Day 6 - The Stress is Kicking In!

* This was originally posted on my adoption blog

I was rather stressed today over how we are going to make this really happen. I know God is going to provide, and I need to continue to wait on Him. I told Lincoln I just don't want our baby to be laying over in an orphanage because I can't get my stuff together! I would so much rather be the one sitting here waiting for a referral!

Accomplishments for the day:

• TOLD OUR FAMILIES!!!!! This is a huge step for us because it's really starting to make it real!
• Called David at PCB to discuss some ideas... possibly taking out a home equity loan and refinancing.
• Emailed some questions to AAI
• Made an email list of people we need to send the "announcement" to. I'm sure it's not complete, but hopefully we haven't forgotten too many people!

Day 6 - The stress is kicking in

I was rather stressed today over how we are going to make this really happen. I know God is going to provide, and I need to continue to wait on Him. I told Lincoln I just don't want our baby to be laying over in an orphanage because I can't get my stuff together! I would so much rather be the one sitting here waiting for a referral!

Accomplishments for the day:

• TOLD OUR FAMILIES!!!!! This is a huge step for us because it's really starting to make it real!
• Called David at PCB to discuss some ideas... possibly taking out a home equity loan and refinancing.
• Emailed some questions to AAI
• Made an email list of people we need to send the "announcement" to. I'm sure it's not complete, but hopefully we haven't forgotten too many people!

Curve Balls

You know, sometimes life throws you curve balls that you're just not ready for.  When one of these curve balls come my way I either handle it one of two ways.

Option #1:  Become depressed, withdrawn, and very very sleepy.  When I deal with a life issue in this way it is never a good thing.  I find myself all consumed with the issue at hand.  I spend HOURS on the computer or reading in books to try to find a solution.  I neglect my family, friends, and normal daily routines.  Sometimes I may find a solution, others I get so overwhelmed with the issue that I can't even see straight enough to find a solution.  At this point I have to turn to family to help me solve the problem, which always makes me feel in adequate.  

Option #2:  Ask for help right away.  Whether it's help with actually solving the problem or prayer, it's always more efficient when I ask for help from the beginning.  Although it's possible I may find myself ashamed of the problem that I've gotten myself in, those feelings are often less than the negative feelings of depression when attacking with Option #1.  I find that I can carry on with the rest of life much easier knowing that there are people there supporting me and carrying some of the weight.  

How do you deal? 

Day 5

• Called Dr. Sean and left a message asking if he would look over our referall medical info with us when it comes. He called back - would love to look over it, we can either drop it off and give him 3-4 days or we can make an apt. and have him look over it at the apt.
• Called Key Sport - they will make 25, 2 color, white t-shirts for 7.25 each...that's a better deal than the place I found online.
• Emailed Dani - this is becoming a daily (sometimes 2 or 3 times) occurance. She is being SO good about helping me through this process...what an angel!
• Spoke with Adoption and Beyond about their homestudy fees / process...sounds promising (and like we may be taking a trip to stay with the Lovin's while we do our workshop!)
• Got pre-approved for both AGCI and Bethany!
• Printed off several grant and loan applications
• Received AGCI's informational packet
• Spoke with a woman from Dillion International Home Study Agency - their costs are much higher than Adoption and Beyond

Day 4 - Designated Day of Rest...lol

Today is Sunday. I decided when we started this process that I would take one day a week and do nothing toward the adoption. I ALMOST succeeded! We went to church this morning and then ran to Walmart afterwards. Lincoln and I both got our picture taken for our passport photos (I will pick them up tomorrow). We also bought some dividers, pockets, and a pre-hole punched notebook for my binder. When I came home I took a 3 hour nap (obviously I was a little behind on sleep!) and then got up and organized my binder. Took all the old info out and put the new dividers in with tabs for Agency, Financial, Homestudy, Immigration, Travel, Dossier, Educational Resources, Post Placement, Referall, and Medical Info. I added my birth certificate and our marriage licence to the binder. I made a "to do" list for tomorrow and am getting ready to try to make a chart to compare four agencies when it comes to cost. (ACGI, AAI, Bethany, and Gladney.)

I need to find a place that has a printer for me to use. I need to print off tons of grant / loan applications so I can get started on those. I can't go to Charlie's or Mom's classroom until we tell them. The studio has a printer, but no internet. I'm not sure if the library has a printer that you can pay to use...maybe I should look into that.

Compared to the first 3 days, this was a very calm day...but I'm ready to go full force tomorrow and hopefully pick an agency, and a homestudy agency (if needed)!

Blogging Break

I'm taking a blogging break.

It will at most last a few days.

I'm kind of wiped out.

I'm having fun living my life rather than worrying about blogging all the memories and beliefs.

I think my fear of dying before my children really know who I am is starting to disappear...thanks only to God.

I hope you all will check back when I return!

:0)

Day 3

Today was the most frustrating day yet. (I know, it's only been 3 days, but it feels like an eternity already!) It is Saturday and therefore most every place is closed. My list of accomplishments is small.

1. Printed off Passport applications, mine is already filled out.
2. Received an email from one of the home study agencies I left a message for last night. I emailed a list of questions back.
3. Spoke with Dani on the phone again about how to understand the breakdown of cost. This is by far the most frustrating thing I've dealt with so far. All the agencies list their fees in a different way, with different things included, and with different words. It makes it nearly impossible to compare them. We want an agency we feel comfortable and confident with, but do not want to pay 6-8 thousand more than we should be. Extremely aggravating.
4. Did some research on fundraisers, didn't get too many ideas, but I did email someone who makes adoption T-shirts to sell for 10.00, if we sell them for 15 or 20 that would be a little extra money.

I'm going to ask Lincoln tomorrow if we can tell Charlie and Mom so that Charlie can sit down with me and go over the numbers. I get so overwhelmed by them that I can't even see straight, I know he would be the best one to make chart and help us make an educated decision on an agency.

I talked to Lincoln today about what he thinks his families reaction will be. He says he has no idea...I'm a little nervous simply because the topic of adoption has never come up with his parents and I have no idea what their stand is.

Tomorrow is my designated day of rest, so there most likely won't be a post, but if I get to tell Charlie and sit down with him I may post our findings...we shall see!

This is how I know...

My goodness...I can tell I'm going to learn a lot about myself through this process. I think I'm going to learn a lot about my trust in God, patience, diligence, organizational skills, planning, and money management.

I am so overwhelmed with not only the process of this adoption already, but with the feelings of love and desire for the child that God has planned to put in our home. It's amazing to me to think that before I was born, and before our baby was / is born, God has us knit together in His plan. I would never have thought that God had plans for me to travel half way around the world to bring home a child to love and raise. That is something much more awesome than I ever thought God had planned for me. I am feeling so privileged already to be a part of this!

I have always prayed for my children. I prayed for Hunter from the night I found out I was expecting him, and I prayed for each of my other children as we prepared to conceive them. I pray with them and for them every night when we go to sleep, and now I have one, if not more to pray for as well.

It is killing me not knowing if my child is born already, waiting for us to come and get them. I hope that they are being loved on every day, getting enough to eat, feeling God's arms wrapped around them while mine can not be, and resting comfortably at night. I hope that they smile and laugh and enjoy the others around them. I hope they feel my love from here.

