My cousin, My scar

A blog I read daily, http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com, has tons of great writing prompts. Usually I just think through my answer, but sometimes it sparks a memory so great that I have to share it on here.

Share the story of how you got a scar:

I really only have two scars. The first is huge on the top of my left hand. It looks like 1/2 of a set of butterfly wings. I got it when I was about 4 (maybe 5). I was living in Washington DC and was playing school in my bedroom upstairs with a friend. I had one of my grandmother's lamps on a table that I was wanting to use as a desk. It was an old fashioned lamp with the really thick antique glass. As I tugged on it to move it from the table (it was plugged in), it flew out of my hands and shattered mid-air. A piece of the glass sliced my hand, pulling a flap of my skin back. My mom took me to the hospital where they put butterfly strips on it. No stitches - but quite the scar!

My second scar is the one I'm most fond of because it brings back so many good memories! It was the last few days of school and I was in the 8th grade. It was warm outside - warm enough in May to be wearing a swimming suit while running around my yard with my best friend - my cousin. We lived on a gravel road off the main road and our mail box was at the top of the long gravel road, so we decided to ride the lawn mower up to get it rather than walk. (Lazy, yes, I know, but I believe that we had been sun bathing or something and the sun had zapped our energy.) So, my cousin and I hop on the 1 rider mower and head up the road to get the mail. We were young, silly, and not very smart. When we got to the top we decided that she would slip her foot off the break and I would slip mine on. (I was sitting on the back of the seat and she was in the seat driving). Well, our timing didn't work out as well as we had hoped, and the lawn mower lurched forward. I feel off the back of the seat (obviously) and landed (in a swim suit) on the OPEN motor. Yikes! My butt was BURNT! I don't remember much of the ride back to the house, but I do remember being scared to death to go in the house and show my mom what I had done. I'm still, to this day, not sure why I was scared to show her, because we hadn't done anything wrong, and she had never over-reacted about anything silly like that before, but none the less, I made Jayna go in to my grandma's bedroom and prep her. I had tears running down my face from the pain as I showed my mom and grandma my charred (literally) bottom.

The kicker is....it was a Sunday.

Now, this does not sound like something would be recall FOND memories, but it does. When I think about it I remember all those lazy days with my cousin and the fun we had together before our lives got so crazy and busy. Now she lives half way across the country and I only get to see her during the holidays. I miss her like terribly and wish that we could be closer and share more of our lives together.

I love you Jay - and my scar!

Hunter's life...

If I were to "map out" what I believe Hunter's life will look like; this is something of what I would imagine.

I think that Hunter will play sports (football, basketball, baseball, etc.) all the way through High School. I also think that he will be in either band or choir - something musical. I think he'll probably have a girlfriend, but nothing serious because he will be to focused on his sports (no, not education, unfortunately - lol). I do think he'll make good grades because he shows such an interest in learning already, but when there's an opportunity to play a game that involves a ball or learn about letters, he'll choose the ball any day! I think that he'll probably go to a university on the East Coast and play ball of some sort. Sometimes when I think about him leaving and going that far away I get tears in my eyes - already...he's only 4 years old!!! ha ha - silly Momma! I think that he'll meet a wonderful girl in college and will end up getting married shortly after graduation. Right now I imagine him finding a career in either construction management or sports / physical therapy. He has always said he wants to be a builder, but he loves sports and trying to "fix" the people who get hurt while playing. Obviously this will change over the years, but since I'm making a guess right now, I'm guessing based off of his current interests and comments. I think he will have a couple of children and hopefully move close to family.

** I thought it would be interesting to have this recorded so that years from now I can look back and see how WRONG I was! :0)

I am a baby-wearing, breast-feeding, apron-wearing, cookie-making kind of girl.

Alright - usually I am the farthest thing from the typical "feminist". I believe that it is the woman's job to make her house a home for her husband and children. I believe it's the husband's job to make a living for his family (but the wives to learn to run her household within his salary.) I didn't even want to go to college because I always just wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. (My Dad demanded that I go.) I would rather stay home and take care of the kids, cooking, and laundry then get a job any day (okay - MOST days). I am a baby-wearing, breast-feeding, apron-wearing, cookie-making kind of girl.

The following conversation with my sister made me stop and think though. (NOTE: the exact conversation is not exactly remembered...but this is the gist of it)

Kara: "Why do you only buy supreme frozen pizzas?"
Me: "Because that's what Lincoln likes"
Kara: "Why does it always have to be what Lincoln likes?"
Me: "Because I want to make him happy"
Kara: "What about making yourself happy sometimes?
"
Me: "Well, because he's my husband I do whatever I can to make him happy"
Kara: "You're ridiculous"
Me: "You have to pick your battles when you're married and the marriage seminar that we went to suggested that if it's not immoral, un-ethical, or no one is getting hurt to give into the wants of the other person."
Kara: "So what if you want cheese and he wants supreme - who wins then?"
Me: "obviously Lincoln"
Kara: "I'm SO not going to be like that"

True. I never thought I would be like that either. I never imagined myself being the kind of wife who bought the food her husband liked and sacrificed some of the foods that I like. I never thought I would make the sacrifices that I make everyday and don't even think about anymore.

I'll be honest, sometimes I wish I could become selfish again. Even for just a few days. I wish I eat whatever I want, sleep whenever I want, go wherever I want, when I want. I envy my sister and her girlfriends for being able to run up to Applebees at 9:00 for 1/2 price appetizers without giving anyone else a second thought. I envy the fact that she gets to sleep in and not worry about going to the late movie because she knows that her child might wake up for her first night time feeding before she gets home.

But...someday I'll be "there" again. Someday Lincoln and I won't have any kids in the house anymore and we'll be able to do all of those things.

Hopefully we won't be too tired to do them by then.

Mary Did You Know?

What a great song. It really makes me stop and think. Obviously Mary knew that her child was special because she got pregnant without ever having sex. Who WOULDN'T know that was a special situation? I think it's disappointing that the Bible doesn't tell us more about Jesus as a child. There are a few stories of course - like the one about him separating from his parents to stay at the temple, but not too many about what it was like to be a parent to Jesus as a child. Do you think he acted up or was he always perfect? I mean, Jesus brought us the 10 commandments, so there wasn't an "obey your parents" commandment for him to break. It sounds funny to me, but in all seriousness - I would love to know what discipline techniques Mary and Joseph used with Jesus...or if they even needed any. Maybe he was perfect.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Did you know
That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that youve delivered
Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Did you know
That your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know
That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little boy
Youve kissed the face of god

Mary, did you know?
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
And the dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the lamb

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy is lord of all creation?
Did you know
That your baby boy will one day rules the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy is heavens perfect lamb?
This sleeping child youre holding
Is the great I am


When I think about Hunter and Graysen and all they have ahead of them in this world it's so overwhelming! Then I think about my parents and wonder if they pictured me turning out the way I have.

I wonder if I have fulfilled all of the "hopes and wishes" that they had for me or if I've been a disappointment in some areas. I'm sure they didn't imagine me being in an emotionally abusive relationship for 4 years of my young high school life. I'm sure my Mom never pictured paying for a college degree in something as useless as dance. I'm sure my Dad never imagined the day when we no longer had a relationship because of decisions that he made. I can bet that my Mom didn't fathom that I would get pregnant before I was married and that she would stand by and support me all the way.

What will become of my children? What will they do or not do that I imagine in my mind right now? It's funny how parents get an idea in their head of what activities their children will be interested in growing up. What they will do in college and how they will spend the rest of their lives.

Death

My camera died today. I'm sad. It was my very first digital camera. A gift from my mom one Christmas. It's been coming since about 2 weeks before Halloween. I'm glad I got all my pictures off of it. I feel as though there's been a loss in the family.

I'm lost without it. Help.

Cupcakes Galore!

Yesterday was Graysen's First Birthday Party! As a side note, I love birthday parties. I know I've mentioned this before in previous posts, but today reminded me of why I love them. It's not because I enjoy myself at them, it's because I see the smiles on other people's faces. I love watching the kids interact, the excited screams as they chase each other with balloons, as the candy falls out of the pinata, the icing smeared all over their faces. I soak it in as I watch my friends and family interact, seeing the expressions on people's faces while in the middle of a deep conversation. I love playing hostess - before, during, and after. I love the anticipation of the day, the weeks building up to the party, all the little projects laying on every available surface of my house, a constant reminder that the day is coming, and I get to celebrate the birth of my child with those that I love. What's NOT to like about it?!

I hope that as my children grow older and look back on their birthday parties over the years they are able to see, through them, how much they mean to me!

Memories of Gray's birthday

Graysen,

Today you turned one. I was very scared a year ago today. I wasn't convinced that even though you were born that God would let me keep you. Yes, I loved you when they laid you on my chest, but I kept a distance in my heart. You have torn through that wall and I can not imagine life without you ever being in it. You have saved me. You have restored my faith in the good of the world. I will forever be grateful for that.

I'm amazed at how you have developed over the past year. You are a beautiful little girl, both in and out. I adore your big brown eyes, your sweet blonde hair with wisps over your ears and on your neckline, and your fingers that wrap around mine. I love the faces you make with your cheesy smile and scrunched up nose; your teeth with a space between the top middle ones, the way you have 4 on top and only 3 on the bottom. You have such a calm personality. You are an extremely happy baby, only recently have you started to weary of strangers. You bring such joy and happiness into our home.

