I Love You Goodnight

This is the last book in our bedtime routine. I try to mix it up a little bit to keep the kids on their toes, like saying "I love you like I love chocolate milkshakes" rather than strawberry...but they catch me every time.

I couldn't help but smile through the whole thing a few nights ago as I read it to four children laying in their bunk beds. I stood in the middle of the room and showed the pictures to four little faces. At the end, I got to say "I love YOU goodnight" four times, and I got to give four kisses.

I got three kisses back... I'd say that's a pretty good average, right?

The prayers of a little girl

As Gray was falling asleep tonight and I was kneeling by her bed praying for her, I hear her whisper:

"Dear Lord,
Thank you for my chicken nuggets. Thank you for my food, thank you for God, and thank you for my nuggets.
Amen."

I'm glad she's learning to thank God for the little things in life...

Blake Bizayehu and Silas Sintayehu

Several people have asked us to share the story behind changing the boys' names. Unfortunately, there is not much of a "story" to share!

We had discussed long and hard before we left for Ethiopia whether we were going to change our sons (very difficult to say and spell for most people) names. Lincoln was more "for it" then I was. I felt like their mother had picked their names for a reason it wasn't up to me to change them. I went back and forth with it, feeling like I wanted to honor their birth family, but knowing that if the situation were reversed and my kids were going to a different country to be raised, I would want them to have names that they felt comfortable having and that everyone could pronounce and relate to. So...I was torn to say the least.

While we were in Ethiopia we talked to several people, other adoptive families, social workers, locals, etc. about names in Ethiopia and their importance. Although some of the adoptive families were keeping their kids names, others weren't, and all of the social workers and locals told us that names are just not that important to their culture. In fact, many times people will go by different names depending on the season of their life. This sealed the deal for me. I had felt all along that "naming would be claiming" for me, but was not going to do this at the expense of the kids or the respect of their birth family.

So, on Friday we sat the boys down with a social worker from Layla and she asked them if they wanted American names. She explained that they did not have to have them, but if they wanted them, Lincoln and I had picked out names just for them. Bizayehu was very excited "ouw, ouw!!", and Sintayehu asked what the name was first. (just like my sweet hesitant boy...). So, I shared the names with them, and they both agreed, that yes, they would like to go by their American names in America.

And so it began, the slow transition to calling them Silas and Blake. They still call each other Sintayehu and Bizayehu (and may always, which I think is a precious gift for twins to have), and we still call them that once in awhile. But for the most part, they are Silas and Blake, starting a new life here in America, with our family.


Their legal names will be Blake Bizayehu Gabriel Redburn and Silas Sintayehu Gabriel Redburn...and they'll go by whatever they are most comfortable with.

Back-Blogging: Ethopia, Monday

I wasn't able to get many emails home during the time we were gone due to power outages, but I did journal some...here is my journal from Monday morning:

"Well, if the clock is right on this laptop it is 1:30 a.m. here, and I'm wide awake. I'm tired, but there is so much happening in my heart and head that I just can't sleep. It's amazing to me that my sons are sleeping in the room right next to me! I forgot to tell you that they can both identify all of their English letters! They are very proud to show off their skill as well. They are very good colorers, and it's amazing to see the competition between them to show off their skills to Mommy and Daddy. When one calls us to show off, the other is sure to be right behind them! I think at moments they are trying to prove to us how 'good' they are, and at others their true colors shine and we see what little stinkers they really are...true 6 year old little boys!! They sat very well behaved at dinner last night. Sintayehu ordered fish and ate almost two whole fillets, plus some cooked carrots, potatoes, and rice. Bizayehu ordered a chicken / egg salad sandwich and fries. He LOVED the fries, but not ketchup. At first he didn't like the salad part and was only eating the bread, but after the waitress came over and explained to him what was in it and basically force fed him a bite off the fork, he seemed to enjoy it and ate much more.

(side note: I'm amazed at how all adults here in Ethiopia just kind of claim authority over children. It doesn't matter if they have never met or seen the child before, they are very quick to correct their behavior, even without the parent's permission. In some ways I love this here, it's much more like a village raising a child than it is in the US, and in other ways it makes me feel incompetent as a parent...I know this is just my pride getting in the way. I think we could all take a lesson from this culture in this aspect.)