If they are not born yet, I am praying for their birth parents. I can not imagine trying to take good care of my body for a growing baby in a nation where there is not enough food to eat. I can not fathom how the mother must feel everyday my baby is growing inside her womb knowing that she must let her baby go after it is born because she can not provide for it. I pray for her peace of mind. I pray she knows in her heart that I am here, waiting to love and provide for that baby just as I have my other children. I will continue to pray for her every day for the rest of my life, because giving a child up for adoption is probably the most selfless act one can make. I'm sure she will never forget our child, and although I will never meet her, I will never forget her.

This is how I know that adoption is right for my family right now. Our child(ren) are out there, and God has called us to bring them home!

This is how I know...

*This was originally posted on my adoption blog

My goodness...I can tell I'm going to learn a lot about myself through this process. I think I'm going to learn a lot about my trust in God, patience, diligence, organizational skills, planning, and money management.

I am so overwhelmed with not only the process of this adoption already, but with the feelings of love and desire for the child that God has planned to put in our home. It's amazing to me to think that before I was born, and before our baby was / is born, God has us knit together in His plan. I would never have thought that God had plans for me to travel half way around the world to bring home a child to love and raise. That is something much more awesome than I ever thought God had planned for me. I am feeling so privileged already to be a part of this!

I have always prayed for my children. I prayed for Hunter from the night I found out I was expecting him, and I prayed for each of my other children as we prepared to conceive them. I pray with them and for them every night when we go to sleep, and now I have one, if not more to pray for as well.

It is killing me not knowing if my child is born already, waiting for us to come and get them. I hope that they are being loved on every day, getting enough to eat, feeling God's arms wrapped around them while mine can not be, and resting comfortably at night. I hope that they smile and laugh and enjoy the others around them. I hope they feel my love from here.

If they are not born yet, I am praying for their birth parents. I can not imagine trying to take good care of my body for a growing baby in a nation where there is not enough food to eat. I can not fathom how the mother must feel everyday my baby is growing inside her womb knowing that she must let her baby go after it is born because she can not provide for it. I pray for her peace of mind. I pray she knows in her heart that I am here, waiting to love and provide for that baby just as I have my other children. I will continue to pray for her every day for the rest of my life, because giving a child up for adoption is probably the most selfless act one can make. I'm sure she will never forget our child, and although I will never meet her, I will never forget her.

This is how I know that adoption is right for my family right now. Our child(ren) are out there, and God has called us to bring them home!

Day 2

• Decided on either Bethany Christian Services or All God's Children International.
• Called both places and asked questions about cost, wait time, Assests vs. Liabilities, homestudies, and Graysen's age.
• Submitted our pre-applications to both places
• Called Randi to verify our Personal Property numbers - did not recieve a call back
• Left messages with four different homestudy agencies here in Mo in case we decide to go with AGCI.

List of Local Places I Want / Like to Visit

STL
Zoo - http://www.stlzoo.com
Children's Museum
Magic House
Science Center - http://www.slsc.org
Grant's Farm
City Museum


Kansas City
Kaleidoscope - http://www.HallmarkKaleidoscope.comCahokia Mounds
Paradise Park - http://www.Paradise-Park.com


Springfield
Discovery Center - http://www.discoverycenter.org
Incredible's Pizza - http://www.incrediblepizza.org/springfield


Saint James
Meremec Springs Park


Ironton
Elephant Rocks - http://www.mostateparks.com/elephantrocks.htm


Middle Brook
Johnson's Shut-Ins - http://www.mostateparks.com/jshutins/recovery.htm


Weston
Weston Red Barn Farm - http://www.WestonRedBarnFarm.com


Illinois
Cahokia Mounds - http://www.cahokiamounds.com

A Change of Heart

* This post was originally written on my adoption blog.

Last night Lincoln and I had a long talk about adoption and whether it was right for our family or not. I told him I didn't think my body was cut out for another pregnancy and he agreed. We decided that we both felt like God was leading us to adopt. We decided to go with an Ethiopian program. We both agreed that we wanted a boy under 1 year old.

Now...where and how to start?!

Today I...

• Got out all the information that I gathered over 2 years ago and threw out all the domestic adoption stuff.



• I called Gladney and spoke with a women there. She explained the steps for that specific agency to me.



• I emailed two references for America World Adoptions.



• We watched a video from America World Adoptions.



• We made the decision to keep this adoption very quiet for now...we are only telling the Lovin's and the Chrisco's.



• We talked about possible ways to fund the adoption - need to talk to Dani more about this when she calls.



• We talked about where all of our important family documents are located (birth certificates, marriage license, etc.)...we think they are in the Redburn's safe.



• Emailed Marcinda and asked her to check the safe tonight and see if they are in there.



• Called the Rolla Division of Family Services. They don't do home studies for other agencies.



• Sent off for information from American Adoptions, who appear to do home studies for other agencies.



• Called and got all the info about getting our passports - 8-430 M-T, 8-4 F, need to bring 2 photos (Walmart), Birth Certificate with a raised seal, and Drivers License. Cost - 100.00 in cash, takes 4 weeks to get back.


• Started figuring our liabilities vs. assests...whew, this is going to be a challenge!

Things to gather

• Ashley's Birth Certificate - done


• Lincoln's Birth Certificate -


• Marriage Licence - done


• Morgage Statement -


• Student Loan Statements -


• Credit Card Statements -


• Passports -

A Change of Heart

Last night Lincoln and I had a long talk about adoption and whether it was right for our family or not. I told him I didn't think my body was cut out for another pregnancy and he agreed. We decided that we both felt like God was leading us to adopt. We decided to go with an Ethiopian program. We both agreed that we wanted a boy under 1 year old.





Now...where and how to start?!





Today I...

• Got out all the information that I gathered over 2 years ago and threw out all the domestic adoption stuff.



• I called Gladney and spoke with a women there. She explained the steps for that specific agency to me.



• I emailed two references for America World Adoptions.



• We watched a video from America World Adoptions.



• We made the decision to keep this adoption very quiet for now...we are only telling the Lovin's and the Chrisco's.



• We talked about possible ways to fund the adoption - need to talk to Dani more about this when she calls.



• We talked about where all of our important family documents are located (birth certificates, marriage license, etc.)...we think they are in the Redburn's safe.



• Emailed Marcinda and asked her to check the safe tonight and see if they are in there.



• Called the Rolla Division of Family Services. They don't do home studies for other agencies.



• Sent off for information from American Adoptions, who appear to do home studies for other agencies.



• Called and got all the info about getting our passports - 8-430 M-T, 8-4 F, need to bring 2 photos (Walmart), Birth Certificate with a raised seal, and Drivers License. Cost - 100.00 in cash, takes 4 weeks to get back.


• Started figuring our liabilities vs. assests...whew, this is going to be a challenge!

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Lincoln turns 27 today! He says he might as well be 35 at this point. :0) Today Hunter is going to give his Daddy a bike so that they can ride together this summer. This is the first birthday gift that he has thought of by himself and he can't wait to give it to him! I got Lincoln a NIV Bible. It is very easy to read and I can't wait to spend some time with him reading it together! We will go out to dinner together tonight just the two of us and then we will go out as a family on Saturday...two great meals in one week...it doesn't get any better than that!!!

I love it; not so much

I love when Graysen brings me something she wants to put on and lays down flat on the floor. It could be a shirt, a hair bow, or a pair of shoes, she always lays flat on the floor!

