God made us Glad, not Sad!

St. James has been through a terrible loss. We lost a High School student this week in a tragic car accident. Although we lost her here on earth with us, the universe did not lose her. She is with God now. I did not know her very closely, mostly just through working with the band the last few years. I do know that everyone at St. James High School thought very highly of her, and her happiness was contagious and her laughter could make any situation more bearable.

I was subbing at the High School yesterday when the students received the news that she died in a burning car on her way into early morning band. I overheard many of the comments that the kids made throughout the day both in class and in the hallway. Some were of anger, others of confusion and sadness. A couple of the comments I heard really disturbed me though. Those were the ones directed at God.

God has told us to "say it out loud, there is power in what my children declare". I am glad that these kids felt comfortable enough in their environment to discuss God, whether is be begging Him to be close to them, or angry words at Him for "letting this happen". I have always applied this commandment in my life to that of forgiveness...there is power in what I declare. If I am saying that I forgive someone out loud it helps me.

As I saw teenager after teenager crying yesterday I was reminded that God tells us that "this world is full of tears, but if you remember, I promised that it would be Me who would wipe them from your eyes." How nice is that promise? How nice is it to know that God is weeping with us, that God feels our sadness and wants to take it from us. Just like any mother or father who wishes they could take the pain, sadness, and sickness from their child, God feels the same for us. It also reminds us that God didn't promise us a perfect life as his children. He tells us that it is not going to be easy, that there will be tragedies, and sadness, but that He is there to walk with us through it all.

I just read somewhere about how people say "God doesn't give you anything you can't bear". That is SO WRONG. God DOES give us things that we can't bear - alone. We NEED Him with us to get through the tough things in life. Luckily He's always there when we call. "Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll be there, yes, I will. You've got a friend." How lucky are we to have God as our friend?

Unconditionally

My affirmation today was:

"I love and accept myself unconditionally"

This is so important.  I am blessed that God loves and accepts me unconditionally...but there are so few people here on earth that you can count on to do that.  Even those you grow up thinking will can surprise you sometimes.  

Who loves and accepts you unconditionally?  Maybe you should give them a big hug and say thank you next time you see them - just for that.

Why not? Everyone else is doing it!

Wow! This is definitely not who I would've thought I would be! Although I hated Sloane (sp?) at first, I have to admit I have grown rather fond on him lately...maybe that's how other people view me...???

Clean Sweep

Does anyone else ever feel like they are claustrophobic in their own home?  I have been lately.  Amazing how the four of us can live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and I can still feel like my skin is crawling, like I need to get out of here into a bigger house, a much bigger house!  Now don't get me wrong, I can't keep this house clean, I can't imagine how I would do it in a bigger one, but still, the desire is there.  

My girlfriend presented me with the opportunity to have a joint yard sale at a prominent spot in town the weekend of Old Iron Works Days.  I knew I couldn't pass it up...I had to take advantage of this chance to rid my home of clutter.  So began the undertaking...

The weekend started with Lincoln carrying in 11 tubs of children's clothing from the shed and my Grandma's garage.  I stayed up last night sorting by sex and size.  Whew.  Today I cleaned out my junk from Grandma's garage and carried that all in my living room.  Next was Graysen's closet, which has been the "catch all" for art supplies, home videos, gift wrap, etc.  Unfortunately I only got half way through there before it was nap time for her, so currently I'm waiting for Lincoln to get motivated so that we can do the laundry room closets together.  After that it's going to be a quick sweep of Hunter's closet, and our closet.  After Graysen wakes up I'll finish hers and then I'll be done!  

Literally you can not walk through my living room without stepping over big tubs.  I sort of feel like I'm moving...but I think I'll feel a lot better when I get all of this out of my house and up to the building where we're having the yard sale tomorrow at 1:00 - until then say a prayer for me!!!

Cold Weather = Dark Hair!

I am so lucky to have a sister who is a beautician!  Whenever I get the urge to do something new to myself, she's right there ready to help.  The cold weather bug bit me yesterday and I decided it was officially time to prepare for fall, so what did I want?  Brown hair of course!!!  :0)  What says fall better than a darker hair color?  Nothing!  So tonight Kara, Vanesa, and I had a fun hair dying party - Kara dyed Nesa and I's hair (2 slightly different colors) and then I dyed Kara's!  Amazing, but she totally trusted me to use all her tools and dyes and I colored her hair!  

Yea for fall!

Winter Birthdays...

Birthdays are my FAVORITE days of the year...it's the only day that is about YOU.  I especially love my children's birthdays.  This stems from the fact that my parents always made a huge deal out of Kara and my birthday.  It was great.  I have loved all 25 of my birthdays.  There's just something magical about the day being centered around you.  Knowing that this is the day that you entered the world, the day that your parents met you.  It's all wonderful.  

I have loved planning all 4 of Hunter's birthday parties.  I never get stressed out about them like I do usual huge undertakings.  I feel like we do rather "large" birthdays, obviously I've seen much bigger, but normally smaller.  I see NOTHING wrong with small birthday parties, don't misunderstand me.  They're just not for me.  This year is the first year that we actually did a "kid only" birthday (and by this I mean the parents were free to drop off their kids if they chose to).  

I've had the HARDEST time finding a place to have Graysen's first birthday.  Hunter's have all been easy because on August 5th it's generally warm!  November 28th is another story!  Not only is it only the day after Thanksgiving this year, it's cold, cold, cold.  No outside parties for her.  My house is not big enough to even fit our two families, let alone all of our friends...so that leaves me "party placeless".  After lots of stress (and actually after this post was even started), I've secured the Rolla Community Hall for her party!  Yippy!  It will be big enough, we can decorate, and it has a kitchen area to prepare the food!  Perfect!  Now I'm getting excited!  

I know it won't be so stressful when she gets a little older, we can do tea parties at our house, roller skating, Discovery Zone, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.  But for now - it's a challenge!  

Anyone else have a winter birthday?  What did you do for your parties growing up?  

Boys

Raising a son has me worried. I'll just come right out and say it. I have no experience with boys at all. I never had any brothers, and I really wasn't close to any of my boy cousins growing up. Hunter has already thrown me for a loop several times in his 4 short years, and I know there are MANY more to come! The closer Hunter gets to going to school the more and more I question the school system and the more I wish I could home school him...unfortunately this doesn't look like an option for our family at this point, but it sure is something I pray for God's guidance on daily!

I found this article that I think has some VERY good point on boys...enjoy!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/157898/page/1

The Shack

I just finished an incredible book this morning. "The Shack" is a MUST read for everyone! If you've ever craved to be in the presence of God - this is the book for you! Although it brought me to tears before page 100, I would highly recommend it to anyone. It did push some of the religious ideals that I've been raised to believe, but opened my mind and heart to new ways of thinking, a new outlook on life and those I'm surrounded by. I have to do more research into the validity of the story, but regardless - go out and READ IT!

theshackbook.com

Here are a few quotes from the book that really hit home with me...

"I already told you that forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgement, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. ..."Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. And sometimes - and this may seem incomprehensible to you right now - that road may even take you to the miracle of fully restored trust."


"...just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means that I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."


"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."

Sleep Woes

So I woke up this morning and feel as though I've been hit by a truck. It's not because I am tired...in fact, I've been getting more sleep lately than I have in a long time! Graysen's been doing wonderfully...waking up only once a night usually! Last night we were all exhausted and the entire family was in bed by 8:30! (We're old, I know...) Seriously though, it was awesome! Although Graysen did get up more than usual (1:30, 5:00, and 7:00), I got about 10 hours of sleep! Holy Cow! Anyhow - back to the point...my back and hips are in some major pain today. If my body hurts like this at age 25 what in the world am I going to feel like at age 80??? Yuck, I can't think about it.

My mom suggested that maybe it's my mattress...what a genius, why didn't I think of that?! So...now I'm on a hunt for a great mattress...

What mattress do you sleep on - would you recommend it or not?

Don't Cry Over Spilt Green Beans

Something's wrong with me. I was just making the kids lunch and went to put the container of green beans in the microwave when I lost my grip and they fell and spilt all over the counter and floor. What did I do? Not calmly say "sorry guys, it's going to be another minute before lunch is ready, silly Ashley spilt the green beans." No...I burst into tears. I swear. The kids are now calmly sitting at the table eating their lunch (turkey, cheese, crackers, and green beans) and everything is fine...but for that one minute today - everything was NOT fine...but I just reminded myself (outloud may I add...)

Don't Cry Over Spilt Green Beans!

Outside my box...

I've done several things lately that have made me step outside my box.

1. I started a fantasy football team this year. I've never done this, although it's been a passion of my husbands for several years now. I decided I was going to see what all the hype was about - and hopefully develop a passion for one of the same things as Lincoln. (I have not been too interested in it, but it's going for what it's worth)

2. I signed Hunter up to play soccer this season! I'm not a fan of team sports...actually, just not a fan of sports at all. But - my son and husband sure are, so I knew Hunter would be thrilled with finally being old enough to play on a team. He had his first game tonight and LOVED every minute of it. I can tell you already that sitting outside in the weather and listening to those soccer moms (yes, they are already there at pre-k soccer games) is going to stress me out every Tuesday night...but it's worth it to see the smile on Hunter's face after the game!

