Project 365 - First 2 weeks

I'm super excited. I just read about this little challenge called Project 365. Although I didn't learn about it until now, Day 9, I'm going to hop on board and see what I have from the first 9 days as well. I'll try to do a bi-monthly recap, and I'd love for you all to join me!!

January 3rd. Seeing my children hard at work hiding the word of God in their hearts is irreplaceable!

January 7th. Hunter immitating Chad while wearing his MS&T hat. Ha ha, are you proud Chad?

January 9th. Hunter had so much fun exploring the snow with his Aunt Sissy and Chad. Thank you for taking him out when I was too wimpy!

January 10th: Graysen is Kara's mini me.

January 11th: These are the days I will miss. I love it when my kids create a game and play nicely together!


January 12th: Graysen is learning to get herself dressed. If you'll notice the jeans are on backward, but she would NOT let me change them! She was very proud!


January 13th: My precious little girl. These are her favorite PJ's of all time.


January 14th: Graysen and Adelyn. She loves babies these days, especially real ones! She just wants them to sit on her lap though...

Enough about me...what about you?

I just found out that today is "Delurking Day"!

I've never heard of it, let alone participated in it, but I'm excited to start!

I know most of you (maybe all of you!), but some of you don't know each other...and I always love to learn more about my friends! So, whether you're a dear friend, a relative, or a new reader who tends to lurk around here once in awhile, I'd love to hear from you!

Please answer one, two or maybe all of these and introduce yourselves!

1. Where are you from?
2. Tell me about your daily life. What's a typical day like for you? What's your favorite part of the day?
3. What book or movie changed your life?
4. If you're a fellow blogger what's your URL? What do you write about?
5. What's your favorite food or drink?
6. Now that I've canceled our Dish TV, what should I order first from Netflix?

Mothering

"Inspiring Natural Families since 1976"

Mothering Magazine might be my all time favorite magazine! I won a subscription to it at a National Breastfeeding Fair a little over a year ago and have not put it down since! I keep almost all of the volumes as references.

I am encouraged, inspired, and challenged every time I sit down to read.

Although I don't necessarily think of our family as a "natural" family, my beliefs line up with this magazine more than I ever thought they would! Of course I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding. More nights then not we have a family bed. I am a baby wearer (still). We tend to agree with most of the discipline techniques and ideals discussed. I would say the only thing that we don't participate in is all of the wonderfully healthy eating habits they suggest...not something I'm proud of.

I get very excited for my monthly subscription of Mothering to come, and when it does, you can guarantee that I will be taking a nice, long, hot bath in peace and quiet to soak in all of the wonderful articles that are sure to fill the pages.

Delaying Formal Schooling

It's no secret that I'm very nervous about my children's educational career. We held Hunter back a year, choosing not to send him to pre-school until age 5, and Kindergarten at age 6.

I recently read that Britan has officially recommended holding children off of formal schooling until age 6 as well, putting them more closely in line with other European Countries (like Germany and France). The article said that it would allow children more time to learn while playing, which I have always valued. I think there are a million real life lessons that can be learned while playing with toys and each other!

I felt better about our decision and my strong feelings after reading all the stats this article provided. I think we made a good decision for our son.

Words of Wisdom from a 5 year old

"You're surrounded by joy!"

These are the words I was awoken by this morning. I opened my eyes to see one baby on each side and Hunter was right, I was surrounded by joy.

Where he gets this stuff, I will never know. But I'm sure lucky he was right!

Are there days?

When the vaccum falls over 3 times when you try to put it away?

When sweep the kitchen floor just to find 5 minutes later that your 2 year old has gotten into the brownies and they are now all over the floor?

When you try to label pictures because you've realized your memory is already failing you and your kids will NOT play by themselves? Am I wrong to think that my 5 and 2 year olds should be able to play in their playroom stocked with toys by themselves for 15 minutes?

When you make your bed only to find both kids have thrown all the blankets off and are jumping on it a few minutes later?

When you break 2 glasses while unloading the dishwasher because they are still too hot? Darn me for being dilligent and getting right on unloading as soon as they are clean!

Today, I think I'm going to quit trying. Tomorrow is another day.

Happy 2010 from The Redburn's!

We hope that this letter finds you feeling refreshed from your Christmas vacations and celebrations. We pray that you all were able to stop and enjoy the real reason for the season and celebrate Jesus' birthday with your friends and families. Hunter requested birthday hats this year for our Christmas dinner rather than a birthday cake for Jesus like in years past! What good is a birthday party without the hats right?!

Lincoln is still working the weekend day shift at the Walmart DC. He loves his job and doesn't look to change anytime soon! He has also started making some deliveries for Phelps County Rental during the weekdays this year. It's just on a "need" basis, so we still have some days to enjoy as a family. He is also in his 6th year of coaching boys basketball at the St. James High School. He loves the opportunity and responsibility of helping shape young boys lives on and off the court.

Ashley stopped doing in home daycare in May 2009 and has been soaking up the time with her kids every day since then! She couldn't ask for anything more then to be able to be home with her children experiencing life with them and making their house a home for the entire family. She is teaching all forms of dance and Zumba at The Dance Studio in Rolla three nights a week this school year. She appreciates being able to get out of the house for a few hours each night and continue a passion that she has had for 23 years now!

Hunter Lee turned vie in August of this year. He started pre-school two mornings a week at an awesome Christian Church herein town and is very much enjoying being introduced to the school setting. Mom and Dad couldn't ask for a better place to send him for a few hours a week. We are thrilled with the instruction and staff! He is very much a "boy". We are thrilled with his imagination we see while he crates huge worlds with his action figures and his sister's doll house. He still loves to play all sports and enjoys cheering for the Tigers while at his Dad's basketball games.

Graysen Faith turned tow this year! She has turned into a beautiful, very passionate little girl. Whether it's that she adamant it's "her turn" while playing Bubby, or because she wants a certain pair of shoes for the day, she definitely lets you know her opinion! She talks up a storm and is your typical little girl. She has an obsession with shoes, clothe,s hair bows, and nail polish! She started dance class the week after she turned two. She loves it! She is often showing anyone (even strangers in the store) her dance moves - and to make Mommy even more proud she even uses correct French terminology! Her favorites include turning with arms in fifth position, shuffle step, posse' (foot at the knee), sote' (jump), and plie' (bend of the knees)!

In family news, we started the adoption process in March of this year! We are adopting form Ethiopia and are just waiting to receive a referral (picture, medical info, and name)! We hope to hear something in early spring and then travel to Africa to bring our much awaited baby brother home before Christmas 2010. Although we are anxious to add another blessing to our family, we of course know that it's all in God's timing and He already arranged thing to work out perfectly!

Much love from our home to yours,
Lincoln, Ashley, Hunter and Graysen

Thank you Lord for giving me a sister

who is the best Aunt in the whole world!!!

I am not an outside person. So, when all this now came I might have said a small prayer to God asking Him to NOT let Hunter ask to go out in it...maybe...



So, when Kara called asking if she could take Hunter sledding I was thrilled. Seriously.

Hunter's first experience on a 4 wheeler!

Kara and Chad,

Thank you for being so involved with my kids. You are both the best people I could ask for! I can always count on you to keep routine and discipline while we're gone, and splurge with fun, outrageous activites with them while we're around. My kids are so blessed to be able to make so many memories with you, they will last a lifetime.

