1st spit up

Our other babies spit up from the day they were born.  Spikie hadn't spit up at all, so when he finally did at 4 days old we were excited and feeling back in our element! 

(can you see the wet spot on Lincoln's shoulder?)

He is much harder to burp than the other two and spits up much less.  

best family picture yet

Fletcher Comes Home {Playing Catch-up}

We left the hospital on Sunday, March 11th around noon.
It was about 55 degrees.

Time to load up in the car seat for the first time!

Daddy loading him into the car!
We actually drove Grandma's car home because she had our van with the four big kids.

Welcome home Spike!

He wore the same outfit home that Hunter did!

Easter

He is risen!

This is the single, most important day in the whole history of the world.

Without Him rising, He would be just another good person...not our Savior!

The kids woke up to their hallway blocked off!

(of course they just snuck right underneath it and ran to our bedroom!)

Their Easter baskets...all 5!

We got to spend time with both sets of Grandparents! 

Here are the best shots of each of them with the kids.

Carl had a fire call.  Marcinda made London and Graysen matching dresses!

The "chick" cake balls I made. 

What would I do without these two girls?!

Mom and Charlie set up an egg hunt for the kids!

It was so fun, each egg was labeled with a number, 1-10.

The kids each had to find one of each number...so it was like a scavenger hunt and and egg hunt in one!

It was a really great Easter!!

1st grade music program

The Tuesday after Fletcher was born the big boys had their 1st grade Music Program.  

I left Fletcher at home with Aunt Kim.  Yes, he had his first babysitter at 4 days old.

It's amazing what you'll do for your kids!

(I could never had told my big kids that I wasn't going to their concert!)

The boys and their music teachers.

The program was adorable!  

It lasted about 45 minutes and they sang all kinds of "re-done" nursery rhymes.

We really enjoyed listening to you boys!

One Month Old

I simply can not believe that my son is one month old.  

The nickname Spike has stuck...

only when you're we're talking to a baby, we use a baby voice...

which means that Spike comes out

"Pike"

or Pikie.

Once in awhile someone will throw in his real name...

only it's rarely Fletcher.

It's more likely to be

Fletch

or Fletchie

or Fletcher Man.

This is pretty normal in our family...to not call babies by their real names.

Hunter was "Huntie" for a long time

Graysen is still "Gray" a lot of the time.

I like it.  It makes them more of a baby to me!

Pikie weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz. a week ago.

His 0-3 month clothes are finally kind of  fitting him.

He's eating 3-4 oz. at a time.

(I'm pumping and feeding him because he's not a good latcher, 

and I'm going back to work soon, so we figured he'd better just learn to take a bottle right off)

He's still not sleeping too well.  

2-3 hours during each stretch through the night.

One of my favorite things is when he stretches his arms only reach a hand above his head.

God made babies so darn cute, didn't He?

He's starting to consistently grab your finger when you place it in his hand.

The kids love this because we talked about that before he was born...

and it makes them feel really special, like Spike wants them to stay where they are.

He loves the Moby wrap!  

I always wear him when we're out, I never leave him in his car seat.

 

I go back to work in a week and a half.  

I'm trying to balance mentally preparing myself and not allowing the anxiety to ruin these last days.

It's really hard.

like...really hard.

but, let's not think about that right now...

Headed to bed

I know there's an email that goes around with this type of thing, but I thought I would record it for my real life tonight:

Lincoln and I decided to go to bed.  He asked me if there was anything I needed him to do, and I said no.  He went in and crawled in bed and fell asleep in the middle of the bed without even covering up.  I...

•  finished the email I was sending and got up from the couch and went into the bedroom. 
• I took Spike with me (who was sleeping on the couch next to me) and swaddled him for bed.
• I made sure his paci was in his bed
• I got the bottle out of the warm water in the sink and put it at the foot of his bed to be used for the next feeding.
• I showered and washed my hair.  
• I got out and put on my PJ's.
• I used eye make up remover to get the rest of the eye make up off (why does it never all come off when I wash my face?!)
• I applied my face cream
• I brushed my teeth
• I cleaned my ears
• I brushed my hair
• Graysen came in and I took her back to her room and tucked her in again.
• I peeked in on the boys
• I went in the kitchen and refilled the water bottles that were left on the kitchen table
• I cleared off the plate that was left on the table
• I started the dishwasher
• I cleaned two bottles by hand
• I took the clothes out of the dryer and switched over the clothes in the washer, then started a new load in the washer.
•  I carried the dry clothes into the living room to be folded in the morning.
• I put away a pan that I had washed earlier that was drying on the counter
• I folded the two hand towels that were in the kitchen and put them back on the cabinets they belong on
• I answered Graysen again
• I got Graysen a water bottle and a granola bar
• I turned the boys movie off
• I put the rest of the water and gatoraid in the fridge and threw away their wrappers
• I took the trash bag out of the can and put a new one in
• I cleaned the dryer vent 
• I wiped down the top of the dryer
• I lotioned my legs
• I wrote this blog post, and now I'm going to finish my Army Wives episode that I started earlier today.
• There's still lots to do, but I think I'm going to go to bed after that...we'll see.