Last night as your Dad and I lay in bed we talked about what our lives were like a year ago. We went to the hospital on the evening of the 27th thinking that we were going to be induced and have a baby. Once we got there Dr. Karrie Cunningham came in and explained that there had been some miscommunication. We were only to be observed, not actually induced. Your Dad and I tried to convince her to let us stay and go ahead and have the baby (I was already having some natural contractions), but she explained that if there were any complications with you when you were born she would rather it not be in the middle of the night when every emergency response team is a bit slower. That's all she had to say, we were okay with going home, only to return in less than 12 hours. Hunter was spending the night with Grammie, so we just left him there, as not to confuse him. We came home to an empty house, knowing that the next time we entered we would have TWO children with us. It was so hard to fathom at that point, and so hard to imagine the opposite now, just one year later. We got up in the morning and had to check in at the ER entrance. We went upstairs, started the pitocin, and we were on our way! It didn't take long for Mommy's contractions to kick into high gear...I knew you were going to come fairly quickly. Grammie came to Rolla and dropped Hunter off with Rita Wells. She came on to the hospital and helped your Daddy try to comfort me during the toughest of labor. By 9:30 we knew that you were going to be here very soon and we called Aunt Sissy out of school (she was going to cosmetology school in Rolla at the time), Grandma from work (she was working at Triad in Rolla) and Rita to bring your big brother. Aunt Sissy got there right after the nurse told me I was a 10 and was able to give me a quick hug before Dr. Cunningham came in to deliver you! There was an intern with her and so she showed him how to do everything. I pushed one time and there you were! You were 7 lbs. 1 oz., 20 inches, and were born at 9:51 a.m. You were READY to meet your family! I should've known then you were going to be a very easy going baby! Although there weren't any major complications you had trouble keeping your body temperature up, so they wisked you away to the warmer very quickly after you were born. Our family was able to come back, but just to see us, Dr. Sean McEnaney was looking you over in the nursery. You took to nursing pretty well, although you weren't very interested after you went into your "sleep stage". I even called the lactation consultant in for suggestions on ways to wake you up and make you eat! We wanted to get out of the hospital and back home as soon as possible, so we left the hospital 26 hours after you were born.

I think every girl wants to know the story of her birth, so there it is. Your birth was a wonderful experience. Holding you for the first time was like nothing else in the whole world. We had prayed for you for almost 2 years before you were even conceived, and then we continued to pray for you the entire 9 months that you grew in my tummy. You are proof that God does answer prayers in the way that we hope at times.

Today, your first birthday, was a fairly quiet day around our house. You have a cold, runny nose, cough, breathing difficulties, so we gave you lots of medicine, nose wipes, and breathing treatments. Mommy baked about 70 cupcakes for your birthday party on Sunday and Aunt Sis, Grammie, Charlie, and Jamie came over for cake after dinner. We sang you happy birthday. You weren't real sure what to think about it, but after we were all done you decided it was good enough to clap for. :0)

I love you with all of my heart - you have made me into who I have become over the last year, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Moving Song

This is a new song to me. We sang it in church last Sunday and I was just especially touched by the lyrics. I thought others might be as well. Often times I find myself getting so caught up in the noise and commotion of the world that we live in. It was nice to voice the chorus.

"Word Of God Speak" by Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Lincoln "The Great"

My husband makes me laugh. We are currently sitting in the kitchen. He is doing the dishes at the sink and I am sitting at the computer ordering Christmas gifts. I say to him, "oh man - I have to write a new blog for tomorrow, all of mine have posted". His response? "Write one about how great I am!" LOL Whew, comic relief! I laugh and he says, " that should be easy right?!" After a louder laugh from me, he responds "you can say that I said that too! Just start the post...as Lincoln was slaving away at the sink today..."

What a crack up. But seriously, I am blessed with a great husband. He is wonderful at listening to me and making me feel better about whatever the situation may be. He cares about my physical and mental health and always encourages me to do whatever it is that will make those things better. When I actually express my needs he is always there to meet them (he cleaned the entire house yesterday!!!).

I am Thankful.

What Moves Us to Tears?

After the sermon on Sunday I got to seriously thinking about this question. The pastor presented us with the question at the beginning of the sermon.

So - what moves us to tears? Do you cry over the things that hurt us directly? The things that make us sad. Or...do you cry over the things that God would cry over? What is the difference in the things that move us to tears vs. the things that move God to tears?

I have come up with a brief list of some of the things that have moved me to tears in the last week:

1. My daughter blowing me kisses when I walked in her room to get her up a few mornings ago
2. Thinking about and feeling the pain of losing my middle daughter almost 3 years ago
3. Thinking about my daughter's 1st birthday that is coming later this week
4. The thought of not having any more children
5. My son's attitude a few nights ago

I thought more in depth about each of them:

1. These were good tears - something that made me so extremely happy! I think God may cry when we blow Him kisses too! That's how much He loves us!
2. Although I know it's normal to cry when we experience loss or feel pain, but God isn't crying over Claire not being here with me. He's happy that she's in Heaven with Him...so maybe I should just look forward to the day when I can be there with her!
3. Again - a bittersweet kind of crying...
4. I shouldn't cry over this! I am so very blessed to have two healthy children here on earth with me. I should focus my attention and energy on raising these two!
5. This was more of a fear of failure in myself. My husband and I have tried so hard over the last 4 years to balance discipline with self-confidence. Being a parent is such a challenge - never knowing until it's too late whether you did the right thing or not. Overall Hunter is a wonderful boy - I'm sure every parent wonders what happened to their "sweet" child at some point or another.

What things move God to tears though? Do we cry for the babies who never get a chance at life because their parents made the decision to abort them? Do we cry for those who are homeless on the street and no one gives them a second chance? Do we cry for those around us who don't know the love and saving grace of our Heavenly Father? I believe in my heart that those are the types of things that move God to tears.

Maybe we should stop being so "all about me" all the time and think about what makes God cry everyday. What can we do to help eliminate His tears? Isn't that what we try to do for others that we love? Try to fix things so that they aren't sad, hurting, etc.? Haven't we all said "I'd take the pain, sickness, hurt, if I could"? Let's try to do that for God!

Doing the impossible

A blogging friend of mine has recently written a couple of posts about how hard it is as a woman to keep up with everything that is expected of us. Although I empathized with her at the time of her posts, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed with my own life at that point. Well - the time has come. I'm overwhelmed. I know this is the same as every woman feels, but sometimes it's just nice to vent right?

Don't misunderstand me - I have a wonderful husband who is very helpful when it comes to keeping the outside of our home in order, repairing things that are broken around the house, taking care of the children, etc. Unfortunately, he's just not too helpful when it comes to the inside of our home. I find this odd because I know that he had chores while growing up. Pretty much he leaves the cleaning and picking up to me. That would be fine if I only had to pick up after myself and the children...but I don't. He is famous for leaving his dishes by the recliner or on the bedside table, shoes all over the living room, dirty clothes in the floor, and trash on the counter.

I hit my wall last night and made a chore chart. Yes, I'm aware he might take offense to this and that it seems extremely elementary. I'm not saying that we'll post it on the fridge and get stickers or anything, I just want something to use as a guide. Something that he can look at and know what needs to be done and how he can help me around the house.

I'll let you know how it goes. ;0)

To Read List:

Here is my list of books that I would like to eventually find time to read:

1. The Professors Wives Club
2. The James Miracle
3. All We Know Of Heaven
4. Captivating
5. Do You Think I'm Beautiful?
6. The Christmas Sweater
7. The Difficult Child
8. A Million Little Pieces
9. Sunset
10. Twilight
11. The Mommy Diaries

If anyone has any other suggestions for me to add or have read any of the above books and would like to give me their input on them I would greatly appreciate it! :0)

What do you hear?

I'm listening to my home right now. I hear the muffled sound of the washer and dryer running behind the closed laundry room door. I hear Charlie and Lola in the living room (they are regular guests of ours on TV...). I hear a bird outside in the tree. It's a crisp sunny day outside. I hear the clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I type.

I also hear my own thoughts. Do I make this house a home? Do I do enough to keep it presentable, functional, and cozy? I know I don't. Sometimes I feel as though I could do a better job, sometimes I feel as though I'm tapped out; like I'm extended to the fullest extent. Sure, I should use these minutes blogging to unload the dish washer...but sometimes I just need some time for ME!

Here's my list of things that I do for me that I will NOT let myself feel guilty for:

1. Blogging
2. Baths that include shaving my legs
3. Reading my book for less than 30 minutes a day
4. Time spent on choreography
5. Taking a walk

That (not so loving) feeling

Do you ever make a decision and then regret it?
Do you ever wish you would've stuck to your guns a little longer?
Wish that you had put up a bigger fight to get what you wanted?
Wish that you prayed a little longer about it?

Do you ever feel sick to your stomach when you think about it?

whew. I hate that feeling.

Volunteer Work

If you had the freedom to do volunteer work for three months (with all barriers removed such as finances and childcare,) what would you do?

I saw this question on a blog that I read daily and I was so excited to answer the question. Then I sat down to answer it...


and nothing. I had no idea where to start! I have so many things I'd love to do, but how could I possibly pick one?! I want to volunteer in a pregnancy resource center, I want to travel overseas and work in an orphanage, I want to work in a home for battered women, the list is endless.

What would your answer be?

80's fans beware...