Love always,
Ash

Some thoughts on recently viewed movies

I'm not much on reviews of anything, but I've actually watched a few movies in the last week...more than I've seen in several months actually!



After Mrs. Haid's mentioning of Julie and Julia, I decided I'd better watch it. It was one that I wanted to see in the theater as well, but, as life goes with two young children, I didn't make it. I actually really enjoyed the movie! It wasn't filmed the way I expected it to be, but I thought it was very easy to follow and I enjoyed the plot. It definitely made me glad that I am not obsessed with food or cooking...I could NOT do some of the things I saw them doing on there. Gag. I don't care how good it may taste, the prep would not make it worth it to me. It did, however, wish that I had some sort of project to participate in for a year. Something to do every day, something to be accountable for (as if I don't have enough already...). So...I did some research and came up with something! Be looking for a post very soon!!!


Santa Buddies. We watched this as our family movie night on Thursday. It was awesome. A little over zealous for a kids movie about puppies? Maybe, but maybe not! We have all the other "Buddies" movies, and the kids do love all of their adventures. I was expecting about the same thing out of this one, but they far surpassed my expectations. The magic of Christmas must have gotten into them or something! The one thing that I appreciated more than anything about this movie was the Christian Christmas tid bits that were added in. Although it was about Santa Claus, there was also "God Bless", prayer time, and much, much more! A must see, I think. It will definitely become a Christmas movie tradition in our home!


The Blind Side. I can't say enough. This was WELL worth the trip to the theater. Although this movie does hit a little closer to home for me currently, I still believe that this is a story everyone should see! I was literally laughing and crying at the same time - several times!

You're in our dreams

Sweet children,

You are in the dreams of those who are also waiting for you. Your Nini dreamed about you the other night. She got to hold you and look at your face. She says that you are beautiful. A good friend of ours (in our small group) also dreamed that she was getting on a plane and flying overseas to visit children. She feels like they were ours.

I hope that you'll always know how much you have always been desired. I hope you always know that you are a part of our lives, and have been since before we became a family.

Love always,
Mom

ABC Bible Verses - January's Verse

"A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1



I have been wanting to start ABC Bible Verses with my children. I want them to master a verse of the bible starting with each letter of the alphabet. We will take our time considering they are young, but I figured about a month per verse.



After several hours of arguing between my two children one day, I decided it was time to start our ABC Bible Verses. Verse number 1: A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1. Perfect.

I typed out the verse on a colored piece of paper and put them at the table with the verse and two white papers and crayons. After having them repeat the verse after me several times I asked them to draw a picture that shows what the verse means...




Here is Hunter showing off his art work. He drew a happy man (in blue) and a mad man (in red) and wrote the words "happy" and "anger" under them.

Here is his art work displayed on the fridge. The verse hangs above it and we talk about using our soft words many times a day!

Why our heart for the orphan?

So many people have asked us why we would adopt. This question comes in many forms...why when you can have children "of your own" (please don't make me break down why I think this is such an ignorant statment!), why when you already have two, why Ethiopia (meaning both international and a child of another race), why when it's so expensive. Why we "suddenly" have a heart for the orphan.

We've thought long and hard about those questions. Here is a list of some of our answers.

Because we believe that this life is not our own. It is God's, and we must use it for the betterment of His kingdom.



Because we believe that in the end, it won't matter what careers we had, or what gadgets we could afford, it will matter what lives were saved.



Because we believe that each child is a child of God.



Because we see nothing more worthy of our focus, time, resources, and lives.



Because injustice is a wrong worth righting.



Because a poor and homeless child is still a child.



Because we know that, while adoption is not a solution in itself to the orphan crisis of 147 million, we believe that 147 million minus one or two is a better number.



Because we believe that Jesus died for redmeption, not just for eternity, but for our lives on this planet, and we believe that we can be vessles of that redemption to children's lives here.



Because we know, that if it were our own flesh and blood we would want someone to love them and call them family as well.



Because when we hear God's calling and direction for our lives as plainly as we heard Him say this to us, we can not say no.



Because really, these children are no different from your own. Not at all.



Because it's just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs a home, when we have one.



Because it's just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs a family when we have one.



Because it's just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs room to thrive when we have room and can make room.



Because it's just not okay with us to do nothing.



Because it's not going to be okay for them if we do nothing.



Because it's just not okay to do nothing.

*Some of these wordings have come from others, but all in all this is exactly why we have chosen to adopt. This is why we will continue to stay involved in solving the world's orphan crisis long after our own children come home forever.

Graysen's First Dance Class

Can it be true? Is it really time for my little girl to go to her first dance class?
This is something I've dreamed of almost my whole life. Silly, maybe, but if we're all honest we will admit that we've all pictured our little boys and girls doing something that we love as well.

Will she realize that I've left the room? Will she listen to Miss Megan? Will she understand what she's supposed to do? She's the youngest one in the room, will she be physically coordinated enough?

Will I still be standing here in awe of my precious daughter dancing 20 years from now? I wonder if this is what my mom was feeling when she watched me during my first class. Did she know that it would be a lifelong passion of mine? Did she know that someday she would come to watch week for her granddaughter?

Will she enjoy it? Will she want to come back next week?

All my fears were relieved 30 minutes later when she cried as I was trying to get her to leave the dance studio because class was over. She didn't want to leave. In fact, she didn't. She stayed the rest of the night with Mommy while I worked.

Graysen with Miss Megan after her first class at The Dance Studio

I got her a dance bag embordered with her name. Her very own tap and ballet shoes. They are the ones that I will save forever. Her very first pair. Her little black leotard and pink tights.

She has talked about Dance Class literally every day since then. She's only been to two classes and can't wait to go back on Monday. She shows me her favorite things from class every day. She loves the crab position, nose to toes stretching, turning with her arms in 5th position, plie', posse', jumping, and shuffle step.

This may be a fleeting interest, and I may end up at basketball games rather than dance recitals and competitions, but for now, I'm going to soak up the amazement that I feel while watching my beautiful ballerina.

make that another one...

Up 2 spots...

I've never been one to scour the unoffical wait list...until yesterday!

Today...we moved up 2 spots! 2 spots in one day, I'm so excited! We're not unofficially sitting at number 11...

X Box Games for Sale

My husband and son got an XBox 360 for Christmas and we have a few original XBox games that are not compatible. I'd love to sell them for 5.00 each if anyone still has an XBox just comment or email me...

Hitman 2
Madden NFL 06
SSX Tricky
Nascar Thunder 2002
ESPN Colege Hoops 2K5
EA Sports Triple Play 2002
NCAA Football 2003
NCAA Football 2005

Whew.

So, I've started this new chore chart. The high I get from Xing something off the list is rediculous really. Between that and the motivation I got from Chrissy's "she does not eat the bread of idleness" New Years Resolution post, I've hardly taken a minute to sit down at the computer!

Plus, Graysen is sick again.

So, sorry for the "act" of a triumphant return only to be let down by so few posts, with such little content. I really do have several swimming around in my head. I've done two fun crafts with my kids the last two days, and I'd love to post pics of those, just not time right now...

now it's time to fold laundry before Hunter gets home from his first day back to pre-school!

