Welcome 2010!

As I sit here in my dear friend's living room watching my two children play legos with her oldest, I am filled with peace and happiness.

Today is the last day of 2009. It's been a rather quiet year in the Redburn family. For that, I am thankful. We were talking a few nights ago about how it's so nice to be actually living our lives rather than just planning them. For so many years I was stuck in a "planning" phase. I was deciding what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. I was looking for the person God had intended for me to marry. I was planning how many children we would have, when, and how. Where we would live, how we would pay the bills, what we would do for extra curricular activities. So many things to plan, so little time to enjoy the life that was passing me by.

I feel like this year I have actually lived my life. I have been in the moment more than any other year of my life. I have stepped out in faith to fulfill a dream of mine, I have visited with friends, I have experienced new things. I have enjoyed my children.

My husband will soon walk in the front door with a coffee for me. We will spend the rest of the day sitting and visiting with our friends, we will play with the children, we will laugh and maybe even cry. We will eat good food, and celebrate our families and friendship.

I hope this feeling continues all through the new year.

I'm officially back!

Yea! I have a computer - all set up and connected to the internet! I even have a printer this time around! So, I'm back. I've got to get back in the swing of putting my thoughts and feelings onto "paper". I'm not even sure where to start honestly. I thought it would be like riding a bike, but I must say...it's not. Not for me anyway.

So - anyone have anything they wanted to know about while I was gone? Any requests to get me started again?

Actually, I kind of lied...we are leaving this afternoon for a 3 day visit with some of our best friends. We can't wait to get out of town and leave all of the Christmas choas behind. We can't wait to play with our friends kids and see how much they have grown and changed since we last saw them. We are thrilled to be able to let our kids interact with them again. I can't wait to hug and kiss and take lots of pictures! I personally am glad to be getting away for a mini vacation before the busyness of second semester hits us again. I'm glad to avoid my post Christmas - end of February depression for another week.

So, I might not be around this week - I'm going to be soaking in the goodness of friends.

Confession

I'm getting antsy. I called in for our 1 month update, but haven't called back since. Don't get me wrong, there has been pleanty of communication specifically with us as a family, and as an adoptive parent with AAI in general...but I'm just longing for more. I know exactly where we stand on the list and where they are on handing out referrals on that list.

Let's be honest. I'm longing for a face and a name.

I've been told "early spring"...so, I'm praying for the next few months to keep me busy, but still soaking in the memories with only two children at home. We are leaving for a week to visit with very good friends (and stay up late dreaming about our two boys from ET!). Then I'm hoping another girlfriend and her son will come visit for a few days in early January. We'll be going back to work and school. February is filled with Claire's Birthday, Valentine's Day, and our 6 year anniversary. March will hold spring break and Lincoln's birthday and then I'd say we'll be in "early spring" right?!?! :0)

So, son, we're ready for you. Ready for you to bring so many blessings, love, and memories into our family. We're ready to give you stability, love, a family, and to teach you about God's endless love.

To my Zumba Ladies...

I feel really silly about this, but it's fact, so I must share.

I absolutely love each of the women that come to my Zumba classes 3 nights a week.

Every class is made up of different women, some coming multiple times a week, some just once.

I am blessed to spend time with a group of amazing women - all coming from different backgrounds and current life circumstances.

I am learning something from each of them and I greatly appreciate the sacrifices some of them have to make in order to be there with me for an hour each evening.

I get to laugh with them and forget for an hour of fun, silly dancing that there is anything else in the world to be worried about.

I am motivated by them. They encourage me to work harder at certain aspects of my life.

I am creating friendships. I get to chat with them during class (when we can find our breath!) and afterwards.

I have been able to share my passion for adoption and also witness and invite someone to church.

Some of my silly "Mommy fears" have been relieved by them. I have been able to encourage some that are striving to be Mommies, but aren't quite yet.

I finally feel an obligation, and responsibility to someone other than my children and husband. I find this very fulfilling.

I need to be there those 3 nights a week for them - and they are there for me.

I love you ladies!