I have never been a huge fan of the 80's. Odd because I grew up during them. I thought I hated the off the shoulder shirts, stretch pants, bright colored costume jewelry, and leg warmers...but I was wrong, I have come to love each of those styles as they have recently come back around. If I had to choose one clothing trend to never come back I would venture to say it would be the scrunchie. Let me be more specific. Those huge cloth covered rubber bands that come in all colors and fabrics. If I ever see someone wearing one again it will be too soon... I'm all for hair bows, ribbons, colored rubber bands, clips, etc. It's just something about those scrunchies. :0)


What past clothing trend do you think should never come back in style?

Comfort Food

Does everyone have a comfort food? Yes, I eat for comfort, but I don't have a specific food. I think I might be the minority on this one. I love holiday food - holiday food in my family includes 7 layer salad, turkey, ham, green bean casserole, rolls, corn, pumpkin pie, and apple pie. These are the staples at any holiday gathering. Of course there are many more mixed in there, but they differ year to year. If it's not holiday time I eat anything. Cheese-it's, brownies, spaghetti...basically anything in my house that is unhealthy.

Why is comfort food never healthy for me?!?! (aside from the quantity of it I eat...I'm talking about the type of food...)

Love, hate, lucky

I love to cook dinner.
I hate to clean up the dishes afterward.
I'm lucky I have a husband who will do that for me.

Pampered Chef Closing...

Just wanted to let all of you fellow bloggers out there know that I'm getting ready to close my Pampered Chef Party tomorrow! I honestly am not one to do these kinds of parties, but I love their stuff. I own tons of it and use it every single day. If you are interested in browsing through the stuff you can look online. You may place your order at the website below or call me and I'll do it for you.

Remember all the unglazed stoneware is 20% off right now!!! That's a great deal for all of your holiday foods that are waiting to be prepared! :0)

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/jshaner

The next stage...

I'm entering a new stage of my life. Okay, so really it has nothing to do with me, but since this is my blog I'll tell it from my perspective.

My mom is engaged. Yup. She says she's not calling it that, but that's what it is. Charlie (Charles, Char, Chaz, LC, Chuck, etc.) bought her a beautiful diamond ring. She's wearing it on her left ring finger. It's an engagement. My mom is getting married!

I'm happy for her. I really, honestly, can say that I am. Until the past 6 months or so I don't know that I could've said that truthfully. This has been a long time coming, a long hard road. My dad left us almost 6 years ago and Mom met Charlie 4 months (or so) afterwards. He's been around in one capacity or another ever since. He was there for my wedding, the birth of all of my children. He has helped me through lots of things over the past 6 years. Whether or not he knows it, I feel like we have an unspoken connection, an understanding that only comes from people who have experienced what we have. Charlie is a wonderful man.

It's odd to say that I'm going to have a step-dad, or step-sisters. Only little kids have those things. That's something that a child of a broken home grows up with. I am not one of those children. Although the "technical terms" of things like that sound odd to me, I am happy to say that Charlie will be a wonderful addition to my family.

Welcome!

TWLOHA

Check it out. I dig it.

http://www.twloha.com/index.php

Let Down...?

Have you ever built something up so much in your mind that it's then impossible for it to go as smoothly as you had pictured it? It seems that I let myself do this all the time! I have a real problem with change, I'm able to admit this, but if I have something in my mind then it should just go that way - no matter what! Very unrealistic, I know.

Take Christmas Tree Putting Up Night for instance. (And yes, it should all be capitalized, it's a proper name - like Christmas or something. ha ha) I had this picture perfect night in my mind with Christmas music playing, Lincoln, Hunter, and I putting the tree up, Graysen playing with the santa dolls and a few ornaments. All gathered around the stove making home made pizza and then eating it under the lights of the tree.

What I didn't picture was a husband who was VERY tired (but trying desperately not to act like it), a son who had an ear infection and was acting up more than usual, a strand of Christmas lights that were burnt out, a daughter who would pull every ornament off the tree as soon as we could put it up there, a kitchen that had to be cleaned, a pizza that took twice as long to bake as I had guessed it would, and me, putting the rest of the decorations up by myself after the other three had gone to bed.

I have to admit, I am rather proud of myself. Despite the "set-backs", we had a wonderful evening together and I didn't stress out one single time. Amazing. Lincoln even commented to me how impressed he was before heading off to bed...that's how I know I was truly successful.

A Good Daddy Memory...

One of my favorite memories of my dad from my HS years was the time that he took me to the Fox on Homecoming night. I can't tell you what show we saw...actually, I couldn't even tell you if it was homecoming, courtwarming, or prom. All I remember is that I didn't have a date and my Daddy came to the rescue. Instead of me having to go to the dance alone he bought me tickets to the Fox, and we had a date together. We planned to be home about the same time that the dance was getting out and we had the usual post-dance gathering at my house. My mom was home and got all the food ready for my friends and they were all there when I got home from my date with my daddy. I had the best of both worlds that night, a date with my dad, a show at the Fox, and a slumber party with my friends!

My dream spot

One day I'm going to have a "spot" in my home. I'm going to have a cozy corner in a spare bedroom where I have a chase lounge and a tall stand lamp. It's going to have a cozy throw blanket over the back of it to tuck in around my feet while I sit and a small antique table beside it to put my ice tea and book on. I'm going to curl up there by myself and read my book and sit on my laptop...

Someday.

Coupon Codes

Maybe I'm way behind times - but... Yesterday I finished ordering the stuff for Graysen's birthday party. In MOPS last week we were discussing frugal living and someone mentioned that you can google coupon codes and come up with all those codes that give some sort of a discount when you're online shopping. I decided to give it a try. So, I found a site where all you had to do was type in the store that you're shopping at (online) and it gave you a variety of codes that did different things. I found one that gave free shipping for orders over 40.00. Luckily mine was 52.00! I typed it in and what do you know, I save 9.95 on shipping!!! Awesome! I was so excited. For about 60 seconds of work I saved almost 10.00! Just wanted to share, obviously it was thrilling to me!

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder what a particular day means to someone else?

I always get a little depressed around the holidays, it's not a good thing, but it's a fact. There are several things that I feel contribute to this slight depression that I have.

1. The stress of buying Christmas gifts.
2. The stress of splitting up the days between families.
3. My dad left our family on Dec. 26, 2002.
4. My grandma had open heart surgery in November 2002. Although she pulled through and is a very active 81 year old, it was a very scary and hard time on my entire family.
5. My grandpa died on Jan. 20, 1994 and my grandma has always struggled with depression around this time.
6. Claire was born and passed away on Feb. 10, 2006.

So, within a 4 month stretch my family has experienced a lot of downers over the years. While I was thinking about this the other day (and trying to find perspective to overcome it), I thought about a close friend of the family. He and his first wife lost 2 baby boys within days of each of them being born. Although I know this fact about his past, we have only talked very briefly about it two times in the almost 6 years that I have known him. Once being when I was told I had Strep B when I was pregnant with Hunter (this is what one of his boys passed away from like 26ish years ago), and again when Claire passed away. He recently told me that just like I look at 3 year old little girls and think about what Claire would be like, he looks at Lincoln and thinks about what each of his boys might be like. He has never told me their birthdays or days that they passed away. It makes me wonder what I've been doing on those days over the last 6 years and if I've been insensitive to his bad moods.

So there started my deep thought process on what any particular day might mean in the life of someone else. February 10th for me is a bitter sweet day, the day I got to meet my first daughter, and also the day that she left me to go to Heaven. For another family that I know in STJ February 10th is a wonderful celebration of their first daughter's birthday.

I'm going to make it my goal to be sensitive to others lives, moods, and feelings. You never know what may have happened on a particular day many years ago for them.

Hippie Me

Yeah, call me odd. I just realized tonight that I'm going to miss nursing when it's over. I only got to nurse Hunter until 9.5 months because of the medicine that they gave me during my miscarriage. I thought that I missed it then due to the promptness of it's end and that I was shorted 2.5 months. I thought that if (God granting) I was able to nurse for a full year this time, I would be totally satisfied. For a short period of time (around 10 months old) I was satisfied. But now I'm not. Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's the 1st birthday party planning. Whatever it is, I'm not ready to give it up. Sadly, I have a 3 day, baby-free, trip planned a few weeks after Gray turns one. I suppose I'll just play it by ear when the times comes, but I am by no means going to "cut" her off by November 28th. Maybe I'll take my pump with me on the trip, maybe I won't. We'll see how my heart feels by then.

p.s. - I'm not at all sad about my trip, just about the implications it has on my nursing...after re-reading that it sounded like I wished I wasn't going on the trip - that, my friends, is not true at all! :0)

Tigers vs. Bulldogs

We are a STJ Tigers family. My husband was born and raised a Tiger. I purposefully shop for winter clothes in Red and White for the entire family. Lincoln is a Tiger coach. He lives and breaths this job. The rivalry that he felt while playing on the court from 97-00 is still alive in him today. The Rolla Bulldogs are our sworn enemy. Maroon and Gray are never welcome in our home.

Lincoln has bred this into Hunter since the day he came home. Lately Hunter has found a great new way to ruffle his dad's feathers. He is constantly wanting to be the Rolla Bulldogs rather than the STJ Tigers while playing games. I've given up on correcting him. He knows exactly what he's doing. The look in his eye when he says it cracks me up. He never says it when Lincoln isn't around - then he's always the STJ Tigers!