Lincoln had chicken stir fry and I had spaghetti carbinara, and we had two huge bottles of water that we all four split and out total bill (after tax and tip) was a little less than 20.00. I am amazed at how much they can eat! We're definitely going to have to go to the store and get some things to 'supplement' the meals served here at Ritmo. We had injera here yesterday afternoon and there was nothing left after the 6 of us ate. The boys are very good at eating injera, they can give us all some lessons when we get home!

Today Gail is coming at 9 a.m. Another family arrived last night, after we went to bed sometime, so she will come this morning for us to fill out our Embassy paperwork and to pick them up to meet their kid. Sheryl says their room has bunk beds in it, so maybe they're getting older kids too! It would nice for the boys to be able to play with some other kids while we're here this week. We'll take the boys to school today, they seemed to do fin yesterday when we went back together as a family, although I don't know how they'll do if we leave them there...I guess we'll see today! If they are good to say then we'll go shopping or sight seeing, something. I think we'll probably eat lunch out (either at Layla or while shopping ) and eat dinner here. I'm going to film the Ritmo today and Layla, but not the walk between because there are far too many people on the streets and I don't want to offend anyone (or get my camera stolen from me)! One kid yesterday on the walk to Layla said "hey, what's up?" we all just died laughing. We've only had one kids ask for candy, and one kid say he was hungry...it's heart breaking, but because we're going to be walking back and forth on the same path for so many more days I don't feel like I can give hand outs because I'm afraid they will come looking for us and expect something every time we see them.

Hunter and Graysen - wait until you hear the boys say your names! It's too funny! :0) We've been looking at lots of pictures of you and praciting "Brother Hunter, Sister Graysen". They both say "Grayna". They've both got Papa down, but Grammie and Grandma are harder words for them to say. The boys also "know" Itsy Bitsy Spider, Rain Rain Go Away, ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, Ba Ba Black Sheep, and Head and Shoulders.. When I say "know" I mean they know the actions and tune, but the words are slurred...obviously no one has taken the time to stop and make sure they are pronouncing the words correctly!

Monday afternoon:

We got up this morning and ate French Toast for breakfast. We met Kim and Ken Dewey...they got in after we went to bed last night. Then Ivy came and we went to Layla for a bit. The Dewey's met their baby girl, Tizita. We hung out with some of the older kids, sat in the KG class while they played a game. Ivy passed out letters and I took some pictures of that. We got the boys school notebooks and the cameras that we sent them in their welcome bags. We paid for their visas and filled out the necessary paperwork for the Embassy on Wednesday. We walked back to Ritmo and ate lunch. Now the boys are playing outside. In about 1/2 an hour we are going to take them back to Layla and head over to the Leprosy Colony.

Whew.

I am feeling better! I realize I haven't spoken much about it on here, but let me tell you, I have been SICK since we got home...and today, I am healed! Thank God! I went to the Dr. yesterday morning and they gave me on magic pill. Apparently it (with a lot of prayers) did the trick!

Things are good in the Redburn household. Strange, tough, but good. I feel like we're making memories, I feel like we're becoming a family. I'm working out some kinks that come with being the Mom of four children...and four VERY DIFFERENT children...but I'm working, that's the key word. I feel like as long as I'm being active, and proactive where I can be, I'm doing good!

There are some things that come with parenting children who have been institutionalized for some time that you just can't be prepared for until you are in the situation and have seen where they come from.

1. They run outside without asking. At the orphanage there are 15 foot walls with prison wire around the top to keep the kids inside the compound. They can run out of their bedroom, classroom, etc. into the courtyard area without anyone saying anything to them, because they can't go anywhere! I really don't think they realize that they could run FOREVER outside our front door. This is an issue.

2. I believe the only time they've gotten attention in the last 5 months is when they have gotten in a fight with each other...therefore this happens A LOT. The aggression is never with Hunter or Graysen, only with each other. They tend to torment each other and tease each other until the other attacks him and they end up in a dead lock. This is our other main issue.

Overall everyday is better than the one before and we are falling in love with each other.

We are Family

We are a family.

Today was Successful

I honestly can not thank you all enough. The words of support, encouragement, and prayers that have been prayed over my family and home today have been amazing...in every literal sense of the word.