Your Only Sister

I swore I would never let myself do this. You all must know that admitting this happened is a huge step for me. I'm very ashamed and there's no sarcasam here. This is a major confession.

Ashley: "Hunter, PLEASE be nice to Graysen. She is your only sister and I hate to see you treat her that way."

Hunter: "She is not my only sister Mom, I have a sister Claire too!"



I am so glad that he thinks of her, just like I do...and I can't wait until we're all together as one happy family in Heaven.

Parenting at all times

Whew. Parenting is an exhausting job. I think it gets harder the older the kids get (sorry to burst anyone's bubble who has a baby right now...). They understand so much more, they follow your example so much more closely. They copy everything that comes out of your mouth.

As a baby you get a break while you shower (even if they are in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with you), and you get a break while you use the restroom.

Not anymore.

A few days ago Lincoln was sitting on the toilet (I know, TMI), and called Hunter into the bathroom to discuss something that he had just heard him say to Graysen.

Amazing. No longer do you even get a break from parenting while you are in the bathroom!!!


I am so thankful for a husband who values the importance of being present with the children and taking an active, hands on approach to parenting. He could have taken the easy road and pretended that he didn't hear what Hunter had said (or really not heard him). But instead he took an active parenting role and helped to teach Hunter the right way to treat others.

Earned or a Given? A poll for my readers

Is the title of Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt or Uncle something that someone should automatically get just because another human in that relation to them is born?





Or is it a title that should be earned?





Sure, we should probably call those people by those titles out of respect, but should we automatically feel that "special" way about them just because of our birth order?





I don't think so. I want my kids to know that I worked hard (and will continue to) to earn my standing as their Mom. I want them to know that I don't take that responsibility or title lightly. I want them to understand that I willingly sacrificed, I prayed for wisdom, I did research and professional development.





I also hope that they know that I don't take being a Mom and Dad team lightly. I hope that they are able to see the work that Lincoln and I have put into our marriage. I hope they understand that it's not an easy thing - marriage...but it's worth the fight, sacrifice, and daily work. We do it because God has asked this of us - but also because THEY are worth it. Our family unit is worth it.

I read this somewhere and I think it's very fitting to this post:

"... My name means - I will never leave you, I am in your corner, I am your safe place, I will guide you all the days of your life, I will never give up on you, I will treasure who you are, I will be there when you fall and help you get up, I will help you learn from your mistakes, I will not judge you, I will teach you about the one and only GOD ..."

What do you readers think? Do you think a certain feeling and respect should be given to those people in your life even if they do nothing to deserve or earn the title?

5 months

Well, it has almost been 5 months of waiting. We're starting to feel anxious about seeing the face our own new one, but are still trying our best to be patient and wait on God's perfect timing. We're hoping that the wait is 1/2 over and we'll get some news on our new addition by early spring.

I actually started trying to plan out approximate referral date / court date / travel time. Then I stopped. I realized that that is where people run into the dissapointment in adoption. When they start trying to plan rather than leaving the planning up to God and what He sees fit for their family. Thank goodness I caught myself early, that's all I have to say!

We are very busy during this season of our lives, so the wait has not been excruciating yet! I am staying at home with the kids during the day and teaching at The Dance Studio 3 nights a week. Lincoln is working at PCR during the day (most weeks) and is still at the Walmart DC on the weekend day shift. He is also coaching Boys JV Basketball right now, so that keeps him extra busy with practice every day and games 2 nights a week. Hunter is in pre-school two mornings a week and Graysen has started dance 1 night a week.

Aside from all of our regularly scheduled activities we have lots of family and friends to keep us busy during this Holiday Season!

What will they remember?

I just finished reading "Vanishing Act" by Jodie Picult. It was terrifying and amazing all at once. It sure made me think though...

What will my kids remember about these first few years of their lives? I don't have many true memories until I was much older. I'm honestly not sure I remember anything until 3rd grade maybe?! Is that possible?! Nothing tragic happened to make me forget or push that time in my life to the back of my mind. I just simply don't remember much. Sure, pictures jog my memory...or maybe it's just the memory of the stories my mom has told me while looking at those pictures. Who really knows?