3. I read a sports book! "Why My Wife Thinks I'm an Idiot" was great! I'm often "privileged" enough to watch Mike and Mike in the Morining with Lincoln on TV and I do find both Mikes very funny. When I was desperate for a book about a week ago Lincoln suggested I read one from him stack of "to reads" (that doesn't get depleted nearly as fast as mine does...). I thought he was funny, but picked this one (because I also think my husband is an idiot at times and was curious what made 'Greeny' think his wife thought of him as one as well). Turns out the book was a wonderful easy read with tons of amusing stories told from a father's point of view. I'm actually getting ready to hit amazon.com and see if I can find anything else written by him...and I'm looking forward to Mike and Mike in the Morning tomorrow! :0)

4. I watched "Baby Mama". I usually don't care for "light hearted" movies about pregnancy or parenthood because I get on a high horse about people who take pregnancy and healthy children for granted. But - my girlfriends and I watched it last night and I was able to laugh at a lot of it! It wasn't nearly as funny as people had hyped it up to be, but it was at least - finally - a light hearted look at pregnancy (and some of the problems associated with it) that I wasn't offended by. Kudos to the script writer and producer!

Lincoln's Like List

My husband and I are so very different. I'm reminded of this at least once a day, but, somehow we semi-balance each other out. We tend to do things to humor the other one - such as this "love list" that Lincoln started for me. He couldn't get very far - not sure if that's because he doesn't love many things, because he's embarrassed to do such a thing, or because he just wasn't interested in it enough to sit down and actually think about it - but either way, he started it and promises that he'll keep adding as he thinks of things.

Here is Lincoln's "love list":

1. Doing nothing for a whole day
2. The yard after it's just been mowed
3. Manual vehicles
4. CD's that you can listen to from start to finish
5. My wallet
6. Jeans
7. Folding Laundry
8. My kids
9. Coming home from work and knowing that the kids are going to be excited to see me
10. Going to the movies
11. Putting clothes on straight out of the dryer


I was reminded twice today that we're so different...

1. Lincoln would sit and watch Sunday Football ALL DAY LONG - I could never do this
2. I'm always looking for a new house (and calling my brother in law - our realtor) - Lincoln would stay in this house forever

My prayer is that, no matter our differences that we can always find some common ground to connect on. Someday when our kids are grown and gone I think that ground is going to get smaller and smaller - but we're working on making memories now that we'll share forever and establishing things that we do have in common...what are you doing to make sure your marriage lasts forever...?

Tour of Missouri in STJ

The Tour of Missouri was in STJ today. You would've thought the President himself was coming to visit. I thought the amount of things the city had planned was ridiculous really. Sorry if I'm being a Party Pooper, but honestly, must we try to make ourselves out to be this big city when really we're just a little bitty town where everyone knows everyone else and their business? No - it's a lot like the people who leave here and then come back (either while in college or afterward) trying to "prove" to those of us who choose to make our home here how much "better" the "outside" is. (yes, i know there were a lot of quotation marks in that sentence.) Now...don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone tries to do that, but there are a fair amount who do and they drive me NUTS! But - I digress. Lincoln and I decided to take our family out to Redburn's and watch the race from their front yard, that way we didn't fight the street closings and crowds in town. It was awesome to be that close to them while they were actually racing (the race didn't start until they turned on B Hwy). But...if you blinked you missed it. There were TONS more cars and support vehicles than bicyclists, and they were so crammed together that they went by in 5 seconds flat. Big time disappointment and let down for all of us. Oh well, at least we can say we saw them.

Happy Birthday to a Great Friend!

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Bethany....
Happy Birthday to you!

I hope you have a great day - let me know how 26 feels! :0)

in a rut

Well...I'm in a rut. Just kind of in life in general. I feel like I need to branch out a bit. Try something new. Experience something new. It seems that day in and day out I do the same thing. Luckily looking at my calendar (which I live by) I have some exciting things coming up before the close of 2008.

Exciting things...

#1: Hunter starts his tumbling class tomorrow! This will be his first organized class and I can't wait to see how he reacts to it!

#2: Hunter starts soccer this Friday! He is really looking forward to playing on a "real team"! They will have practice and a game each week for 10 weeks!

#3: The kids and I are going to the Springfield Zoo on the 13th.

#4: Lincoln and I will be taking our first overnight trip together away from Graysen on the 25th. We are going to STL to the Cards Game that afternoon and spending the night up there...coming home on the 26th. I'm sad because it will be my first night away from Gray, but excited because Lincoln and I desperately need a rejuvenating date!

#5: I am doing the Walk For Life on Sept. 27th - it's a fundraiser for the Pregnancy Resource Center of Rolla!

#6: October is coming, which means a trip to the pumpkin patch, new Halloween costumes (2 this year!), a Halloween Party with our friends, and a trip to the farm to ride horses, and go on a hay ride! (I must plan all of these outings very soon!)

#7: November 8th I am going to the Lindenwood Dance Concert, their first one in their new theater! Some of my girlfriends are performing in the concert and I can't wait to watch them dance and see what's become of the program that I poured my heart and soul into during my years at LU!

#8: November 27th is Thanksgiving! I love this holiday with no stress of purchasing gifts, but enjoying the company of family and good food! :0) This is also Miriam's 1st birthday!

#9: November 28th is Graysen's 1st Birthday! Wow! My kid's birthdays are my favorite days of the year, and I'm so excited to have another one to celebrate this year!

#10: December 12th I leave for my 1st husband and kid free vacation in over 5 years! This also marks the first time that I will ever be away from Hunter for more than 1 night. 2 of my best friends and I are going to Chicago - we leave at 6:30 Friday morning (from Union Station STL) and arrive home at 12:30 p.m. Sunday night (or Monday morning)! Yippy for girlfriend time and a first trip to Chicago.

#11: Christmas! I love Christmas morning with Lincoln, Hunter, Graysen, Mom, Kara, Charlie, and Grandma. It's some of my favorite hours all year long. What a great way to close out each year!

Dislike List

1. Women who don't take care of themselves or their babies, yet never have any problems with pregnancy.
2. Lawn Seats at UMB Bank Pavillion
3. People who change plans at the last minute
4. People who think that divorce is okay just because it's common
5. Black olives and mushrooms (unfortunately this is Lincoln's fav. pizza!)
6. Abortion
7. People's dumb comments when someone is going through a loss (if you haven't experienced it before, just don't say anything at all - find another way to SHOW them that you love them!)
8. Pictures of scenery
9. Trying to fit into clothes that just don't fit anymore
10. Hot Apple Pie with ice cream
11. Black Coffee
12. Public "release of gas"
13. Drunk people / night clubs
14. Playing sports
15. People who give their opinion without being asked
16. Sushi
17. People who raise their sons to be wimps (hard to explain, but very evident when you see it!)
18. Thinking about funding retirement
19. Teachers who don't leave adequate notes for their subs
20. People who come back to STJ and try to prove how much they've changed or have bettered themselves.
21. When people are mad at me or disappointed by me
22. The thoughts of going to a class reunion
23. Spending the night away from my kids
24. Leftovers (although I'm getting much better at this...)
25. Not having caller ID
26. Touching the food on dirty dishes
27. Scary Movies and Stupid Humor movies (not sure what the technical term for that is)
28. Lincoln's snoring (before I fall asleep, afterward it doesn't bother me)
29. Fans who yell at sporting events on TV
30. Football games
31. Little girls with unkept hair
32. Bugs, spiders, mice, and snakes
33. Getting sweaty
34. Fake crying (out of children)
35. Messy eaters

Love List

Yet another challenge...can you come up with a list of things that you love - as random as can be???

1. Chocolate covered bananas
2. Being Married
3. Being a Mommy
4. Getting to sleep - anytime, any place!!!
5. "Me" time
6. Seeing Hunter and Graysen grow up and experience new things and explore new places
7. Dancing in a studio by myself
8. Stretching
9. Thinking about seeing my children in Heaven
10. IC Mocas
11. Red Lobster
12. Cinnamon and Sugar Toast
13. People who nurse their babies (not forever...lol)
14. Traveling out of Missouri
15. People who are confident in their body types
16. Family Hugs
17. Manual Cars
18. Singing with Lincoln and Hunter
19. Looking at / taking pictures of people
20. Sleeping with music playing
21. Blogging late at night
22. The smell of Bacon
23. The smell of rain
24. Reading books to myself
25. Buying new clothes
26. Cold Apple Pie
27. Ruby's Ice Cream
28. Christmas Decorations at the Mall
29. Sweet Tea
30. Girls Nights
31. Talks with my sister
32. My wedding ring
33. Getting my hair cut and colored
34. The feeling I get when I know without a doubt that Lincoln and I are on the same team...always.
35. My kids birthdays
36. Being pregnant!
37. Gerbra Daisies
38. Whitney Houston and FFH
39. Wearing and apron (and getting a new one!)
40. Moby Wraps
41. My Bread machine and homemade bread
42. Getting out of a hot bath and crawling straight into bed still wrapped in my towel
43. My husbands kisses
44. Family heirlooms (like my table and step stool)
45. Seeing other people's taste in home decor and dreaming about what my house will look like when I have the time and money to do what I really want with it!
46. Reusable shopping bags
47. Bumbo Chairs
48. My Pearls
49. College Memories
50. Learning from my mistakes

Challenge - Love

My friend has challenged me to do a study on Christian Stewardship! The verses that I will be studying and responding to are the following:

Love - John 15:9
Sacrifice - Romans 12:1
Possessions - Proverbs 3:9-10
Ownership - Psalm 24:1
Relationship - Leviticus 26:12

She defined Christian Stewardship as this: Being Responsible and Generous with the Gifts God has Entrusted You.