I can honestly say that I can view today as a success. Yes, there were rough times, times I questioned my sanity and the well-being of my home...but overall, as I look back over today, I would say we were successful.

• I got some alone time sitting on the front porch eating ice cream and crying to one of my dearest friends before everyone got up.
  
• We all got up and dressed by 8 a.m. I made waffles (yes, they were frozen, but still!) for breakfast. Silas ate 5, Blake ate 4, Hunter ate 2, and Graysen had dry cereal. They were well fed.
  
• We had a successful Dr. apt., thanks to my Mom who went with me.
  
• We had burritos (drive thru, but still...) for lunch.
• the boys got in a 2 hour nap.
  
• They played nicely with Hunter all day (not with each other, but we're still working on that).
  
• When they did get sat in time out for not playing nicely with each other they actually sat there, and I feel like understood what they were being punished for.
  
• I made spaghetti, corn, and bread and butter for dinner and all the boys ate a hearty helping of that as well. Dinner was made and on the table by 6 p.m...not too bad!
  
• After dinner I got a load of dishes washed.
• We all went out for Snow Cones! We took them out to my moms and ate them on the porch.
  
• The boys played tag together, and it was beautiful. Really, seeing them all running and laughing, understanding the rules to a game together was awesome for this momma's eyes and ears.

Today was a success. With all of the support from you, and my amazingly positive, and encouraging husband, I can see a bright future for my family once again.

Thank you all, I'm not saying that the hard times are over, but I have once again seen the beauty of God's provision when I need it the most. I know He never leaves my side...

Let's be Positive

First of all, thank you to all of you who have reached out to me. The comments and prayers have been awesome. I knew in my hearts of hearts that you all were a wonderful, supportive group of friends, but I have to be honest, I was still scared to be honest with you all about our struggles. Thank you for your support.

My emotions are high... I've never struggled with post postpartum depression before, but I think that this must be very much what it's like. If you ever have it, I highly recommend reaching out to people. Call your friends, cry your heart out, ask for help,and be honest about how your feeling...

I promised you all a picture of the boys when we were all 6 together, and you want to know the honest truth?

We haven't taken one.

Not a single picture has been taken since we got home. None of the 6 of us together, none of the kids doing the adorable things together that I would usually be snapping away at. None of them all sitting around the dinner table, or brushing their teeth together, or all cuddled in their beds.

Not. One. Picture.

But, there are some positives:

• The boys have had pretty good appetites since being home. Blake is very picky, but eats well when he finds something he likes. Silas is adventurous in his eating and has done very well!
• They are sleeping good! They both take naps every afternoon and sleep well at night.
• One of them said "more please" at breakfast this morning without being prompted.
• The other said "thank you" at the Dr's office without prompting as well!
• Hunter told Lincoln today "my brothers have been gone a long time this morning, I'm ready for them to get home" (to me that means he's not totally annoyed with their presence!)

So, life is not all bad - please don't misunderstand me. But I do want to continue to be honest about older child adoption. I don't want to scare anyone away (because I have a sib set of 2, and a single boy that I'm DYING to find a family for!), but I also want this to be an accurate account of what life is like when you step out and follow God's calling to be an adoptive family.

So, emotional as I am, life continues. The Dr. apt. this morning was rough, and it's about to get rougher as we head to STL to the International Adoption Dr. sometime in the next two weeks to get some major investigating done of these two precious sons of mine.

My awesome husband cleaned the house for me while I was gone, it was amazing to walk in here!

Life will continue on.

We are having a Welcome Home Party at my mom's house on Sunday afternoon from 2-4 - if you are anywhere close and can come, please do! We'd love for you to meet the boys in person and introduce them to the people who have been praying them home!

We're home...

We're home. We're home. I just have to keep repeating it to myself.

I'm nervous to write this post, I'll be honest.
I'd love to say things are all sunshine and flowers...but they aren't. We're struggling.

Let's look at the facts. We are a family, this is for sure...but for the first time in our lives, being a family doesn't automatically mean security and happiness.
This time, being a family means that we've promised to stick by each other's side no matter what. At this point in our lives, being parents means that we've promised to love each child in our home, we've promised to do whatever we have in our power to give them a good life...

and we're doing the best we can.