Help where I need it the most

God, please give me the patience, love, and skills to be the parent that my oldest child needs. I want so badly to raise him up to love and fear you, but some days I feel as though that is an impossible task. Please help me.

Amen.

Keeping a family together, that's difficult. And that's the mission worth fighting for.
- Spy Kids

Christmas Traditions

Mrs. Haid suggested that I write about some of our families Christmas Traditions. I have greatly enjoyed reading about some of yours, so here are some of ours!

I love classic traditions, but also love creating new ones, so most years contain a collaboration of new, old, and slightly modified traditions depending on our children's ages.

I love Christmas lights, so I always drive Hunter around and we drink Hot Chocolate and look at the lights. He REALLY enjoyed it this year, but got tired after about 1/2 of STJ, so he asked me to remember what road we were on and we would finish another night. So sweet.

We also always make it a point to celebrate Jesus' birthday in some typical way. Most years Hunter has made him a birthday cake that we take to my Grandma's on Christmas Eve, but this year he asked to wear birthday hats, so...that's what we did during Christmas dinner at the Redburn's!

My Grandma has made each person in my family a stocking. Mine is from when I was born, she made Lincoln his the Christmas before we got married, and each child one when they are born. She's even made one for the new baby, but we don't have his name at the top yet (because we don't know it!!), but we sure hung it with pride next to the rest of ours this year. How lovely it was for all 5 matching stockings to be hanging side by side on the fire place!

Our Christmas celebrations start with a drop in potato and cheddar and broccoli soup dinner at my Grandma's house. After everyone gets off work on Christmas Eve we all just gather slowly at my Grandma's house and have soup, meat and cheese trays, and cookies. This year my Grandma just wasn't feeling up to it, so we had it at my Aunt Lisa's house. This made it kind of nice because now all three "sisters" can host a family gathering during the year (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day).

My family has always had a tradition of getting and opening new PJ's on Christmas Eve. We always wear them to bed that night so that we have nice, new PJ's for Christmas morning pictures. We have now modified this tradition to be for my kids. They always get PJ's (this year matching ones!), and us kids (Lincoln, Kara, and I) either get house slippers or PJ's (whichever we need the most that year).

We also always get a new Christmas ornament. My mom always picks these out and it usually has some semblance of something that has happened in our life the past year. We also open these on Christmas Eve and they don't go on the tree until the next year.

We get up early on Christmas morning (whenever after 4 a.m. that the children wake up) and open gifts. There really is no separation as to what's from who, there's just a pile for each person. We have always spent Christmas morning with my Mom. In years past Mom and Kara have come over to our house when we call them, but this year we spent the night at Mom's. I think this will probably become our tradition now, as she and Charlie have a large enough home for all of us to sleep comfortably.

We also always leave milk and cookies for Santa. In years past I'm pretty sure we've left Chocolate Chip, but this year we left one of the sugar cookies that Hunter and Graysen made.

We always eat Christmas lunch with my extended family, although it rotates whose house we're at. When I was growing up it was always at our house because that's where my Grandma lived as well.

I would like to implement a 3 gift rule next year - although because there are so many people that purchase gifts for my kids it's going to be hard. I suppose we will have to allow 3 each from Us, Santa, Mom and Charlie, Kara, and Redburn's. That's still 15 presents...way too many!

Lincoln's family doesn't have many traditions that they still carry on from his childhood, but we have made a few new ones that we greatly enjoy.

Christmas with the Redburn's is celebrated as an extended family. That means Marcinda, her brother, her sister, her parents and everyone's kids and grandkids. We always gather on the Saturday before or after Christmas (depending on where in the week Christmas falls). This way we can all be together all day long without anyone having to run off to celebrate with another side of the family. We would rather all be together without interruption than to celebrate on the actual day.

We have all made our own stockings out of gift bags with snowmen on the front of them. We've all decorated our snowmen to fit our personalities and they look so cute all sitting out together. We also draw names for the next year for stockings. That way each person only buys for one other person every year.

Lincoln's siblings have started the tradition of trading siblings to buy gifts for. When there are 8 siblings it gets rather expensive, so we would rather purchase nice gifts for just two of them rather than trying to find good deals for all 8.

We love Christmas and are always willing to try new things. I can't wait to see what the kids request as they get older and what they are willing to let go of...

My top 10 Goals for 2010

In no particular order...

1. Continue to make a concious effort to be present in each moment.
2. Support (physically and emotionally) Hunter as he starts his school career.
3. Welcome a new child into our family.
4. Find the work situation that is best for our family and our new schedule with a school aged child.
5. Celebrate my 6th wedding anniversary with my husband.
6. Look at more Christmas lights with my kids. (Make it all the way through the STJ lights, visit Santa's Magical Kingdom, and Lion's Club Park)
7. Pay off more debt than we did in 2009 and be more involved in the finances of our family.
8. Cook more meals at home.
9. Attend the Hearts At Home Conference.
10. Grow closer to the Heart of God.

Welcome 2010!

As I sit here in my dear friend's living room watching my two children play legos with her oldest, I am filled with peace and happiness.

Today is the last day of 2009. It's been a rather quiet year in the Redburn family. For that, I am thankful. We were talking a few nights ago about how it's so nice to be actually living our lives rather than just planning them. For so many years I was stuck in a "planning" phase. I was deciding what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. I was looking for the person God had intended for me to marry. I was planning how many children we would have, when, and how. Where we would live, how we would pay the bills, what we would do for extra curricular activities. So many things to plan, so little time to enjoy the life that was passing me by.

I feel like this year I have actually lived my life. I have been in the moment more than any other year of my life. I have stepped out in faith to fulfill a dream of mine, I have visited with friends, I have experienced new things. I have enjoyed my children.

My husband will soon walk in the front door with a coffee for me. We will spend the rest of the day sitting and visiting with our friends, we will play with the children, we will laugh and maybe even cry. We will eat good food, and celebrate our families and friendship.

I hope this feeling continues all through the new year.

I'm officially back!

Yea! I have a computer - all set up and connected to the internet! I even have a printer this time around! So, I'm back. I've got to get back in the swing of putting my thoughts and feelings onto "paper". I'm not even sure where to start honestly. I thought it would be like riding a bike, but I must say...it's not. Not for me anyway.

So - anyone have anything they wanted to know about while I was gone? Any requests to get me started again?

Actually, I kind of lied...we are leaving this afternoon for a 3 day visit with some of our best friends. We can't wait to get out of town and leave all of the Christmas choas behind. We can't wait to play with our friends kids and see how much they have grown and changed since we last saw them. We are thrilled to be able to let our kids interact with them again. I can't wait to hug and kiss and take lots of pictures! I personally am glad to be getting away for a mini vacation before the busyness of second semester hits us again. I'm glad to avoid my post Christmas - end of February depression for another week.

So, I might not be around this week - I'm going to be soaking in the goodness of friends.

Confession

I'm getting antsy. I called in for our 1 month update, but haven't called back since. Don't get me wrong, there has been pleanty of communication specifically with us as a family, and as an adoptive parent with AAI in general...but I'm just longing for more. I know exactly where we stand on the list and where they are on handing out referrals on that list.

Let's be honest. I'm longing for a face and a name.

