boys

Raising a son has me worried. I'll just come right out and say it. I have no experience with boys at all. I never had any brothers, and I really wasn't close to any of my boy cousins growing up. Hunter has already thrown me for a loop several times in his 4 short years, and I know there are MANY more to come! The closer Hunter gets to going to school the more and more I question the school system and the more I wish I could home school him...unfortunately this doesn't look like an option for our family at this point, but it sure is something I pray for God's guidance on daily!

I found this article that I think has some VERY good point on boys...enjoy!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/157898/page/1

The Shack

I just finished an incredible book this morning. "The Shack" is a MUST read for everyone! If you've ever craved to be in the presence of God - this is the book for you! Although it brought me to tears before page 100, I would highly recommend it to anyone. It did push some of the religious ideals that I've been raised to believe, but opened my mind and heart to new ways of thinking, a new outlook on life and those I'm surrounded by. I have to do more research into the validity of the story, but regardless - go out and READ IT!

theshackbook.com

Here are a few quotes from the book that really hit home with me...

"I already told you that forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgement, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. ..."Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. And sometimes - and this may seem incomprehensible to you right now - that road may even take you to the miracle of fully restored trust."


"...just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means that I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."


"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."

Sleep Woes

So I woke up this morning and feel as though I've been hit by a truck. It's not because I am tired...in fact, I've been getting more sleep lately than I have in a long time! Graysen's been doing wonderfully...waking up only once a night usually! Last night we were all exhausted and the entire family was in bed by 8:30! (We're old, I know...) Seriously though, it was awesome! Although Graysen did get up more than usual (1:30, 5:00, and 7:00), I got about 10 hours of sleep! Holy Cow! Anyhow - back to the point...my back and hips are in some major pain today. If my body hurts like this at age 25 what in the world am I going to feel like at age 80??? Yuck, I can't think about it.

My mom suggested that maybe it's my mattress...what a genius, why didn't I think of that?! So...now I'm on a hunt for a great mattress...

What mattress do you sleep on - would you recommend it or not?

Don't Cry Over Spilt Green Beans

Something's wrong with me. I was just making the kids lunch and went to put the container of green beans in the microwave when I lost my grip and they fell and spilt all over the counter and floor. What did I do? Not calmly say "sorry guys, it's going to be another minute before lunch is ready, silly Ashley spilt the green beans." No...I burst into tears. I swear. The kids are now calmly sitting at the table eating their lunch (turkey, cheese, crackers, and green beans) and everything is fine...but for that one minute today - everything was NOT fine...but I just reminded myself (outloud may I add...)

Don't Cry Over Spilt Green Beans!

Outside my box...

I've done several things lately that have made me step outside my box.

1. I started a fantasy football team this year. I've never done this, although it's been a passion of my husbands for several years now. I decided I was going to see what all the hype was about - and hopefully develop a passion for one of the same things as Lincoln. (I have not been too interested in it, but it's going for what it's worth)

2. I signed Hunter up to play soccer this season! I'm not a fan of team sports...actually, just not a fan of sports at all. But - my son and husband sure are, so I knew Hunter would be thrilled with finally being old enough to play on a team. He had his first game tonight and LOVED every minute of it. I can tell you already that sitting outside in the weather and listening to those soccer moms (yes, they are already there at pre-k soccer games) is going to stress me out every Tuesday night...but it's worth it to see the smile on Hunter's face after the game!

3. I read a sports book! "Why My Wife Thinks I'm an Idiot" was great! I'm often "privileged" enough to watch Mike and Mike in the Morining with Lincoln on TV and I do find both Mikes very funny. When I was desperate for a book about a week ago Lincoln suggested I read one from him stack of "to reads" (that doesn't get depleted nearly as fast as mine does...). I thought he was funny, but picked this one (because I also think my husband is an idiot at times and was curious what made 'Greeny' think his wife thought of him as one as well). Turns out the book was a wonderful easy read with tons of amusing stories told from a father's point of view. I'm actually getting ready to hit amazon.com and see if I can find anything else written by him...and I'm looking forward to Mike and Mike in the Morning tomorrow! :0)

4. I watched "Baby Mama". I usually don't care for "light hearted" movies about pregnancy or parenthood because I get on a high horse about people who take pregnancy and healthy children for granted. But - my girlfriends and I watched it last night and I was able to laugh at a lot of it! It wasn't nearly as funny as people had hyped it up to be, but it was at least - finally - a light hearted look at pregnancy (and some of the problems associated with it) that I wasn't offended by. Kudos to the script writer and producer!

Lincoln's Like List

My husband and I are so very different. I'm reminded of this at least once a day, but, somehow we semi-balance each other out. We tend to do things to humor the other one - such as this "love list" that Lincoln started for me. He couldn't get very far - not sure if that's because he doesn't love many things, because he's embarrassed to do such a thing, or because he just wasn't interested in it enough to sit down and actually think about it - but either way, he started it and promises that he'll keep adding as he thinks of things.

Here is Lincoln's "love list":

1. Doing nothing for a whole day
2. The yard after it's just been mowed
3. Manual vehicles
4. CD's that you can listen to from start to finish
5. My wallet
6. Jeans
7. Folding Laundry
8. My kids
9. Coming home from work and knowing that the kids are going to be excited to see me
10. Going to the movies
11. Putting clothes on straight out of the dryer


I was reminded twice today that we're so different...