I know one thing for sure. I want my kids to remember the nights that I rocked them to sleep while whispering songs or prayers rather than the nights I let them cry themselves to sleep. I want them to remember the nights I welcomed them into my bed rather than shooing them back to their own. I want my kids to remember the times that we played together rather than the times that I told them to wait or "no" because I was busy doing something selfish like checking email or wanting to finish a book.

I feel very guilty on the nights where I've hit my "wall" right before bed time. The nights that I snap at Hunter as I'm putting him to bed or have to threaten Graysen with a "smack on the bottom" if she gets out of her bed one more time. I hate going to sleep on those nights. I find it really hard to fall asleep. It's just not the same going to bed when we've left off on rough standings.

I've found that as a parent it's very hard to ask forgiveness from your children. My pride, my standing as an authority figure often times stands in my way from doing what's right. I'm going to be better at this. I'm going to show them what humilty looks like rather than just preaching it at them...

starting right now.

A Return?

Just in time for Christmas...I hope!

We've finally gotten a computer (a desktop, but hey, who's being picky right?!) and hope to have it all fixed and set up before Christmas.

So, if everything goes as smoothly as it's supposed to, I'll be back to blogging by Christmas.

hope to blog with you soon!

Ash

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

For families who will be traveling soon, we have some news. Little AHOPE is in a new location. It is now closer to Layla, the Ritmo and the Yilma Hotel but further from the AHOPE guest house. That may affect where families picking up a child from Little AHOPE choose to stay.

AAI is now offering an additional guest house possibility for adoptive families wishing to have their child with them while they are in Ethiopia. This is the Ethiopia Guest Home. It is 30 to 45 minutes from Layla depending on traffic, somewhat more expensive but it has positive aspects as well. Details are now in the travel packet. Ethiopia Guest House’s website is at www.ethiopiaguesthome.com. Now our traveling families may choose either the Ritmo Guest House, the AHOPE Guest House, the KM guest rooms or the Ethiopia Guest Home if they want to have their children with them while they are in Ethiopia. Again, if you wish to stay in a hotel such as the Hilton or Sheraton, you are not allowed to have your children there by order of the Ethiopian government.

More good news: For families who have not yet had court hearings, the amount of time between filing cases and hearing dates is much shorter than it was a year ago. Most cases are scheduled for 4 to 6 weeks from filing. Last year is was 12 to 14 weeks.

There continues to be more and more scrutiny of adoption agencies as well as individual cases. At Layla today they were surprised by a visit from officials with the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Here is Temesgen’s report:

We have been surprised by two visitors--one from MOWA and the other from Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They checked all our activities from documents to the kitchen utensils. They saw our contracts with our staff, the administration manual, and documents in relation to the project agreements that we signed with different stake holders. We were asked about the number of children we have placed so far, the procedures that we follow to track the whereabouts of the children, [this means post placement reports, folks!] orphanages that we are working with, our source of income, lists of our property etc.

I don't understand the purpose of the visit. But I guess that they are doing this for purpose of re-registration. The new NGO agency may decide not to re-register all agencies. There may some agencies that lose their licenses to operate in Ethiopia. After the visit we got positive feedback from both ministries.
Our re-registration will begin from Nov. 9, 2009.

With regard to referrals, we have referred several toddlers in the past few days. Gail reports that there are 12 to 14 babies and toddlers who are two or under whose files are not complete, so we hope to be able to refer them soon. For infant boy referrals, the next ones will go to families whose dossiers went in March of 2009. For infant girls, a couple of families who were on hold status came off and that means there hasn’t been much movement on that list. The next referral of an infant girl will go to a family whose file had been on hold and the next to the last family whose dossier went in November of 2008.

The office will be closed for staff training on Friday Nov. 6 and Wednesday Nov. 11, for Veteran’s Day, though Susan will be notifying families of court news on Wednesday.