When she throws herself on the ground because she doesn't get her way; not so much.

I love it when Hunter wants to have a real conversation with you.

When he bursts into tears because he's not winning at something; not so much.

I love it when Lincoln is home and involved in our daily activities.

When he works all 7 days of the week; not so much.

Five Guilty Pleasures

1. Ordering two 1/2 price appetizers at Applebees on Thursday nights
2. Falling asleep during long hot baths
3. Quitting work in May
4. Grey's Anatomy and The Bachelor
5. McDonald's 42 oz. drinks on my way to dance

What are yours?!

Sometimes I feel like I get nothing accomplished

...so today I'm going to keep a list of everything that I do.

• Worked for 45 minutes this morning before the kids woke up


• Brushed my hair and teeth


• Made a menu and grocery shopping list


• Got Hunter and Graysen dressed and Graysen's hair done for the day


• Cleaned up the Cheerios that Graysen dumped all over the living room floor


• Cleaned up the Cookie Crisp that Graysen dumped all over the couch (we're talking the entire bags here folks...)


• Vacuumed the living room and under the couch cushions


• Tried to explain that unplugging the vacuum while it was running was dangerous to Gray (had to put her in her crib while I finished so that she would stop)


• Swept up the macaroni noodles that Graysen spilled in the kitchen (had to put her in the highchair so she would stop messing up the piles before I could get them up)


• Swept the whole kitchen 3 times today


• Got the idea to do macaroni noodle art with the kids while sweeping up the noodles
• Loaded the dishwasher
  
• Took out the trash and replaced the bag
  
• Put the Easter Egg stickers back on the window that Gray pulled off


• Took pictures of the Easter Egg Tree for a future blog post
  
• Got the kids drinks / food through the day
  
• Washed the big pots and pans by hand


• Checked my email and responded to a few several times through the day


• Read all the new blogs posted last night and today


• Did 3 loads of laundry and folded it
  
• Changed Gray's diapers during the day


• Took Libby potty during the day


• Kept Graysen from spilling the whole box of Rice Crispies (she loves the Lazy Susan...)


• Took several phone calls throughout the day


• Used the Magic Eraser to clean one of the back doors (the other will have to wait until tomorrow)


• Unloaded the dishwasher and loaded a few more then eventually ran that load
  
• Gave Graysen her medicine


• Wiped Gray's nose several times during the day


• Made an appointment for an inspection for the truck
  
• Updated the calendar with several new things
• Had several conversations with Hunter about various topics


• Picked up the legos that Graysen dumped out


• Helped the kids pick up the living room before lunch and rest time


• Dealt with a few arguments between children
  
• Got all three kids down for rest time
  
• Managed to eat a burrito for lunch myself


• Did the macaroni noodle art project with Hunter and Libby


• Refolded the throw blankets in the living room several times


• Changed Graysen's bedding


• Went to my Grandma's to look for silver dress shoes (to no avail)


• Watched 1/2 of Bolt with the kids


• Took a "Mommy time-out" for 5 minutes in Gray's room by myself. Did some deep breathing.


• Played beach ball with Hunter


• Looked online for Easter shoes for Graysen


• Researched dogs that don't shed (we're considering getting Hunter one for his birthday, but it's a HUGE secret...shhhhhh!)


• Refilled water bottles for the fridge


• Got Hunter set up to play his computer games


• Made baked potatoes for dinner


• Worked for 45 minutes during rest time


• Cleaned out and alphabetized our CD rack (I should've timed this activity...you have NO idea!)


• Did some general cleaning / picking up around the house (3 different times)


• Played outside with the kids


• Ran to the store for sour cream


• Went over to Charlie's for dinner


• Got both kids bathed


• Layed out PJ's


• Got both kids in PJ's and finished with night-time routine


• Posted this blog


• and at the end of this day I am determined to have some energy left for my husband! :0)

Things on my "to do" list that didn't get accomplished today:

• Find shoes for the Wedding I'm in in 2 weeks



• Tan



• Re-organize my pan cabinet



• Clean out fridge



• Put check in the bank



• Find Graysen Easter shoes


• Take St. Pat's Day items out to the shed and bring in the Easter stuff

Small Group Discussion

We had a very good conversation at Small Group several weeks ago. We discussed and questioned why Christians aren't better at crossing denominational lines and working together for the good of the Kingdom. Why is it that we generally get suck in our church groups and so rarely venture out and work hand in hand with groups from other churches? Why don't our churches encourage this more? Why are denominations poking fun at others? There seem to always be jokes like "we let you out early so you can beat the Baptists to lunch". Yes, I know these jokes are meant in loving fun, but does it give our young people a good view of how we should treat others? I don't think so.




If We are the Body by Casting Crowns:

It's crowded in worship today
As she lips in
Trying to fad into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know


Chorus:
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way


A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road


Chorus


Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ


Jesus is the way



A few places where I think Christians of all denominations would be of great assistance:

• Pregnancy Resource Center
• The St. James Caring Center
• Red Cross
• Putting together Easter / Thanksgiving / Christmas baskets for the community
• Operation Christmas Child

**I am not saying that this an absolute. Obviously there are churches that encourage participation in the Christian community.

Did you know...

That you're not supposed to sit with your legs crossed while you're getting your hair cut?! It causes you to be uneven, therefore resulting in an uneven hair cut! My sister has been a hair dresser for how long and I JUST found this out today during my newest hair cut (which I'm in love with!). Crazy. I think there should be a sign at every station, I'm sure I've sat with my legs crossed during more than one hair cut in my life!

More jobs = Less Blogging

Well, Lincoln and I both have picked up new part - time jobs. I know, how in the world could we add more onto our plates? Well, we figured that since our lives (and money) are going to simplify come May we should get in all we can now! :0)

Lincoln has started working at Phelps County Rental making deliveries, picking up items people are done with, and generally doing whatever "extra" work needs to be done around the shop. They call him in on a "need" basis, so we never really know when he's going to be gone and when he's not. I am a planner, which makes this arrangement extremely difficult for me. I like to know when I'll have my husband and when I won't. It hasn't been too bad so far, and we are sure going to enjoy the extra money this summer on all of our trips! :0)

I am doing some book work for The Dance Studio. It's a temporary job, but the extra hours right now are great. I am able to do it at home in my "spare" time (which really means during nap time and at night after the kids go to bed).

Needless to say, I am extra busy with the new job and Lincoln being gone more (leaving me with much more responsiblity around the house). The blog entries are probably going to be shorter and less often, although I've got several saved up so I can post at least once a day. I am still finding time to read all of yours though, so keep them coming!

Adult - Free Zone

Sometimes I feel like my home is an "Adult-Free" zone rather than the normal "kid-free" zones that you often see.  I often long for a room that is totally kid-free.  You know, the room where I can put a china cabinet and not worry about it getting bumped and everything broken.  The room where I can have nice couches and be confident in the fact that they will not get jumped or peed on.  It often seems as though that day will never come.  I know in reason that it will, but then I wonder how quiet and sad my life might be.  I think I'd rather have the used couches and my china tucked safely in the cedar chest!  