Spike's Dr. Apts.

 We took Fletcher to the Dr. on Tuesday, March 13th.  Dr. McEnaney thought he looked great!

He did warn us of keeping the other kids away from him due to illness this time of year...which I think is just kind of impossible.  Yes, I know all four of my other kids attend school outside of the home and probably bring in more germs than are at Walmart...but how do you tell a new big brother or sister that they can't hold, cuddle, or kiss their baby brother?  What's that's saying to them?!  We do have the kids wash their hands before they touch him, but we're generally not going to tell them to stay away from him. 

Spike had lost another ounce (he was 7 lbs. 8 oz. when he was born, and 6 lb. 14 oz when we left the hospital)...which worried me a bit, but the Dr. wasn't concerned about it at all, which boosted my confidence a lot.

He did have to get another heel prick to check his levels because he's a bit jaundice.  That was sad...the heel prick didn't bother him so much as the squeezing of the foot to get the blood drips.  Ugh, you'd think they'd come up with a better way to do that by now!  His levels came back at 14.2 (the high norm is 12), but again, the Dr. wasn't concerned enough to send home a blanket with him or anything.

Big sister got to go with us to the apt.

He had his 2 week apt. yesterday.  I'm sick (ear infection, cough, sore throat), so Lincoln took him by himself (thus the lack of pictures).  He was up to 7 lbs. 1 oz...not where the Dr. would like to see him, but nothing too alarming.  I'm considering feeding him 1-2 formula bottles a day, just to try to bulk him up a little bit.  Any thoughts on that fellow mommies?  

He is also still a bit  jaundice , but again, nothing to worry about...the Dr. said if we would feed him formula for 2 days that should clear up, so I'm thinking that the formula to bulk him up  might help clear that up as well...but I'm not going to go exclusively formula...  

His chord and Plastibell are both off, and the Dr. was happy with the way both those areas looked!  Yay!  

I think today might be the day for his first real bath!!

Bath Time

 

He obviously wasn't a fan of his very first bath.

I was lucky to have my mom, sister, and Chad there to document it for me, 

without me having to listen to my precious baby scream!

 He wasn't a fan of his first home bath either...

But he calmed right now after his Mommy snuggled him up close.

Is there any better smelling thing than a new baby freshly bathed and lotioned?

I think not.

Family

My life rocks right now.  Like seriously...rocks. 

I'm loving (almost) every. single. second.

It's been several months since I've felt this way...and it's so, so good to be back.

Our last night as a family of 6.  We celebrated with sparkling grape juice.

Fletcher is awesome.  

I'm in my element with a newborn.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love babies? 

Have I ever mentioned how sad I am that this is my last baby?

(more on that in another post...maybe, if I can bring myself to write it)

 

5:00 a.m. March 9, 2012.  My last preggo picture before heading out to the hospital!

My baby has the most perfect smile.

(yes, I know they're not "intentional" yet)

I think I see the beginnings of dimples...just like his big sister.

Who, by the way, is a perfect big sister.

She is at his beck and call, she is patient, she is a natural at holding and feeding him.

 

Our first meeting.

I'm avoiding dairy...trying to figure out why little man is kinda fussy.

He's not terrible, just a little "unsettled" it feels like.

I think this is really hard!  

 

Perfect, right?

 There's not much else to report, just that I'm loving life.

I'm loving my family.

a life update in random sentences

...because to be honest, that's all I have the energy for!

Fletcher Moreland Redburn was born last Friday, March 9, 2012.  I had good intentions of updating (or having my sister update) through the day (here)...but as you can see, things got a bit crazy toward the end and that didn't happen.  I will sit down and write out his birth story sometime soon - but I'll need the help of my mom...since I don't remember much of it.  Yeah...it was a little touch and go there for a bit.  I'm just so very thankful for my nurse Stephanie - she is a hero in my book!  Totally makes me appreciate nurses and their knowledge and the trust we put in them without really knowing it.