1. Lincoln would sit and watch Sunday Football ALL DAY LONG - I could never do this
2. I'm always looking for a new house (and calling my brother in law - our realtor) - Lincoln would stay in this house forever

My prayer is that, no matter our differences that we can always find some common ground to connect on. Someday when our kids are grown and gone I think that ground is going to get smaller and smaller - but we're working on making memories now that we'll share forever and establishing things that we do have in common...what are you doing to make sure your marriage lasts forever...?

Tour of Missouri in STJ

The Tour of Missouri was in STJ today. You would've thought the President himself was coming to visit. I thought the amount of things the city had planned was ridiculous really. Sorry if I'm being a Party Pooper, but honestly, must we try to make ourselves out to be this big city when really we're just a little bitty town where everyone knows everyone else and their business? No - it's a lot like the people who leave here and then come back (either while in college or afterward) trying to "prove" to those of us who choose to make our home here how much "better" the "outside" is. (yes, i know there were a lot of quotation marks in that sentence.) Now...don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone tries to do that, but there are a fair amount who do and they drive me NUTS! But - I digress. Lincoln and I decided to take our family out to Redburn's and watch the race from their front yard, that way we didn't fight the street closings and crowds in town. It was awesome to be that close to them while they were actually racing (the race didn't start until they turned on B Hwy). But...if you blinked you missed it. There were TONS more cars and support vehicles than bicyclists, and they were so crammed together that they went by in 5 seconds flat. Big time disappointment and let down for all of us. Oh well, at least we can say we saw them.

Happy Birthday to a Great Friend!

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Bethany....
Happy Birthday to you!

I hope you have a great day - let me know how 26 feels! :0)

in a rut

Well...I'm in a rut. Just kind of in life in general. I feel like I need to branch out a bit. Try something new. Experience something new. It seems that day in and day out I do the same thing. Luckily looking at my calendar (which I live by) I have some exciting things coming up before the close of 2008.

Exciting things...

#1: Hunter starts his tumbling class tomorrow! This will be his first organized class and I can't wait to see how he reacts to it!

#2: Hunter starts soccer this Friday! He is really looking forward to playing on a "real team"! They will have practice and a game each week for 10 weeks!

#3: The kids and I are going to the Springfield Zoo on the 13th.

#4: Lincoln and I will be taking our first overnight trip together away from Graysen on the 25th. We are going to STL to the Cards Game that afternoon and spending the night up there...coming home on the 26th. I'm sad because it will be my first night away from Gray, but excited because Lincoln and I desperately need a rejuvenating date!

#5: I am doing the Walk For Life on Sept. 27th - it's a fundraiser for the Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla!

#6: October is coming, which means a trip to the pumpkin patch, new Halloween costumes (2 this year!), a Halloween Party with our friends, and a trip to the farm to ride horses, and go on a hay ride! (I must plan all of these outings very soon!)

#7: November 8th I am going to the Lindenwood Dance Concert, their first one in their new theater! Some of my girlfriends are performing in the concert and I can't wait to watch them dance and see what's become of the program that I poured my heart and soul into during my years at LU!

#8: November 27th is Thanksgiving! I love this holiday with no stress of purchasing gifts, but enjoying the company of family and good food! :0) This is also Miriam's 1st birthday!

#9: November 28th is Graysen's 1st Birthday! Wow! My kid's birthdays are my favorite days of the year, and I'm so excited to have another one to celebrate this year!

#10: December 12th I leave for my 1st husband and kid free vacation in over 5 years! This also marks the first time that I will ever be away from Hunter for more than 1 night. 2 of my best friends and I are going to Chicago - we leave at 6:30 Friday morning (from Union Station STL) and arrive home at 12:30 p.m. Sunday night (or Monday morning)! Yippy for girlfriend time and a first trip to Chicago.

#11: Christmas! I love Christmas morning with Lincoln, Hunter, Graysen, Mom, Kara, Charlie, and Grandma. It's some of my favorite hours all year long. What a great way to close out each year!

Dislike List

1. Women who don't take care of themselves or their babies, yet never have any problems with pregnancy.
2. Lawn Seats at UMB Bank Pavillion
3. People who change plans at the last minute
4. People who think that divorce is okay just because it's common
5. Black olives and mushrooms (unfortunately this is Lincoln's fav. pizza!)
6. Abortion
7. People's dumb comments when someone is going through a loss (if you haven't experienced it before, just don't say anything at all - find another way to SHOW them that you love them!)
8. Pictures of scenery
9. Trying to fit into clothes that just don't fit anymore
10. Hot Apple Pie with ice cream
11. Black Coffee
12. Public "release of gas"
13. Drunk people / night clubs
14. Playing sports
15. People who give their opinion without being asked
16. Sushi
17. People who raise their sons to be wimps (hard to explain, but very evident when you see it!)
18. Thinking about funding retirement
19. Teachers who don't leave adequate notes for their subs
20. People who come back to STJ and try to prove how much they've changed or have bettered themselves.
21. When people are mad at me or disappointed by me
22. The thoughts of going to a class reunion
23. Spending the night away from my kids
24. Leftovers (although I'm getting much better at this...)
25. Not having caller ID
26. Touching the food on dirty dishes
27. Scary Movies and Stupid Humor movies (not sure what the technical term for that is)
28. Lincoln's snoring (before I fall asleep, afterward it doesn't bother me)
29. Fans who yell at sporting events on TV
30. Football games
31. Little girls with unkept hair
32. Bugs, spiders, mice, and snakes
33. Getting sweaty
34. Fake crying (out of children)
35. Messy eaters

Love List

Yet another challenge...can you come up with a list of things that you love - as random as can be???