Here's what John 15:9 - 17 says:

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

My response: Wow! What a call! When I read this the first time I was so overwhelmed with the calling and I sat and read it 3 more times before I began to write this. Although the command seems simple at first glance - love each other - putting it into practice is not that easy is it? When I think of it in terms of Stewardship I think that God is calling us to take our talents, whatever they may be, and use them in a way to show His Love to others. If you're a great hostess, have people over to your home, show them the "love of Jesus" (as my small group likes to say). If you have a beautiful voice, sing at your church, if you can knit, make baby hats to donate to the hospital, or afghans for the nursing home.

I guess, the overall picture that I got out of these verses is to share your love with people...and let them know that the reason you're doing it is because Jesus first loved you.

25 Years

What will it be like to be married to Lincoln for 25 years? Hmmm...

My Great Aunt and Uncle renewed their wedding vows today for their 25th wedding anniversary. We made the trip to STL to watch the special ceremony after church and eat a "reception" style lunch with many of their friends and family. It was very encouraging to see a couple (well up in their years because they were both married before) share such a public love with each other. It was so awesome to see them WANT to reaffirm their love for each other in front of their children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, friends, and most importantly, God. So many couples these days (well, those who actually stay married) are just going through the motions. They just stay together because for their kids, or because that's what's comfortable. Not because they are in love with each other. Really Sad.

Although I'm not sure Lincoln and I will ever renew our vows, I hope that 21 years from now a younger generation can look at us and feel the same way I felt looking at Mr. and Mrs. Bill Albright today.

Congratulations!

Words to live by...

I got a box of Dove Chocolates for my birthday from one of my girlfriends. Not only is Dove my favorite chocolate, the extra perk of the "words of wisdom" on the inside of each wrapper just makes them all the better. When I worked in an office I had a few of the wrappers actually posted on the wall above my computer. Silly, maybe to keep a candy wrapper, but I really think that whoever comes up with these 1-6 word phrases are genius. Hunter has greatly enjoyed helping me finish this particular box of chocolates and he is also thrilled when he unwraps one and waits for me to "read the words".

I hope that next time you eat a piece of Dove chocolate you'll take time to stop and ponder the message...maybe it's meant just for you!

Proud of Kara

I am very proud of my sister.  She has followed her dreams and has begun her career as a stylist.  She is very talented!  On her first day of work she already had 6 appointments!  Not only is she the best friend, sister, and aunt, she's also the best hair dresser ever!!  :0)  

Idiot...

Does anyone else hate it when they look like an idiot?  Especially when it's someone else's fault?  I realized today that this is one of my faults.  I get so mad when I do something that makes me look dumb just to find out later that I wasn't informed of plans or information ahead of time.  

It's totally silly...I'm sure I'm the only one who thinks I look like an idiot, but I think it comes from my overly obsessivness with planning ahead of time.  I HATE to run late, I hate to change plans, I hate to not know what's going on next week.  Whew.  I'm complicated.

What a Week...

This has been a wild and crazy week in the Redburn household!

Monday: Fairly Normal - Lincoln worked, Vanesa came and helped me babysit...but there were 3 Bad Things:
1. My new cell phone came in (it's pink and pretty!), but as Nesa put it together for me she realized that the sim card was set for Lincoln's number, not mine. After calling Customer Service I was told that I would have to go to the nearest At&t store to resolve the issue. Of course this means an extra trip to Rolla when we have been really trying to save gas!
2. One of my normally very happy mom's dropped their baby off that morning and were NOT happy - I was afraid she was upset with me over something.
3. I misunderstood one parent and gave their child the wrong dosage of medicine! This I'm ashamed to admit, but it's the truth.

Happily - all 3 things got resolved that day!
1. I bit the bullet and went to Rolla and got the sim card switched out no problem - now I have a working phone again! (And I got to pick up Applebees for dinner while I was there!)
2. After the parent was again very short and not happy when she picked her baby up, I emailed her to make sure everything was okay and she wasn't upset with me at all, there were just some other things going on in her life. She actually thanked me for my friendship - not at all what I had feared!
3. After a rushed phone call to the Dr. I found out the medicine was just for heart burn and spit up, nothing that could hurt the child at all! Praise God!

Tuesday: My Mom's 50th Birthday and Kara's 1st Day of her new career! I got a phone call from my mom at 6:50 a.m. telling me that my sister was getting ready to be rushed into emergency surgery for her appendix! Of course all of the kids were coming, but I could NOT miss seeing my sister before she went in for surgery, so I jumped out of bed, got dressed and made some phone calls on my way to Rolla. Vanesa came over to help Lincoln with the kids! (She really is a lifesaver, and I am SO SAD she's back at college already!) Anyway, I got there just in time to see Kara, give her a hug, listen to the surgeon explain what was about to happen, and hold her hand as they gave her the anesthesia.
Mom told me that my Dad (whom I've not talked to face to face in almost 6 years) was coming to the hospital as well. Great. Happy Birthday to Mom huh?! First her daughter goes in for emergency surgery, and then she gets to spend hours sitting in the hospital with her ex-husband?! On a positive note - the visit with him went very well. I feel like God has been preparing my heart for about 6 months to let go of the anger toward him...and now we were thrown together like this. Maybe, just maybe we can have some sort of a civil relationship. I know that it'll never be like it was before, but maybe we can have something, slowly, who knows...only God!
On top of all of this, Lincoln's best friend from college, Caleb came down for a visit on Tuesday. I was sad I didn't get to visit with him very much, but after I got home the boys were able to go golfing together and I prepared a popcorn shrimp, mashed potato, and fruit salad dinner for us all to sit down together and enjoy.

Wednesday: Lincoln had his second ortho appointment. We had to make our first major payment, luckily God had blessed us with some extra cash this past month, so it was there to pay without putting it on the credit card! When he got back from that he took the kids up to the hospital to see Kara. She got to go home Wednesday evening. We had bible study at Renauds and the kids were at our house. It was their first night with the new babysitters. They all seemed to do okay.

Thursday: This was a fairly calm day. It was my sister-in-law, and Cody's birthday. I actually got to talk to Cody for a few minutes, which was great because conversation has been scarce since she's had the twins. My whole family went to Pizza Hut that night, then I went with Kara to the Queen Pageant Practice for her to give a presentation on Stage Make-Up.

Friday: TGIF! Today was pay day, yippy! More money went back toward the ortho payments, which I just am happy that we are able to pay for without putting it on the credit card! We also figured the bills again and realized that we are going to be able to pay all the bills with Lincoln's paychecks and the babysitting money can just be for gas, groceries, etc. Yippy! Hunter with with Grammie for some special time and then Mom, Kara, Gma, Lincoln, the kids, and I all went to the Diner for dinner. Came home and went to bed EARLY! :0)

After quite the eventful week I'm glad that it's the weekend. It's just me and my kids at home, Hunter is playing the Wii, Graysen's playing with blocks, and I'm blogging. What a great morning!

My Quirks Part IV: Discipline

Yikes!  Such a touchy subject!  I'm going to keep this one short.  Let me just say that personally I am a fan of distraction, re-direction, and time-out.  Don't get me wrong.  Hunter has had some swats on the bottom in his 4 years.  But never before the age of 2.5, and only with us asking him to stop the behavior, then getting a warning, then the swat.  It's never our first reaction... because it would be out of anger that I swatted him if I did it the first time the bad behavior occurred.  We all know that's not the right way to "spank" your children.  

I don't know really what to say on this subject except that I totally agree that every child is different, and something different will work with each child.  This is also true within the same child.  What worked with Hunter 6 months ago is no longer working.  

I also believe that the punishment should fit the crime (which is why I'm against spanking for the most part).  So...if Hunter pushes Graysen down...you're more likely to see me walk by and push him down than to give him a spanking.  If he colors on the wall with crayon...he has to help clean it off.  If he spits his food on the floor, he cleans it up.  Of course there are situations like talking back that we do the time - out routine.  Actually, currently it's "Go to your room and pick up until we tell you to come out" (which is 4 minutes from the time that he actually starts picking up).  He HATES to pick up...and didn't mind sitting in time-out anymore, so this is the new punishment.  

I have to say that since I've started babysitting I've been encouraged to see that my child is not the only one who misbehaves.  Do any other moms begin to feel that their child is the only one who doesn't listen?!

Under Dog

I was just pushing Hunter on the swing outside and he asked me to run under him. It brought back so many memories of my Dad giving me Under Dog's when I was growing up. I can just hear him saying "you want an Under Dog?" "Yes!" I would scream and away I would go, so high in the sky I felt like I was flying!!! I hope that Hunter will look back on his childhood with the fondness that I do mine!

My Quirks Part III: Nursing

Alright - so there was a flurry of thoughts coming to me in between these "parenting" entries, but I'm back...sorry I'm so hard to follow sometimes!

I am a huge fan of nursing. I mean breastfeeding. Whatever you want to call it - I wish everyone would do it. This is something that no one can recreate. You know if they haven't been able to figure that out...it's some GOOD STUFF! :0) It's free (minus maybe a pump purchase), and soooo much healthier for your baby! Have you read what formula is really made out of?! Yikes and Yuck!