I sit here, far too early in the morning writing this post, with tears streaming down my face, not sure I'm ready to face day 2 of being home. The boys have a doctor appointment this morning, and I don't even know how to explain to them where we're going or that they'll be getting shots.

It's a horrible feeling not being able to communicate effectively with your own children.

I was not prepared for the emotional and physical defects that older children living in an orphanage come with. Not only did they fend for themselves for the first 5 years of their lives, they have lived in institutionalized care for the last 5 months...this does hard things to kids.

Am I a strong enough mother to help correct these things?

Can I portray our commitment to these children enough without having common words to use?

Can I teach them to trust me?

Life is not all flowers and sunshine right now, but it is life. We have followed God's calling in our lives, and it's not been an easy road. There has been heartache the whole way. I think this is a sure sign that you're in God's Will...it's not going to be easy, but you will be confident.

I will keep repeating Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I know that this is truth.

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin our journey to become the family that God intended us to be.

Please remember Hunter and Graysen as they get to know their new brothers, and Lincoln and I's marriage, as we learn to parent two new children.

Today we will take it one hour at a time...and it will be good.

Wednesday in Ethiopia!!

Hello from Camp Chaos!! (this is our new name for the Ritmo)

Today was Embassy Day. It was a huge "hurry up and wait"...we got there and sat for about 1.5 hours and we went up and had a 2 minute interview with an American guy behind a glass window (like buying a movie ticket). He handed us our paperwork and we were on our way. One thing I did learn today is that the boys will lose their Ethopian citizenship when we readopt in the US....makes me sad.

The house is driving us CRAZY. WE are sooooo ready to come home. There are 6 families staying there, with a total of at least 10 kids. It's nutzo. Included are some "real fine ones" in Lincoln's words. We have made very good friends with two other families and love them to death, but could totally leave the rest! We are ready to lock ourselves in our room and not come out until our plane leaves!!!!! Actually, we're just going to spend as much time away from Ritmo as possible!

We ate lunch and took a nap after Embassy and then took the boys to Layla for art class and we walked to the Adams Pavillion. We are using the internet cafe (power was out at Ritmo still / again)...I'm going to a salon to get my hair washed (the water here is doing TERRIBLE things to it Kara!!!) and we'll sit and have some coffee with one of our friends and chill a bit. I had a small break down after Embassy and need some "me" time. There are so many emotions to process and it's so "charged" at the house that I just needed to get away. There's really no way to explain what it's like here, but we are very excited to watch the videos and look through pictures with you all. WE have so many stories to tell that will be much better in person than through email. After yesterday and then today, I'm a wreck and ready to load back up on that plane and get to AMERICA! Bad as it sounds.

Tomorrow a.m. we're supposed to do a field trip swimming and ice cream to the HIlton with the kids...we'll see if the weather holds out and then in the afternoon we'll finish our shopping. Friday we'll probably spend most of the day packing, at Layla, and then the boys' going away party is at 3ish. They are SOOOO looking forward to it! They talk about it and the airplane every day...mulitiple times! Our friends will join us there to help celebrate. Then we'll leave for the airport somewhere around 8:30ish and be home 22 hours after that! Yippy!

We're so glad to hear the kids are doing great. Makes it easier. Keep counting down the days with them! The boys told the Embassy guy today they have "Brother Hunter and Sister Graysen". They can't wait to meet them. We look though their albums every day.

Kara - have a great time on your trip, soak up the sun! :0) Are you moved in yet?! I can't wait until the boys realize you live next door, they are going to just LOVE it! WE are giving them kisses for you, don't worry!

Everyone needs to buy stock in Shea Butter and keep some at their house, the boys use it several times a day, wait until you see them rub it on their faces and heads. Too funny. They wash their face and hands before every meal and after as well.

GET READY TO TALK WITH YOUR HANDS!!! We've gotten pretty good at it. They still don't know hardly any english, we've also learned some Amharic to help get by, so if you hear us speaking weird words and doing odd hand motions don't fear, we haven't really lost our minds! :0)

I don't even know what else to say, we love you all very much, keep emailing us, it SO helps when I do get to log in!!

Love from the great country of Ethiopia!!!
Chao,
Ash

Tuesday in Ethiopia!