1. Chocolate covered bananas
2. Being Married
3. Being a Mommy
4. Getting to sleep - anytime, any place!!!
5. "Me" time
6. Seeing Hunter and Graysen grow up and experience new things and explore new places
7. Dancing in a studio by myself
8. Stretching
9. Thinking about seeing my children in Heaven
10. IC Mocas
11. Red Lobster
12. Cinnamon and Sugar Toast
13. People who nurse their babies (not forever...lol)
14. Traveling out of Missouri
15. People who are confident in their body types
16. Family Hugs
17. Manual Cars
18. Singing with Lincoln and Hunter
19. Looking at / taking pictures of people
20. Sleeping with music playing
21. Blogging late at night
22. The smell of Bacon
23. The smell of rain
24. Reading books to myself
25. Buying new clothes
26. Cold Apple Pie
27. Ruby's Ice Cream
28. Christmas Decorations at the Mall
29. Sweet Tea
30. Girls Nights
31. Talks with my sister
32. My wedding ring
33. Getting my hair cut and colored
34. The feeling I get when I know without a doubt that Lincoln and I are on the same team...always.
35. My kids birthdays
36. Being pregnant!
37. Gerbra Daisies
38. Whitney Houston and FFH
39. Wearing and apron (and getting a new one!)
40. Moby Wraps
41. My Bread machine and homemade bread
42. Getting out of a hot bath and crawling straight into bed still wrapped in my towel
43. My husbands kisses
44. Family heirlooms (like my table and step stool)
45. Seeing other people's taste in home decor and dreaming about what my house will look like when I have the time and money to do what I really want with it!
46. Reusable shopping bags
47. Bumbo Chairs
48. My Pearls
49. College Memories
50. Learning from my mistakes

Challenge - Love

My friend has challenged me to do a study on Christian Stewardship! The verses that I will be studying and responding to are the following:

Love - John 15:9
Sacrifice - Romans 12:1
Possessions - Proverbs 3:9-10
Ownership - Psalm 24:1
Relationship - Leviticus 26:12

She defined Christian Stewardship as this: Being Responsible and Generous with the Gifts God has Entrusted You.

Here's what John 15:9 - 17 says:

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

My response: Wow! What a call! When I read this the first time I was so overwhelmed with the calling and I sat and read it 3 more times before I began to write this. Although the command seems simple at first glance - love each other - putting it into practice is not that easy is it? When I think of it in terms of Stewardship I think that God is calling us to take our talents, whatever they may be, and use them in a way to show His Love to others. If you're a great hostess, have people over to your home, show them the "love of Jesus" (as my small group likes to say). If you have a beautiful voice, sing at your church, if you can knit, make baby hats to donate to the hospital, or afghans for the nursing home.

I guess, the overall picture that I got out of these verses is to share your love with people...and let them know that the reason you're doing it is because Jesus first loved you.

25 Years

What will it be like to be married to Lincoln for 25 years? Hmmm...

My Great Aunt and Uncle renewed their wedding vows today for their 25th wedding anniversary. We made the trip to STL to watch the special ceremony after church and eat a "reception" style lunch with many of their friends and family. It was very encouraging to see a couple (well up in their years because they were both married before) share such a public love with each other. It was so awesome to see them WANT to reaffirm their love for each other in front of their children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, friends, and most importantly, God. So many couples these days (well, those who actually stay married) are just going through the motions. They just stay together because for their kids, or because that's what's comfortable. Not because they are in love with each other. Really Sad.

Although I'm not sure Lincoln and I will ever renew our vows, I hope that 21 years from now a younger generation can look at us and feel the same way I felt looking at Mr. and Mrs. Bill Albright today.

Congratulations!

Words to live by...

I got a box of Dove Chocolates for my birthday from one of my girlfriends. Not only is Dove my favorite chocolate, the extra perk of the "words of wisdom" on the inside of each wrapper just makes them all the better. When I worked in an office I had a few of the wrappers actually posted on the wall above my computer. Silly, maybe to keep a candy wrapper, but I really think that whoever comes up with these 1-6 word phrases are genius. Hunter has greatly enjoyed helping me finish this particular box of chocolates and he is also thrilled when he unwraps one and waits for me to "read the words".

I hope that next time you eat a piece of Dove chocolate you'll take time to stop and ponder the message...maybe it's meant just for you!

Proud of Kara

I am very proud of my sister.  She has followed her dreams and has begun her career as a stylist.  She is very talented!  On her first day of work she already had 6 appointments!  Not only is she the best friend, sister, and aunt, she's also the best hair dresser ever!!  :0)  

Idiot...

Does anyone else hate it when they look like an idiot?  Especially when it's someone else's fault?  I realized today that this is one of my faults.  I get so mad when I do something that makes me look dumb just to find out later that I wasn't informed of plans or information ahead of time.  

It's totally silly...I'm sure I'm the only one who thinks I look like an idiot, but I think it comes from my overly obsessivness with planning ahead of time.  I HATE to run late, I hate to change plans, I hate to not know what's going on next week.  Whew.  I'm complicated.