I understand there are circumstances in which nursing is not an option. I'm not bashing those people for not nursing. I had to quit nursing my son at 9.5 months because I had a miscarriage the medicine they gave me in the ER completely dried it up...overnight. Who I am questioning are those who give up because it hurts. (Trust me, I know it hurts, I literally sat and cried silet tears for 6 straight weeks with Hunter). Those who don't even try because they're afraid of the effects on their body (and image)....please - time to give up the selfishness and become selfless - that's what parenting is all about!!!

I wish people would quit thinking that it's a "hippy" thing to do! Holy cow...there are a lot more "hippy" things to do than feed your baby what God intended for them to eat!

I favorite book on nursing is called "So That's What They're For!" It's a easy read packed with information, tips, and laughter! I didn't read it until after I was already nursing Hunter, but I would recommend it to anyone who is pregnant!

I think that sticking with nursing takes a great deal of support. If you don't have the support of your husband, mother, best friends, etc. it will be very, very hard. There were countless times when I would call my mom and she would sit on one side of me and Lincoln on the other while I was feeding Hunter crying. Bless their hearts, for that commitment and support I owe them forever!!!

Mostly - I push you all to just give it a try, it's scientifically proven to be the best food for your baby and God created you to feed them (obviously). Those should be reason enough!

"Should I Die Before I Wake, I Pray to God My Soul to Take"

If I were to go on to Heaven before my kids are grown, here are some things that I want them to know about me:

1. I love to travel. I enjoy every facet of it, from planning, to getting there, to exploring once I'm there.

2. I love to learn about other cultures...specifically their views on marriage, men and women's roles, religion, parenting tactics, and the arts.

3. I love to lay with your Dad. Anywhere - feeling his arms wrapped around me brings me more comfort and security in this crazy world than anything else. Please find this before you marry...

4. I Love to read. It's a great escape and a way to expand your mind and heart.

5. I love listening to song lyrics. Although it has to have a good beat, it must also say something of worth for me to really love the song.

6. I love you kids more than anything on earth. I want you find to what makes you happy - whether it be people, arts, sports, religion, whatever it may be, immerse yourself in it.

7. I want you to find the peace on Earth through Jesus Christ that I have found. Nothing else in life will be more important, more impacting than this one single thing.

8. I want you to be proud of yourselves and understand your self-worth. If you find you're not proud of what you've done with your life - that's okay, don't beat yourself up over it...just change it. God is the ultimate forgiver!

9. My family (Mom, Dad, and Kara) helped to mold me into who I am. I had the best upbringing - we all four loved each other very much. I feel like your dad and I are creating the same type of family - one that is dependent on each other, who will support each other through thick and thin. I pray you will also create this with your family.

10. Even though I did not have a relationship with my Dad for much of my adult life, I loved him very much. I never stopped loving him and being grateful for the raising that he did for the first 19 years of my life. I chose not to have a relationship with him because I wanted the best for you kids. I wanted to only surround you with positive influences, people who you could look to to show you the right way to go in this world. When you get older there are going to be enough negative influences, I didn't want to start your life with them. I believe that had he stayed the same man of God that he was at one point he would've made the BEST grandpa in the world! I know he would've been very involved in your lives and interacted with you every day. I can still, sitting here, picture what it would be like for him to be wrestling with Hunter and playing blocks with Graysen. I know he was looking forward to grandchildren and loved and prayed for you before you were even thought of. I hope you understand that I pray every night that our relationship can be reconciled and you all can have that great individual in your lives someday. I worry that this is something that you will hold against me someday, and I hope that you understand I was only doing what I thought was best for you.

Where Would You Be?

Last night I was afforded the opportunity to imagine who I would be if I were not me. Odd as that sounds, I was able to go to Rolla by myself for almost an hour and a half before meeting up with my girlfriends. I took my notebook with me and was given some self reflection time. This is what I wrote:

Tonight I listened to Martina McBride's song "Where Would You Be?" and it got me to thinking - where would I be, where would I go, who would I love if I were without Lincoln? Now granted, our life is totally different now with kids than if I had never married. But...this is who I think I would be if I wasn't married:

I think I would be the girl who moved away from family to try to find herself. I would go to a city where there were lots of options in the art world. I think I would go to Panara (or a similar coffee shop) and sit outside with my headphones on listening to a wide variety of music (rap all the way to classical) with her laptop or pen and paper working on choreography or exploring her thoughts, while drinking an IC Moca. I can see myself attending live music shows and art exhibits on a regular basis. I might work at a Dance Studio or in the public school system. I wonder if I would've lost my self esteem when it comes to attracting men if things wouldn't have worked out with Lincoln. Maybe it's the married factor, maybe it's the extra weight from kids - either way, I can't imagine that any man other than my husband would find me attractive. Odd as it may be, I believe that if I hadn't married Lincoln I would've either married one of 2 of my best friends from HS, or never married at all. I would love my nieces or nephews when they arrive and devoted myself to them entirely.

I'm a huge fan of comfort.

The Ordinary, The Comfortable

For those of you who are married...my question is: "How do you "keep the spark"? How do you step outside of that comfort zone that is created when you marry? Lincoln and I have agreed to read one marriage enrichment book together each year. This year it's "The Four Seasons of Marriage". We are huge fans of "The Five Love Languages", which we will probably ready every year on top of our other book. We have found that our love languages have already changed in the four years that we've been married...but that's a whole other blog in itself!

We attended a marriage seminar this past year at church that gave us wonderful information, encouragement, and ideas. Our favorite is the "Light the candle". They suggested that one person light a specific candle when they are "in the mood" - the other has the option to accept, reschedule, or reject. Although we don't have a candle, we have developed our own "signal" (of which I won't share because that seems like too much info!) It has helped a lot!

What else do you do? It seems hard to me to come up with ideas because Lincoln is not good at love letters, etc. (I on the other hand obviously enjoy expressing myself in written words!)

Any ideas anyone???

Hooray For You!

I just bought a new children's book with this title by Marianne Richmond. I think it is wonderful! It rhymes, but is a book simply full of celebrating each person as their own individual. This would be an excellent book for any age. Although I bought it in hopes of boosting Hunter's self-esteem and reading rhymes to Graysen, I plan on reading this book myself on the days when I don't feel adequete. The days that I feel fat, slow, ugly, like a bad mother, wife, or friends, the days when I don't feel like I'm contributing to this world as God intended. I honestly think it will help to pick me up...overall, a great addition to any household!

My Quirks Part II: Childbirth

I believe in Natural Childbirth!

Yes, I'm one of the crazies out there who don't take any pain meds when giving birth. I'm honestly not sure where this practice began, but here are some of the things that I believe played a role in making up my mind.

One of my very best friends (since 8th grade) got pregnant our junior year of High School. This was a life changing event for me. One of the things that I did to help prepare me for the birth of her wonderful daughter was to write my research paper for my AP Comp and Lit class on child birthing options. I wanted to know what she was going to go through, and what better way than to spend months on end researching and writing a 25 page paper over it?! (Little did I know that this would in NO WAY prepare me for seeing her in labor or going through it myself years later!) During this research I read all of the pros and cons that go along with natural birth, medicated birth, epidurals, cesarean sections, water births, etc. At the time, I was totally convinced that I was going to do a water birth. I thought it was awesome, and the best option for introducing my baby into this world.

My mother and mother - in -law both gave birth to all of their children naturally. My mom has always taught me that childbirth is a temporary pain. You know it's going to end...and when it does, you have the BEST gift ever given to you here on earth.

I am a Believer. I believe that God created women's bodies with the capability to birth children. I also believe that He made them to take care of pregnancy losses. When I had my miscarriage I wouldn't let the doctors do a DNC until my body miscarried on it's own. I believe that sometimes God works miracles, and I wanted to give Him the time to work it if it was in His plans to do so that time.

My husband and I have also chosen to have private births. Just him and I in the room (with the nurses and Doctor of course). I would love to have my mother and sister experience the birth of my children with me, but I have found that there is something very emotional about meeting your child for the first time with the one and only other person that helped create it. It is an amazing bonding moment just to have your own little family.

All of that said - I encourage all of you who are pregnant or who are hoping to become that way to do the research. Find out what the medication (IV or epidural) can do to your baby, and decide...is the short lived pain (yes, even my 20 hour labor I consider short lived) worth bringing your baby into the world in the way it was intended to? I decided it was - and I'll never regret it!

**I want to end this post with a reminder that I am really using this blog as more as a journal for my children. In fact, I print each of these out and am keeping them in a binder for them. I'm hoping that when they get older they will find my thoughts and outlooks on the world interesting. That it will give them a window into who I was at this age.

My "quirks" as a mother...

As I re-read my posts in the past, I have talked about my children a lot. I realized that I have not talked much about my views on parenting, or my parenting style. I had a request to blog about my recent adventure to Rolla's first World Breastfeeding Day (I will get to that soon), and so, I thought I would start a new "daily" post, each day (for awhile) addressing a specific issue that I find important in parenting.

Please know ahead of time that I am well aware that not everyone is going to agree with me. Some may think I'm "out there"...others may think I'm judgemental. Please, I'm begging you...don't! I will make it perfectly clear when I'm talking about something that I am judging others on...most of the time I am just going to be stating how I choose to raise my children. If you choose otherwise - great! Whatever works for you and your family!!! :0)

Let's start from the beginning - pregnancy!

I know that not every pregnancy is planned...but there are options. First of all, if you are not able / do not want to take care of the baby that you are carrying...please do the responsible thing and give it up for adoption. Give the child a chance! Did you know that your babies heart is beating before you even know you're pregnant?! So yes - I'm against abortion. I'm not ashamed to say it. On the other hand, this does not mean that I do not like anyone who has ever had an abortion! (In fact, one of my very best friends in college had one when she was much younger). I know everyone makes poor choices and can repent their sin and regret the decision. Everyone can change.