I've been told "early spring"...so, I'm praying for the next few months to keep me busy, but still soaking in the memories with only two children at home. We are leaving for a week to visit with very good friends (and stay up late dreaming about our two boys from ET!). Then I'm hoping another girlfriend and her son will come visit for a few days in early January. We'll be going back to work and school. February is filled with Claire's Birthday, Valentine's Day, and our 6 year anniversary. March will hold spring break and Lincoln's birthday and then I'd say we'll be in "early spring" right?!?! :0)

So, son, we're ready for you. Ready for you to bring so many blessings, love, and memories into our family. We're ready to give you stability, love, a family, and to teach you about God's endless love.

To my Zumba Ladies...

I feel really silly about this, but it's fact, so I must share.

I absolutely love each of the women that come to my Zumba classes 3 nights a week.

Every class is made up of different women, some coming multiple times a week, some just once.

I am blessed to spend time with a group of amazing women - all coming from different backgrounds and current life circumstances.

I am learning something from each of them and I greatly appreciate the sacrifices some of them have to make in order to be there with me for an hour each evening.

I get to laugh with them and forget for an hour of fun, silly dancing that there is anything else in the world to be worried about.

I am motivated by them. They encourage me to work harder at certain aspects of my life.

I am creating friendships. I get to chat with them during class (when we can find our breath!) and afterwards.

I have been able to share my passion for adoption and also witness and invite someone to church.

Some of my silly "Mommy fears" have been relieved by them. I have been able to encourage some that are striving to be Mommies, but aren't quite yet.

I finally feel an obligation, and responsibility to someone other than my children and husband. I find this very fulfilling.

I need to be there those 3 nights a week for them - and they are there for me.

I love you ladies!

Your Only Sister

I swore I would never let myself do this. You all must know that admitting this happened is a huge step for me. I'm very ashamed and there's no sarcasam here. This is a major confession.

Ashley: "Hunter, PLEASE be nice to Graysen. She is your only sister and I hate to see you treat her that way."

Hunter: "She is not my only sister Mom, I have a sister Claire too!"



I am so glad that he thinks of her, just like I do...and I can't wait until we're all together as one happy family in Heaven.

Parenting at all times

Whew. Parenting is an exhausting job. I think it gets harder the older the kids get (sorry to burst anyone's bubble who has a baby right now...). They understand so much more, they follow your example so much more closely. They copy everything that comes out of your mouth.

As a baby you get a break while you shower (even if they are in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with you), and you get a break while you use the restroom.

Not anymore.

A few days ago Lincoln was sitting on the toilet (I know, TMI), and called Hunter into the bathroom to discuss something that he had just heard him say to Graysen.

Amazing. No longer do you even get a break from parenting while you are in the bathroom!!!


I am so thankful for a husband who values the importance of being present with the children and taking an active, hands on approach to parenting. He could have taken the easy road and pretended that he didn't hear what Hunter had said (or really not heard him). But instead he took an active parenting role and helped to teach Hunter the right way to treat others.

Earned or a Given? A poll for my readers

Is the title of Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt or Uncle something that someone should automatically get just because another human in that relation to them is born?





Or is it a title that should be earned?





Sure, we should probably call those people by those titles out of respect, but should we automatically feel that "special" way about them just because of our birth order?





I don't think so. I want my kids to know that I worked hard (and will continue to) to earn my standing as their Mom. I want them to know that I don't take that responsibility or title lightly. I want them to understand that I willingly sacrificed, I prayed for wisdom, I did research and professional development.





I also hope that they know that I don't take being a Mom and Dad team lightly. I hope that they are able to see the work that Lincoln and I have put into our marriage. I hope they understand that it's not an easy thing - marriage...but it's worth the fight, sacrifice, and daily work. We do it because God has asked this of us - but also because THEY are worth it. Our family unit is worth it.

I read this somewhere and I think it's very fitting to this post:

"... My name means - I will never leave you, I am in your corner, I am your safe place, I will guide you all the days of your life, I will never give up on you, I will treasure who you are, I will be there when you fall and help you get up, I will help you learn from your mistakes, I will not judge you, I will teach you about the one and only GOD ..."

What do you readers think? Do you think a certain feeling and respect should be given to those people in your life even if they do nothing to deserve or earn the title?

5 months

Well, it has almost been 5 months of waiting. We're starting to feel anxious about seeing the face our own new one, but are still trying our best to be patient and wait on God's perfect timing. We're hoping that the wait is 1/2 over and we'll get some news on our new addition by early spring.

I actually started trying to plan out approximate referral date / court date / travel time. Then I stopped. I realized that that is where people run into the dissapointment in adoption. When they start trying to plan rather than leaving the planning up to God and what He sees fit for their family. Thank goodness I caught myself early, that's all I have to say!

We are very busy during this season of our lives, so the wait has not been excruciating yet! I am staying at home with the kids during the day and teaching at The Dance Studio 3 nights a week. Lincoln is working at PCR during the day (most weeks) and is still at the Walmart DC on the weekend day shift. He is also coaching Boys JV Basketball right now, so that keeps him extra busy with practice every day and games 2 nights a week. Hunter is in pre-school two mornings a week and Graysen has started dance 1 night a week.

Aside from all of our regularly scheduled activities we have lots of family and friends to keep us busy during this Holiday Season!

What will they remember?

I just finished reading "Vanishing Act" by Jodie Picult. It was terrifying and amazing all at once. It sure made me think though...

What will my kids remember about these first few years of their lives? I don't have many true memories until I was much older. I'm honestly not sure I remember anything until 3rd grade maybe?! Is that possible?! Nothing tragic happened to make me forget or push that time in my life to the back of my mind. I just simply don't remember much. Sure, pictures jog my memory...or maybe it's just the memory of the stories my mom has told me while looking at those pictures. Who really knows?

I know one thing for sure. I want my kids to remember the nights that I rocked them to sleep while whispering songs or prayers rather than the nights I let them cry themselves to sleep. I want them to remember the nights I welcomed them into my bed rather than shooing them back to their own. I want my kids to remember the times that we played together rather than the times that I told them to wait or "no" because I was busy doing something selfish like checking email or wanting to finish a book.

I feel very guilty on the nights where I've hit my "wall" right before bed time. The nights that I snap at Hunter as I'm putting him to bed or have to threaten Graysen with a "smack on the bottom" if she gets out of her bed one more time. I hate going to sleep on those nights. I find it really hard to fall asleep. It's just not the same going to bed when we've left off on rough standings.

I've found that as a parent it's very hard to ask forgiveness from your children. My pride, my standing as an authority figure often times stands in my way from doing what's right. I'm going to be better at this. I'm going to show them what humilty looks like rather than just preaching it at them...

starting right now.

A Return?

Just in time for Christmas...I hope!

We've finally gotten a computer (a desktop, but hey, who's being picky right?!) and hope to have it all fixed and set up before Christmas.

So, if everything goes as smoothly as it's supposed to, I'll be back to blogging by Christmas.

hope to blog with you soon!

Ash

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

For families who will be traveling soon, we have some news. Little AHOPE is in a new location. It is now closer to Layla, the Ritmo and the Yilma Hotel but further from the AHOPE guest house. That may affect where families picking up a child from Little AHOPE choose to stay.