Merrily and Susan
merrily@adoptionadvocates.org
susan@adoptionadvocates.org

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,

For families who will be traveling soon, we have some news. Little AHOPE is in a new location. It is now closer to Layla, the Ritmo and the Yilma Hotel but further from the AHOPE guest house. That may affect where families picking up a child from Little AHOPE choose to stay.

AAI is now offering an additional guest house possibility for adoptive families wishing to have their child with them while they are in Ethiopia. This is the Ethiopia Guest Home. It is 30 to 45 minutes from Layla depending on traffic, somewhat more expensive but it has positive aspects as well. Details are now in the travel packet. Ethiopia Guest House’s website is at www.ethiopiaguesthome.com. Now our traveling families may choose either the Ritmo Guest House, the AHOPE Guest House, the KM guest rooms or the Ethiopia Guest Home if they want to have their children with them while they are in Ethiopia. Again, if you wish to stay in a hotel such as the Hilton or Sheraton, you are not allowed to have your children there by order of the Ethiopian government.

More good news: For families who have not yet had court hearings, the amount of time between filing cases and hearing dates is much shorter than it was a year ago. Most cases are scheduled for 4 to 6 weeks from filing. Last year is was 12 to 14 weeks.

There continues to be more and more scrutiny of adoption agencies as well as individual cases. At Layla today they were surprised by a visit from officials with the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Here is Temesgen’s report:

We have been surprised by two visitors--one from MOWA and the other from Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They checked all our activities from documents to the kitchen utensils. They saw our contracts with our staff, the administration manual, and documents in relation to the project agreements that we signed with different stake holders. We were asked about the number of children we have placed so far, the procedures that we follow to track the whereabouts of the children, [this means post placement reports, folks!] orphanages that we are working with, our source of income, lists of our property etc.

I don't understand the purpose of the visit. But I guess that they are doing this for purpose of re-registration. The new NGO agency may decide not to re-register all agencies. There may some agencies that lose their licenses to operate in Ethiopia. After the visit we got positive feedback from both ministries.
Our re-registration will begin from Nov. 9, 2009.

With regard to referrals, we have referred several toddlers in the past few days. Gail reports that there are 12 to 14 babies and toddlers who are two or under whose files are not complete, so we hope to be able to refer them soon. For infant boy referrals, the next ones will go to families whose dossiers went in March of 2009. For infant girls, a couple of families who were on hold status came off and that means there hasn’t been much movement on that list. The next referral of an infant girl will go to a family whose file had been on hold and the next to the last family whose dossier went in November of 2008.

The office will be closed for staff training on Friday Nov. 6 and Wednesday Nov. 11, for Veteran’s Day, though Susan will be notifying families of court news on Wednesday.

Merrily and Susan
merrily@adoptionadvocates.org
susan@adoptionadvocates.org

In Process Update

Dear Adoptive Family,
I (Merrily) was in Ethiopia two weeks ago where I caught a terrible cold. My work was primarily to meet with our legal staff and social workers so I avoided the babies and children and hope I didn’t pass the cold along. I spent most of last week in bed but am now back in the office and hoping that is all behind me.

The courts have reopened in Ethiopia. AAI had cases originally scheduled for the first days after the reopening, but the court staff was sent to training during the first two weeks after reopening so all cases were delayed. We now have 10 cases or so scheduled to be heard in the next 10 days. Fifteen new cases were filed the week that the court reopened and we expect more to be filed soon.In order to keep the amount of time between referral and court filing shorter, we will not be referring children until Temesgen has told us that the child’s legal documents are complete and that all relinquishment or abandonment paperwork has been obtained. During the past few months, many families have felt in limbo while our staff had to go back and get new relinquishment or abandonment paperwork due to changes in adoption rules. We are working to avoid this, though it may mean that the wait for referrals will be longer for awhile.

On the other hand, we have already begun to see that the numbers of babies and young children arriving at AAI is increasing. Historically this has been the pattern; many babies are received at Layla during the period after the rainy season. We are now working with some additional orphanages as well and some of these are sending us toddlers. In the past we have not had many toddlers available for placement and we are reorganizing space a bit at Wanna to provide well for them. In the upcoming newsletter you will see pictures of the toddlers learning and playing.