My pregnancy with my son was not planned. My husband and I were not married yet. (although our wedding was in the planning stages for the following August). I was SHOCKED when I found out, much more upset by the news than Lincoln (he was thrilled, very excited to be having a child) - but after 24 hours the news had sunk in and I was excited as well. It's everything I had ever wanted, just wasn't when I had planned it. (and for those of you who know me well know...I am a PLANNER!) Lincoln and I were lucky that my family was extremely supportive of us and encouraged us all the way. I'm sad that not everyone's families can look at the fact that a baby is a baby and whether or not it's coming into the world under "the perfect" circumstances, they should be excited...what's not to be excited about when it comes to a baby?!?!

I believe in giving your child the best chance possible to develop healthy and happy.

I think that you should be taking your prenatal and folic acid (before you get pregnant if you're trying...) and should continue to take them the whole pregnancy. If your body doesn't need that much, it will dispose of it...they're never going to HURT you!

I believe that if you are trying to get pregnant you should be "religious" about praying for God's timing in this event in your life and for your future baby and your marriage. Marriage takes a hard hit when you get pregnant and have your first child. It's an adjustment that no one could possibly be prepared for. Any marriage, no matter how strong, will go through downs during this time.

I believe that you should act as if you are already pregnant (give up caffine and alcohol, etc.) if you are trying. You know there are 4-6 weeks when your baby is developing before you even know you're pregnant!

I believe that you should be eating healthy and resting as much as possible. (This means lots of fruits and veggies and no caffeine or alcohol!) No, I don't say this to get pregnant women out of housework, continuing to work outside of the home, etc. Pregnancy is hard on your body to begin with...and I think most of us know that if we're physically tired, we're normally mentally and emotionally exhausted as well. I'm a believer in the idea that your baby develops the temperament that you have while you're pregnant (this is one of the places where you might think I'm "out there"). I've seen too many kids whose mom is a laid back, chill kind of lady who are also that kind of kid...and then the kids whose mothers are high anxiety, high emotional, high activity who are exactly the same!

I believe in getting medical care from the start - and continuing for the entire pregnancy. This is not to say that I don't think Douala's, etc. aren't wonderful - and a terrific addition to your OB's care!

I believe in reading and talking to your child in the womb (also rubbing your tummy in a counter clock-wise motion - this I believe brings a positive energy to the baby). This also applies to the father / siblings / grandparents / aunts and uncles, etc. I think that if you take time to talk specifically to your child they will feel the love that you have for them earlier on, which will develop a healthier baby, mentally and physically. I think that it shows that you are willing to take time out of your schedule already for this child who will become a life-long love of your life!

I believe in reading all the information you can get your hands on...for every pregnancy! This will help you make more educated decisions about the way that you will act during your pregnancy and how you will handle your childbirth and raising your children. I was amazed at how the information changed between each of my pregnancies...so even if you've done this before...read again - this child is just as worth it as your first one was!!!


Tomorrow's subject - childbirth! :0)

4 Years Old!

I simply can not believe that my little boy is 4 years old. I'm in shock...amazement. I know everyone says "it seems like yesterday". Well, I can't say that it seems like yesterday - we've had A LOT happen in our lives in the past four years - it doesn't seem like it's been 4 whole years!!

Birthdays are very important to me. Growing up our birthdays were made into a big deal. Afterall, it's the ONE day out of the year that is truely just about YOU. It's not Christmas, which is about Christ, it's YOUR birthday! My parents always used it as a way to celebrate us, as their children, and as the person that we were that year. I loved it. There was always a big build up, a huge day, and then yes, usually a slight let down the day after. :0) But...the let down is totally worth the fun in the days before! I've also always had an obsession with celebrating on the day of. No matter what day of the week...I want to celebrate my birthday on August 26th. (I'm the same way with anniversaries, etc.) Obviously growing up it wasn't always possible to have my birthday party on that day, so - all the better, the party was the weekend before or after, and we celebrated all the days in between the two events! :0)

This was the case with Hunter's 4th birthday this year. We decided that he was still too young to have his actual birthday without a birthday party beforehand, so we chose August 2nd to have his party. We also decided that he was old enough to have a little kids party (up until this year we've had a huge BBQ and invited all of the family and friends...we're talking around 50 people each year). But this year I knew that he was ready for a smaller, more kids centered party...and I was as excited as he was! We brainstormed for months in advance, researched on the internet, and finally decided on the Power Rangers Training Camp theme. Amazingly enough, he's been obsessed with Power Rangers for a little over a year now. He became interested in them shortly before his birthday last year (although we had a dinosaur party). He told me after his 3rd birthday that next year he wanted a PR's party, but I didn't dream the obsession would last this long - well, he proved me wrong, and got what he wanted!

We knew that since it was a party just for the kids we had to keep it much smaller than in years before, so we decided to go with the kids that he plays with on a regular basis. In attendence this year was the kids out of our families, (Baylee and Ganon Ambrose, Ally and Mya Krueger, Libby Fuhring, and Hayden and Keaton Renaud) small group that he plays with every Wednesday while Mom and Dad are at bible study (Emma Cook, and Annastyn Covey), and our playgroup friends - (Ryan Spurgeon, Riley Slowensky, and Noah and Miriam King...Juliet Mattingly couldn't be there, she was with her dad this year). Even selecting these three groups of friends there were lots of kids there!

In preparation, I put on Power Rangers music in the background and set up 6 Training Stations: for those of you who are not PR savvy, you may have to look up some of the terminology I'm getting ready to give you! ;0)

1. Be Prepared: a station where they decorated their very own tracker phones (made ahead of time out of florist foam covered in tin foil). I had lots of foam stickers for them to use. I also had PR coloring pages and crayons on this table.

2. Search: They each had to find the 5 jewels of the Corona Aurora. (A big bucket filled with play sand and lots of river rocks spray painted the 5 Power Rangers Colors) Their jewels were theirs to take home with them.

3. Teamwork: Clear the rock slide! (I laid a picnic table cloth down and dumped a huge pile of legos out. Then had 4 buckets for them to sort the legos by color - red, blue, pink, and yellow...four of the PR's colors.)

4. Defeat the Bad Guys: Knock those bad guys down! (I made masks for several of Hunter's stuffed animals and set them up on a table. Then gave each child bean bags and let them knock them down!)

5. Strong: See how strong you are by throwing water balloons! (This started with the children seeing if they could hit the fence and break the water balloons, but they got bored with that and soon began to throw them at a moving target - Charlie!)

6. Brave: Walk the board over the river of alligators! (I got a 20 ft. 2x4 and put it across my mom's above ground pool. The kids walked from one side to the other - holding Lincoln's hand - with floating alligators all around them!)

After they all completed the 6 parts of the Power Rangers Training Camp they became real Power Rangers! I had made the girls pink and the boys red t-shirts with the Power Rangers logo on it and gave them each their official Power Rangers shirt and 1st place ribbon.

Later in the party I gave them each a treat bag with a few small toys in it and let them fill the rest of their bags with candy from the pinata. So...they had their "jewels", t-shirts, ribbon, tracker phone, and bags with toys and candy in it to take home. As a parent, I hate it when I take my kid to a birthday party and they have to just sit there and watch the birthday boy or girl open all of their presents and have nothing to play with themselves. It's very hard for young children to understand this, so I wanted our guests to have something special for themselves!

They all swam, played on the swing set, ate cake and ice cream (made by Kelley King), did the pinata, and had lots of fun!

Sunday and Monday were quieter days with just one present per day, but Tuesday was his actual birthday! Of course we had to have another fun filled day! I had scheduled to not have any of my babysitting kids, so we had a full family day to ourselves! Hunter slept in until around 9:15, and then we got around. The day was whatever Hunter wanted to do...so we dropped him and Graysen off with Grammie and went to exchange one of his Power Rangers (he got two of the same at his party). While we were there we got him the other one that they had, so now he has three, and also bought him his first real baseball glove! Came back and he decided he wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese! Yippy! I love going to Chuck E. Cheese and it was Lincoln's first time! So, at 1:00 Lincoln, Hunter, and I left for STL. We got there, played 100 tokens worth, won 303 tickets, got Hunter's prizes, and came back home. We had plans to play mini golf with Grammie, Charlie, and Aunt Sissy after dinner. We went swimming in Grammie's pool and it started to thunder. Unfortunately our put put was getting rained out. Hunter decided on grilled hot dogs, french fries, and applesauce for his birthday dinner. It was pretty tasty. After dinner we had a dance party in Aunt Sissy's bedroom and then had more cake (a Spiderman decorated huge chocolate chip cookie) and ice cream.

It was a good day. It just doesn't seem possible that I have a 4 year old little boy. Luckily I still have 2 years until school!

The newest stage...

Well - Graysen is offically at the "hardest" stage to put to sleep...according to ME! ;0) Up until now she has had a bath, got rubbed down with lotion, PJ's on, nursed, and gone straight to bed. Whether she was asleep or not. For the last few months she has fussed for two minutes at most when I lay her in her bed.

That's all changed. Now she's Miss Independent!