AAI is now offering an additional guest house possibility for adoptive families wishing to have their child with them while they are in Ethiopia. This is the Ethiopia Guest Home. It is 30 to 45 minutes from Layla depending on traffic, somewhat more expensive but it has positive aspects as well. Details are now in the travel packet. Ethiopia Guest House’s website is at www.ethiopiaguesthome.com. Now our traveling families may choose either the Ritmo Guest House, the AHOPE Guest House, the KM guest rooms or the Ethiopia Guest Home if they want to have their children with them while they are in Ethiopia. Again, if you wish to stay in a hotel such as the Hilton or Sheraton, you are not allowed to have your children there by order of the Ethiopian government.

More good news: For families who have not yet had court hearings, the amount of time between filing cases and hearing dates is much shorter than it was a year ago. Most cases are scheduled for 4 to 6 weeks from filing. Last year is was 12 to 14 weeks.

There continues to be more and more scrutiny of adoption agencies as well as individual cases. At Layla today they were surprised by a visit from officials with the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Here is Temesgen’s report:

We have been surprised by two visitors--one from MOWA and the other from Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They checked all our activities from documents to the kitchen utensils. They saw our contracts with our staff, the administration manual, and documents in relation to the project agreements that we signed with different stake holders. We were asked about the number of children we have placed so far, the procedures that we follow to track the whereabouts of the children, [this means post placement reports, folks!] orphanages that we are working with, our source of income, lists of our property etc.

I don't understand the purpose of the visit. But I guess that they are doing this for purpose of re-registration. The new NGO agency may decide not to re-register all agencies. There may some agencies that lose their licenses to operate in Ethiopia. After the visit we got positive feedback from both ministries.
Our re-registration will begin from Nov. 9, 2009.

With regard to referrals, we have referred several toddlers in the past few days. Gail reports that there are 12 to 14 babies and toddlers who are two or under whose files are not complete, so we hope to be able to refer them soon. For infant boy referrals, the next ones will go to families whose dossiers went in March of 2009. For infant girls, a couple of families who were on hold status came off and that means there hasn’t been much movement on that list. The next referral of an infant girl will go to a family whose file had been on hold and the next to the last family whose dossier went in November of 2008.

The office will be closed for staff training on Friday Nov. 6 and Wednesday Nov. 11, for Veteran’s Day, though Susan will be notifying families of court news on Wednesday.

Merrily and Susan
merrily@adoptionadvocates.org
susan@adoptionadvocates.org

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

For families who will be traveling soon, we have some news. Little AHOPE is in a new location. It is now closer to Layla, the Ritmo and the Yilma Hotel but further from the AHOPE guest house. That may affect where families picking up a child from Little AHOPE choose to stay.

AAI is now offering an additional guest house possibility for adoptive families wishing to have their child with them while they are in Ethiopia. This is the Ethiopia Guest Home. It is 30 to 45 minutes from Layla depending on traffic, somewhat more expensive but it has positive aspects as well. Details are now in the travel packet. Ethiopia Guest House’s website is at www.ethiopiaguesthome.com. Now our traveling families may choose either the Ritmo Guest House, the AHOPE Guest House, the KM guest rooms or the Ethiopia Guest Home if they want to have their children with them while they are in Ethiopia. Again, if you wish to stay in a hotel such as the Hilton or Sheraton, you are not allowed to have your children there by order of the Ethiopian government.

More good news: For families who have not yet had court hearings, the amount of time between filing cases and hearing dates is much shorter than it was a year ago. Most cases are scheduled for 4 to 6 weeks from filing. Last year is was 12 to 14 weeks.

There continues to be more and more scrutiny of adoption agencies as well as individual cases. At Layla today they were surprised by a visit from officials with the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Here is Temesgen’s report:

We have been surprised by two visitors--one from MOWA and the other from Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They checked all our activities from documents to the kitchen utensils. They saw our contracts with our staff, the administration manual, and documents in relation to the project agreements that we signed with different stake holders. We were asked about the number of children we have placed so far, the procedures that we follow to track the whereabouts of the children, [this means post placement reports, folks!] orphanages that we are working with, our source of income, lists of our property etc.

I don't understand the purpose of the visit. But I guess that they are doing this for purpose of re-registration. The new NGO agency may decide not to re-register all agencies. There may some agencies that lose their licenses to operate in Ethiopia. After the visit we got positive feedback from both ministries.
Our re-registration will begin from Nov. 9, 2009.

With regard to referrals, we have referred several toddlers in the past few days. Gail reports that there are 12 to 14 babies and toddlers who are two or under whose files are not complete, so we hope to be able to refer them soon. For infant boy referrals, the next ones will go to families whose dossiers went in March of 2009. For infant girls, a couple of families who were on hold status came off and that means there hasn’t been much movement on that list. The next referral of an infant girl will go to a family whose file had been on hold and the next to the last family whose dossier went in November of 2008.

The office will be closed for staff training on Friday Nov. 6 and Wednesday Nov. 11, for Veteran’s Day, though Susan will be notifying families of court news on Wednesday.

Merrily and Susan
merrily@adoptionadvocates.org
susan@adoptionadvocates.org

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,
I (Merrily) was in Ethiopia two weeks ago where I caught a terrible cold. My work was primarily to meet with our legal staff and social workers so I avoided the babies and children and hope I didn’t pass the cold along. I spent most of last week in bed but am now back in the office and hoping that is all behind me.

The courts have reopened in Ethiopia. AAI had cases originally scheduled for the first days after the reopening, but the court staff was sent to training during the first two weeks after reopening so all cases were delayed. We now have 10 cases or so scheduled to be heard in the next 10 days. Fifteen new cases were filed the week that the court reopened and we expect more to be filed soon.In order to keep the amount of time between referral and court filing shorter, we will not be referring children until Temesgen has told us that the child’s legal documents are complete and that all relinquishment or abandonment paperwork has been obtained. During the past few months, many families have felt in limbo while our staff had to go back and get new relinquishment or abandonment paperwork due to changes in adoption rules. We are working to avoid this, though it may mean that the wait for referrals will be longer for awhile.

On the other hand, we have already begun to see that the numbers of babies and young children arriving at AAI is increasing. Historically this has been the pattern; many babies are received at Layla during the period after the rainy season. We are now working with some additional orphanages as well and some of these are sending us toddlers. In the past we have not had many toddlers available for placement and we are reorganizing space a bit at Wanna to provide well for them. In the upcoming newsletter you will see pictures of the toddlers learning and playing.

Last month you were sent information on keeping your I-600a file current. From now on, before making a referral to a family, we will be checking the status of their visa application. It is important that children not be delayed in travel because the family’s visa file is not current and we will be more attentive to those who are behind on this.There have been a few referrals lately but not much movement on the list as we are waiting for the go ahead from the legal department before making new referrals. There are lots of babies and young children in the nursery and we hope to begin calling families very soon.

Sincerely,
Merrily and Susan H.

3 Months

Today is a milestone in our adoption journey. When we signed with our adoption agency they told us the average wait at that point was 0-3 months for infant boys. Here we are. 3 months into "The Wait". They are still handing out February infant boy referrals. So, obviously no where close.

I've read lots of people who at this point (when they reach the maximum wait their agency gave them to start) are very agitated. Annoyed, frustrated, discouraged. I am glad to say that I am not feeling any of these things.

