I've been doing lots of research on Parent / Child bonding due to our adoption. I have always felt that my bonding with my children began to happen in the womb. Since I will not only lose out on that time with my newest child, but months afterward, I was a bit disturbed with this dilemma.
I have read TONS of information about bonding in adoption blogs, handouts from our agency, books, and websites. All of the information has been helpful in helping me to decide how I become bonded with my children. Although I have not agreed with everything I have read, I do feel at peace with the fact that we will in fact be able to bond just as strongly to our newest child/children as the ones that I have given birth to.
Yes, part of the bonding for me does happen in the womb. I love the fact that I am the sole person responsible for growing my baby (obviously, God is responsible, but He chose my body to grow them in). I pride myself in taking great care of my body for my baby during those 9 months. I am the only one who knows when they are awake or asleep, active or resting.
But that's not where the bonding stops.
I am not completely bonded with my children the moment they are born. For me, much more of the bonding happens after they are born. Skin to Skin contact is a biggie for me. Learning my baby's smell, holding them up against my chest...these are some of the things that bond me to them. Knowing that they are dependent on me for the basic necessities of life. Clothing, love, food. Learning their personalities and their cries. Being able to interpret their first words that no one else can understand. Comforting them when they have bad dreams in the middle of the night. Teaching them to pray.
These are the things that bond me to my children.
Moms out there - what bonds you to your children?
2 comments:
I agree with the early bonding. I also feel very close/bonded to my kids when they do something that reminds me of me. Seeing yourself in your kids is a very humbling/unique experience. But I think that can happen with adopted kids as well. With time, you will still be able to "see yourself" in your kids.
I have to admit that it began in the womb for me as well! I loved knowing their every movement (in the end), I loved knowing when they were awake and when they where sleeping, I loved the excitement of labor! I bond with my girls by hugs and kisses, baths, feedings, talking, holding, cuddling, and just being there always for them!
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