**As a side note - I was never really a Tiger growing up. Maybe it's due to the fact that I never stayed at one school very long in my younger years, maybe it's because I never played sports of any kind in HS, but I never felt a loyalty to the Tigers. Since Lincoln has started coaching I have to admit that I am more a Tiger now than I've ever been. During the '05-'06 school year I learned a lot about being a fan, a coaches wife, and loyalty to something other than my family. Since then I've been kept away from games more than I'd like (due to pregnancy and newborns), but I am looking forward to getting back in the stands this season and seeing what the Tigers have lined up for us! :0)

STJ ALL THE WAY!

Christmas Music

I made my Christmas playlist on i-Tunes today.

Tomorrow's job is to download the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD and add it.
Tuesday's plan is to clean out the corner of the living room for the tree to go up in.
Wednesday's job is to get the Christmas lights on the house (okay - so that's Lincoln's job)
Thursday's plan is to decorate the living room
Friday is TREE PUTTING UP DAY!

I've never been as excited about Christmas as I am this year. I am NOT going to stress over the fact that all the gifts are not bought and we don't have the money to do it. I am not having to stress about splitting up the day this year, we're going Christmas Day at my Mom's and the Saturday after at Redburn's. Charlie bought Graysen's Christmas dress for me today and Hunter has a nice suit from Merilee (or CJ, which ever way you want to look at it), so the kids clothes are covered already. Everything is falling into place this year and I'm going to sit back and enjoy every minute of it!

Tinkerbell

Everyone must see the new Tinkerbell movie!!!! We rented it last night and it was WONDERFUL! I dare say it's my new favorite Disney movie! Yes, it's girly, but Hunter loved it - he found it very funny and there are boys in it as well, so don't count yourself out if you only have a son. It's magical.

Only my baby

I love the smell of Graysen in the middle of the night. While I hold her close she rubs her hand through her hair then reaches for my face. Her hand smells like a mixture of baby soap from her nightly bath and sweet smelling sweat from her hair. It's a wonderful mixture that only a mom could cherish. I inhale as deep as I can and try to lock it away in my memory. I hope that I can recall that smell even when I am old and gray.

Words to live by

Yesterday Hunter was having an especially hard time laying still and quiet for rest time. Lincoln on the other hand was not.

Eventually this was the conversation:

Ashley - "Hunter, just do it like Daddy is"
Hunter - " Do what like Daddy does?"
Lincoln - "Pretty much everything son - those are just good words to live by"
Ashley - "Not full of yourself are you honey?"
Lincoln - "Ha ha, just couldn't pass it up."

Thought it was pretty funny. The lucky part is, I can actually say I would be a very happy Mother if Hunter did follow those words of wisdom.

Undefinable

I had a fun two hours tonight. It's amazing how you forget what your "old" life was like after you've gotten married and had children. Since I don't get out of dance until 9 p.m. on Thursdays (after my kids are already in bed) I decided to go over to my mom's tonight to visit. My mom and sister and I laughed more in those two hours then I have in two weeks. I love being with them. Now it may sound as if I don't get to spend much time with them which isn't true. In fact, I see them almost every day - but usually it's with my kids. There's something very freeing about being with two of your best friends without your kids. Something amazing happens. I can't put my finger on it, but I do know that it's fun. Just plain fun. We didn't do anything spectacular, we sat around the computer and laughed at things online, we laid in my mom's bed and talked. It didn't matter...it was fun.

I love you girls. Thanks for reminding me of who I am deep down at my core.

Black

Ah, the irony of the color black.

1. Black clothes - positive: shirts, pants, doesn't matter, if it's black - I'm going to like it. negative: Old black clothes - the faded look just depresses me.

2. Mom's - positive: slimming. negative: spit up, snot, etc. all show up BAD.

I'm just not sure if the pros outweigh the cons...but I do know this. I want to be able to dress up wearing black and go out for a night on the town and not worry about snot or spit up on me.

A Thankful Month

In honor of Thanksgiving I am going to start an "I'm Thankful For" list - kind of like my "Like / Dislike Lists". I'm not going to re-post everyday, but I will go back and add to this post everyday of November.

1st: Today I'm thankful for a day full of eating Halloween Candy with my son. Today is the day every year where we eat candy all day long. Doesn't matter what time or if you ask first - the day after Trick-Or-Treating is a free for all.

2nd: I'm thankful for Sundays. These are fun days for my family - we get to go to church (soon as a whole family!), then eat a big lunch (usually with my mom and sister), and then relax the rest of the day. There are no expectations of us on Sundays, just a day to be together as a family.

3rd: I'm thankful for a job that I love. I'm so lucky to influence young people in both life and dance. I'm thankful that I get to share my skills and I smile every time I say something that I remember hearing one of my teachers along the way say to me. I love to see their smiles when the concept finally clicks.

4th: I'm thankful to live in a nation where we have the right to vote. I'm thankful to all of those who have served fighting for our nation and those nations who are less lucky than us.

5th: I'm thankful to be a Christian and know that God is in control of every situation. No matter what the American law says I have the right to raise my family to believe what the Bible says and follow the laws of God.

6th: I am thankful for being able to socialize with other mom's. Although some parenting decisions are different we are all mom's and can relate on some of the struggles and highs of being such.

7th: I am thankful that my children have inherited the love for music that their father and I have. While neither one of us are talented enough to create music of our own we do love all kinds of music. I believe that we have both always been this way. There is a rare day that goes by when we don't have a music / dance session in our living room. This is what is happening right now and I am greatly enjoying watching Lincoln recline in his chair, close his eyes, and soak in Jack Johnson today. Hunter is shaking his booty all over the place, and Graysen is standing in one place bouncing up and down. What a wonderful family I have.

8th: I am thankful for a mom who values my children and their development. My mom is great at making learning fun for my children. She is constantly coming up with new games to play and is always on the floor with them doing one thing or another. Such a terrific grandma!

9th: I am thankful that I have a family who understands and supports the fact that I still mourn the loss of our middle daughter Claire. Amazing that she would be 3 in February and some days are still harder than others. I had not shed tears over her in a long time but I did last night. I will always miss her.

10th: I am thankful for a steady income. There are so many that work on commission or have seasonal work. Although we have 5 small incomes between the two of us, they are all steady work and pay the necessary bills.

11th: I am thankful for friends of many talents. Some of my friends are great listeners, some always know how to make me smile, some are wonderful to pitch in around my home helping me do whatever it is that needs to be done, some are photographers, some are musicians, some are great cooks. Whatever YOUR talent is, thank you for being my friend. I appreciate each and every one of you.

12th: Whew, today is a tough one. :0) I am thankful for a husband who is willing to help me with the baby sitting kids even though it means that he doesn't get a single day off every week.

13th: I am thankful that people are gracious when I am not a good cook. I failed miserably on my first lasagna try tonight and my mom, grandma, and husband all ate it...and didn't give me too hard of a time! ;0)

14th: I am thankful for family traditions. We put up our Christmas tree tonight and it was so nice to have a family night, just the four of us doing such a fun activity together.

15th: I'm thankful for my health.

16th: I am thankful for my kid's laughter. It can brighten any moment.

17th: I am thankful for the little perks of the holiday season. This year Walmart is giving us a 10% discount on EVERYTHING in the store starting today and going through the 1st of the year! Yea for discounted holiday food! :0)

18th: I am thankful for considerate friends. A friend of ours volunteered to keep our kids this afternoon while Lincoln and I had a lunch date at Applebees. How nice to be able to sneak out for 2 hours in the middle of the day!

19th: I am thankful for Christmas lights! Lincoln put them up outside today and I am looking forward to driving home after dark and seeing them!

20th: I am thankful for days that I feel motivated. Today I am getting all the laundry caught up in our home.

21st: I am thankful for my kids who behave in public.

22nd: I am thankful for my sister being a stylist. It's amazing how much a new hair color or cut can make you feel better about yourself!

23rd: I am thankful to have a caring father figure in my life.

24th: I am thankful for routine. Somedays being to feel monotonous, but all in all, I love having a routine that I can depend on from day to day.

What turns around your day?

I am having a bad day. It started last night when I went to bed with a headache. Then I was up practically all night with a teething baby. One of the kids I'm baby sitting today is extremely fussy - one of those days where nothing really helps. Lincoln had an orthodontist appointment this morning and got there only to find out that he needed his Etainer (sp?) so he had to turn around and come home to get it and then go back. When he called to tell me this bad news. I just cried. I'm tried and I have two fussy babies (teething Graysen being the other one)...and now Lincoln's trip out of the house has just been extended. I apologized for being in a bad mood - he understood...

Then he walked in the front door with an IC Moca from STL Bread Co.!!! Bless my husband. He just wanted to try to do something to make my day better. What a man. I'm so lucky. I had a feeling my day was turning around. Then a friend of mine stopped by to visit and she offered to take Hunter with her to the library. Hunter loves going to the library and he loves going with other people, so this was great for him. They left and Graysen went down for a nap. The fussy baby is currently happy sitting in the floor surrounded by toys, and I'm getting to blog while sipping my IC Moca.

Amazing how one little act of kindness from someone can turn your day around!

The question...

Recently I was visiting with a very good friend and she was telling me about some retired NFL player who came to her church to speak. She said he was speaking on the role that a father plays in his children's lives. For a son, a father teaches what is expected out of a husband and father. For a daughter he teaches what she "deserves"; how she should expect to be treated from her future spouse. She said that the speaker said that every girl is born with a question in her mind:

Do you see me? Am I beautiful? Do I deserve to be loved?