We hadn't heard from Ashley since Sunday evening and received this Tuesday, what a relief to finally hear from her!


The power has been down at Ritmo since Sunday evening. We finally got out to shop this afternoon and stopped by the Hilton to email. We miss you all terribly!!! We are doing great, the boys are absolutely wonderful...hyper, but awesome! They are attaching to us well we think. They call us mommy and daddy and when one of us walks out of the room they run looking for us. They are practicing Hunter and Graysen's names and are getting pretty good. Graysen is very hard for them to say. They are a bit smaller than Hunter is we think. We are taking lots of video and photos, but mostly soaking in the country and people.

We have Embassy tomorrow morning and then we are taking the boys and their class on a field trip swimming and maybe to ice cream on Thursday morning. The boys are very excited about their party at Layla on Friday and flying on an airplane to America.

Kara - they call you Sissy every time they see your picture, they really love you already! :0) It's very cute. They even told their Mom your name this morning when we gave her her photo album.

They don't like football very much, sorry Chad, but Lincoln has been working on playing catch with them. They are soccer PROS!!!! They will school ANYONE OF US!Monday we spent some time at Layla, and we went to the Leprocy Colony and the Silk Factory.

We have a wonderful driver, his name is Dawit and he's very helpful. He told us today that Illibubar (where the boys are from) is known for their coffee farms and is very green. That's about all the info we've been able to find out except that it takes 2 days by city bus or car. We will definitely go there our next trip back.

I feel like there's so much to tell, but we're pressed for time. Just keep Hugging Hunter and Graysen for us. We're starting to miss them very badly. We haven't slept very well at all the last two nights. We're ready to come home, but are really trying to soak this in, as we know we will be back and want to be prepared to answer all the questions the boys have between now and then. There are TONS of families staying at Ritmo with us, two others that we have become very close to. We love them and couldn't imagine this trip with anyone else. I know we'll stay in touch forever.

We can't say enough about the boys. I've been journaling and will fill you all in when we get home. Although we know you're all very excited to see them at the airport try to kneel down and let them come to you. I think they will be shy - especially Sintayehu...he is DEFINITELY a Daddy's boy!!!! He will probably hide behind Lincoln and Bizayehu laughs a lot when he's nervous, so be prepared for that.

We will email as soon as we can, keep sending us emails in the case that we can get on and read them. We miss you all and are looking forward to be united again!!!! :0) :0)

Love you,
Ashley

Sunday Night in Ethiopia!

It's the middle of the night in Ethiopia now, received this from Ashley about 5 o'clock their time!

Well, it’s the end of day one. It’s been far more exhausting then I expected. The communication especially. They really, honestly know no English to speak of. Odd words, like elephant, monkey, and airplane they have come up with on their own. It’s hard for me to form complete sentences or thoughts, so excuse the broken way I’m writing… We had a few funny firsts today – cold water! They had apparently never had cold water out of the fridge. They both made the funniest faces, I wish I had caught it on film! They drank it good after it had been sitting outside for awhile and was warmer. Brushing their teeth with electric brushes…they would’ve brushed all night if we’d let how them. Speaking of teeth…whew, we’re in for some work! LOL B has an extra tooth that needs pulled and S’s bottom two look rotted…hopefully they’re baby teeth. They are being very loving, calling us Mommy and Daddy already, it brings tears to my eyes almost every time. Their accent is adorable. I just know you are going to love them! B is a ham, he’s always making me laugh. S is just so quiet and sweet, I know he’s going to be precious with Gray. They are such brothers though, constantly trying to wrestle each other, especially while playing soccer. They are scared of Lizards though Hunter, you’ll have to show them that they aren’t going to hurt them. We saw one outside today and they ran away from it! I can’t possibly think of everything to tell you all, it’s been very overwhelming and exciting all around. I think it’s going to take me some time to process it all…but eventually it will all come out. B LOVES to dance, when there’s music on, he just can’t help himself from dancing. They both also love to sing! I knew they were made for our family! :0)

We're Together!!

Tell Hunter that the butterflies are out here in Ethiopia. We saw a few this morning while we were waiting for Gail and I thought of him.