The transformation to our current "adult-free" home started as soon as Hunter began crawling.  We removed the beautiful coffee table that we were given as a wedding gift (just 1 year before).  We were too concerned with him falling and hitting his head on one of the sharp corners.  Not long after that we installed the cabinet locks on the kitchen drawers and entertainment center doors.  My living room has not been free of toys, baby swings, bouncy seats, exersaucers, etc. for 4.5 years now.  The most recent transformation occurred when my husband installed a basketball hoop on my bedroom door in the living room.  Not a nice looking real basketball hoop, but a plastic Nerf hoop with a cardboard backboard.  Apparently the sticky strips that came with it were not sturdy enough for Lincoln and Hunter's game, so he took it upon himself to secure it with a screw - through my door!  I've been informed that it will stay this way until we sell the house...if that ever happens. 

Discipline that speaks to the heart of your child

This is the last post about my Hearts at Home Conference.  Next year's National Conference is March 12-13th, in Normal, IL at the University.  Please let me know if you're interested in going and we'll get a group together...it's something every mom should attend!!!  Think of it as "professional development"!  Every other vocation in the world requires their employees to keep current on the market...why shouldn't we?!

The last workshop that I went to was entitled "Finding the discipline that connects to the heart of your child".  The presenters were Jim and Lynne Jackson.  This workshop was not exactly what I was 'hoping' for, but I did get lots of new ideas and concepts from it.  I may not agree with all of the ideas, but I thought many of them were wonderful!

The best illustration I learned in this workshop was that of hands.  Close your hands into fists and then hit them together.  All they do is bounce off each other.  There is no chance for togetherness.  Now open them and hit them together.  Sometimes your fingers will inter-twine.  Now there is a chance to connect and create something new.  I need to start thinking of my discipline as using an open hand rather than a closed fist.  

• Discipline is to shape not only behavior, but to build a heart.
• Changing a heart will carry them beyond the four walls of your home.

Four 'steps' to discipline that speaks to the heart of your child:

1.  Foundation:  Stop, breathe, and get some perspective.

• We need to decide what we can do to prepare for times where discipline is needed.
• You can not view your child and their behavior as a reflection on how good of a person or parent you are.
• View parenting and discipline as God calling you to influence your child's life.
• Parents often unload their baggage, fears, etc. on our kids rather than taking care of the problem at hand.
• When we are in a crisis our frameworks emerge...what are yours?!
• Steps for when discipline is needed:

1.  Stop and breathe and get some perspective

2.  Slow all actions and speech

3.  Begin to identify false beliefs (i.e. he's a bad child).

4.  Ask yourself how can I help them grow from this situation?

5.  Be honest with your child about your frustrations and the fact that you need to work as a team to solve the problem.   

Always remember:  "This is hard, but I'm not alone, and God gave me the strength to do it!"

2.  Connection - Convince my child of my love.

• Children need to know that we are with them in this life.
• Keep the message of love alive every day
• We need to remember that our children aren't out to get us, they are out to get our attention and energy!
• We also need to ask for forgiveness from our children when we screw up just like we expect them to do with us.  
• One way to connect with your child is to try to relate to their misbehavior.  Tell them a story about when you misbehaved when you were younger, or how you struggle with the same kind of behavior even now as an adult, and how you overcome it.  

Always remember:  We need to learn to receive the lavishing love to God that we may allow it to overflow on our children.

3.  Proaction - Take a proactive action

• Always look for the gift that is under the misbehavior.  If your child is bossy, they may make a great leader, if your child colors on the walls, they may be a very talented artist.  You need to find the gift and then help them re-direct it for good.
• Don't wait for the child to misbehave to teach the lesson.  You need to A.C.T.
• Affirm anything worthy of praise, Phillipians 4:8
• Create the opportunity for children to use their gifts by making wiser choices.

1.  When they misbehave allow them to use their gift for the positive rather than the negative.  For example, if your child has great verbal skills, but used them to belittle his sister, make him use those same verbal skills to say 4 great things about his sister!

2.  Allow "do-overs" in your home.  We use this in our house when Hunter is whining.  I tell him I'm going to give him 2 minutes to practice saying what he is saying in a normal big boy voice and then I will allow him to "do it over" and ask again...erasing the first try!  

• Teach and train children about natural consequences.  If they are being mean to another child, most likely that child will say "you're mean, I don't want to play with you anymore".  There is a natural consequence.  This child will learn real-life applications.  If you're mean to people, they won't want to be friends with you anymore.  To me, "if you're mean to other children, then you'll get a spanking" doesn't make any sense or teach a child anything about real life. 

4.  Correction - Use helpful consequences

• We need to correct the child for their benefit (so that they will learn something or not get hurt) rather than for our relief.  If I were to be honest I would admit that there are times when I just can't take the behavior anymore therefore I discipline so that I don't have to hear it, see it anymore...not because it will benefit my children.
• Thoughtfully choose a strategy.  If this means taking a step back (as long as the child won't get hurt) before implementing discipline that is okay.  
• The most important part of discipline is HOW it is done, not WHAT is done.  
• The Bible shows us over and over that God often disciplines us with logical consequences and loss of privilege.  Why don't we mimic this more often?
• The consequences should be related and reasonable.  If the child colors on the walls, take away the crayons and make him help you clean the wall.  Those are related consequences, a spanking is not in any way related to the crime.  Also, make him help you clean THE wall that he colored on, not all the walls in the entire house.  That is not a reasonable consequence.  
• Parents must always set the rules, explain the rules to the children, and then follow though!

Red Hot Monogamy

This workshop was entitled "Red Hot Monogamy" and was given by Pam and Bill Farrel.  They have a number of EXCELLENT books on the market right now.  

They really stressed to us that we need to be recognizing sex as a gift.  So many mothers are so exhausted every day and have many more things on their plate than their husbands that sex gets pushed to the back burner.  It's hard to find time and energy.  Just like other areas of our lives though, God has a plan and reason for making us the way He did.  

Five reasons God made us sexual beings

1. Procreation  Genesis 1:22 
2. Recreation  Genesis 26:8 
3. Reconnection  1st Corinthians 7:5 - Our passion levels rise when we spend time in prayer.  God tells us to take time apart from our spouse and spend time in prayer with Him and then to reconnect.  (The speakers also suggested that parents not let their children pray with the one that they are going to marry before hand.  They believe that there are two sacred things for married couples - prayer and sex.) 

Guidelines on when sex in a marriage is acceptable.

You can say Y.E.S. if you...

Yield to one another.  You should keep communication open at all times.  In order to have a satisfying sex life for both partners you need to discuss what you enjoy, not enjoy, want to try, want to never try again, etc.

Extend in love.  Being sexually intimate with your spouse should never be forced.  It should also never risk your reputation (public places), health (STD's), or life.

Secure it with privacy.  Since we are all real people with real life sometimes sex is going to be great - other times it's bound to be, well, awkward!  It's not going to be like the movies, that is scripted and rehearsed with great camera angles!  We are going to be interrupted by crying babies, and have a running dishwasher as background "music", and positions we try are not going to work.  We need to understand that this is all okay, as long as you are with your spouse in a private setting.  There should be no "toys" and no porn.

4.  Rejuvenation  Song of Solomon 2:5

5.  Proclamation  Ephesians 5:31-32

Love takes T.I.M.E.

Ten or twenty minutes a day to chat and reconnect.  You need at least that amount of time each day to share your heart with your spouse, to keep current on what is going on in your lives.  Find whatever time of day works best for you two - coffee first thing in the morning, showering together (hey, at least you're multi-tasking right?!  ha ha), 10 minutes before you fall asleep, whenever it is - it's imperative!  