When I first heard that I thought - oh that's silly. Not every girl is that insecure. But the more I think about it - I think he may be right. Deep down girls - haven't we always asked ourselves that? Maybe some of us were lucky enough (myself included) to be raised in a family (and with a father) who filled those "voids" for us - who answered those questions...but some of us weren't so lucky.

I am blessed to have had a father who made sure I understood the answers to those questions until I was old enough to have a husband. I am further blessed to have a husband who reminds me daily of the answers and already (unconsciously) is answering them for our almost 1 year old daughter. Thank God for good dads.

The One and Only

Here is my one and only political post. You may be offended by what I'm about to say. If so, I apologize, I am just using this space to vent this evening, as I have reached my fill with the political field.

I am SO tired of hearing everyone's opinions. Yes, I understand that everyone has the right to voice them. But I also have the right to not listen to any of them.

I was raised in a household where elections were not discussed. I'm not sure my mom knows to this day who my Dad voted for ever. Did my parents watch the debates and do their research - like every responsible American citizen, of course they did. But did they debate the issues between each other? Not ever in front of me. Did they put signs in their front yard or bumper stickers on their cars proclaiming their "candidate of choice"? NO WAY. This year especially I have pondered where the secrecy of their feelings and actions stemmed from. I can't help but believe that part of it was that my father was in the military. He was going to be responsible for answering to the future President of the United States. He was going to follow his orders whether he agreed with him or not. Thus, I grew up believing that this was a private issue that is not to be discussed with anyone else other than God.

My husband has never, and will never know who I vote for at each election though our married life. We simply do not discuss it. We try to educate our son (who is only 4) on the importance of having an opinion, understanding what politicians stand for, and voting on election day. We have tried especially this year to help him learn each of the candidates names and what role the President of the United States plays in our country and lives. I feel like this is our parental duty. He must grow up understanding our country and the way it works to eventually become a responsible, involved citizen.

I think that many people view my lack of expression as a lack of interest or disagreement. This is not at all the case. I simply do not want to hear your opinions, be swayed by anything but facts, or listen to someone bad mouth and rant and rave about our future President. I think it's disrespectful. I was recently in a room full of people who were debating issues (although they were all on the same side - go figure that out...). When I didn't speak up during the entire conversation they took that to mean that I supported the opposite side. Ha ha. Not true. I was in total agreement with everything that was coming out of their mouths, but I just chose to keep mine shut.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to send forwards to others "pushing" their opinions on matters, why people post things on websites such as blogs, facebook, myspace, etc. Do you really think that everyone that is going to read them is that uneducated, that stupid as to not form their OWN opinion?

I just don't get why people don't keep their opinions to themselves. (That was a general statement...I don't understand that about every subject, not just politics.) I honestly TRY (and don't always succeed - obviously, or I wouldn't have posted this blog), to keep my opinion to myself unless asked for it. Why can't everyone do that?!?!

Happy Halloween!

Ah, Halloween is here again. This year ('08) I've got a Rock Star and a Butterfly at my house! Halloween is by no means our favorite holiday, but it is one that falls during the fall season, which IS our favorite season! Therefore, we have a lot of fun picking out our costumes, preparing them, getting pumpkins, and carving them.
Hunter's first Halloween ('04) he was almost 3 months old and was a bumble bee. He was super cute with those little antennae sticking out from his head! The costume was warm enough that we were able to take him over to my Grandma's to "Trick-Or-Treat", and then it was fun to just have him all dressed up while we handed out candy at our house. His second Halloween ('05) he wore a bear costume that my Grandma made for Kara when she was a little girl. It was awesome to see him in it and I think Grandma really enjoyed knowing that her hard work was appreciated for YEARS! His third year ('06) he was a lion, and last year ('07) he was the Red Power Ranger. This Graysen's first Halloween and I am looking forward to compiling her costume list just like Hunter's! Really our only rules on costumes are that it has to be something "real". Okay - so maybe that's not the best description of it because Power Rangers aren't real...but any mummy, witches, Scream characters, etc. are out. But you all know what I mean by "real"...an animal, person, cartoon character, etc.
I was recently at a Halloween party where parents dressed their 3 year old daughter in a bloody, gory, sick costume. Why?! It made me question some parents "thrill" behind Halloween and realize that I am so lucky that my husband and I agree on the meaning / importance of all the holidays that we celebrate. To us, Halloween is just a fun day to dress up (who doesn't like to get dressed up?!), carve pumpkins, get candy, and eat until you're sick! Ha ha.

I wonder how other families view Halloween and what their "rules" are for celebrating it.

Kisses

Kisses on the cheek. I think they might be my number one favorite thing in the whole world. Odd maybe. Okay, definitely. But truth none the less. To me, kisses on the cheek mean the following:

1. I love you
2. I care about you
3. I like you
4. I adore you
5. I want to do something just for you

Kisses on the mouth are wonderful - but have their place in my world. Kisses on the mouth for me are passion filled. They mean I am attracted to you, I'm thinking about you in "that way". (Which is great sometimes...)

So when I was almost asleep last night and I felt my husband lean over and give me a kiss on the cheek I feel asleep a very happy girl.

What do kisses mean to you and what are your favorite kind?!

Sugar, Spice, and Everything nice...that's what Apple Pie is made of!

That's right world - I made my very first Apple Pie tonight! I had a couple of great tips from dear friends of mine. One being Bethany, who always amazes me with her cooking / baking skills, and the other being Miss Sadie Baxter. Alright, so the later isn't truly a friend - she's a character from one of my favorite books (The Mitford Series), but I spent so many hours "with" her that I feel as though we're friends. I bought the cook book that is filled with all of the recipes from the series. So, I combined the two recipies / tips and I think I made an AWESOME apple pie! I used the apples that we picked at Ekert's the other day, but cheated with a pre-made crust (or you know, the ones that come in the roll by the cookie dough...but I had to start somewhere right?! I let Lincoln do the design on top - we ended up with a basketball - but he was so excited, I just couldn't make him change it! Ha ha.

4:30 ramblings

Randomly I'm up at all hours this week.  What is going on?!  Graysen woke up at 4:30 to eat and I couldn't go back to sleep!  So instead, I'm scouring the internet for something useful to read and occupy my mind until I'm tired again.  I'm not overly rested or anything, in fact, I find that the less I'm able to sleep, the more I wake up.  Why does the world work that way??  So instead, I'll use my hours in a dark, quiet house to fill in the cyber world of the happenings that have been going on at my house.

1.  Gray is now a full fledged walker.  She started several days ago taking some steps from here to there, but now she is walking almost all the time.  She gets up (without pulling up) and starts off for her destination, after she falls (which is almost assured), she gets back up and walks some more.  No more crawling the rest of the way - she is determined.  It's precious to see, but so sad for me.  Knowing that she is most likely my last I want to savor every moment with her, and of course, keep her a baby as long as possible...it's just not working.

2.  Hunter has transformed into a kid I never pictured myself having.  He is an awesome challenge every day!  He has moments of adorableness (if that's a word), and moments of becoming some monster I don't even recognize.  He is a very smart kid (alright, every parent probably says this about their child), and I can see that he's learning to try to use it to manipulate the situation.  I've been letting him try simply because I think it's good for him to use those skills - you need them in the world we live in...but in the end, the consequences are always there for his actions, which I pray is teaching him responsibility.  Whew, being a parent gets harder every single day.  Although I am by no means wishing his life away, I do look forward to the day where there doesn't have to be any discipline.  A single 24 hour period where he doesn't get into trouble...

3.  We are deep into our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University study.  That in and of itself is exhausting if you ask me.  I am not a money person.  I wasn't raised with money being an issue, and I still to this day have a hard time sitting down with Lincoln and "reviewing" the bills.  I would be happy for him to pay all the bills and let me know how much I have to spend.  ha ha.  Don't worry though - I've learned my lesson and will always be involved in our financial situation, no matter how it pains me to figure it out.  Anyway - I feel as though we're doing really well.  Lincoln is a FREAK with the budget, not a single dollar gets past this man, I swear.  I know I'll thank him when we're debt free (in 5 years maybe?!), but at this point I find myself getting aggravated at least once a day.  Dave is having us go about it in ways that I wouldn't have originally planned for ourselves, but we've prayed about it and are going to follow his instructions to a "T" and hope that we don't regret it in the long run!  

4.  We've always said we were going to sell our house in about 5 years and upgrade again (hopefully for the last time), but in new developments, we're currently tossing around the idea of just adding on to our house.  It would mean that we would stay here for another 10 years (so 15 from now), but we like our house and location.  Neighbors aren't the best, but all of that drama has died down a lot and I think we could stay here.  For those of you familiar with our home, we would like to add on a dining room from the left side of the house to the kitchen window (which we'll turn into shelving) and then from the window to the right side of the house add another master bedroom and bath.  Behind all of that all the way across the entire length of the house we'll add another family room and a deck out the new back doors.  Not a lot, but just what we need.  I have always wanted a 4 bedroom house so that we could have an office / guest room.  Alright, silly sounding, I know since most of both sides of our family live in STJ...but there's never any harm in having an extra bed in the house without having to kick one of your kids out of their rooms right?