We are struggling a bit with nursing - something I never thought I would say!  I nursed my other two babies beautifully - with very little trouble.  But...we're surviving.  He's nursing, just not for long enough at a time, so I'm pumping a lot and he's taking some breast milk from a bottle. We'll get it all figured out, and actually, I am thankful that

Spike's got a Dr. apt. at 12:45 today.  I hope that he's gaining some weight back.  He dropped from 7 pounds 8 oz. (birth weight) to 6 pounds 14 oz. before we left the hospital.

That was written yesterday...and here we are today.   Such is my life right now!

Honestly, I've never been happier.  I'm home (although temporary, such a blessing)...I've got a precious miracle from God that I get to stare at all day long, I'm spending time with Graysen again, I'm tending to the needs of my home.  These will be precious weeks for me.  As much as I want to blog (because I want to record these precious times), I think it will be few and far between...because I want to LIVE these weeks.  I've never been more behind on blogging, emailing, and text messages...and somehow, it's so very freeing.  I love it!  I love that I'm answering to my family first, others second.   

...and here we are again, yet another day later!  I'm going to post this now, just so something gets posted on my blog!

True Words

These are true words from Jen Hatmaker, originally posted on the Give 1 Save 1 Blog.  I needed to record them here. 

All of it, so true!  Hilarious that I did all the "planning" head of time too.  I mean, I honestly walked into the only African American hairdresser I knew with pictures of my boys asking her to please look at them and diagnose their hair situation and tell me what products to take with me. 

Wow. 

And yes, my boys survived on mangos, hard boiled eggs, and avocados for several weeks.  We use Euecerin Cream. (Recommended by a momma from Ghana, what do you know?!) The normal, blue and white bottle in the aisle at Walmart, and although one of them keeps his hair a little longer, we've mastered the upkeep to just two products...again, both bought in very rural Missouri Walmart. 

We did not hole up in our house, in fact, I think that might've been devastating to my mental health (I was already on the brink of a break down), but might've been better on the kids.  I sure should've kept them home more than I did.  I didn't feel the way she did about the clothes, but I for sure did about the food they would turn their noses up at.  Then again, I have two boys, so food is a much more relevant topic than clothes. 

Enjoy - and be encouraged...God can and will turn you into a family, often times a loud, obnoxious one, but a family, all the same!  I know He did with us. 


This morning, I got a panicked email from my dear friend who just had the fast-forward button pressed on her adoption. They are now throwing jackets and socks and toys and granola bars into suitcases and paying through the nose for tickets to Ethiopia to go fetch their two new daughters.

What hair products do I bring?

What food should I have in the freezer?

How are we going to talk to each other??

Am I going to be able to pull this off?

Please, please tell me this is going to be okay. 

We are only six months home with our two Ethiopians, ages 8 and 6. So we’re clearly experts (sarcasm). All at once, it seems our panicked overseas trip was a million years ago and one nanosecond ago. In preparation, I read all the books and joined the online groups and went to the conferences and logged in to the podcasts. I obsessed over all the things I was supposed to obsess over: their names, their hair, their language, their food, their shoe sizes, their bedding. I read blogs and articles and became fake BFF’s with Dr. Karyn Purvis (in my head). I drove everyone mad with my myopic perspective, which was: “We’re adopting. There is nothing else.” We theoretically readied the house and everyone who lived in it.

Then we actually got them and brought them home.

Whoa, Nelly.

I mean, WHOA, NELLY.

Remember when you were pregnant with your first baby, and you registered for ten-thousand pieces of baby paraphernalia you read about in Consumer Digest, and then you birthed the actual baby and realized the “wipe warmer” dried out your wipes, the Diaper Genie was actually a complicated piece of crap, all those 0-3 month dresses were useless because she hardly made it out of her filthy onesie, and she actually had visceral hatred for the $150 baby swing? And what you really needed to know was how can I get this dadgum baby to sleep and can someone help me understand what is happening to my nipples, for the love of Moses??

This phenomenon applies to adoption as well, folks.

Sure, you need to direct some energy to the details, so here is a quick summary:

Hair: wide tooth comb, water bottle (hair must be thoroughly wet before you comb through it each morning), crème (thank you, Lord, that the $60 Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercream is too heavy for my Remy and the best stuff is the Shea Butter for $5 at Target). If you have a boy, shave it short and worry with it later. If you have a girl, get it braided before you leave the country and worry with it later. (You are going to have WAY bigger fish to fry when you first get home.) I took a hair class called “Brown Babies, Pink Parents.” Could you die?

Skin: Don’t even play with some silly vanity lotion from Bath and Body Works. Their skin will actually mock 
it and kick it in the face. Go big here: Eucarin Aquafor, Arbonne for Kids, Cetaphil. Every morning. Every night. Ask around for suggestions. I put this question out on Facebook and got 187 responses. I wish I were kidding.