What a Week...

This has been a wild and crazy week in the Redburn household!

Monday: Fairly Normal - Lincoln worked, Vanesa came and helped me babysit...but there were 3 Bad Things:
1. My new cell phone came in (it's pink and pretty!), but as Nesa put it together for me she realized that the sim card was set for Lincoln's number, not mine. After calling Customer Service I was told that I would have to go to the nearest At&t store to resolve the issue. Of course this means an extra trip to Rolla when we have been really trying to save gas!
2. One of my normally very happy mom's dropped their baby off that morning and were NOT happy - I was afraid she was upset with me over something.
3. I misunderstood one parent and gave their child the wrong dosage of medicine! This I'm ashamed to admit, but it's the truth.

Happily - all 3 things got resolved that day!
1. I bit the bullet and went to Rolla and got the sim card switched out no problem - now I have a working phone again! (And I got to pick up Applebees for dinner while I was there!)
2. After the parent was again very short and not happy when she picked her baby up, I emailed her to make sure everything was okay and she wasn't upset with me at all, there were just some other things going on in her life. She actually thanked me for my friendship - not at all what I had feared!
3. After a rushed phone call to the Dr. I found out the medicine was just for heart burn and spit up, nothing that could hurt the child at all! Praise God!

Tuesday: My Mom's 50th Birthday and Kara's 1st Day of her new career! I got a phone call from my mom at 6:50 a.m. telling me that my sister was getting ready to be rushed into emergency surgery for her appendix! Of course all of the kids were coming, but I could NOT miss seeing my sister before she went in for surgery, so I jumped out of bed, got dressed and made some phone calls on my way to Rolla. Vanesa came over to help Lincoln with the kids! (She really is a lifesaver, and I am SO SAD she's back at college already!) Anyway, I got there just in time to see Kara, give her a hug, listen to the surgeon explain what was about to happen, and hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia.
Mom told me that my Dad (whom I've not talked to face to face in almost 6 years) was coming to the hospital as well. Great. Happy Birthday to Mom huh?! First her daughter goes in for emergency surgery, and then she gets to spend hours sitting in the hospital with her ex-husband?! On a positive note - the visit with him went very well. I feel like God has been preparing my heart for about 6 months to let go of the anger toward him...and now we were thrown together like this. Maybe, just maybe we can have some sort of a civil relationship. I know that it'll never be like it was before, but maybe we can have something, slowly, who knows...only God!
On top of all of this, Lincoln's best friend from college, Caleb came down for a visit on Tuesday. I was sad I didn't get to visit with him very much, but after I got home the boys were able to go golfing together and I prepared a popcorn shrimp, mashed potato, and fruit salad dinner for us all to sit down together and enjoy.

Wednesday: Lincoln had his second ortho appointment. We had to make our first major payment, luckily God had blessed us with some extra cash this past month, so it was there to pay without putting it on the credit card! When he got back from that he took the kids up to the hospital to see Kara. She got to go home Wednesday evening. We had bible study at Renauds and the kids were at our house. It was their first night with the new babysitters. They all seemed to do okay.

Thursday: This was a fairly calm day. It was my sister-in-law, and Cody's birthday. I actually got to talk to Cody for a few minutes, which was great because conversation has been scarce since she's had the twins. My whole family went to Pizza Hut that night, then I went with Kara to the Queen Pageant Practice for her to give a presentation on Stage Make-Up.

Friday: TGIF! Today was pay day, yippy! More money went back toward the ortho payments, which I just am happy that we are able to pay for without putting it on the credit card! We also figured the bills again and realized that we are going to be able to pay all the bills with Lincoln's paychecks and the babysitting money can just be for gas, groceries, etc. Yippy! Hunter with with Grammie for some special time and then Mom, Kara, Gma, Lincoln, the kids, and I all went to the Diner for dinner. Came home and went to bed EARLY! :0)

After quite the eventful week I'm glad that it's the weekend. It's just me and my kids at home, Hunter is playing the Wii, Graysen's playing with blocks, and I'm blogging. What a great morning!

My Quirks Part IV: Discipline

Yikes!  Such a touchy subject!  I'm going to keep this one short.  Let me just say that personally I am a fan of distraction, re-direction, and time-out.  Don't get me wrong.  Hunter has had some swats on the bottom in his 4 years.  But never before the age of 2.5, and only with us asking him to stop the behavior, then getting a warning, then the swat.  It's never our first reaction... because it would be out of anger that I swatted him if I did it the first time the bad behavior occurred.  We all know that's not the right way to "spank" your children.  

I don't know really what to say on this subject except that I totally agree that every child is different, and something different will work with each child.  This is also true within the same child.  What worked with Hunter 6 months ago is no longer working.  

I also believe that the punishment should fit the crime (which is why I'm against spanking for the most part).  So...if Hunter pushes Graysen down...you're more likely to see me walk by and push him down than to give him a spanking.  If he colors on the wall with crayon...he has to help clean it off.  If he spits his food on the floor, he cleans it up.  Of course there are situations like talking back that we do the time - out routine.  Actually, currently it's "Go to your room and pick up until we tell you to come out" (which is 4 minutes from the time that he actually starts picking up).  He HATES to pick up...and didn't mind sitting in time-out anymore, so this is the new punishment.  

I have to say that since I've started babysitting I've been encouraged to see that my child is not the only one who misbehaves.  Do any other moms begin to feel that their child is the only one who doesn't listen?!