5.  I believe I may have hit a slight readers block.  You heard me right.  I've been flying through books like they're going out of style and I think I might be done for a few weeks.  I finished all of the books that I ordered from Amazon and  picked out 3 from my Grandma's house, but I tried to start all 3 of them yesterday and couldn't complete the first chapter in any of them.  So Lincoln, knowing how much reading means to me (it's totally my escape from the world) volunteered to start his book over (I wanted to read it when he was done, but it takes him WEEKS to finish a book) and read it out loud to me at night.  What a husband.  So - last night, I laid in a warm bed, eyes closed, listening to a funny story and my husband's voice - life doesn't get a whole lot better than that.  

6.  The holidays stress me out.  Not sure how many of you knew that, but they do.  Thanksgiving is better than Christmas, but still it stresses me.  Don't get me wrong, I put on a happy face and pretend that I'm having the time of my life.  In reality I'm screaming inside and just want to hole up in my house!  For Thanksgiving I think it begins a week or so in advance when we're trying to work out the logistics of being at two dinners in one day.  It has always happened that my Thanksgiving dinner is before Lincoln's and therefore we rush through mine (usually spend about 2 hours) and go on to his in order to get there half way in time, and spend about 6 hours.  This causes me stress.  I'm not always about having things fair and equal in our marriage, but when it comes to extended family, I try really hard so there are no hurt feelings.  This just isn't possible.  The Christmas stress begins months in advance while trying to budget / buy gifts for everyone.  Lincoln's side has 12 gifts and 2 stockings to purchase for and my side has 6 gifts to purchase.  Those numbers in and of themselves are intimidating to me.  Thank the good Lord the Redburn's have decided to rotate siblings for gifts now, so that brings the total down to 8 gifts and 2 stockings for his side.  Try finding decent gifts for that many people without breaking yourself.  Another stress reliever for Christmas is that the last two years the Redburn's have celebrated on either the weekend before or following Christmas, freeing up the actual day for all the siblings to go to the in-laws families.  It's so nice to not have to rush through either side!  We always go out to Marcinda and Carl's Christmas evening after all the festivities are over and visit and it's so peaceful and quiet.  I love it. 

7.  Basketball is starting...!!!  Ah, my life as I know it is over until March.  Lincoln is up and heading out the door as we speak (at 6:00 a.m.) to head to conditioning.  This pattern will continue for 2 weeks until practice starts on November 10th (I think that's the day)...then it will rotate, early practice one day, late practice the next.  Games on Tuesdays and Fridays, throwing in a few Mondays just for good measure.  It never fails our kids end up with grandparents and aunts more during these months than I ever wished them to be.  (Or wished for the people now responsible for raising my kids half the time...)  Really, his basketball coaching and my dance teaching just don't mesh.  He's not willing to give up the coaching (and I don't want him to because he would be a mopey mess if he did), and I can't give up my teaching (financially)...so we're just stuck...Until I go back to work full time when Gray goes to Kindergarten, which is a whole new topic that I don't care to think about nor discuss.  

Well, now he's gone and the house is cold (because we're trying to be financially savvy), so I'm going to go curl up on the couch with a blanket and see what America broadcasts at this horrible hour.  

I'm also going to put a space heater on our Wal-Mart list for tonight.

I miss you.

Something odd is happening.  Many more people that I know are blogging now...but somehow the number of blogs are going down.  

Where are you all??!!

I suppose it's getting to be that time of year when we all get busy and have less time to ourselves to be sitting in front of the computer.  I just wanted to let each of you know that I'm missing the daily blogs.  I feel like I'm losing touch with each of you and your lives.

I love cartoons!

I love weekend mornings.  It seems that my kids know it's the weekend.  Graysen always wakes a little earlier than usual (around 6) and eats, and then goes back to sleep.   When Hunter wakes up he usually yells from his bed for me to come get him (and wakes his sister in the process), but on Saturdays and Sundays he always comes into my bedroom and wakes me up in a unique way.  (Yesterday it was a rooster call, today he made bubble sounds.)  Then he crawls in bed with me and I turn on morning cartoons.  I curl up with him and drift back to sleep while he watches a show or two.  Eventually Graysen wakes back up and we start our day, but those two hours (from 6-8) are two of my favorite hours of the week!  

2 a.m.

Midnight - 2:30 a.m. last night were the best middle of the night hours I have ever spent.  Gray must've had a bad dream and cried every time I laid her in her crib, so instead we rocked and slept on the couch together.  She was perfectly content and snuggly when I was holding her.  It felt good to know that she felt safe and secure in my arms.  I hope my kids will always feel that their mom can fight off the evil of the world for them.  I sure will try.

I could've stayed like that forever...

I care about you!

So...I'm an avid Gray's fan.  I watch every Friday (sometimes Saturday mornings) online.  I love the quotes that Meredith gives at the beginning and end of every show.  Usually, that's where my favorite quotes of the show come from...but tonight it actually came from Izzie.  Really?  Izzie, who I usually find to be very overemotional and dramatic?  Yes, Izzie.  I think she's grown up a lot.  

I care about you.  I care about you.  I care about you.  

What powerful words.  Really let those soak in.  How would it make you feel if someone just let you know that they simply cared about you?  Caring involves work.  It means that you take the other person's emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions into consideration.  It means that you are willing to put aside some of the things that are important to you in order to help the other.  I means that you want to be selfless.

I think we should all do a little more caring... 

Pumpkin Patch Un-drama

Just wanted to update all you fellow blog readers and let you know that the kids and I took our annual pumpkin patch trip today and it was very smooth (unlike a fellow blogger that we know!).  I have no crazy stories to tell, just a fun day with my kids, mom, and sister, picking both apples and our pumpkins!  We rode the bus to the apples, the tractor to the pumpkins, took lots of fun pictures, and ate carmel apples!  

We also went and ordered my bridesmaid's dress for a good friend's wedding.  I have to admit - I was scared of this!  It's been years since I've had to fit into something like that, and I was nervous to find out my "size".  Luckily, I was a size smaller (and no, I'm not going to tell you what that was...) than I had prepared myself to be!  The dress was extremely flattering on, and I'm excited about it!

When I got home my husband surprised me and had cleaned my car - and if any of you know me very well, you know that that is a FEAT!  He cleaned it all out, and then took it and REALLY cleaned the inside and out!  I'm so happy about it - it was a great surprise and I intend on keeping it that way for a long time!!!  

Tomorrow is going to be filled with baking an apple pie (my very first), and relaxing from our fun filled day...preparing for a week filled with more friends and Fall Fun!  We'll keep you updated!   

But How?

Do you ever question what you're supposed to do with your life?  Okay - I know the broad answer to that...I know that I am supposed to use my life to praise God and further His kingdom.  

But How?!

I find myself asking this question all the time!  I decided that I should look at what I'm good at, or what talents He has given me and find a way to use that.  So...what am I good at?  Dance, and...being a mommy.  Honestly, that's all I can come up with.  So then I look at those two things.  

I feel like I am using my dance in a small way.  I am a dance teacher who tries very hard to share her faith and be a positive influence in the lives of my many students.  At this point in my life, it would be hard to use my dancing in any other capacity.

Being a mommy is great!  It's my favorite thing to do, but we are faced with so many challenges when it comes to having children.  We already have two children waiting for us in Heaven, and had an extremely "iffy", high-risk pregnancy with Graysen.  God showered us with mercy and allowed her to arrive safely into this world.  My doctor has told me that I will have the same sort of pregnancy every time from here on out because of my liver and genetic disorder.  So...basically any more biological children are out of the question for us.  We try everyday to be good parents who raise our children to love our God and teach them His ways.  But what else can I do to further His kingdom by being  a Mommy...???

There in-lies my question...BUT HOW?

Recovering Charles

Yet another book review from the book worm formerly known as Ashley.  :0)  I just finished 'Recovering Charles' by Jason Wright.  I am really torn at how I feel.  I always like to record my feelings on a book directly after finishing it, but this one has left me confused and feeling more like crawling into bed than writing a book review.  

Thought #1:  I think he may have written this book directly for me and my relationship with my Dad.  Although the estrangement is not due to the same circumstances, it's there none the less...and the ending has left me questioning how I will feel.  

Thought #2:  I am extremely self absorbed.  Okay, maybe not SELF absorbed, but absorbed in my own little world filled with my family and friends.  I learned more about Hurricane Katrina while reading this book than I have ever known...and this is a fiction novel.  I realize now how little attention I pay to world events.  Note to self... change that.

Thought #3: This book was very unlike the other two of his that I have read.  I feel as though he has reached a new level in his writing...one that I enjoy...but hope that we will see more "light-hearted", easy to reads coming from him in the future.  

Thought #4:  I'm exhausted - mentally.  I really can't give a book review without giving away the entire plot and ending of the story...so this is about the extent of my "book review".  

Decibels

Does anyone else notice a difference in the noise level from one home to another?  

This is something that I never even considered before I started dating Lincoln.  Since then it's become an almost daily conversation for us.  I find it intriguing that some families are so much louder than others.  I'm reminded very often that it's "not right, not wrong, just different".  Maybe it's the number of people in the family, maybe it's just the members.  

Lincoln is loud.  Plain and simple.  He talks, walks, snores, fights, plays, and cheers loud.  Everything is loud.  I on the other hand am a fairly quiet individual.  I can walk across the house at night without making a sound, I never yell at the television set, and in an argument I'm the one who is silent rather than raising my voice.  