Last month you were sent information on keeping your I-600a file current. From now on, before making a referral to a family, we will be checking the status of their visa application. It is important that children not be delayed in travel because the family’s visa file is not current and we will be more attentive to those who are behind on this.There have been a few referrals lately but not much movement on the list as we are waiting for the go ahead from the legal department before making new referrals. There are lots of babies and young children in the nursery and we hope to begin calling families very soon.

Sincerely,
Merrily and Susan H.

3 Months

Today is a milestone in our adoption journey. When we signed with our adoption agency they told us the average wait at that point was 0-3 months for infant boys. Here we are. 3 months into "The Wait". They are still handing out February infant boy referrals. So, obviously no where close.

I've read lots of people who at this point (when they reach the maximum wait their agency gave them to start) are very agitated. Annoyed, frustrated, discouraged. I am glad to say that I am not feeling any of these things.

Maybe the slow down in adoptions is because there are lots more people adopting from Ethiopia currently... But maybe, just maybe, it's because more families are able to keep their children.

...and in my book that's the best possible situation.

Having lost a child myself in 2006 I would NEVER hope that a family would have to go through that. Even if it means that I sit on the wait list forever. Although yes, I am anxious to meet the newest addition to our family, I am all too aware that in order for me to gain a son someone has to lose one. That is something that I would never wish on anyone.

So - as we wait patiently, and prayerfully, we continue to hope that maybe it's taking so much longer than expected because more families are staying together.

Happy 3 months on the waiting list!

No Computer

Hey everyone,

We are officially without a computer. Bummer. Thus, the obvious lack of blog posts. Yes, I have access to a computer every few days, but never enough time to sit and really let my thoughts, feelings, and experiences flow onto the computer. I always blog after the kids go to bed at night and obviously can't leave the house after that to go use someone else's computer.

So - I've had tons of blog posts swimming around in my head, but who knows how long it's going to be before they come to frutation. I miss you all, and someday I'll be back...

I just don't know when.

My Uncensored Thoughts on Neighborhood Animals

I hate animals that run around the neighborhood!

Honestly, I can not say that I hate the owners of these animals, because some of them (2 on my street) are very nice people. Unfortunately I HIGHLY disagree with their decision to let their animals run wild around the neighborhood. Okay, so I know that one of these people consider her cat and dog her pets. Maybe the other couple on the street doesn't really consider the (who knows how many) cats their pets...but they are the only ones who feed them. To me, that shows that they are taking responsibility for them and therefore, qualifies them as pet owners in my eyes.

I came home a few days ago to a trash bag completely ripped open and the contents strewn all across my front porch, yard, and driveway. One of the stupid neighborhood cats. I, in the pouring rain, was then forced to put on rubber gloves, get a new trash bag, and clean up the contents of the original bag. Boy was I mad.

I despise the cat prints on my car. The dog poop in my yard infuriates me. I hate getting out of bed and opening my front door to yell at the cats who are fighting on my driveway and keeping me up at 2 a.m. The trash bag sent me over the edge.

"Neighborhood" cats...you are now classified as stray cats in my eyes and I WILL call the animal control (do we even have one of those in STJ?) next time I see you on the prowl. No more nice rubs when we're walking down the street. You'd better not cross my path.

It's Okay, Your Kids Are Here

When one of my kids is hurting in some way, physically, emotionally, etc. You will overhear me whisper in their ear, "It's okay, Mommy is here". I want my children to always have confidence that even when it doesn't feel okay, Mommy is always doing her best to make it okay. I want them to know that I will always be there, whether it is in person, over the phone, or tucked away deep in their heart to comfort them in their times of need.

I realized something today. Even on some of the worst days, as long as I can cuddle my kids up onto my lap and hug them, I'll be okay. They may even be the reason for my stress, anger, frustration, or tears. But as long as they will give me a hug I feel something deep in my soul start to settle.