Food: You are going to have good luck with whole foods. Our littles didn’t even know what processed food was. They eat like sane people in Ethiopia, meaning, well, real food. You know, that was grown. Our kids ate eggs, avocados, tropical fruit, beef, chicken, sweet potatoes, and stuff like that until I figured out how to cook some of their favorites. Your son can eat ten avocados a day for three weeks and live. Um, I’ve heard.

Language: Please believe me, this will not be the struggle you think. God hardwired children’s brains to acquire language, and acquire it quickly they do. We had flip cards of common Amharic words we used at first, but communication developed so easily and quickly, we were yammering along in no time. Although I do miss the theatrics and charades we used at first. You have not lived until your husband acts out “how to wipe correctly.”

Clothes: Please don’t spend (or let your friends spend) a ton of money on clothes before they get home. 1.) Their sizes are quirky. 2.) They grow and gain weight so quickly once you get them. Like, freakish growth. 3.) They have a FASHION OPINION. My daughter, five when we brought her home, turned up her nose at half the darling things in her closet and absolutely refused to wear them, and I was all you were in an orphanage two weeks ago, Miss Project Runway! Just get a few basics and fill in the gaps once they are home.

Now. Onto the real business.

Dear one, it is not the shoes and skin and hair and food you need to devote the most energy toward: It is their heart. No matter what age your child comes to you, abandonment runs deep and the wounds are severe. Broken biological attachment breaks something in our children, and it is the work of the heavens to fuse it back together.

Your child will come to you scared and alone and ashamed and insecure. At best. Our darlings were loved and held and nursed when they were babies, Jesus be praised, so they learned healthy attachment when it mattered. The pathways were formed, and we are finding them again together, day by day. We are learning to tap into the deposits of trust and security they once enjoyed, though they were so brutally interrupted.

But even with this potential for healthy attachment, our first two months home were difficult beyond words. Our kids were terrified. And who could blame them? They found themselves in a foreign land speaking a foreign language with foreign people who ate a lot of cheese (note: dairy products = no). They were sad and scared and overwhelmed and lost. We kind of all were.

Here are some tips that helped pull us through the mire. These things matter:

Stay home. I mean it. Stay the heck home. Cancel your calendars. Pull out of everything you’re involved in. Temporarily quit your small group and your Bible study and your volunteer position at church on Wednesdays and your gym classes. Katy, bar the door. Circle the wagons with your little family and hunker down. Do not take your newbie to Target. Do not drag them to public places. Do not spend two hours in the car running errands with them. Keep the moving parts to an absolute minimum.

Keep visitors at bay for awhile. Your child doesn’t know you yet. A lot of revolving faces simply reinforces the notion that people come and go, and he is alone. Yes, these people love you and love your child. They are thrilled he is home and care so deeply. You know that. He doesn’t. Tons of smiling, oversized, touchy strangers constantly in and out make for a nervous, insecure child. Our friends left dinner on our porch and texted us. Our parents chomped at the bit waiting, while we worked our way through the early storm of transition. God bless them.

To that end, prepare your family and friends in advance for this very important attachment plan: No one touches, kisses, holds, or meets the needs of your new one except you and your spouse. No one. Tell them in advance and explain why. Your child needs to learn right away that you are his mother and father. YOU ARE. You will meet his needs. You will hold him when he cries. He belongs to you, and you are forever. He is coming from a multiple-caregiver situation, so if twenty strangers hold and kiss and feed him and rock him in his new environment, nothing has changed at all. He will struggle to attach to you because you are not his sole caregiver. This principle is not permanent, but it is so necessary at first. Tell your family and friends to give him a “high five” and that’s about the end of it for a bit.

Know this: Those first few weeks and months will more than likely be difficult. They might be downright disastrous. You will struggle through feelings and emotions you didn’t know you were capable of. You will cry. They will cry. They may absolutely spaz out actually. You will wonder if your life is ruined or if happiness will ever return to your home. Beloved, IT WILL. It so will. They are grieving and processing and transitioning. It’s just hard – on them, on you, on the bio kids if you have them. There is no magic formula that will skirt your family around this chaos.
But you will emerge.

Your child will learn to trust you. God will begin to mend the broken pieces. He can do this. He is big enough to put a heart back together. You will discover love bubbling up in the cracks, transforming you from this clunky, awkward, uncertain group of people to a family. You’ll watch as her real self emerges, peeking out from behind the fear and loss. You may even realize that like an idiot, you though she was shy, and she is actually a firecracker (Jen raises hand). Your son will start to sing again, and he may become the adorable soccer star you’ve always dreamed of (Jen raises hand).