Invest in a weekly date night.  I know, your first reaction is probably like mine was..."yeah right!  Once a week???"  But...we need to re-define a date night!  

• You could have a co-op with another set of parents (several of my friends have been talking about this and I really should take them up on it!).  One night you have 2 or 3 extra kids, one night you have none!  This is also a FREE way to accomplish a date night!
• When your kids get a bit older you may set aside a special bucket of toys and books that are only to be played with on "date" night.  Put your kids to bed an hour early and let them play with those toys until they fall asleep!
  
• When your kids are old enough to drive offer them a weekly movie pass to get them out of the house and have it all to yourself!  :0)

Monthly getaway for 8-10 hours.  This is something that I think it hard to accomplish, but the speakers told us that studies show that it takes approximately 4 hours to unwind and release any stress.  Eight hours allows you to still have 4 stress free hours with your spouse!  :0)  This is a great time make sure that you're reconnecting in all of the areas you need to remain intimate with your spouse.   

• Social Intimacy (you need to make sure you keep "couple" friends)
• Financial Intimacy (you need to always be on the same page when it comes to the family finances)
• Recreational Intimacy (you need to have activities that you enjoy doing together - and cleaning the house doesn't count!)
• Vocational Intimacy (you need to have continual conversations about your vocations, whatever they may be, and make sure that you continue to support your spouse in those efforts.)
• Parental Intimacy (it takes lots of hard work and communication to be effective parents!)
• Sexual Intimacy 
• Spiritual Intimacy (you need to spend time with each other and the Lord!  Go to conferences, church, etc. together.)

Escape once a year for 24-48 hours.  As life grows you must interrupt it and reconnect with your spouse.  Take time to remember why you fell in love and shrink that life back down to a manageable size.  When you are alone with your spouse with no responsibilities it often reminds you that a lot of things that seem huge in your every day life are really not that big!

Let's keep Satan out!

Satan likes to sneak into our lives in any way that he can.  I am a firm believer that this is one way he tries to get in the middle of marriages.  It's a vicious cycle.  Normally the wife is the one who is less 'driven' in the sexual realm of the relationship.  If we shy away from our husbands in the bedroom (or wherever you prefer!  hee hee), it tends to make them less loving toward us in the ways that we need it.  The less loving they are toward us, the harder feelings we have toward them.  It's a bad, bad deal!  The farther you are from your spouse, the more room Satan has to work.  There are a million horrible things that can happen when husbands and wives are driven apart including divorce and adultry - so let's stay close (literally) and leave no room for him!

They are watching and learning!

When you see two people you can usually take a pretty good guess on whether they are really in love or not.  You can tell just by a few short moments of observing a couple whether they are "in tune" with one another at the moment or not.  Right?  I always think I can anyway.  I think it's pretty obvious to me when two people are really connected and loving each other.  We need to remember that staying sexually intimate with our spouse is a way to connect (and often fill the male's love tank - read the Five Love Languages if you haven't already!).  I believe that the next generation is watching and learning from us...every single day!  I have made it my goal to teach my children ways to stay close with their future spouse and enjoy the gift that God gave us!

Graysen's First Haircut

Yes, you read it right.  On Friday, March 13th, my 16 month old daughter got her first hair cut.  It made me sad, but her bangs were just too long!  They were constantly in her eyes and I felt like I could never leave her hair down.  Here are some pictures (taken by Hunter) to commemorate the event!

Purity

**This post uses correct terminology, so  you may not want to leave it open if you have young readers in your home.  

When I use the word "date" in this post I am referring to a boy and girl who like each other spending time together outside of school.  This time could be spent with a group or by themselves.  Situations like parents dropping their kids off to meet the boy / group at the movie theater counts.

Workshop number 2 was called "Setting a Paradigm for Purity" and was given by Julie Hiramine.  When I saw this workshop on my schedule I was a little bummed.  Yes, I wanted to attend, but it was not near the top of my "top 10".  I thought it was going to be great information, but not relevant at this point in my life.  Let's face it, my oldest is 4.  There's not much relevance to staying pure in his life currently, right?  Wrong!  I probably walked away with more information from this workshop than any other (hence the SUPER long post!)

• Parents are the experts on their kids.  We know our kids better than anyone else.  We know their strengths and weaknesses.  God has appointed us to raise our children, no one else!

Four Key Areas to Setting a Paradigm for Purity

1.  Family Connectiveness - Do activities together, these could be devotions, meals, prayers, sending notes of encouragement, etc.  Just make sure that you stay close and involved with the family as a whole.  

2.  Have clear expectations - Your kids need to know what is expected of them at all times and in all situations.  But...Families that have 

all rules and no relationship = rebellious kids

all relationship and no rules = confused kids

3.  Positive Input - Make sure you are positive with your children.  Don't always just tell them "no".  Make sure there are opportunities for "yes" answers.

4.  Father's Involvement -  Father's must stay involved in their kids lives all the way through.  A study has shown that girls whose father is not involved in their daily lives are 250% more likely to be sexually active before marriage than those who have involved fathers.  Yikes!

• We must have a course charted on how we are going to help our kids stay pure until marriage.  This course must start YOUNG!
• The first message that your kids hear is the most important one...so make sure YOU are the one who gives it to them.  This means you might need to talk to them younger than you'd like to.  

The workshop was broken down into age groups.  Most of the information was divided up into girl / boy sections as well, but it was clear that any of the information could be used for both boys and girls.  

Pre-School - 2nd Grade (ages 4-8)

• Body image.  This is something that is controversial in our world today, but this speaker thought that it was very important that we, as parents, affirm our children's body image.  This can be done by saying things like "You look so handsome / pretty today", "I love your brown hair", "It's awesome that you're so tall!", etc.  
• Affirm their gender.  It's very important that they know that God made them a boy or a girl for a reason and that they need to embrace it and be proud of it.  You can do this by saying things such as, "Isn't it cool that God made you a boy and you love to play in the dirt?"  "I love that you are a girl and you love to play dolls."  
• How are boys and girls different?  We need to discuss with our children how boys and girls are made differently.  Usually this happens when you're changing the diaper of another gender in front of the other.  It could happen when you're getting dressed in the morning or getting in or out of the shower.  This is a topic that has always been very open in our home since we are not very modest about being undressed in front of one another.  It was also an easy one since Hunter was old enough to notice when Graysen was born.  
• Use correct terminology.  This is one I'm a firm believer in.  Some of you that don't use it may be offended by this, but I've just never understood why a "pee pee" sounds any better than a penis. If we used correct words they wouldn't sound "weird, or dirty"' anymore!!  They only sound that way because we MAKE them sound that way!  
• You and your husband must be on the same page about your kids future dating and relationships.  It is suggested that you and your husband sit down and come up with the rules and expectations for the future even at this age.  

-  At what age are your children going to be allowed to date in groups?

-  At what age are your children going to be allowed to date by themselves?

-  Are they going to be allowed to go out or will they spend time with their boy / 

girlfriend at your home?