Sometimes I just need to breathe in their scent slowly and deeply. Wrap their fingers around mine, and rest my head against theirs. My kids are such a huge comfort to me. Is it because they are part of me? Is it because I know that they are two of the only people that I'm guaranteed to always have a relationship with? (Because after my experience I know that losing your kids isn't worth anything else in the world.)

Whatever the reason, I'm okay - as long as my kids are here.

An email to a friend

This is part of an email to a dear friend of mine that I wrote this evening. I just wanted to record my thoughts tonight:

"Thank you for the prayers. This journey has stretched us individually, and as a couple more than we could've ever imagined...that's for sure. I have learned more about the heart of God in the last few months than in my previous 26 years. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I am walking the path that He set out for me. The one that is closest to Him. I feel him present in my life like never before, and amazingly, it's not as comfortable as I thought it would be, but that's what's so exhilerating about it! It's so awesome feeling like I have to lean on Him daily to get through rather than looking to Him only when times are at their worst. I feel a passion inside that I've never found before. I'm only sad that it took me 26 years to find this!! I feel confident that this is what my life is supposed to be about - standing in the gap for the orphans of the world. Advocating for them when no one else will. Loving them like Christ loves me. I can't wait to get to Ethiopia and love on the children there!"

My TV "no" list

I recently had a friend, Amanda, ask me what my TV "no" list was for my kids. I think TV is such a touchy subject, so please don't be offended if one of my "no's" is an "okay" for your kids or family. I'm not even going to explain why it's a no for our family...just list. We really don't like having TV in our home and will be getting rid of it when our contract runs out in a little less than a year.

1. Sponge Bob Square Pants
2. Any Japanese Anime' style shows (Pokemon, etc.)
3. All adult shows with the exception of Extreme Home Makeover, Biggest Loser, Sports games, and If Walls Could Talk
4. Suite Life of Zack and Cody*

There were lots more when Hunter was little, but more because they were super annoying to me rather than because I felt like they were a bad influence on my kids. I'm sure there are more, but since Hunter can't read yet and I am the one controling the remote I don't even pay attention to what they are!

There are a few that I feel kind of guilty about.

1. Biggest Loser. I love that show and it's on Tuesday nights. Once in a great while I will be able to catch the very end of the show when I get home from work. Since Hunter is still awake at that time and I've been gone from him for several hours I like to snuggle him right before bed and catch the end of the show at the same time. Selfish, I know. Most of the time I watch it online after the kids go to bed though. I think it's good for him to see that people can have problems with their weight and to learn to be sensitive to it. I think it's good for him to see them working hard to change their lives. I don't like the profanity (but it's always bleeped out) that is sometimes thrown in there. I don't like him seeing Bob and Jillian scream in people's faces, but we do talk about how that's not a good way to communicate with others.

2. Wizards of Waverly Place. I think this is a cute show, but don't feel 100% positive about the "wizard" part of it. Hunter knows that there is no such thing as wizards, but still you know it goes somewhere in that vault of a brain... It also sometimes has inappropriate boy/girl relationships. I know some out there think we're WAY off the deep end with trying to instill in our kids that boys and girls shouldn't kiss until they are married, but that's our decision, and so we don't like allowing him to see that on television.

Saying that...Wizards of Waverly Place is not NEARLY as bad with the boy/girl thing as...

3. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. We used to let Hunter watch this show all the time and found it to be extremely funny actually! Unfortunately it seems that more and more it's more about "who likes who" than the twins getting into mishap funny situations. There is tons of "daydreams" about what it would be like to date or kiss another character. Way too much real kissing of others, and always fighting over who can be someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend. We no longer chose this for him to watch. There are times when it comes on after the show he is watching and depending on the episode we allow him to watch it

We also always try to read reviews or talk to others who have already seen a movie before we let him watch one of those.

What is on your "no" list?

Rev Run Tweet

Good morning! Do a checkup from the neck up! Let's keep our minds in tune! Thinking positively with an exclamation point will win the game today!