Maybe the slow down in adoptions is because there are lots more people adopting from Ethiopia currently... But maybe, just maybe, it's because more families are able to keep their children.

...and in my book that's the best possible situation.

Having lost a child myself in 2006 I would NEVER hope that a family would have to go through that. Even if it means that I sit on the wait list forever. Although yes, I am anxious to meet the newest addition to our family, I am all too aware that in order for me to gain a son someone has to lose one. That is something that I would never wish on anyone.

So - as we wait patiently, and prayerfully, we continue to hope that maybe it's taking so much longer than expected because more families are staying together.

Happy 3 months on the waiting list!

No Computer

Hey everyone,

We are officially without a computer. Bummer. Thus, the obvious lack of blog posts. Yes, I have access to a computer every few days, but never enough time to sit and really let my thoughts, feelings, and experiences flow onto the computer. I always blog after the kids go to bed at night and obviously can't leave the house after that to go use someone else's computer.

So - I've had tons of blog posts swimming around in my head, but who knows how long it's going to be before they come to frutation. I miss you all, and someday I'll be back...

I just don't know when.

My Uncensored Thoughts on Neighborhood Animals

I hate animals that run around the neighborhood!

Honestly, I can not say that I hate the owners of these animals, because some of them (2 on my street) are very nice people. Unfortunately I HIGHLY disagree with their decision to let their animals run wild around the neighborhood. Okay, so I know that one of these people consider her cat and dog her pets. Maybe the other couple on the street doesn't really consider the (who knows how many) cats their pets...but they are the only ones who feed them. To me, that shows that they are taking responsibility for them and therefore, qualifies them as pet owners in my eyes.

I came home a few days ago to a trash bag completely ripped open and the contents strewn all across my front porch, yard, and driveway. One of the stupid neighborhood cats. I, in the pouring rain, was then forced to put on rubber gloves, get a new trash bag, and clean up the contents of the original bag. Boy was I mad.

I despise the cat prints on my car. The dog poop in my yard infuriates me. I hate getting out of bed and opening my front door to yell at the cats who are fighting on my driveway and keeping me up at 2 a.m. The trash bag sent me over the edge.

"Neighborhood" cats...you are now classified as stray cats in my eyes and I WILL call the animal control (do we even have one of those in STJ?) next time I see you on the prowl. No more nice rubs when we're walking down the street. You'd better not cross my path.

It's Okay, Your Kids Are Here

When one of my kids is hurting in some way, physically, emotionally, etc. You will overhear me whisper in their ear, "It's okay, Mommy is here". I want my children to always have confidence that even when it doesn't feel okay, Mommy is always doing her best to make it okay. I want them to know that I will always be there, whether it is in person, over the phone, or tucked away deep in their heart to comfort them in their times of need.

I realized something today. Even on some of the worst days, as long as I can cuddle my kids up onto my lap and hug them, I'll be okay. They may even be the reason for my stress, anger, frustration, or tears. But as long as they will give me a hug I feel something deep in my soul start to settle.

Sometimes I just need to breathe in their scent slowly and deeply. Wrap their fingers around mine, and rest my head against theirs. My kids are such a huge comfort to me. Is it because they are part of me? Is it because I know that they are two of the only people that I'm guaranteed to always have a relationship with? (Because after my experience I know that losing your kids isn't worth anything else in the world.)

Whatever the reason, I'm okay - as long as my kids are here.

An email to a friend

This is part of an email to a dear friend of mine that I wrote this evening. I just wanted to record my thoughts tonight:

"Thank you for the prayers. This journey has stretched us individually, and as a couple more than we could've ever imagined...that's for sure. I have learned more about the heart of God in the last few months than in my previous 26 years. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I am walking the path that He set out for me. The one that is closest to Him. I feel him present in my life like never before, and amazingly, it's not as comfortable as I thought it would be, but that's what's so exhilerating about it! It's so awesome feeling like I have to lean on Him daily to get through rather than looking to Him only when times are at their worst. I feel a passion inside that I've never found before. I'm only sad that it took me 26 years to find this!! I feel confident that this is what my life is supposed to be about - standing in the gap for the orphans of the world. Advocating for them when no one else will. Loving them like Christ loves me. I can't wait to get to Ethiopia and love on the children there!"

My TV "no" list

I recently had a friend, Amanda, ask me what my TV "no" list was for my kids. I think TV is such a touchy subject, so please don't be offended if one of my "no's" is an "okay" for your kids or family. I'm not even going to explain why it's a no for our family...just list. We really don't like having TV in our home and will be getting rid of it when our contract runs out in a little less than a year.

1. Sponge Bob Square Pants
2. Any Japanese Anime' style shows (Pokemon, etc.)
3. All adult shows with the exception of Extreme Home Makeover, Biggest Loser, Sports games, and If Walls Could Talk
4. Suite Life of Zack and Cody*

There were lots more when Hunter was little, but more because they were super annoying to me rather than because I felt like they were a bad influence on my kids. I'm sure there are more, but since Hunter can't read yet and I am the one controling the remote I don't even pay attention to what they are!

There are a few that I feel kind of guilty about.

1. Biggest Loser. I love that show and it's on Tuesday nights. Once in a great while I will be able to catch the very end of the show when I get home from work. Since Hunter is still awake at that time and I've been gone from him for several hours I like to snuggle him right before bed and catch the end of the show at the same time. Selfish, I know. Most of the time I watch it online after the kids go to bed though. I think it's good for him to see that people can have problems with their weight and to learn to be sensitive to it. I think it's good for him to see them working hard to change their lives. I don't like the profanity (but it's always bleeped out) that is sometimes thrown in there. I don't like him seeing Bob and Jillian scream in people's faces, but we do talk about how that's not a good way to communicate with others.

2. Wizards of Waverly Place. I think this is a cute show, but don't feel 100% positive about the "wizard" part of it. Hunter knows that there is no such thing as wizards, but still you know it goes somewhere in that vault of a brain... It also sometimes has inappropriate boy/girl relationships. I know some out there think we're WAY off the deep end with trying to instill in our kids that boys and girls shouldn't kiss until they are married, but that's our decision, and so we don't like allowing him to see that on television.

Saying that...Wizards of Waverly Place is not NEARLY as bad with the boy/girl thing as...

3. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. We used to let Hunter watch this show all the time and found it to be extremely funny actually! Unfortunately it seems that more and more it's more about "who likes who" than the twins getting into mishap funny situations. There is tons of "daydreams" about what it would be like to date or kiss another character. Way too much real kissing of others, and always fighting over who can be someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. We no longer chose this for him to watch. There are times when it comes on after the show he is watching and depending on the episode we allow him to watch it

We also always try to read reviews or talk to others who have already seen a movie before we let him watch one of those.

What is on your "no" list?

Rev Run Tweet

Good morning! Do a checkup from the neck up! Let's keep our minds in tune! Thinking positively with an exclamation point will win the game today!

My favorite time of year

Dear Basketball Season,

Maybe I'm being a bit facetious when I say you are my favorite time of year...but maybe not. Maybe I really actually enjoy my husband being gone for 3 hours every evening for practice and gone the entire night for games. Maybe I love the fact that Lincoln and I have very few conversations that don't include a basketball play, a basketball player, or the recap of a game. I'm blessed to be able to watch and sometimes even try new drills for practice before he actually uses them on the boys. Okay - so I am totally lying. You are definitely not my favorite time of year.