• Courtship is an idea.  Yes, it's old fashioned, but there is something to be said for waiting on God to write your love story rather than trying to write it yourself.  
• What are you going to teach your children about what is physically acceptable and what is not?  Why not aim high and ask them to save their first kiss?  If they blow giving away their first kiss before their wedding there are a lot fewer repercussions than if you say "don't have sex before you're married".  If they blow that, there are major repercussions.  
• Point out all sexual acts on TV and in books.  If there is a couple kissing on TV ask your child - are they married?  Should they be kissing if they aren't?  Would God be happy about that?  Does it line up with God's word about keeping our bodies pure?  Never ignore it and hope that they do the same...because they won't!  If you don't discuss it they will think that it's totally acceptable.  (Side note:  I started this as soon as I got home with Hunter and when there was a couple kissing on The Suite Life, his response to me was that if two people really love each other they can do that.  I explained to him that it was only for Mommies and Daddies and their kids.  Yikes...I already have some work to do!)
• You should be explaining where babies come from at this age.  I'm not sure if I agree with this one completely.  I do believe you should be honest with your children about how babies are BORN (I explained this to Hunter and let him watch A Baby Story with me when I was pregnant with Graysen).  I'm not sure I'm going to discuss with him how babies are MADE though.  
• You need to start teaching your children that no one except Mommy and Daddy should touch them anywhere that their swim suit covers.  We did this one a few years ago and Hunter is very good about understanding privacy now.  

3rd - 4th Grade (ages 9-10)

Girls:

• Continue affirming body image as you started at age 4
• Modesty.  Now is the time to really instill this in your children.  You need to be consistant in your expectations and standards.  If you are not going to let them out of the house in a 2 piece swim suit at age 15 (after they have "blossomed"), then you should not let them out of the house at this age wearing it.  This is something that I totally agree with and was very glad to hear someone else reaffirm for me.  I did not let Graysen wear a bikini last summer - she will never be allowed to.  She did have a swim shirt and bottoms, but nothing that is exposing her stomach.  
• This is the age that you need to discuss a woman's development and her period with her.  Did you know that girls today are likely to start their periods 2 years earlier than their moms did?!   (Some studies are blaming this on the excess of hormones that we take in in our food...I'm going to be doing some more research on this topic!)  
• Fathers need to make sure they are continuing to hug, love, and kiss on their daughters as much now as they always have.  Many times girls who are missing those physical touches from their fathers will go elsewhere to find them (subconsciously of course...)

Boys:

• Affirm body image
• Teach modesty
• Manners.  This is a huge one for boys.  Boys need to learn to respect women.  I believe it starts earlier than this age, but this is probably the stage where you can really drill it into them.  Mothers, take your sons on dates and teach them how to treat a woman.  Teach him to open your car door, pull your chair out, make conversation.
• Ungodly behavior.  Boys need to learn (more than girls) to tap into their conscious.  Make him accountable for his behavior and ask him if it is Godly, or UnGodly behavior.  

Both:

• Know their friends.  This is age where kids like to start going over to each other's homes to play without their parents.  It is imperative that you know their friends and their parents.  Be assured that your rules will be followed at their homes.  Know what kind of television your child will be exposed to and what websites their friends are allowed on.  
  
• Media Discernment - we control how much media we let into our homes.  No, we can't control what magazine is at the check out stand, but we can cover our children's eyes.  Be conscious about inappropriate commercials during sporting events (the highest percentage of alcohol commercials).
• Talk about advertising with your children.  Ask your daughter, if you wear that perfume will you be as pretty as that girl?  Ask your son, does that beautiful woman come with that sports car?!

5th - 6th grade (ages 11-12)

• Build Convictions - at this point parents should be spending lots of time with their children helping them set their values.  They need to decide what they believe and what their values are going to be.  They need to understand why they are making these choices (and not because Mom and Dad told them to!).  
• Parents need to getting to know the people that their children are spending most of their time with.  (At this age kids are getting involved with so many more activities that they tend to spend a lot more time away from home.)  Get to know their friends, their friends' parents, their Youth Ministers, and Coaches.  

"The Talk"

• This is the general age when you need to sit down and have "The Talk" with them.  
• There is no magic age, therefore this talk may come sooner or later than this age group.  (Just remember to make sure you're the first one they hear it from!)
• When your kids ask questions make sure you know what they are asking.  Remember there are lots of definitions of several English words, so never assume they know more than they do!
• The speaker suggested that Mom's take daughters on a weekend getaway and Father's do the same with sons.  The fact that you are taking time away to spend with ONLY that child (leaving siblings, other parent at home) tells them that this is a very important topic!  During the weekend you can listen to the CD set that is listed below in the resource list and have lots of discussions.  Make sure to understand that some kids will sit quietly and listen, some will not want to listen at all, and others will have tons of questions.  The speaker also suggested that at the end of the weekend the other parent meets you for a special dinner where you can present your child with a purity ring or just have a discussion about everything all together.  

Some Stats:

• 91% of girls who date @ age 12 have sex before they are out of High School
• @ age 13 = 56%
• @ age 14 = 53%
• @ age 15 = 40%
• @ age 16 = 20%

Resource List:

I have not read any of these books, they were all recommended by the speaker!

• Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop - a good book to read to girls starting at the beginning
• Squire and the Scroll  - a good book to read to boys starting at the beginning
• The Wonderful Ways Babies Are Made - starting at age 4
• The Swimsuit Lesson - starting at age 4
• Beautifully Made - for girls, a set of 3 books, good for ages 8 and up
• Lentball Leo's Not So Stupid Questions - for boys, ages 10-13
• Passport to Purity - great for your weekend away and "The Talk" (I understand it's a CD set or something like that)

The Love You've Longed For

As I write these "over views" of my past weekend I am going to always name the speaker...but, some of the info here are the literal words of the speaker, some are paraphrased, some are concepts that I realized as I was listening to them speak on the general topic.  Some verses will have been provided by the speaker, some are verses that I love that I feel directly relate to the topic.  So...basically I'm just asking that none of you quote the speaker on the information that you don't agree with, because it may be my thoughts or words, not theirs. 

The first hour-long workshop that I attended at the Hearts at Home Conference was entitled "Come Closer to the Love You've Longed For".  The speaker was Jane Rubietta.  Here are my notes and after thoughts:

• We, as a people, always seem to want everything to be more, better, or different.  True, we were created perfect, and since Adam and Eve were banned from Eden we haven't lost that longing to return to the perfect life.
• Proverbs 19:22
• Unfailing love can only come from God.  Everyone on earth falls short of perfect and we can not count of them loving us perfectly.  
• John 10:10
• When God makes a promise He will keep it.  So - if He has promised that we can have life abundantly there must be a way to live that life.  I don't know about you, but I often feel like I am just going through the everyday motions, I wouldn't usually use the word "abundant" to describe my life!
• Most know the second half of John 10:10 (I like the version that says "I have come so that they may have life and have it abundantly").  Some may not know the first half that tells of the thief that will come to steal, lie, and destroy.
• So, how are we going to live our lives abundantly?
• Step 1:  Take inventory of your life.  We need to make a list of what The Thief has already stolen from us.  We need to know what we're missing that's keeping us from living life abundantly.  Maybe it's your childhood, maybe it's your smile, maybe it's your ability to have children, it's going to be different for everyone.  (The speaker recommended that we literally write this list out.)
• Step 2:  Take a stand against The Thief.  At your home we do this by locking doors, not leaving windows open, etc.  In order to do this we need to ask ourselves a very hard question:  How are you in cahoots with The Thief?  Most people do not want to admit that they are allowing The Thief into their hearts and home, but the fact is that we can always take a stand against him and we often don't even realize that we're allowing him to steal things from us.  You wouldn't leave your front door open at your house with a sign above the door that says, "Come on in, lots of great things to steal" would you?  Then don't do it with your heart!  Some simple ways that we may be in cahoots with The Thief are not getting enough sleep (therefore being cranky with those around you), not eating a good diet (and not taking care of the body God gave you), refusing to deal with things from your past, wearing "rose colored" glasses, and wasting your time.
• Step 3:  Cling to what you know to be true. I came up with three truths that I know.  1.  I know that God is Holy.  2.  I know that God's grace is always going to be sufficient for me.  3.  I know that God will never leave my side.  
• Step 4:  Create space for God to act.  We need to make sure we're aware at all times of what we're doing and how we're either inviting or limiting God's interaction in our lives.  When asked how to do this when we feel far from God or completely overwhelmed with our lives, the speaker made suggested things like simply stopping and taking deep breaths.  She said to think of it as breathing out all of the sickness, sin, etc. from your life and breathing in God's love.  She also suggested that you find what inspires you, if it's a sunset make an effort to go watch a sunset by yourself and spend some time in prayer.  When invited, God will always come.
• Step 5:  Call out to your friends.  We all need to find friends or family that will love us and be willing to tell us that hard things in life.  God knew that healing happens best in community.  We need people who are trust worthy to let us know when we're out of line, when we're in cahoots with The Thief, and when we need to change our thought process or behavior.  This is a hard thing to find, but I believe that if you pray and ask God to send those people into your life, He will...now you just have to be open to Him and them.  

The Leprechaun came to visit!!

Hunter fashioned this "Leprechaun Trap" last night and set it up on the kitchen table in case a leprechaun decided to visit our home!  He read about this idea in a magazine and has demanded that we do it ever since!

Leprechaun feet leading up to the trap...

Not the best picture of the trap, but you can see the hole in the top of this one.  Hunter showed us how big he thought a Leprechaun was and Daddy cut the hole that big!

The note that sneaky Leprechaun left!

He even turned Hunter's morning glass of milk green!  That silly guy...

** I did not "celebrate" St. Pat's growing up.  We wore green (as not to get pinched), but that was the extent of it.  Although I would prefer not to go all out for this holiday, I just couldn't let Hunter down, if it's important to him, it's important to me!  :0)

5 Mothering Truths

The first main session at the Hearts at Home Conference was given by Jill Savage, the founder of Hearts at Home.  Jill encouraged us to remember that we are all real people.  We all have real lives, and real stories.  Here are the five things that she believes are true of all mothers.

1.  You are not alone.  We all need others.  We, as women, and more importantly as mothers need friends.  We need friends who are also moms, friends who are not mothers, friends who are married, friends who are single, friends who are all ages.  We need to draw on all of those women and let them help us to be the best that we can be.  We need their stories.  

2.  We have 3 kinds of stories that we need to share.

• Heartwarming - those stories where our kids were just so adorable, where they said I love you for the first time, etc.
• Humerous - those stories where you are STILL laughing at what you did or said last week.
• Hard - those stories that we don't want to share.  The ones that make us feel less than perfect. 
  

We need to stop judging each other.  We need to stick together as mothers and be able to share our stories without fear that we will be judged.  

3.  We need to share our hard stories because they help other moms know they are normal.  We need to know that we are not alone in what we face everyday.  Others have not so perfect kids, not so perfect houses, not so perfect marriages, and not so perfect lives...but it's okay!

4.  We are real moms, and we need a real relationship with a real Jesus.  Think of how much easier it would be if you believed that Jesus was in your everyday life with you; if you believed that He could relate to your everyday activities and struggles.  Think about it...

• He had large crowds follow him everywhere he went.  Don't you?!  I know I have a trail of little ducklings following me every time I walk into another room!
• People wanted to touch him.  I don't know about you, but there is a rare minute during the day when someone is not holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me, getting a piggy back ride, sitting on my lap or hip, etc.  (in fact, as I type Hunter has his hand on my left hand and his head on my shoulder.)
• People woke Jesus from his sleep for help.  I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been woken in the night be a crying baby or a yell for water, a snack, a movie, or security from a bad dream.
• He was a servant to others.  He served in any way he could, including washing others feet.  I KNOW He can relate to me on this point - what job is more a servant's job than a mother?!

5.  Your story isn't finished yet.  Today is the first day of the rest of your story!  Some of us have made mistakes in the past.  It's okay because our story isn't over!  Jesus is all about fresh starts!  When others blow it we forgive them don't we?  When our kids misbehave, we tell them that we love them and continue on with the day.  When our husbands blow it we are responsible for working it out, forgiving them, and continuing to move forward.  Who does that for us?  Jesus!  

Hearts at Home

I was blessed to attend the Hearts at Home National Conference this past weekend at the University of Illinois.  Ten of the women from my MOPS group made the 4.5 - 5 hour trip on Friday afternoon and enjoyed lots of bonding, learning, laughing, crying, praying, and encouragement over the 24 hours that we were there.  

I had never heard of Hearts at Home until the conference was offered to us at MOPS.  I signed up hoping to get to know some of the women in our group a bit better and get some parenting tips.  Little did I know that I was about to embark on a spiritual journey that I truly believe will change my life.  Hearts at Home is a completely Christian based program that encourages the hearts of mothers in their Christian walk, mothering adventures, and marriage relationships.  

This year's theme was "Real Moms, Real lives, Real stories".  We were surrounded by 4,500 other real moms who all had special stories, special lives, and special children.  We were blessed with the entertainment and knowledge of:

• Jill Savage (the founder) 
• Kevin Leman (one of my FAVORITE Christian authors)
• Sally Baucke (a hilarious woman and one of my new favorites)
• Bill and Pam Farrel (great authors and very realistic parents and marriage partners), 
• 4ever (a mother / daughter worship group) and 
• Go Fish (an terrific kids music group)

I attended 3 Main Sessions, and 4 workshops and walked away with so much new information! I heard things this weekend that I had never had anyone say to me before.  I am now able to view some aspects of my life in a whole new light.  I am going to start a series the next few days and give an over view of each of the workshops that I attended.  I hope that maybe some of the information will help you as well!  

...but I won't do THAT!

In the words of the singer Meatloaf, " I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."  What is "that" to you?

• Commit Murder
• Abandon my children
• Lose my identity as the woman God made me to be
• Change my belief system or faith

Our Children Will Do It Differently

I hope that our children will do some things differently then we've done.

I hope that our children will not feel pressured to go to college and obtain a 4 year degree.  We will encourage them to continue their education past high school, but a technical college or apprenticeship will be great!

I hope that our children will take the time to find something to study that they both love and that will be useful in their future.  I started with education, but soon realized that was not the field for me.  I switched to Dance and loved every minute of it...but let's face it...it's not doing me much good in the financial department now!  

If they do decide to go to college, Lincoln and I will help them learn and understand about college loans.  We will not send them away with no counseling on what loans are the smart ones to take out.  

I hope our kids will not allow themselves to be taken advantage of and walked on in High School relationships. 

I hope our kids will not ever use a credit card.  