My family gatherings are filled with quiet conversations between two or three family members.  The TV is never on and people quietly come and go as their schedule allows.  His family gatherings are filled with a circle of chairs and a loud conversation including everyone at once.  There are often times full family games occurring with lots of competitive yelling and cheering.  

The difference is not necessarily bad, but they do definitely take some adjusting to.  I was extremely intimidated and filled with anxiety at every one of Lincoln's family gathering early on in our relationship and he used to dread mine because he was bored out of his mind.  I'm glad to have married someone who is so very different from me.  It has reminded me that differences are not always negative and that there is always something to learn from others.

Next time you are in someone else's home, notice...what is the decibel level?    

The Perfect Day...

Lincoln was off work today and I slept in this morning until 9:00.  Now that is the start to a perfect day.  

We laid around, Lincoln and Hunter playing Wii football together, some friendly father/son competition.  Graysen and I played together on the floor.  I made oatmeal and toast (another favorite part to the coming of Fall is eating oatmeal again) for breakfast.  We only discussed doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and living room.  Then laid back down on the couch to read some of my book.  

Mom called and we got dressed and headed over to Charlie's.  The boys played the Wii and raked leaves.  The girls played on the floor, cooked taco soup, and talked.  We all ate at least one bowl of taco soup, one piece of cake (colored with new neon food coloring...), and one bowl of ice cream.  We parted ways and headed home around 4:30.  

Lincoln and Graysen came home for a nap and Hunter and I went to the playground.  I had so much fun following him around the playground pretending to nap in our tree house and get a call from Farmer Ben to come help look for a lost cow.  Letting him "teach" me how to climb back up the slide, etc.  

Now the boys are eating leftover pizza and I'm blogging.  I'm sure we'll start bedtime routine here in an hour or so and then it will be time to start the week again.  Days like this are the ones that I hope will stay forever etched in my mind.  They pass all too quickly.  

Reunions...

Warning:  I might offend some people with this post.

High School Class Reunions.  What's the point really?  I've never understood why you would want to get together with a bunch of people who you suffered through some of the worst years of your life - 10 years after they were over.  Really?  Don't you keep in touch with the people who you are friends with?  If you're really nosy and want to know what has happened to them since high school look them up on facebook, google their name...I'm sure you can come up with something.  Sure, there are about 3 people that I can think of from my graduating class that I don't talk to on a regular basis that I would HONESTLY enjoy visiting with...but it's not worth going and seeing everyone else that I would be forced to smile at as we passed each other.  Alright, so I'm willing to admit that some of you were probably friends with a lot of people in High School.  Some of you may even have enjoyed those 4 horrible years...and good for you if you were able to.  Sure, I have some positive memories, but for the most part, it's something that I prefer never to recall, and wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.   

What's the point in going to a gathering of the people you went to high school with and "catching up" on what's been going on in their lives.  Are there really that many people who go and are genuinely interested?  I think not.  I think most people diet like crazy for the year ahead of time, get a new hair cut / color, dress their kids up in clothes that they would never wear on a normal basis and bribe them to behave with some reward following the gathering.  Then they go and try to convince each other that they have been the most successful, happiest, etc. since May of their graduation year.  

I saw that today is the 1998 10 year class reunion at the STJ City Park.  They were seniors my freshman year.  Sure, I'm just as bad as everyone else, I would love to see what's become (or not become) of a lot of those people - actually, I was probably closer to most of the people in that class than those in my own graduating class.  But it's just nosiness.  Thus, my tirade on High School Reunions began formulating in my mind.  To top it all of my mom just called to inform me that someone turned into the park in a white stretch limo.  

My point is proven.  Count me out.

Oh the Differences....

There are so many differences in children.  I look at the differences between my sister and I, Lincoln and his siblings, and my own two.  All raised by the same parents, yet soooo different!  

I have noticed the difference in Hunter and Graysen almost from day 1.  Maybe it's partially due to the fact that I was new at everything with Hunter, maybe it's just the kid.  Who ever knows.  Here are some of the differences I've spotted in the two:

1.  Hunter wanted to be held all the time - Graysen is normally content to sit and play with a toy.

2.  Hunter was never a "nurse on demand" kind of kid - Graysen definitely is!

3.  Hunter wanted to eat table food as soon as possible (somewhere around 8 months) - Graysen refuses to eat most table food and prefers Stage 2 Baby Food still.

4.  Hunter made up his mind to do something (crawl, walk, etc.) and once he started he never stopped - Graysen takes her time...she took several weeks to actually start crawling all the time and has taken a few steps here and there, but still isn't walking in long lengths.

5.  Hunter still wants to be cuddled to sleep and would sleep anywhere - Graysen does better by just laying her down and wants to be in her own bed.

6.  Hunter hates having anything done with his hair (brushed, styled, etc.) - Graysen has never minded me doing her hair.

I'm sure there's many more to come - none the less, I'm amazed at in Gray's 10 short months of life she's shown so many differences from her brother.

Christmas Jars

Alright, so the books arrived last night and I'm done with Book #1!  Yippy!  I read Christmas Jars today.  It was great.  Obviously a quick read, but incredibly inspiring.  The overall theme is giving out of love.  My family will start a Christmas jar.  It won't be much this year (considering it's already the middle of October), but that's not the point.  It's not about how much money is in it, it's about the sacrifice it takes to make the jar and the love that it's given out of.  Every night when we put our coins in we will say a prayer for the mystery recipient.  I know that those prayers will do more for the individual than the money that they receive.  

If you're interested in starting your own Christmas Jar let me know and I'll explain in more detail...or read "Christmas Jars" by Jason Wright. 

Phineas and Ferb just for you blog stalker!

So...I had a "blog stalker" over at my house today...she shall remain nameless for her safety.  (By the way - "blog stalker" is a technical term with the definition of: someone who doesn't have a blog, but reads everyone else's and never comments.)  Hunter was watching cartoons while we were visiting and during a lull in conversation I began singing the Phineas and Ferb Theme Song.  Is that really all that weird?!?!  Apparently so.  Obviously I am home with several children most of every day...and during the course of those days I'm subjected to several cartoons.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and risk persecution and say that Phineas and Ferb is one that I actually enjoy...along with The Backyardagins.  

She informed me that I need to get out more - and I know it's true, but when all of your friends have kids you find yourself discussing cartoons even when your kids aren't around!  

For that special blog stalker in my life...here are the lyrics (I know you're dying to know!)

"There's 104 days in summer vacation

and school comes along just to end it

So the annual problem for our generation 

is finding a good way to spend it.

Like maybe...building a rocket

or fighting a mummy,

or climbing up the Eiffel Tower

Discovering something that doesn't exist (Hey!)

Or giving a monkey a shower (da, da, da)

Surfing title waves

creating nano bots (I think that's what they say...)

or locating Frakenstein's brain (it's over here!)

Finding a dodo bird

Painting a continent

Or driving your sister insane (Phineas!)

As you can see there's a whole lot of stuff to do

Before school starts this Fall (Come on Perry)

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all

So stick with us because Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all!

Mom - Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!"

**Most other cartoon lyrics available upon request!  ;0)

My Books Are Here!

Yea!  My books came in last night!  "Christmas Jars", "Recovering Charles", and "The Lucky One" were at my door when I came home from dance last night!  Yippy!  I'm looking forward to diving in...now which one first...?

Lincoln's on the annual DGRT and We're THERE!!!

So, I've decided that Lincoln and I are finally starting to truly know each other.  You know, the kind where married people finish each other's sentences and can read each other's minds?  Yeah, - we're pretty much there.  

Last night we were laying in bed watching the debate (no comment), and when it was over we turned off the TV and laid down.  Out of the stillness and darkness Lincoln says to me, "Honey, if I die while I'm gone this weekend I want you to know that you won't have to go to work or sell the house okay?"  Now, this may sound morbid to some, but that is EXACTLY what I was laying there thinking about.  What my "game plan" would be to keep life as normal as possible for the kids if something happened to Lincoln this weekend.  So, we proceeded to lay there and talk through how much money I would get and exactly what he wanted me to do with every dollar.  

It's so comforting to know that I trust my husband like that.  To know that he is always looking out for our best interest and making sure that we'll be okay (in life or death).  

I then proceeded to tell him just not to die because I didn't want to clean his clothes out of our closet or re-arrange the house so that it felt like a new place.  I didn't want to lay in bed with anyone else like we were that night, marry anyone else, or grow old by myself.  So his only instructions for this trip were to have fun and not die.  

Nice huh - as I type it now I realize that it sounds heartless and weird...

But he understood me and I understood him.  And in our world, that's all that matters.

October 15th

Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.  I have thought about my angel baby and Claire a lot today.  It's great that the nation is acknowledging that number of babies who are loss either during pregnancy or shortly after their births.  We need to figure this out!  How many more lives are we going to lose due to "medical mysteries"?  Don't get me wrong, we've come a long way in the medical world...but there is always room for improvement.  

I try to talk about Claire and my miscarriage as much as possible because I'm tired of the "weirdness" that surrounds discussing someone's loss.  It's time to mature as a human race.  You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get when someone tells you that they've lost a child?  The one that makes you go "oh, geez, I shouldn't have mentioned that, or I shouldn't have said that, or what in the world do I say now?"  Yeah, that one.  I want it to disappear!  I want families to be able to talk about their losses without feeling guilty because they've obviously made someone uncomfortable.  I want to be able to talk about my other two children the same as I talk about my two here on earth without people feeling sorry for me.  Don't feel sorry for me - or anyone else.  I guarantee that they aren't feeling sorry for themselves.  