You do, however occur during some of my favorite times of year! I adore the changes of the leaves, the crisp weather, the pumpkin patches, the fall decorations, the hay rides, the Thanksgiving turkey, the 7 Layer Salad, Graysen's birthday, mall Christmas decorations, chi lattes, Christmas music, and all the celebrations of Christ's birthday!

I do like that you are an indoor sport. I do enjoy that my kids can run in the commons while I keep an eye on the game. I do like that we see more of our fellow coaches and their families during this time of year.

I do love seeing my husband active in something that he adores. I do smile from the inside when he wants to talk about and pray for the boys on his team daily. I love that he takes his role as a coach and influence on his players life so seriously.

I enjoy the fact that Lincoln gets his fill of basketball during the week and therefore we are not forced to watch very many hours of it on TV. I adore the fact that because he is gone from us so much during these long months that he really appreciates the few hours that we do have as a family. He is more present during these times than any other time of year.

So, dearest basketball season...although you have your negative aspects, you have some pretty decent ones too.

Love,
A Coach's Wife who resigns herself to see her husband again in March

Hunter and Graysen's New Favorite

My kids are in love with Tom and Jerry!!  We just recently started watching this classic cartoon and it's their new favorite!  I especially enjoy the fact that there is mostly music and very little talking.  I love to hear them laughing and laughing at all the silly antics.  

Can I Live?

I don't know much about Nick Cannon or what he believes or stands for, but I am proud to see someone of influence sharing their story and encouraging others to think before taking negative action!

Our Toy Story Date

Lincoln and I took Hunter on a date to Opening Night of Toy Story 1 and 2 Double Feature in 3D! It's only playing for 2 weeks, so we wanted to go on Opening Night! We so rarely get to both do anything with our kids one on one that we were all very excited about it! My sister kept Graysen for us and we headed to Sullivan for the movies! We got there pretty early because I was afraid they might sell out... We got our tickets and a large soda and popcorn (with free refills) and headed in to find our seats. There were approximately 5 families in the whole theater!

Even though we've seen both those movies a thousand times a piece it was still quite exciting to see them in the theater and in 3D! We refilled our popcorn 2 times and our soda 3 times! Yikes! I've never seen Hunter sit on the edge of his seat and eat popcorn like that before! I thought he might turn into a piece of popcorn before it was over! He was precious quoting movie lines and laughing out loud.

I'm so blessed that we are able to take our kids to do special things like that together. To me, those are the kinds of thing memories are made of. I hope that he always remembers that he is special to us and that we have always strived to take time to spend with him alone. We sure love our precious first born son!**I have some cute pictures of us on our date, but unfortunately my computer is down again, so until I get it back I can't add any pictures! Boo......

Fashion Rules Children's Book

If anyone is interested in publishing a children's book I have a request.

I want a "touch and feel" book that explains basic fashion rules to children.  We're talking just the basics here.  I want them to know how to match colors (for example you shouldn't wear a red pair of pants with an orange shirt), and realize that you can't wear sweatpants with a nice sweater.  Learn that football pants should be saved for playing in the yard, not going to a birthday party.  I want them to be able to feel different materials so that they understand what material a sweatshirt is made out of vs. dress pants.  

Hunter has always been very particular about what clothes he wears...unfortunately they don't always match.  There is that cute stage around 2 years old where they are first learning to pick out their own clothes that it doesn't really matter what they wear out because it's just so sweet that they are finally having an opinion.  

Then there's 5 years old where they still have a (very strong) opinion, but no fashion sense whatsoever...  And it's not so cute when they don't match anymore...  I try to continue to give him a choice each morning because I think it's important for him to learn to make decisions on his own...but it's getting harder and harder to "reason" with him when his choices don't make sense at all!

HELP!

Adoption T-Shirts! **Updated

Great News! We placed an order for 37 shirts this morning! How awesome is that?! We have been blessed with such awesome family and friends and a wonderful community to support us ! We had two more orders come in this afternoon, so I'm off to get another order of at least 12 hopefully by next week...so, if you're thinking about purchasing one (or a few) let me know in the next couple of days and I'll get them in this next order!

We wanted to send everyone an update on the adoption! We are a little more then 2 months into the "waiting" phase. Right now all of our paperwork is done and in Ethiopia. We are just waiting until God has our child ready for us! We don't expect to hear anything until well after the new year...

So, to help pass the time, and save up for our traveling expenses, we are having T-Shirts made! We are hoping that these shirts will help raise adoption awareness everywhere they are worn around the country!

A picture of the T-shirt design is at the top of this post. They will be a greyish blue short sleeved t-shirt with off-white print. We are selling them for 15.00 or two for 25.00! We can order them from youth small (6-8) all the way through Adult XL. We can also get XXL (for 16.00) or XXXL (for 17.00). We can take cash or checks can be made to Lincoln or Ashley Redburn.

We have to place orders in groups of 12 or more, so as soon as we have 12 we will place the order and then wait for another 12 orders to come in. They should take under 2 weeks to get back after the order is placed.

Please forward this message on to anyone you know that may want to help advocate for the 147 million orphans of the world!

You can email me, snail mail me, or call me with your order and we will get them to you asap!

Thanks so much!!!
Lincoln and Ashley

215 LoisSaint James, Mo 65559

ashleyredburn@hotmail.com

573-263-0258

Adoption Update and T-Shirts!

We wanted to give everyone an update on the adoption! I can't write much about it on this public blog due to laws, so if you have any questions about specifics please comment and I'll invite you to our private adoption blog which should give you LOTS more detials!

We are a little more then 2 months into the "waiting" phase. Right now all of our paperwork is done and in the birth country. We are just waiting until God has our child ready for us! We don't expect to hear anything until well after the new year...

So, to help pass the time, and save up for our traveling expenses, we are having T-Shirts made! We are hoping that these shirts will help raise adoption awareness everywhere they are worn around the country!

A picture of the T-shirt design is on top. They will be a greyish blue short sleeved t-shirt with off-white print. We are selling them for 15.00 or two for 25.00! We can order them from youth small (6-8) all the way through Adult XL. We can also get XXL (for 16.00) or XXXL (for 17.00). We can take cash or checks can be made to Lincoln or Ashley Redburn.

We have to place orders in groups of 12 or more, so as soon as we have 12 we will place the order and then wait for another 12 orders to come in. They should take under 2 weeks to get back after the order is placed.

Please pass this message on to anyone you know that may want to help advocate for the 147 million orphans of the world!

Feel free to comment with any questions or orders!

Thanks so much!!!
Lincoln and Ashley

ashleyredburn@hotmail.com

Just who I am

Some of you may have noticed that my little family has become all but absent in the community since May.  Some of you may not have noticed at all, but regardless...this has been the case. 

Lincoln and I had entered into a stage in our lives where we were extremely unhappy.  We were working almost around the clock, making no time for us and our children.  We had overcommitted ourselves to everything - jobs, social lives, extra curricular activities, volunteer positions.  We felt a huge strain on our relationship and the relationship with our children.  