Under Dog

I was just pushing Hunter on the swing outside and he asked me to run under him. It brought back so many memories of my Dad giving me Under Dog's when I was growing up. I can just hear him saying "you want an Under Dog?" "Yes!" I would scream and away I would go, so high in the sky I felt like I was flying!!! I hope that Hunter will look back on his childhood with the fondness that I do mine!

My Quirks Part III: Nursing

Alright - so there was a flurry of thoughts coming to me in between these "parenting" entries, but I'm back...sorry I'm so hard to follow sometimes!

I am a huge fan of nursing. I mean breastfeeding. Whatever you want to call it - I wish everyone would do it. This is something that no one can recreate. You know if they haven't been able to figure that out...it's some GOOD STUFF! :0) It's free (minus maybe a pump purchase), and soooo much healthier for your baby! Have you read what formula is really made out of?! Yikes and Yuck!

I understand there are circumstances in which nursing is not an option. I'm not bashing those people for not nursing. I had to quit nursing my son at 9.5 months because I had a miscarriage the medicine they gave me in the ER completely dried it up...overnight. Who I am questioning are those who give up because it hurts. (Trust me, I know it hurts, I literally sat and cried silet tears for 6 straight weeks with Hunter). Those who don't even try because they're afraid of the effects on their body (and image)....please - time to give up the selfishness and become selfless - that's what parenting is all about!!!

I wish people would quit thinking that it's a "hippy" thing to do! Holy cow...there are a lot more "hippy" things to do than feed your baby what God intended for them to eat!

I favorite book on nursing is called "So That's What They're For!" It's a easy read packed with information, tips, and laughter! I didn't read it until after I was already nursing Hunter, but I would recommend it to anyone who is pregnant!

I think that sticking with nursing takes a great deal of support. If you don't have the support of your husband, mother, best friends, etc. it will be very, very hard. There were countless times when I would call my mom and she would sit on one side of me and Lincoln on the other while I was feeding Hunter crying. Bless their hearts, for that commitment and support I owe them forever!!!

Mostly - I push you all to just give it a try, it's scientifically proven to be the best food for your baby and God created you to feed them (obviously). Those should be reason enough!

"Should I Die Before I Wake, I Pray to God My Soul to Take"

If I were to go on to Heaven before my kids are grown, here are some things that I want them to know about me:

1. I love to travel. I enjoy every facet of it, from planning, to getting there, to exploring once I'm there.

2. I love to learn about other cultures...specifically their views on marriage, men and women's roles, religion, parenting tactics, and the arts.

3. I love to lay with your Dad. Anywhere - feeling his arms wrapped around me brings me more comfort and security in this crazy world than anything else. Please find this before you marry...

4. I Love to read. It's a great escape and a way to expand your mind and heart.

5. I love listening to song lyrics. Although it has to have a good beat, it must also say something of worth for me to really love the song.

6. I love you kids more than anything on earth. I want you find to what makes you happy - whether it be people, arts, sports, religion, whatever it may be, immerse yourself in it.

7. I want you to find the peace on Earth through Jesus Christ that I have found. Nothing else in life will be more important, more impacting than this one single thing.

8. I want you to be proud of yourselves and understand your self-worth. If you find you're not proud of what you've done with your life - that's okay, don't beat yourself up over it...just change it. God is the ultimate forgiver!

9. My family (Mom, Dad, and Kara) helped to mold me into who I am. I had the best upbringing - we all four loved each other very much. I feel like your dad and I are creating the same type of family - one that is dependent on each other, who will support each other through thick and thin. I pray you will also create this with your family.

10. Even though I did not have a relationship with my Dad for much of my adult life, I loved him very much. I never stopped loving him and being grateful for the raising that he did for the first 19 years of my life. I chose not to have a relationship with him because I wanted the best for you kids. I wanted to only surround you with positive influences, people who you could look to to show you the right way to go in this world. When you get older there are going to be enough negative influences, I didn't want to start your life with them. I believe that had he stayed the same man of God that he was at one point he would've made the BEST grandpa in the world! I know he would've been very involved in your lives and interacted with you every day. I can still, sitting here, picture what it would be like for him to be wrestling with Hunter and playing blocks with Graysen. I know he was looking forward to grandchildren and loved and prayed for you before you were even thought of. I hope you understand that I pray every night that our relationship can be reconciled and you all can have that great individual in your lives someday. I worry that this is something that you will hold against me someday, and I hope that you understand I was only doing what I thought was best for you.

Where Would You Be?

Last night I was afforded the opportunity to imagine who I would be if I were not me. Odd as that sounds, I was able to go to Rolla by myself for almost an hour and a half before meeting up with my girlfriends. I took my notebook with me and was given some self reflection time. This is what I wrote:

Tonight I listened to Martina McBride's song "Where Would You Be?" and it got me to thinking - where would I be, where would I go, who would I love if I were without Lincoln? Now granted, our life is totally different now with kids than if I had never married. But...this is who I think I would be if I wasn't married:

I think I would be the girl who moved away from family to try to find herself. I would go to a city where there were lots of options in the art world. I think I would go to Panara (or a similar coffee shop) and sit outside with my headphones on listening to a wide variety of music (rap all the way to classical) with her laptop or pen and paper working on choreography or exploring her thoughts, while drinking an IC Moca. I can see myself attending live music shows and art exhibits on a regular basis. I might work at a Dance Studio or in the public school system. I wonder if I would've lost my self esteem when it comes to attracting men if things wouldn't have worked out with Lincoln. Maybe it's the married factor, maybe it's the extra weight from kids - either way, I can't imagine that any man other than my husband would find me attractive. Odd as it may be, I believe that if I hadn't married Lincoln I would've either married one of 2 of my best friends from HS, or never married at all. I would love my nieces or nephews when they arrive and devoted myself to them entirely.