I hope our kids will realize that it's okay to drive used cars and live in small homes until you're old enough to actually afford them (and that doesn't mean you can just make the monthly payment).

Confessions

• I can let Graysen cry for 10 minutes at bedtime before it starts bothering me. (although she RARELY does)

• I eat at least 2 pieces of chocolate every day.

• I don't drink nearly enough water - maybe a glass every other day.  
• I'm very anxious about baby sitting ending.  I am feeling a lot of pressure to schedule activities for my kids so that they will continue to interact with other children.  The whole point to me quitting is so that I can expose my kids to the world rather than one house or facility before they start Kindergarten.  I want to do things like story hour, maybe a class at the zone, crafts at home, nature walks, etc.  I want to make sure I keep a routine for the kids, make sure we get up and dressed, meals, naps, etc.  I don't want to be the family that stays in their PJ's and snacks all day long.  I'm also a little stressed about the change in budget come May.  It's going to be a new lifestyle for us.  We need prayer that we will all adjust easily.  I'm not going to be able to pick up the "extras" at Walmart every trip, Hunter isn't going to be able to get a Happy Meal whenever he asks for it.  
• Recital is coming up so soon!  I only have 3 more class periods to teach dances!  There is so much to do to prepare (costumes, program, room mom stuff, etc.)!
• I really need to start an exercise program.  We can't afford to go to a gym, and I find it really hard to motivate myself.  I'm so busy during the day, and by the time the kids go to bed at night, I'm exhausted!  I sure don't want to do my exercising at 9:00 at night!  I was doing really well at losing the baby weight, but in the last 3 months I have put on 10 lbs...NOT GOOD!  I wish there was an easy solution to this!  

Oh the Places We'll Go

Oh The Places We'll Go Together...

I can't think of any 3 other people I would want by my side through thick and thin.  I am blessed.

My Store

If I owned a store, it would be a book store.  

One of those cozy bookstores that have couches and overstuffed chairs that you are encouraged to use while browsing before purchasing.  

I would want old bookshelves - all different with unique designs.  

I would want a small coffee stand with a few pastries for sale located in the corner.  

I would want to hand write tickets when people checked out.  

I would want to take orders from people when I didn't carry a book they were searching for.  

I would want to create relationships with my customers and call them when I got a new book in I thought they might enjoy.    

I would want to hand deliver books to the elderly or the mom's who couldn't get out of the house to pick it up during store hours.

I would want a children's section with fun mats for them to sit on and a weekly story hour where I got to read to them.

I would want a used book section where people were welcome to trade rather than just sell.

If you owned a store, what would it sell?

I believe...

That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.  Luckily I have God to forgive me of my sins and make me whole again!

That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.  I believe that who I want to be is an ever changing picture, and therefore becoming that person will be an on-going project.

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel or hateful or rude.

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.  There is a time when you must step up from your childhood and become the adult you want to be.

That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.  It could change your life forever.

That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

**A friend sent me a forward a few nights ago and these were a few of the things on there.  I expanded on some of them and left others alone.  I'm so glad that there are other people out there who can put some of my beliefs into words, because I'm not always the best at it!  

A picture is worth 1,000 words

When I look at this picture I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves our kids the way he does.  He inspires me to be a better mother every day.  These moments are not rare around our house.  We are a home that is full of love.  We have agreed that it is a priority for us to tell our kids as many times a day as possible how much we love them.  We hold hands, cuddle, hug, and kiss our kids a million times a day.  Of course there are the moments when I wish I could go 5 minutes without someone sitting on my lap, hugging on me, or wanting me to carry them around - but in those moments I am reminded of the months when we longed for another child in our home to love on.  Lincoln has told me time and time again that he will always make a special effort to tell and SHOW his kids how much he loves them by using their love language, whatever that turns out to be.  If it's a hug and high five, great.  It may be a special gift, a "great job!", or attendance at events.  Whatever it is, we're committed to doing it!  I think far too many men have a 'hang up' with expressing love for their children.  I hope that this generation of boys will change that.   

Fun Friday with Miss Kim!

My friend Kim is such an encouragement to me.  She is constantly making me smile, laugh, and reminding me that the most important thing is not how clean my house is, but that I am having fun and making memories with my husband and kids.  She has instituted "Fun Friday" with her daughter, and was kind enough to include myself and the kids in her first one!  :0)  Here are some pictures to commemorate it!

Hunter and Graysen are truly at a stage in their lives where they enjoy playing together.  Finally Hunter isn't complaining about his sister "ruining" his game, and she isn't whining every time she gets knocked down.  It's what my heart has always desired - to see my kids loving each other and interacting with kindness.  Here he is pushing her on in the swing.

Miss Kim brought a kite over for Hunter to fly!  He had only done it once before and it had been a year, so it was basically a new experience for him!  He was (amazingly) a very good kite flyer and was extremely proud of himself for doing such a great job!

I really love it when people will pose for pictures for me...and Kim is great!  :0)  She decided to give her hand at flying the kite after Hunter was done, and this was the result.  Her quote?  "How does a 4 year old manage to fly it fine and I get it stuck in the tree?!"  (She did get it down without ruining it!  Good job!)

I know, you are all beginning to think all I do is feed my kids cake and mud, but it's really just a matter of the fact that they are so much cuter when they are messy!  :0)  Yummy!

Thanks for taking our picture Kim - we had a great day with you!!

This picture is to remember my "future flash" from that day.  Graysen was running in the yard, she looked so pretty, and the wind was blowing her hair.  She turned around and smiled at me and said "Ma Ma!"  Before my eyes she transformed into a gorgeous young lady wearing a white wedding gown.  It literally brought me to tears.  I am not good with my kids growing up.  I look at the relationship I have with my mom now and realize that it's going to be great at every stage, but they are not always going to be the same as they are now...and that breaks my heart.  

Some other memories that we didn't get pictures of are:

• Graysen throwing Bailee's bottle, a toy cell phone, and Kara's hair color out on the road on our trip to the Beauty Shop.
• Hunter seeing a dead squirrel on the bike ride to the shop and then telling everyone that was the highlight of his day...only a 4 year old little boy!  LOL
• Me learning the trick that when Graysen is throwing a fit while putting her in the car seat all I have to say is "Gray, are you hungry?"  which is always answered with a yes nod, me continuing on to say that we're going to get some food and her immediately calming down and sitting back in her seat.  Oh...what a girl!  (I wonder how long that will work...)

Our First Spring Day Adventures!

I can't believe I'm posting this picture of me on here, but we so rarely get a picture of the 4 of us that I had to record it! 

The kids found a treasure...

New growth!  Yea!

Brother had to show Graysen the awesome tree climbing!  She liked it...for about 1 minute. 

"Hunter, did Graysen eat some mud?

"no way mom!"

:0)

We found our first worm of the year!  We found three of them actually and put them in a box.  Hunter then told us that we needed to find some place for them to live.  I suggested back in the ground and he replied with, "uh, I know...the water!"  "I don't think worms live in the water Hunter", I said...his response?  "oh I know mom - but they sure are good for fishing!"  He is DYING to go fishing already this year and gets a reminder in any way he can!  :0)
 

Thursday was a great spring day outside...it was so nice to get out of the house and into God's nature.  Graysen LOVES being outside and throws a huge fit every time she has to come in.  Although I'm thankful for that, it might lead to a long summer...