She just realized a few days ago that she can also sit up, crawl around, and pull up in her bed! She must've thought that stuff was only for the rest of the house up until then. Now we follow the same bedtime ritual, except when I lay her down there is no more fussing for two minutes before falling asleep...it's sit up before Mom can even leave the room, and then stand hanging on the rail and scream bloody murder for as long as Mom will let me! For the most part if Lincoln goes in and just lays her back down she will cry for a few more minutes and then give it up....but...

Not tonight.

She cried for an hour (with two "laying her back down" sessions in there). Finally I just got her out of bed. I know - big "No-No". But she just wore me down. Yes, she won. She is currently standing at the recliner talking happily to Hunter who is playing Wii Football. (A new part of his nightly ritual. lol) I know she was tired because she fell asleep in the car on the way home. Of course she woke up when I got her out of the car seat, so I went ahead with the nightly ritual thinking she would just go back to sleep when it was time...nope, no such luck.

Maybe I'm weak. I don't know. I try to remind myself that there are lots of women out there who would stay awake with their babies for days if they could just have them. I know this is true because I would stay awake with Claire forever if I could just have that time with her.

So...thanks for listening (reading) to me vent for a few minutes and letting me talk myself back into sense. I have two beautiful children who are both (currently) happy and (semi) healthy. I need to not stress over what time we get to bed and rather cherish the hours I have with them while we're awake.

My first trip!

I am so excited! I have scheduled my first trip without my family since before Lincoln and I got married! I'm very nervous - I have never left my kids for more than one night, but I think it will be very good for me! I am going with two of my very best girlfriends to Chicago December 12-14th. (After Graysen is a year old and done nursing...lol) We are staying in a nice hotel right downtown, window shopping, going out for a nice dinner, and having two nights of sleep overs! Everything a girly trip should be! My wonderful husband is taking the weekend off of work to keep our kids so that I can go. Of course, I could've found a babysitter for them, but I just couldn't leave them with someone other than one of us for 2 nights in a row!

I am so thankful that he cares about me enough to sacrifice like this in order for me to do something he knows I will enjoy. I think most husbands would've said, "either find a babysitter for them, or don't go".

I think this trip will be a time to relax, rejuvenate and come back for the Christmas Season rested and in much better spirits! I know it's a few months away, but I am already looking forward to it!!!

Life is short

I want to remind everyone out there how blessed they really are. I don't know every one's life situation, but I promise that there are things in your life that you should be giving thanks for.

I was reminded of this fact today as I watched a little girl dance her heart out who was oblivious that her life was changing drastically at that exact moment. She didn't know it, but the doctors had just announced that her mother would most likely not make it through the day. While she was dancing to "Shake It", smiling, and laughing with her friends, the doctors were looking at the results of her mother's MRI and telling family how swollen and shifted her brain was. They said it was only a matter of hours before God took her to live with Him in eternity. Wow. I watched her smile and laugh and wondered after she left there today how long it would be before those emotions returned to her. I pray it's soon because I know that her mother would want her to be be happy each and every day. To live a full life surrounded by her sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and friends. She and her sisters were her mom's life. I hope that I can be a part of reminding her and her 3 sisters (11, 8, and twin 3 year olds) how much their mother loved them. How proud she was, and how much she enjoyed watching them dance.

Death is surrounding us everywhere. My cousin is visiting this weekend on, most likely, his last trip to see St. James...you see, he is dying of liver disease. He knows that it's only a matter of time (as it is for all of us). We will have a family dinner tomorrow night, visit, share stories, talk about future plans, and take lots of pictures. It will be nice for most of the family to be together again...a time to celebrate my cousin's 39th birthday, and visit with him.

Although at most times in my life I will claim that I am not afraid of death. That I know it is inevitable, and that I actually look forward to it (in an odd way). This is because I know that I'm headed for Heaven to live beside the King of Kings forever. Forever is a LONG time as the Veggie Tales will tell you (much longer than a tuna sandwich will last in the refrigerator according to Larry!). I will get to see my two babies waiting for me, my grandfather, and many, many others. But...when it seems I'm surrounded by it on all sides, I get that gross feeling in the pit of my stomach and I silently cry out to God for the peace that I usually am filled with.

Now I just have to let Him fill me with it again.

The Good...and The Hunter

Tonight as I was driving home from the store (we were out of sugar for our sweet tea I was in the middle of making) - I passed one of my favorite things about living in St. James...a Street Dance!!! So, I was inspired to come up with a list of reasons why I like living in a small town. Some deal with St. James in particular, others could be any small town in America.

1. Craft Street Dances: The Craft brothers bring out their karaoke machines and set up a stage in front of Wilson's Lumber at least one Saturday night a month. There is food, singing, lots of lawn chairs, and visiting. I think it's about the best time ever! I love to walk the kids down there and just sit and listen. Some of the singers are horrible, others are wonderful. I so enjoy watching Hunter dance on the street in front of everyone and not caring a bit. I enjoy catching up with people that I don't get to see during my regular daily routine. It's a beautiful time.

2. Large Families: I think that fact that there are many families who all stay here and continue to raise generations in St. James is a wonderful thing. My family is one of them. Of my Grandma's 6 kids, there are 4 of them still living in St. James. Of their children (12 total) - 6 of them still live in St. James...and they have 6 kids so far. The Craft family is another one of those families. I think it's great to be able to go to school with your cousins and have the support of a large extended family close by!

3. History: Sure, there is history in any town / city - but I've found that it's much more celebrated in small town USA. I think it's great that my kids will have a unit on the founder of the town in 4th grade...how many kids get to do something like that? We can still visit the tomb of Lucy Wortham James - in fact, she's buried in the same cemetery that my daughter is and that my husband and I will be! That's amazing to me.

I'm sitting here making this list and Hunter is asking me what I'm doing. I tell him I'm writing on my blog and he says "what? You're getting on a log?" :0) Very funny - anyway, I tell him that I'm writing a sort of story. So I read him what I have written and he wanted to make a list too. Although he wasn't sure what kind of list, so I just asked him some of his favorites and here are the results:

Hunter's Favorites List:

Favorite Wii Game: Tennis
Favorite Drink: Chocolate Milk
Favorite Food: Chicken Nuggets
Favorite Movie: Power Rangers Operation Overdrive
Favorite Friend: His Mom (how lucky am I?! - I'm going to have to remind him of this when he's 16!!!)
Favorite Place to Visit: The Park
Favorite Book: Berenstain Bears Go To The Doctor (really, just any Berenstain Bears book!)
Favorite Toy: Power Rangers Action Figures

ps - are there any women out there who enjoy the Batman series? Lincoln just went to see the new one tonight and enjoyed it. He said Heath Ledger was at his absolute best playing The Joker. I did NOT enjoy the first Batman, so I didn't even go. I do however, enjoy the Spiderman Series...

Life Laughs Review

My latest read is called "Life Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy (yes, I read another one of her books...) I find myself going on 'author' kicks...when I find an author that I enjoy I read all of their books not because the book sounds interesting, but because I trust that I will enjoy the style that it is written in. I did this with Nicholas Sparks (I've read everything of his except "Two Weeks With My Brother")...I started this with Jan Karon (The Mitford Series that I so often refer to...) And in waiting for my new Jan Karon book to arrive I started on Jenny McCarthy.

Life Laughs is again...such a raw, honest book that sometimes I found myself scrunching up my face wondering why I kept reading...but kind of like a train wreck, you just can't force yourself to look away.  

So...this post somehow got published before I was finished...so now I will finish it!  lol

As I was saying...Life Laughs is incredibly...there....  Although I greatly enjoyed learning about things  that I never knew before (I lead a pretty nieve, sheltered life), I was also rather grossed out by several of the chapters.  Wow.  That's stuff I never needed to know!  :0)  

The one thing in this book that saddened me was her outlook on marriage and divorce.  She is divorced and in the chapter explaining her divorce she portrayed (to me at least) that she always thought divorce was an option.  She says that she got married too quickly, which I think just "proves" that today's society downplays the importance of a marriage.  We view it as something that we can rush into and then get out (with no consequences) if we see later down the road that "it's just not working out".  So sad.  What happened to God's idea of marriage, God's plan for marriage and a marriage relationship?  

Book Reviews...

So...As Lincoln could tell you, I'm on a reading KICK! Sometimes I go through years of my life when I'm like this. Every single free second I get I've got my nose in a book. I find myself here again...and I love it! It's funny that I'm seeing Hunter copy me. He LOVES books these days. Every time anyone sits down - here comes Hunter running over and jumping on their lap with a book. It doesn't matter why you were sitting down...to fold laundry, read yourself, watch TV...Hunter's ready with a book! I actually just got some new ones from Mom's because we've read every one of our (probably 100 books) at least 10 times I swear! I'm so tired of them...but it doesn't seem that Hunter is!! LOL I'm looking forward to reading the new ones tomorrow!

Anyway - Since Graysen has been born (7 months ago) I have read 10 books. 9 of the Mitford Series, which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone out there and 1 by Jenny McCarthy called "Belly Laughs". I know, you're probably thinking "Jenny McCarthy - the ex-playmate...that blonde dummy?" And my answer is yes - that's the one...but I would now (after reading her book) call her the most down to earth, honest woman I "know"!!! This book (sub titled "The naked truth about pregnancy and childbirth") is a MUST READ for anyone (with a good sense of humor) who is pregnant and / or is a mom already. It's an extremely easy, fast read (I finished it in 2 days) - but so true. I found myself laughing out loud and reading excerpts to Lincoln out of almost every chapter. Be forwarned - she is brutally honest. There is cussing and very graphic descriptions...but hey - anyone who has been there has seen / felt / experienced it...and probably thought the exact same phrases...we're just not brave enough to say them!!!