I urge all of you (with or without children) to do whatever you can to help the children of the world.  Children are NOT  a right, they are a privilege, and one that should NEVER be taken for granted.  Your children can be taken from you at any moment so try to enjoy every moment that you can with them.  (Yes, I'm a mom, I know that there are always the not so enjoyable times).  

When you're throwing up everyday during your pregnancy - remember those who can't get pregnant.  When your child won't sleep through the night - remember the parents whose child died in their sleep last night.  When your child is throwing a temper-tantrum in the middle of the store think about the parent who would do anything to have their child back to buy them that candy bar.  I'm not saying let your kids run the household, I'm just saying that I think we need to stop and Thank God for what we have more often than we do.  

www.october15th.com

What goes on in that head?!

Random Thought #1:  Tonight was Hunter's last soccer game.  He only got to play 4 since last week's was rained out.  He had such a good time with practices and games that I'm afraid that he'll really miss the exercise, friendship, and time doing his favorite thing - playing sports!  I'm going to have to make an extra effort to make sure he gets those things even though soccer is over until March.  

Random Thought #2:  My new books still haven't come in!  I've been without a book now since Thursday (I think)...and that's a long time for me!  I have The Love Dare that I've been reading, but it's broken down into 40 days and it's only about 2 pages per day...so that takes me a total of like 10 minutes to read and think about.  

Random Thought #3:  I am wanting to make a list of places that I would like Lincoln and I to eventually be able to help support financially...maybe now is a good time to start it:

1.  Joy FM

2.  Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla

3.  Bethany Christian Adoption Agency in St. Louis

4.  March of Dimes

5.  Our home church (above and beyond our regular tithe)

6.  Ekklesia Dance Company

Random Thought #4:  I have been searching for a wall calendar for 2009 for months now.  I need one like I have for '08...it's got a column for each of us and large squares.  I can't remember where I found this years, but I sure can't find one for next year, so currently I'm using a little planner for next year's events (which we already have SEVERAL of...crazy how fast your life fills up!)

Random Thought #5: I subbed for PE today at the HS and it actually motivated me to work on my body a little more than I already am.  My problem is my love of food.  I know if I didn't like it so much I wouldn't have the body issues that I have, but I just can't seem to give up the food in order to slim down the body!  I would like to start walking (outside or treadmill) as well as actually dancing more in the classes that I teach 2 nights a week.  

Random Thought #6:  I dropped off 5 tubs of things at the PRC today (baby and maternity clothes and stuff to donate) and when they call me to pick them back up (my tubs that is), I want to ask them two questions:  1)  Is there a way I could volunteer there without having a regular time to be there every week (aka stuffing envelopes or something at home)?  2)  Do they have some sort of a private adoption program set up where mom's who come in and are wanting to give their babies up can look through profiles of couples wanting to adopt in the area and have the opportunity to 'hook up' with them?  

I'm off to bed - sleep tight world!

Jason Wright read MY blog!

No way!  The author of The Wednesday Letters just commented on my blog!  Alright, I know I sound like one of those teenagers who is going gaga over some pop star...but I'm thrilled!  I could go forever without TV, Movies, Music...but books - never!  Books are my passion.  When I saw it I yelled for Lincoln to have him come see it as well!  Mr. Wright commented on my post about his book The Wednesday Letters.  It does make me realize how public these blogs are...yikes!  ;0)  For the last hour or so I've been researching all about him and reading his blog, his wife's blog, etc.  I even added him as a friend on Facebook!  LOL

Alright, now I'm cracking myself up - but this may be my closest brush with a celebrity!  He is having this contest to receive his signed books for life - now THAT would be awesome!  I wish I didn't live in such a remote area and could actually go see him at a book signing or something.  

I hope that two of his other books (that I ordered on Thursday) come tomorrow so I can start reading...and blogging!  :0)

Yard Sales

I have to admit, although I always love going to yard sales, I've never really been a believer that they were much of a money maker...until this weekend!  :0)  Kelley and I had a yard sale right on Jefferson Friday and Saturday.  It was Old Iron Works Days Weekend, which drew a lot of "out-of-towners" in to STJ and got all of the locals out and about!  

I decided to rid my shed of all of my baby and maternity clothes (11 tubs in all) and we cleaned out all of the closets in the house as well.  Yes, it was a lot of prep work, but I am feeling fairly good about all of that stuff being gone from my house.  I will admit that I shed several tears over letting go of all of the clothes because I have so many memories of my precious kiddos in them, but when the day is done, they are just clothes (and I kept their coming home from the hospital, first Christmas clothes of course!).  

The great part is that I made 4x's the money that I had hoped for!  :0)  So...we're that much closer to fulfilling one of my bucket list items (be debt free)!  I also have 5 tubs full (of mine, Kelley's and Becca's) stuff to take to the Pregnancy Resource Center on Monday!  Yea!  I hope that these clothes will be a blessing for a mother who has decided to give her child a chance at life!  :0)  

The Wednesday Letters

Ah - how I wish I got Wednesday Letters! I just finished this easy to read novel...and it was terrific! :0) I finished it in 3 days, so if you're looking for a fun, quick time filler, this is it! It was the first of this author that I had ever read, and directly finishing the book I got on Amazon and ordered the other two that he's written.

I don't want to ruin the plot (which is a great one...), but I will talk briefly about the Wednesday letters! The husband in this book vows to write his wife a letter every Wednesday of their marriage. What commitment! Sometimes they are one or two lines, occasionally they are pages. Sometimes they are on stationary, others they are on a restaurant napkin. The point is, he made a promise to his wife and he keeps it until they die. How often does that happen anymore in today's society? Not very often...that much I know. People take promises and commitments to light heartedly anymore it seems. Makes me really sad.

This book was a boost to my confidence in the human race, and in marriages in general. With the sky rocketing rate of divorce all around us, I need books like this to remind me that it is possible to live a lifetime with one person growing your love together.

Happy Reading!

My Bucket List

A friend of mine started a bucket list on her blog, so I thought I should give mine a try...here's what I came up with.

1. Witness a miracle - Done, although I didn't know it at the time, my son Hunter is a miracle. With the genetic disorder that I have I shouldn't have been able to have him without being on medication.

2. Visit Rome and Venice

3. See my children grow up and accomplish their goals

4. Go to a ballet with Lincoln

5. Be debt free (and have a savings to pass on to my children) - In the process, we have started the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program...so we are on our way!

6. Provide a home and loving family for a child who needs one (other than my two biological children)

7. Make a difference for God - never know, I am not sure I will ever know whether I accomplished this one or not until I get to the Kingdom. It's just something I will forever be striving for!

8. Get a tattoo - (this is something that I waver on...I want one, but can't come up with an idea that I feel good about having on my body for the rest of my life, so when I finally come up with one, I'll do it!!!)

9. Totally and Completely not stress over Christmas gifts one year

10. Throw someone a surprise party


I think I'll keep adding to this as things come to me...what's on your bucket list?

God made us Glad, not Sad!

St. James has been through a terrible loss. We lost a High School student this week in a tragic car accident. Although we lost her here on earth with us, the universe did not lose her. She is with God now. I did not know her very closely, mostly just through working with the band the last few years. I do know that everyone at St. James High School thought very highly of her, and her happiness was contagious and her laughter could make any situation more bearable.

I was subbing at the High School yesterday when the students received the news that she died in a burning car on her way into early morning band. I overheard many of the comments that the kids made throughout the day both in class and in the hallway. Some were of anger, others of confusion and sadness. A couple of the comments I heard really disturbed me though. Those were the ones directed at God.

God has told us to "say it out loud, there is power in what my children declare". I am glad that these kids felt comfortable enough in their environment to discuss God, whether is be begging Him to be close to them, or angry words at Him for "letting this happen". I have always applied this commandment in my life to that of forgiveness...there is power in what I declare. If I am saying that I forgive someone out loud it helps me.

As I saw teenager after teenager crying yesterday I was reminded that God tells us that "this world is full of tears, but if you remember, I promised that it would be Me who would wipe them from your eyes." How nice is that promise? How nice is it to know that God is weeping with us, that God feels our sadness and wants to take it from us. Just like any mother or father who wishes they could take the pain, sadness, and sickness from their child, God feels the same for us. It also reminds us that God didn't promise us a perfect life as his children. He tells us that it is not going to be easy, that there will be tragedies, and sadness, but that He is there to walk with us through it all.

I just read somewhere about how people say "God doesn't give you anything you can't bear". That is SO WRONG. God DOES give us things that we can't bear - alone. We NEED Him with us to get through the tough things in life. Luckily He's always there when we call. "Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there, yes, I will. You've got a friend." How lucky are we to have God as our friend?

Unconditionally

My affirmation today was:

"I love and accept myself unconditionally"

This is so important.  I am blessed that God loves and accepts me unconditionally...but there are so few people here on earth that you can count on to do that.  Even those you grow up thinking will can surprise you sometimes.  

Who loves and accepts you unconditionally?  Maybe you should give them a big hug and say thank you next time you see them - just for that.

Why not? Everyone else is doing it!

Wow! This is definitely not who I would've thought I would be! Although I hated Sloane (sp?) at first, I have to admit I have grown rather fond on him lately...maybe that's how other people view me...???