We have the boys!!! Gail picked us up and we went. We were seriously at Layla for about 15 minutes, we got them and left. We are planning on going back this evening around 4 and then out to dinner. There are two resturaunts we can take them to and they don’t cook dinner at Ritmo on Sundays. They were shy when we first met them, but took our hands and showed us their beds, and went to get their gift bags from us. We walked back to Ritmo. They are perfect. Very active, just like Hunter! They will all mesh perfectly. We played soccer outside for a few hours and boy are they talented! Seriously! They bounce it off their heads and the whole 9 yards. Then we had a dance party in our room. Then they wanted to watch TV, so we put in The Prince of Egypt for them and they are sitting on the couch watching that right now. They both love their backpacks and have had them on pretty much since we gave them to them. They ate a huge lunch! Way more than Lincoln or I ate. Bizayehu does not like carrots…he let us know that right away. Lol They don’t speak hardly any English, but are eager to copy any English words that you say. I know they’ll catch on very quickly. Bizayehu can count to 28 in English! Sintayehu is very quiet, just as everyone has said. They both love taking pictures with our camera. They both have a bit of a cough, but nothing terrible. They both have smiles that light up the room. Im going back to cuddle with my sons, but I wanted to let you all know that we’re together – finally, and it’s beautiful.

It's Sunday Morning!!!

Just recieved this email from Ash its Sunday morning there! Keep Praying!!!!!

Good morning from Ethiopia! I am feeling much more “with it” this morning, after almost 8 hours of sleep. The bed is definitely not the best, but I feel pretty good this morning. I woke up to the call to prayer this morning. It’s someone over the loud speaker in the city and it is beautiful!! I jumped out of bed and stood outside our door to listen. It’s a sing songy thing, and I think I could listen to it all day! I don’t know what religion it’s for, but I know that I’m going to use that time every morning to pray to the One True God and thank Him for being able to experience His creation here in Africa. As I walked around the building to come in the main house our gate keeper was standing outside reading his Bible, I’m hoping maybe we can do that together one of these mornings. Speaking of the gate keeper, he lives in literally a metal shack right inside the gates to the Ritmo, and I hear has to pay rent for it. His door was open this morning when I came around and it is LITERALLY big enough for a twin size mattress to fit in…that’s it. The poverty here is going to kill me, no doubt. Everyone here is so very hospitable and kind.

Last night we unpacked and it was so fun to lay the boys clothes out knowing that we are FINALLY going to meet them today. As we were laying in bed (it’s a king), Lincoln asked if I thought they would sleep with us tonight…I told him I didn’t think so, but we are praying for that kind of comfort level between us. We are praying that the boys will know immediately that we are here to love them uncondititionally forever and ever! They are really our sons! I am really amazed at how God brings families together, and although I know this wasn’t His plan A for these boys, I’m grateful that I get to be a part of God’s plan, whether B, C, or otherwise!

Gail should be here to pick us up, Lincoln and I, and Sheryl and Joanna in 3.5 hours. I can’t decide what to wear. It feels so much different than birth. Sheryl told us not to expect some ceremonial introduction to the boys, but that most likely they will just kind of shove them in our direction when they find them. Joanna has said that she will video for us. Keep praying for us and the boys please!! Sheryl is getting an 8 mo. Old baby, I’m excited to be able to play with him while we’re here as well!

Mom and Kara – can you believe this is the morning?!?! Oh. My. Goodness. I can’t wait to email you and let you know how the meeting went. Oh, Sheryl also told me that we can take the kids to the Leprocy Colony here…what an experience that is going to be. I can’t wait to do that! It’s hard for me to keep figuring out the time difference, so sorry if I’m confusing! I love you both very much and miss being home, but I woke up this morning realizing that this is really a once in a lifetime opportunity and I need to quit wishing I were home and soak in as much of this country as I can. It’s beautiful so far and I know that we’re going to want to keep it somewhat a part of the boys’ lives…it’s too amazing not to! I hope someday when Graysen is in HS we can ALL come back here together…seriously. Kara, how did your trip to Springfield go? Are you getting excited about the beach? Mom…one more week of work (with all the kids anyway)! I hope it’s a rather smooth one for you…

I love you both very much – please keep kissing the kids for me!

Ash

The First Email!