Running in place...

Alright - I'm starting this post aware that it is going to be a downer...so...if you're not in the mood to be down and depressed...don't read this! lol (At least I'm aware when I'm being negative right?!)

I've had a serious case of the blah's lately. At least this time I know what it stems from. One of my friends recently found out that she and her husband were expecting their first baby...and then found out that the baby passed away. She is also struggling with some other medical issues (not the cause of the miscarriage)...so it's a lot compacted on top of each other. I don't even really know how to describe it - except that every time I know someone who is going through heartbreak over the loss of a baby I find myself reliving my losses. Feeling not only the pain of seeing a friend suffer through heartbreak, but the pain of my own heartache.

I guess I should look at it in a positive light - that I'm able to feel the emotions that my friend is feeling and live it with her so she's not alone...but that doesn't help. I know that NOTHING helps when you're going through this, and so that makes it even harder for me. I don't want to say anything because I know from experience, that nothing anyone says makes it better. At least those who haven't been there have some hope that they can do or say something to ease the pain. I know there's no hope. I know the agony of starting to bleed and having to wait weeks for it to go away. Every single second is a reminder of your loss. I know the feeling of not even being able to drive yourself anywhere because you can't focus. Walking around aimlessly trying to continue to work and put on a "good show" for everyone. Crying at the drop of a hat and the questions from people who don't know that your baby has passed away. Trying to hide from everyone who doesn't know so that you don't have to respond should they happen to make a comment about your pregnancy. This all sucks. That's the only way to describe it.

Another one of my good friends said it best the other day..."sometimes I feel like I'm running in place". That's where I am. I feel like I have moved past my losses, that I'm doing a great job continuing to live until something like this happens again and I get stuck. Stuck in the rut of my own sorry emotions. Feeling like I haven't really healed at all. Like I'm still going through the miscarriage, being so emotionally and physically drained that I slept for 24 hours straight after my all nighter in the ER. Going into my next pregnancy with Claire being so excited to get past the first trimester that I didn't think anything else could go wrong and then January 12th came and my baby girl didn't have half of her brain. Shock. Still as I write those words I wonder where in the world did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? The months of going through the motions after she was born and died. Still I drive through the cemetary and sometimes don't have the energy and strength to get out of my car.

When will all of this pass?

Sigh.

Oh the fireworks...

It's been a little while since I've written a blog...lots has happened, but not much worth repeating. Although the break from "drama" has been nice, sometimes I feel like I'm not experiencing life like I should when a few weeks go by and nothing has really "happened"! I begin to wonder if I am doing something wrong, sitting back and watching more than participating.

Let's see...we went to Lincoln's family reunion over the 4th of July. We always go to this little "resort" (I'm using that phrase very lightly) in Rockaway Beach by Branson. The family has been going there for 14 years now. We all rent out little cabins and those who own campers park their campers in the field next to the cabins. Most of the time is spent just sitting in the "circle of love" (as Justin so kindly named it several years back when he joined the family), swimming, napping, and eating! There are usually a few excursions planned such as a boys disc golf day, girls shopping, a movie, and put put golf. Of course you are welcome to participate in all or none of them. This year Lincoln did the disc golf morning while I went "shopping" with some of the girls and then just our family of 4 went to the Dinosaur Museum. We did lots of swimming, visiting, and eating of course! Although I enjoyed the trip overall, I have to say...I HATE FIREWORKS! I have never been a fan of them (I burned myself on a sparkler when I was probably 5 and have never really moved past that experience), but since having children...I really hate them. They keep my kids awake until all hours at night, which keeps me awake, and puts us all in very crabby moods the next day. Two nights in a row of this and my nerves were pretty much SHOT. Pretty much everyone headed to their respective homes on Sunday after eating a breakfast out. We headed over to Castleview to another night with Lincoln's parents and grandparents. It was a very enjoyable day with lots of pool time, golf cart rides, and visiting!

This pretty much sums up our 4th of July vacation. It was nice to get away - but always nicer to get home!!!

It's the best!

I have the best life there is.

I think it's very sad that the "cool" / "popular" thing to do these days is complain. To try to convince everyone else that you have the "worst" life / luck. When did that become the thing to do? When did bragging on what an awesome husband you have become the minority rather than the majority? When did celebrating your life become so few and far between?

I want to make it proclamation loud and clear that I think I have the best life I could possibly have! No, we're not rich, yes, we've had plenty of challenges in our four years of marriage...but we are BLESSED! We have two awesome kids here with us, and two waiting for us in heaven. We have survived the death of a child (which is rare in case you don't know the statistics). We openly and honestly are still crazy about one another. We're still in love...not that that will last forever...it will come and go...and that cool thing is - is that we both know that and are okay with it. We promised to LOVE each other, and luckily we both agree that love is a choice, not a feeling. If it were a feeling we'd be in big time trouble...like now, at midnight I sit in bed next to my husband who is snoring to beat the band...do I feel like I am IN love with him at the current moment?? Uh...no...but do I love him and his snoring? Heck yeah! I love him because he is the most faithful, honest man I know. He loves me and our children more than anyone else in the world. He has made this clear to me every day since Dec. 12, 2003. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Sure, he does things on a daily basis that annoy me...that I think are selfish...but do I do the same? Sure I do! Just ask him! :0) And...when he kisses me, I know that we are still in love, that we have the same passion for each other that we did 7 years ago...actually - more.

I have the coolest 3 year old son God ever made. He is so pationate about life. Everything about life. He loves being outside in the world that God made for us to explore. He loves learning new things...numbers, letters, sports, dance, music, you name it...he's excited about it. And that makes me excited. He tells me at least once a day "You're the best Mommy"...and you know what? It makes me want to continue being the best mommy for him that I can be...day in and day out. It's the best challenge that I will ever have.

I just came back to bed from feeding my (almost) 7 month old daughter. I can't even put into words the feelings that swell up in me when I walk into her dark room, hear her sweet voice, pick her up and smell that awesome smell after a bath and lotion. I cuddle her up close to me and share a bonding moment that I am so lucky to have with her. She settles down and falls back to sleep. It's awesome in every sense of the word. Just to picture her smile makes my heart melt.

Last night we had a "Hunter night". We are going to instate these in our family once a month. When Graysen gets old enough she'll get them too. Hunter got to choose everything that we did. On his very first Hunter night he chose to eat pizza at Pizza Hut...cheese of course, and coke to drink. Then we dropped Graysen off with Gma and went to play Put Put Golf...his first time!!! He was so excited, because he loves golf! He had so much fun, he would put off and then RUN down the green to catch up with the ball before it stopped...it was a continuous hit rather than letting the ball stop...too stinkin' adorable! Often times he wanted to finish Lincoln and I's off for us after we teed off as well. Then we played the arcade games inside and he won 295 tickets! I filled up my camera with pictures of course, but don't have them on the computer yet, so I'll have to add one to this blog after I get them downloaded.

I am lucky enough to stay at home with my kids during the day...Lincoln works very hard doing a job that I'm sure he'd rather not do in order to make that happen. I am blessed to be able to teach dance - something that I am extremely passionate about - a few evenings a week..how many people get to do what they love 24 hours a day? Not many...I can tell you that. I love the fact that Lincoln is able to coach basketball - something that he is extremely passionate about - and that we get to watch him do it. We get to root him on and he makes me so very proud to see him, doing something that he loves, and being such a terrific role model for those young boys.

Basically - I'm trilled with my life. I think I post these blogs either late at night when I am able to calm down and collect my thoughts for the day, or in the morning when the day is fresh and new and everything makes sense to me. I just wish that more people lived their lives joyfully. Being happy - and giving thanks to God in everything they do.

why write when I'm not the "best"?

What do I even want to write about tonight? Honestly, I'm not sure, but for some reason I am greatly enjoying this blogging thing...and want to write more. Not so that anyone will read it, just because it's a quiet night in my household and I want to write.

I've always enjoyed writing, but have never done it on a regular basis...I'm not very talented at it. I've always been one to not do anything that I'm not the "best" at. That's the reason I've never played sports...because I couldn't bear the thought that me missing a shot could make the entire team lose a game. I do not want to be responsible for anyone else's disapointment. (I'm still this way - very much a people pleaser...not a good trait). Weird now that I'm older and think about it. But true. Not really sure why I ever did Dance Teams or Color Guard. I guess because that is one of my only natural talents. I didn't have to worry about being the only one to mess up...if I messed up (don't get me wrong, I know I'm not always perfect!), I was most likely not the only one to mess up..so I wouldn't have to blame 2nd place on me alone. Odd...very odd. I hope I don't accidentally pass that bad trait onto my kids. I want them to do whatever it is that they want to do without fear of not being the best. We can't all be the best at everything! As long as they practice and try their hardest every time they participate, that's GREAT!

Hmm...that's enough for me tonight. I think I'm ready to go crawl in bed next to my husband. Both kids are fast asleep...sure, some of the groceries still need to be put away in the kitchen, and the living room could certainly use to be picked up, but what I really want right now is to curl up on my favorite pillow under our down comforter next to my best friend in the whole world, say my prayers, and dream a wonderful dream.

Good Night World!

Love - Use it.