I'm a huge fan of comfort.

The Ordinary, The Comfortable

For those of you who are married...my question is: "How do you "keep the spark"? How do you step outside of that comfort zone that is created when you marry? Lincoln and I have agreed to read one marriage enrichment book together each year. This year it's "The Four Seasons of Marriage". We are huge fans of "The Five Love Languages", which we will probably ready every year on top of our other book. We have found that our love languages have already changed in the four years that we've been married...but that's a whole other blog in itself!

We attended a marriage seminar this past year at church that gave us wonderful information, encouragement, and ideas. Our favorite is the "Light the candle". They suggested that one person light a specific candle when they are "in the mood" - the other has the option to accept, reschedule, or reject. Although we don't have a candle, we have developed our own "signal" (of which I won't share because that seems like too much info!) It has helped a lot!

What else do you do? It seems hard to me to come up with ideas because Lincoln is not good at love letters, etc. (I on the other hand obviously enjoy expressing myself in written words!)

Any ideas anyone???

Hooray For You!

I just bought a new children's book with this title by Marianne Richmond. I think it is wonderful! It rhymes, but is a book simply full of celebrating each person as their own individual. This would be an excellent book for any age. Although I bought it in hopes of boosting Hunter's self-esteem and reading rhymes to Graysen, I plan on reading this book myself on the days when I don't feel adequete. The days that I feel fat, slow, ugly, like a bad mother, wife, or friends, the days when I don't feel like I'm contributing to this world as God intended. I honestly think it will help to pick me up...overall, a great addition to any household!

My Quirks Part II: Childbirth

I believe in Natural Childbirth!

Yes, I'm one of the crazies out there who don't take any pain meds when giving birth. I'm honestly not sure where this practice began, but here are some of the things that I believe played a role in making up my mind.

One of my very best friends (since 8th grade) got pregnant our junior year of High School. This was a life changing event for me. One of the things that I did to help prepare me for the birth of her wonderful daughter was to write my research paper for my AP Comp and Lit class on child birthing options. I wanted to know what she was going to go through, and what better way than to spend months on end researching and writing a 25 page paper over it?! (Little did I know that this would in NO WAY prepare me for seeing her in labor or going through it myself years later!) During this research I read all of the pros and cons that go along with natural birth, medicated birth, epidurals, cesarean sections, water births, etc. At the time, I was totally convinced that I was going to do a water birth. I thought it was awesome, and the best option for introducing my baby into this world.

My mother and mother - in -law both gave birth to all of their children naturally. My mom has always taught me that childbirth is a temporary pain. You know it's going to end...and when it does, you have the BEST gift ever given to you here on earth.

I am a Believer. I believe that God created women's bodies with the capability to birth children. I also believe that He made them to take care of pregnancy losses. When I had my miscarriage I wouldn't let the doctors do a DNC until my body miscarried on it's own. I believe that sometimes God works miracles, and I wanted to give Him the time to work it if it was in His plans to do so that time.

My husband and I have also chosen to have private births. Just him and I in the room (with the nurses and Doctor of course). I would love to have my mother and sister experience the birth of my children with me, but I have found that there is something very emotional about meeting your child for the first time with the one and only other person that helped create it. It is an amazing bonding moment just to have your own little family.

All of that said - I encourage all of you who are pregnant or who are hoping to become that way to do the research. Find out what the medication (IV or epidural) can do to your baby, and decide...is the short lived pain (yes, even my 20 hour labor I consider short lived) worth bringing your baby into the world in the way it was intended to? I decided it was - and I'll never regret it!

**I want to end this post with a reminder that I am really using this blog as more as a journal for my children. In fact, I print each of these out and am keeping them in a binder for them. I'm hoping that when they get older they will find my thoughts and outlooks on the world interesting. That it will give them a window into who I was at this age.

My "quirks" as a mother...

As I re-read my posts in the past, I have talked about my children a lot. I realized that I have not talked much about my views on parenting, or my parenting style. I had a request to blog about my recent adventure to Rolla's first World Breastfeeding Day (I will get to that soon), and so, I thought I would start a new "daily" post, each day (for awhile) addressing a specific issue that I find important in parenting.

Please know ahead of time that I am well aware that not everyone is going to agree with me. Some may think I'm "out there"...others may think I'm judgemental. Please, I'm begging you...don't! I will make it perfectly clear when I'm talking about something that I am judging others on...most of the time I am just going to be stating how I choose to raise my children. If you choose otherwise - great! Whatever works for you and your family!!! :0)

Let's start from the beginning - pregnancy!

I know that not every pregnancy is planned...but there are options. First of all, if you are not able / do not want to take care of the baby that you are carrying...please do the responsible thing and give it up for adoption. Give the child a chance! Did you know that your babies heart is beating before you even know you're pregnant?! So yes - I'm against abortion. I'm not ashamed to say it. On the other hand, this does not mean that I do not like anyone who has ever had an abortion! (In fact, one of my very best friends in college had one when she was much younger). I know everyone makes poor choices and can repent their sin and regret the decision. Everyone can change.