Finally, one day in March we were able to sit down and take a look at where our lives had ended up.  We weren't happy with it.  It was time for a change.  We decided to cut out nearly everything that wasn't of utmost importance to the health of our family and our relationship with God.  So, in May I quit baby sitting, we quit soccer and t-ball.  Summer was beginning and I wasn't going to be working as much at The Dance Studio.  I made a commitment not to work at anything that I couldn't have my kids with me except 1 week of camp over the summer.  We continued Bible Study on Wednesday nights, but that was the extent of our commitments through August.  

Although we don't have nearly the social life that we once had, we are more satisfied now.  Our spirits and minds are calmer.  We have time for one another.  Time to grow a marriage that is going to last a lifetime.  We are able to raise our children in the way that we feel The Lord has called us to.  Our children are healthier, happier kids.  We have time to explore the surrounding communities and teach them things about real life.  

Although life has "picked up" a little bit again - I've started teaching dance 3 evenings a week, and Hunter has started pre-school 2 mornings a week this year I still feel settled.  I feel content with what is in our lives.  

I read a woman who I think might be my "soul sister"...here was a portion of her blog post from a few days ago...I love the way she simply stated her (and my) situation.

"Life has been simplified. I know I’ve alluded to this, and how hard it has been to untangle ourselves from unhealthy expectations. But for us, this has been necessary and life-giving. To say “no”… to only focus on our little family and what can fill our souls for this season of our lives. It’s been full of healing and quality time together. Our kids are thriving… and the protective mama bear in me is calmer. I see that things have settled… that my kids are in a good place… and I’d like to stay in this place with them for awhile. I’m not the person who can do it all. Sometimes I really wish that I was “that girl”. I’ve always wanted to be the bubbly popular one who gets involved in everything and who is loved by all. As I grow older I realize it’s okay to release that image of myself… and that maybe, just maybe, some folks will be okay with me being me."

Amen Sister.  Amen.

God through a 22 month old

When asked to pronounce "God" Graysen comes back with something that undeniably sounds like "Die".  Every. single. time.  There is no mistake.  While Hunter was laughing over this in the back seat the other day it really got me thinking.

To me, "God" and "Die" are very much the same.  In order to have a relationship with God we need to die to self.  In order to be saved we need to die.  In order to have everlasting life with Him we have to die.  

Thanks Gray, for the  reminder.

A Hand Full

Today Hunter had this conversation with a friend:

Hunter:  "I'm five"

Friend:  "I'm three"

Hunter:  "Yeah, I'm a hand full"

Friend:  "Someday I'll be five and be a hand full too!"

So sweet and innocent...but my girlfriend and I couldn't help but notice the play on words...Five IS a hand full!

Plan B

We are Plan B for this baby's life.  

Luckily, I'm okay with that!  God's first plan is for every child to stay with their birth family.  That is why He gave them to those parents.  Because of our fallen and broken world, that is not always possible.  So...Plan B comes into play.  That's us.  We are Plan B.  

We will always love our son's birth parents.  I hope that we are able to know some of their story to share with him.  If not, I trust that he will be at peace with knowing that although he may not know his biological story, he will know that he is a son of God's and ours...and that we both love him unconditionally.

We are so blessed that God is going to place him in our lives.  We will forever be connected to Ethiopia.  Part of our son will always be there, and therefore part of our hearts will be as well.

When we started this process I was so unsure of where all the money was going to come from, so unsure about how this small community would accept a little boy from Ethiopia, so unsure about so many things.  But the two things I did know were that a)  God calls us to care for the orphans and b) there were children out there going to bed every night without a mommy and a daddy to tuck them in and calm their fears.  I knew that they needed a family and that is one thing I think we do well.  

We have a family.  A family who loves each other unconditionally.  A family who is committed to each other.  A family that is committed to the King of kings.  

We can do family...so let's do it!

   

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

Today I leave again for Ethiopia. It will be a short trip with some specific goals and I don’t expect to be able to spend much time with the kids, unfortunately.

One goal is to try to get status reports on the legal process for each case. Gail has said, however, to remind families that there won’t be much change in most cases. September is not a month when a great deal gets accomplished in Ethiopia. The courts will reopen in a few days and we hope to see things moving again. A number of cases are ready to be filed with court as soon as the office reopens. The legal process has been hampered by massive changes in the process for adoptions, mostly the relinquishment procedures and also by changes in leadership in some key offices. Notably, the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, which oversees adoption on the federal level, has changed directors in the adoption office itself. The new person has worked in this office for some time and is known to Temesgen, our attorney, and he believes that this will be a positive change.

Many of you may have seen or heard of the news story from Australia regarding adoption from Ethiopia. It concerned child trafficking in Ethiopia and targeted a particular U.S. agency. Child trafficking is an issue of grave concern to all who care about orphan children and who would like to see them in good adoptive homes. The Ethiopian government has responded by setting up new and ever stricter guidelines and requiring that all recognized agencies go through a new registration process. AAI commends the Ethiopian government for taking positive action to deal with this issue.

Six or seven referrals of infant and toddler children were made last week and I received a number of inquiries as to whether this means that there will be no more referrals for awhile. We refer children to families on the waiting list as the children’s files are completed. Most of the little ones referred last week came into our care in August but there are additional babies in our nursery, both girls and boys, whose files are not yet complete. Once we get full information, those babies can be referred to families. We usually receive babies one or two at time, sometimes several in a week. The pattern is irregular which is why it is so hard to give good numbers to our families in terms of timing. 

There is one last family whose dossier was sent in November who will receive the next baby girl referral. Then we will start on December families. For baby boys, we will be referring to families whose dossiers went in mid-February.

There are many new families in process and I want to give some reminders for those traveling.

Remember that it is not allowed for families to carry gifts to children from their new adoptive families. Each child receives a welcome bag, then no further gifts or packages until placement. It is not fair to other children to see those who have families receiving gifts on a regular basis and we instituted this rule several years ago.

Please be considerate of staff when photographing children, in terms of interrupting their work to ask for certain children or babies. Older children cannot be taken out of class for photos. We also ask that you not give messages to the kids from their families. You may give them letters and photos that their parents have sent but messages can be easily misunderstood. Above all do not tell children that their parents are coming on a certain date. If the children ask, be vague, saying that they want to come as soon as all of the paperwork is finished.

If you are in Ethiopia adopting an older child and have given your child an iPod or other expensive item, please do not allow your child to take the item to Layla. Ivy makes this request saying it sends the wrong message to other children who then expect that they will get an iPod (for example) when their parents come. And again, it really isn’t fair to children who do not yet have families. 

For families who are using an escort, we have decided to no longer ask families to pack a travel bag but instead the staff will pack a bag in Ethiopia with clothing that will fit the child, and items we know the child will enjoy on the flight. We are in need of some travel bags to use for this purpose, backpacks or medium sized travel bags work best. Used is fine but they should not have wheels. Diaper bags typically are padded and take up too much space to work well. Any bags can be sent to the AAI office or if you are traveling but can leave an extra one for an escort trip, just give it to Gail in Ethiopia. 

The fundraising effort for the Holiday Project has begun. Details are available on the AAI blog, www.aainews.blogspot.com and I hope you will take a minute to read about what is planned and to contribute as you can. We were delighted to have the kick off donation of $1000 toward this project from one of our adoptive families.

I’ll try to write to the aaiethiopia list from Ethiopia.

Merrily and Susan H.