You'll never get over it. You'll never get past it. But you have love in your life. Use it."
- Army Wives

I'm not sure what I have to write about this quote. I heard it on an episode of Army Wives yesterday and felt the urgent need to write it down before I forgot it. The episode had one family who just lost their daughter in a bombing, and another who was pregnant with their first child and the wife wasn't sure she wanted to keep the baby. The irony.

Really I wanted to explore my thoughts on this quote. I find it to be terribly true. Scarily (if that's a word) real. Two and a half years after losing my daughter (and I believe this could relate to the loss of anyone you love) I know that you really don't ever get over it or move past it. It's something that is with you every day...because a loss like that changes who you are a person. It's an experience that changes your entire outlook on the world, on God, and on who you are as an individual. It changes your relationships with people (those you already know and those you will come to meet). If I hadn't loss the baby that I miscarried or Claire I would be a totally different person. Not as good of one if I dare go there. I believe God had given me a softer heart for others going through what I have experienced. It has allowed me to relate to many people on a personal level that I would not have been able to relate to otherwise.

But they are right - I have love in my life. I have the love of my husband, children, family, friends, and God. I need to accept it. I'm so thankful that I came out of the stage of grief of not accepting love from others because I felt as though I didn't deserve it. Something in my body had not been good enough, strong enough to create two beautiful children and I felt like an utter failure. I didn't feel as though I deserved to be loved by anyone. But I have gotten past that. I am again able to open up to others and receive their love.

I also have a lot of love to give. I am blessed to have this love that God has given me, rather than becoming resentful and hardened after my experiences it has softened my heart and I am planning on using that to the fullest.

I would encourage anyone who has gone through a hardship to look for the good, maybe not during it, but afterward...look back, hind sight is always 20/20...find the positives in the experience and use the love that it has given you.

Everything

I've been reading The Mitford Series for some time now (about 6 months). I just finished book 8 and only have one more to read before the series is over. I'm very sad about it...I feel as though I'm going to lose a great set of friends! Amazing how a good author can pull you into the plot of a novel emotionally. Every book I feel has had a wonderful lesson on some aspect of life. I actually think this series has been better than any of the self-help books I'm famous for reading.

Book 8's "lesson" I believe (or maybe it was meant just for me) was on forgiveness, understanding, and prayer. In his last sermon in the book Father Tim reminded us of 4 words. "In everything give thanks." Some may say that the key word in this verse is thanks...I think it's EVERYTHING. I'm good at giving thanks when it comes to the easy stuff...not so good at remembering to thank God for the hard stuff. The stuff that I wish wasn't happening. This is the prayer that Father Tim wanted us (his congregation - I'm a part of it you know!) to pray.

"Father, I don't know why You're causing, or allowing this hard thing to happen, but I'm going to give thanks in it because You ask me to. I'm going to trust You have a purpose for it that I can't know and may never know. Bottom line is You're God - and that's good enough for me."

When I read this prayer it really hit home with me. I questioned myself...do I thank God when money is so tight I wonder when we'll be able to go grocery shopping again? Did I thank God when he took 2 of my babies away from me? Do I thank God when Hunter is not behaving and I am at my wit's end? Do I thank Him when Graysen is not sleeping and I can't even remember how many times I got up to feed her the night before? These are the things in my life that have stretched me to become a better person. To become more perfect. In James 1 it talks about going through trials to be stretched and become more perfect. I want to be perfect in God's eyes...and if it's these things that have to happen to make me a bigger, better person...I will thank God for them.

The verse tells us give thanks in EVERYTHING. Actually - the entire verse is this: "In everything give thanks...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." Wow - so absolute. So straight forward. Often times I pray to know the will of God...to have Him show me his will so that I may understand the things I am experiencing. Here it is stated for me...His will is for me to give thanks. No matter the situation, good, bad, comfortable, uncomfortable, high or low...give thanks.

I'm going to try.

Kids, Kids, Kids...Me?

Kids. That's what my life revolves around. It's amazing really. I just looked at the pictures that are "tagged" of me on facebook...I'd venture to say a strong 95% of them do not even have me in them. They are my kids. Don't get me wrong...I love my kids. My kids are the world to me. I have always wanted to be a mom - only a mom. I am a daughter, sister, friend, niece, granddaughter, wife, and teacher - but mostly...I'm a mother.

I think I just realized that I've lost my own identity. Maybe not to some - but do I even see myself as Ashley anymore? Or am I Hunter and Graysen's mom? Do Dad's lose their identity the same way moms do? I don't think so. Sure, Lincoln is Hunter and Graysen's dad...but he is also still Lincoln. This is something that I struggle with.

I am a big "self-help" book reader. Everything I read reminds me that it is imperative for me to keep some time for ME. That my mental and physically health depend on it. Hmm...do I do that? I know I do have some time for me once in awhile...but I'm not sure that I'm doing the activities that keep me mentally at my strongest. My me time usually consists of driving to and from Rolla to work, showering (sometimes I get to do this alone...), and reading my book in the middle of a chaotic living room. I think men (in general) are more apt to make time for themselves a priority. Lincoln goes on trips with his brothers and friends from church, he plays sports for fun...he takes time for himself.

I am very blessed to have a husband who understands the importance of keeping my own identity...and he encourages me to do this more than I encourage myself. He sends me on spa days to STL with girlfriends, is more than happy to keep the children in order for me to go see a girly movie, etc.

Luckily, the bottom line is - I'm happy with my life. Most of the time I'm okay with not having my own identity anymore. I'd rather be known as Hunter and Graysen's mom than Ashley anyday. I'm a better person as their mom than I was on my own.

And I thank God for that everyday.

Hunter's Thankful List

I saw a commercial on TV today and at the end it said "What are you thankful for?" So I asked Hunter, and explained to him what it meant and all about November and Thanksgiving. He really enjoyed the story, so I've decided that I'm going to ask him one thing everyday that he's thankful for for the rest of the month...and I'll keep the list updated here!


Nov. 5th - "Mommy"
Nov. 6th - "Grammy"
Nov. 7th - "Daddy"
Nov. 8th - "Aunt Kim"
Nov. 9th - "Hayden"
Nov. 10th - "G.G."
(I'm beginning to think he thinks he can only be thankful for people...lol)
Nov. 11th - presents
Nov. 12th - sandwhiches
Nov. 13th - "nakie time"
Nov. 14th - chips
Nov. 15th - horses
Nov. 16th - cake ("hey, I want to eat cake!")
Nov. 17th - "basketti" (spaghetti)
Nov. 18th - paper
Nov. 19th - belly buttons
Nov. 20th - basketball

Bed Rest...day 3

Well, I just decided this would be a good way to journal my thoughts and feelings for the last 11 weeks of my pregnancy. I got the idea from my friend Martha, who has one of these lovely blog "thingys" too. Everything I read online tells me that it's healthy to keep a journal when you're on bedrest. "They" (whoever that may be) say that your child will enjoy reading it one day...not sure she's really going to care what TV shows I watched or which magazines I read...but whatever, I'll give it a try. At least it gives me one more thing to do everyday right?! Don't feel bad if you start to read this and then never want to return for an update, I wouldn't either, trust me! :0)

So...I got a call from my OB's nurse on Friday (Sept. 28th) and she told me that I was to go on bedrest....until delivery. Yuck! I have low amniotic fluid, and it has been fluxuating for 3 weeks now...unstable, up and down, so they decided it was safest for me just to sit in my bed day and night. I am allowed one shower a day, to go to the bathroom (gee, thanks!), and to make myself a sandwhich if I'm home by myself. Friday was terrible, but I decided there really wasn't anything else to do but suck it up, so that's what I did. I think it's going to take lincoln a lot longer to adjust to the idea than it has me. My mother has been AWESOME this weekend getting me all set up and taking care of Hunter.

Here's the list of things that I'm already depressed about missing out on:

1. Watching the fall leaves change colors and getting to drive down toward Meremec Springs and look at all the pretty colors
2. Taking Hunter to the Halloween party that my friends are having.
3. Going to the pumpkin patch
4. Taking Hunter Trick-or-Treating
5. Christmas shopping at the pretty decorated malls
6. Helping to prepare Thanksgiving dinner

Of course there's teaching at The Dance Studio, Color Guard, going to MOPS, Bible Study, Church...all the daily / weekly things that I enjoyed doing so much.

I'm doing pretty well as far as my emotional state is going thus far...it's not been too bad yet actually, but I think in 3 weeks I might be going crazy...I am just remembering the 10 days in the hospital before Hunter was born, and it was pretty bad.

Well, I guess I'm going to start my "in bed scrapbooking adventure". I've got about 2.5 hours hours before my boys get home...so I'm going to try to pass the time! :0)

Ash

March of Dimes Walk

Hello everyone!

I wanted to let you all know that Hunter and I will be doing the March of Dimes Walk in Rolla this upcoming Sunday, May 6th. I feel very connected to this organization because of their mission to help premature babies. I’ve done a lot of research on the March of Dimes organization since Claire was born, and I am a firm believer in their work.

I also believe that it is very important to get Hunter involved in giving to charities and helping others in any way that he can early on. Thus far it's just been giving to the Bell Ringers at Christmas time, etc., but this will be his first charity walk! He and I are both very excited about it! We want him to develop a life long habit of helping others!

I have created a personal fund raising website off of the March of Dimes homepage. If you feel led to donate to this organization, but would not like to donate online, I am more than willing to pick up cash or a check from you sometime before the walk on Sunday. I promise that you will be helping families just like mine who have suffered the loss of a child.

Thank you and God Bless,
Ashley and Hunter