My pregnancy with my son was not planned. My husband and I were not married yet. (although our wedding was in the planning stages for the following August). I was SHOCKED when I found out, much more upset by the news than Lincoln (he was thrilled, very excited to be having a child) - but after 24 hours the news had sunk in and I was excited as well. It's everything I had ever wanted, just wasn't when I had planned it. (and for those of you who know me well know...I am a PLANNER!) Lincoln and I were lucky that my family was extremely supportive of us and encouraged us all the way. I'm sad that not everyone's families can look at the fact that a baby is a baby and whether or not it's coming into the world under "the perfect" circumstances, they should be excited...what's not to be excited about when it comes to a baby?!?!

I believe in giving your child the best chance possible to develop healthy and happy.

I think that you should be taking your prenatal and folic acid (before you get pregnant if you're trying...) and should continue to take them the whole pregnancy. If your body doesn't need that much, it will dispose of it...they're never going to HURT you!

I believe that if you are trying to get pregnant you should be "religious" about praying for God's timing in this event in your life and for your future baby and your marriage. Marriage takes a hard hit when you get pregnant and have your first child. It's an adjustment that no one could possibly be prepared for. Any marriage, no matter how strong, will go through downs during this time.

I believe that you should act as if you are already pregnant (give up caffine and alcohol, etc.) if you are trying. You know there are 4-6 weeks when your baby is developing before you even know you're pregnant!

I believe that you should be eating healthy and resting as much as possible. (This means lots of fruits and veggies and no caffeine or alcohol!) No, I don't say this to get pregnant women out of housework, continuing to work outside of the home, etc. Pregnancy is hard on your body to begin with...and I think most of us know that if we're physically tired, we're normally mentally and emotionally exhausted as well. I'm a believer in the idea that your baby develops the temperament that you have while you're pregnant (this is one of the places where you might think I'm "out there"). I've seen too many kids whose mom is a laid back, chill kind of lady who are also that kind of kid...and then the kids whose mothers are high anxiety, high emotional, high activity who are exactly the same!

I believe in getting medical care from the start - and continuing for the entire pregnancy. This is not to say that I don't think Douala's, etc. aren't wonderful - and a terrific addition to your OB's care!

I believe in reading and talking to your child in the womb (also rubbing your tummy in a counter clock-wise motion - this I believe brings a positive energy to the baby). This also applies to the father / siblings / grandparents / aunts and uncles, etc. I think that if you take time to talk specifically to your child they will feel the love that you have for them earlier on, which will develop a healthier baby, mentally and physically. I think that it shows that you are willing to take time out of your schedule already for this child who will become a life-long love of your life!

I believe in reading all the information you can get your hands on...for every pregnancy! This will help you make more educated decisions about the way that you will act during your pregnancy and how you will handle your childbirth and raising your children. I was amazed at how the information changed between each of my pregnancies...so even if you've done this before...read again - this child is just as worth it as your first one was!!!


Tomorrow's subject - childbirth! :0)

4 Years Old!

I simply can not believe that my little boy is 4 years old. I'm in shock...amazement. I know everyone says "it seems like yesterday". Well, I can't say that it seems like yesterday - we've had A LOT happen in our lives in the past four years - it doesn't seem like it's been 4 whole years!!

Birthdays are very important to me. Growing up our birthdays were made into a big deal. Afterall, it's the ONE day out of the year that is truely just about YOU. It's not Christmas, which is about Christ, it's YOUR birthday! My parents always used it as a way to celebrate us, as their children, and as the person that we were that year. I loved it. There was always a big build up, a huge day, and then yes, usually a slight let down the day after. :0) But...the let down is totally worth the fun in the days before! I've also always had an obsession with celebrating on the day of. No matter what day of the week...I want to celebrate my birthday on August 26th. (I'm the same way with anniversaries, etc.) Obviously growing up it wasn't always possible to have my birthday party on that day, so - all the better, the party was the weekend before or after, and we celebrated all the days in between the two events! :0)

This was the case with Hunter's 4th birthday this year. We decided that he was still too young to have his actual birthday without a birthday party beforehand, so we chose August 2nd to have his party. We also decided that he was old enough to have a little kids party (up until this year we've had a huge BBQ and invited all of the family and friends...we're talking around 50 people each year). But this year I knew that he was ready for a smaller, more kids centered party...and I was as excited as he was! We brainstormed for months in advance, researched on the internet, and finally decided on the Power Rangers Training Camp theme. Amazingly enough, he's been obsessed with Power Rangers for a little over a year now. He became interested in them shortly before his birthday last year (although we had a dinosaur party). He told me after his 3rd birthday that next year he wanted a PR's party, but I didn't dream the obsession would last this long - well, he proved me wrong, and got what he wanted!

We knew that since it was a party just for the kids we had to keep it much smaller than in years before, so we decided to go with the kids that he plays with on a regular basis. In attendence this year was the kids out of our families, (Baylee and Ganon Ambrose, Ally and Mya Krueger, Libby Fuhring, and Hayden and Keaton Renaud) small group that he plays with every Wednesday while Mom and Dad are at bible study (Emma Cook, and Annastyn Covey), and our playgroup friends - (Ryan Spurgeon, Riley Slowensky, and Noah and Miriam King...Juliet Mattingly couldn't be there, she was with her dad this year). Even selecting these three groups of friends there were lots of kids there!