Then one day, you have this day; it’s just a day. The kids, all five of them – the three bio kids and the two newest Hatmakers – all go to school and come home competing for space to talk about how fun Dr. Suess Day was and the Million Minute Read project they are doing so their librarian, Mr. McCarthy, will shave his head, and they walk in and dump their backpacks where I told them not to and grab a snack, teasing each other. Then ten minutes later, their friends start knocking on the door like they always do, racing to the trampoline and inventing some sort of Dodge Ball Trampoline Game that will make at least two kids cry, but I’ll ignore it because I told them no crying if you’re going to roughhouse. Then I say homework and they are all aw, man, but in they come, sitting at the table, doing math and reading English words and writing English sentences and saying, “I know about to and two and too now, Mom. Is easy for me.” And we eat dinner, seven of us around the table, playing “high/low”, talking about our days, and the new eight-year old says his low was when his big brother got hurt, and that makes me melt just a bit. Then an hour later, I’m tucking them in with kisses and snuggles and the little one, with an arm snaked around my neck, prays Dear God, tank you for my mom. She’s a cute mom. She’s my best mom. And for all my family. And for Texas. Dear God, amen. And the brown brother prays Tank you for my friends and dis good food. Tank you for mom who cooks dis good food. Help us be kind. Amen. And they drop right to sleep, safe in their beds, no nightmares for months now. And I come downstairs and look at my husband and think:
We’re doing it. We’re a family. God made us into a family.

Jen's Family

You’ll get there too, dear one. God will make a family out of you yet. Stay the course. May God continue to bring beauty from ashes in our stories, giving the world a picture of grace and redemption and healing.
All His mercy and goodness to you today.

Normal Hair

One question I get a lot about my boys (after we've covered all the adoption related stuff) is 

"how did you learn about their hair?!" 

Yes, here in our hometown, their hair isn't "normal".

It's different, and it's interesting.

I have pictures of myself, at age 3 in Korea with lots of little kids touching my blond hair.

It was not normal to them...

I'll admit, I still love to touch my boys hair.

22 months after my first feel of it, I still love to run my hands in it.

But...

now, it's normal to me.  

What is "normal' anyway?

Silas' Birthday

 On Silas' birthday Grammie came over and took both boys out for breakfast to celebrate.  This has become a tradition for every grandchild's birthday!  Daddy and Graysen took treats into Silas' class as well.  He chose chocolate cupcakes with orange frosting this year. 

Silas with his teacher Mrs. Siders.

That night the kids got to spend the night at Grammie's house, so I honestly didn't even get to see him that much on his birthday!

I'm looking forward to their birthday party and seeing them go NUTS experience Chuck E. Cheese!!

Blake's Birthday

 Sadly, there wasn't nearly as much celebrating going on in our home this year for Blake and Silas' birthdays because I was on bed rest.  We even had their birthday party planned (a family trip for their first visit to Chuck E. Cheese!) for the Sunday after their birthdays and had to postpone it.  Bless their hearts, neither one of them skipped a beat and Blake even said "that's okay Mommy because that means that Spike will be able to come now!"

Blake wanted his picture with Graysen and Hunter the morning of his birthday.  Daddy made them pancakes before school.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

He got a birthday visit AND SPANKINGS from Grammie that morning too!

 Look at the smile on his face in that picture with Grammie.  Honestly, as crazy as this boy his, he has just flourished over the last (almost) 2 years!  He is such a different child than came into our home.  He loves to be cuddled and he laughs about everything!

Daddy and Graysen still took treats in for his class.  This is his teacher, Mrs. Schell.  This year Blake chose chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing!

For dinner he requested chicken fried rice (since Mommy couldn't offer him a home made meal like they usually get to choose!), so Grandma stopped and got it for us on her way home from work and Grammie and Grandma and Papa came over and we all chowed our Chinese food together while the kids watched Kung Fu Panda 2.  

BFF's: Graysen and Madi

Graysen has her first "best friend" outside of family members...and it's adorable!  She and Madi are in pre-school together.  Madi was able to come to Graysen's birthday party, and just recently, Graysen was able to go to Madi's birthday party! 

I really hope these girls can remain friends for years to come.  It's rare that you find another child, your child's age who are sweet and come from a nice family!  I think Lincoln and I will be pretty particular about the kinds of homes that we allow our children to go to, and I know this is a home in which I can trust what is happening.  Such a blessing!!

  They are precious together.