In preparation, I put on Power Rangers music in the background and set up 6 Training Stations: for those of you who are not PR savvy, you may have to look up some of the terminology I'm getting ready to give you! ;0)

1. Be Prepared: a station where they decorated their very own tracker phones (made ahead of time out of florist foam covered in tin foil). I had lots of foam stickers for them to use. I also had PR coloring pages and crayons on this table.

2. Search: They each had to find the 5 jewels of the Corona Aurora. (A big bucket filled with play sand and lots of river rocks spray painted the 5 Power Rangers Colors) Their jewels were theirs to take home with them.

3. Teamwork: Clear the rock slide! (I laid a picnic table cloth down and dumped a huge pile of legos out. Then had 4 buckets for them to sort the legos by color - red, blue, pink, and yellow...four of the PR's colors.)

4. Defeat the Bad Guys: Knock those bad guys down! (I made masks for several of Hunter's stuffed animals and set them up on a table. Then gave each child bean bags and let them knock them down!)

5. Strong: See how strong you are by throwing water balloons! (This started with the children seeing if they could hit the fence and break the water balloons, but they got bored with that and soon began to throw them at a moving target - Charlie!)

6. Brave: Walk the board over the river of alligators! (I got a 20 ft. 2x4 and put it across my mom's above ground pool. The kids walked from one side to the other - holding Lincoln's hand - with floating alligators all around them!)

After they all completed the 6 parts of the Power Rangers Training Camp they became real Power Rangers! I had made the girls pink and the boys red t-shirts with the Power Rangers logo on it and gave them each their official Power Rangers shirt and 1st place ribbon.

Later in the party I gave them each a treat bag with a few small toys in it and let them fill the rest of their bags with candy from the pinata. So...they had their "jewels", t-shirts, ribbon, tracker phone, and bags with toys and candy in it to take home. As a parent, I hate it when I take my kid to a birthday party and they have to just sit there and watch the birthday boy or girl open all of their presents and have nothing to play with themselves. It's very hard for young children to understand this, so I wanted our guests to have something special for themselves!

They all swam, played on the swing set, ate cake and ice cream (made by Kelley King), did the pinata, and had lots of fun!

Sunday and Monday were quieter days with just one present per day, but Tuesday was his actual birthday! Of course we had to have another fun filled day! I had scheduled to not have any of my babysitting kids, so we had a full family day to ourselves! Hunter slept in until around 9:15, and then we got around. The day was whatever Hunter wanted to do...so we dropped him and Graysen off with Grammie and went to exchange one of his Power Rangers (he got two of the same at his party). While we were there we got him the other one that they had, so now he has three, and also bought him his first real baseball glove! Came back and he decided he wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese! Yippy! I love going to Chuck E. Cheese and it was Lincoln's first time! So, at 1:00 Lincoln, Hunter, and I left for STL. We got there, played 100 tokens worth, won 303 tickets, got Hunter's prizes, and came back home. We had plans to play mini golf with Grammie, Charlie, and Aunt Sissy after dinner. We went swimming in Grammie's pool and it started to thunder. Unfortunately our put put was getting rained out. Hunter decided on grilled hot dogs, french fries, and applesauce for his birthday dinner. It was pretty tasty. After dinner we had a dance party in Aunt Sissy's bedroom and then had more cake (a Spiderman decorated huge chocolate chip cookie) and ice cream.

It was a good day. It just doesn't seem possible that I have a 4 year old little boy. Luckily I still have 2 years until school!

The newest stage...

Well - Graysen is offically at the "hardest" stage to put to sleep...according to ME! ;0) Up until now she has had a bath, got rubbed down with lotion, PJ's on, nursed, and gone straight to bed. Whether she was asleep or not. For the last few months she has fussed for two minutes at most when I lay her in her bed.

That's all changed. Now she's Miss Independent!

She just realized a few days ago that she can also sit up, crawl around, and pull up in her bed! She must've thought that stuff was only for the rest of the house up until then. Now we follow the same bedtime ritual, except when I lay her down there is no more fussing for two minutes before falling asleep...it's sit up before Mom can even leave the room, and then stand hanging on the rail and scream bloody murder for as long as Mom will let me! For the most part if Lincoln goes in and just lays her back down she will cry for a few more minutes and then give it up....but...

Not tonight.

She cried for an hour (with two "laying her back down" sessions in there). Finally I just got her out of bed. I know - big "No-No". But she just wore me down. Yes, she won. She is currently standing at the recliner talking happily to Hunter who is playing Wii Football. (A new part of his nightly ritual. lol) I know she was tired because she fell asleep in the car on the way home. Of course she woke up when I got her out of the car seat, so I went ahead with the nightly ritual thinking she would just go back to sleep when it was time...nope, no such luck.

Maybe I'm weak. I don't know. I try to remind myself that there are lots of women out there who would stay awake with their babies for days if they could just have them. I know this is true because I would stay awake with Claire forever if I could just have that time with her.

So...thanks for listening (reading) to me vent for a few minutes and letting me talk myself back into sense. I have two beautiful children who are both (currently) happy and (semi) healthy. I need to not stress over what time we get to bed and rather cherish the hours I have with them while we're awake.