Ashley's First Email: Saturday, May 15th

Well, we are here! We met Sheryl and her sister in Frankfort. Our flight arrived right on time and the visa process and customs was very smooth. Our driver was waiting for us, and we all fit with our luggage comfortably. The drive to the guest house was, well…interesting, to say the least! Mom, I’m sure you remember, it was very much what you’ve described to me about Italy. The guest house is nice, I think we’ll feel safe here. The walk to Layla is not very far. After we got here, we unloaded our things and then our driver took us to a resturaunt to eat. We had spaghetti and bottled water. We’re back here now and getting ready to head back to our room and get unpacked. Gail says she’ll be here around 10 am to pick us up in the morning…I’ll email as soon as I can , but it will most likely be tomorrow night, probably after the boys go to bed. It’s so crazy to me to think that I’ll be putting them to bed tomorrow night!!! The country here is beautiful, but everyone is exactly right, lots of poverty…it’s going to be a tearful week I’m sure. Whew. Well, I’m off, give Gray and Hunter LOTS of hugs and kisses for me and tell them I’ll email and tell them all about their new brothers!!! Thanks for all the emails mom, it makes it easier to be away.

Lots of love to you!!!

Lincoln and Ashley

3 days

I would venture to say this is the last time I'll sit down and try to write anything before we leave. Today is kind of a "down day" for me. The kids and I have just been hanging out. We built a tent in the living room this morning and played in there for awhile. Now Gray is playing with a jump rope and Hunter is playing a game of football. I've got Spirit FM blaring from my bedroom while I repack all of our donation tubs and tape extra zip ties on the underside of the lid.

I teeter between feeling like I could throw up and cry all at the same time and feeling so very excited I could drive to the airport and hop on board right now! I pretty much always feel like I have the flu (you know, the weak muscles, hot flashes, etc.)...I'm sure it'll go away after I've met the boys.

Watch my blog for updates while we're gone. I'm going to try to email updates and have Mom or Kara update here...stay tuned!

To my kids - we are all about to start on another life adventure together. I love that we get to explore life together. I wouldn't want anyone else by my side. I don't know what the next year will hold, but I do know this...we will be together. Life is one crazy, fun adventure that God has allowed us to ride on. Let's stick together and live life for Him, okay? As long as we're loving each other, supporting one another, and living every moment for God, we'll be GREAT.

I love you all to the depths of the ocean and back,
Mommy

4

4 days...we are leaving the country in 4 days! So much to do, so little time!!!

Birthmother's Day

Today is Birthmother's Day. This year this day has a very different meaning to me than ever before. As I prepare to leave for Ethiopia in 6 days, I am filled with anticipation of what is to come...

Last year I wrote this letter:

"Can this be a "Happy Birthmother's Day"? Is there such a thing as a happy birthmother? As this is the first year that I have even known about "Birthmother's Day", or even sat and contemplated what it means to be a Birth Mother, I have very mixed emotions.

To my child's birth mother,

Today is a day to honor you. I don't know your story yet. I may never know. I wonder if you planned your entire pregnancy to give up your child, or if you were forced to take him to the orphanage after several months of desperately trying to provide for him. I wonder if you are alive and crying for him each night, or if God has already taken you from this Earth. I hope that someday I know a little bit about your story. I hope that I have something to tell my child about the mommy that grew him in her tummy. I know he will be curious to hear stories about you, and his country. I earnestly pray that I am able to provide him with all the information that you would want him to have.

Today is an odd day for me. I don't even know our child yet, but somehow, I feel drawn to you tonight as I sit in a quiet house with your son's 2 siblings sleeping in the rooms across the house. I dream about what it may be like a year from now. Will he be here with us, sleeping in a crib next to his big brother who has asked and prayed for him for months now? I pray that you have peace in your heart tonight like I have in mine.

I know that this is not what you wanted out of your life. I know you didn't grow up
as a little girl dreaming of the day that you would give up your child to a family
who would take him from his country and raise him across the globe. All I can do
is thank you for your brave decision to do what was best for your child. I can
thank you for allowing us to love him, comfort him, nourish him, and teach him about
the love of Jesus Christ.

Next year on Birthmother's Day I hope to know a little more about you, and certainly
know more about our baby boy. Our hearts will forever be entwined with a love for
the same child...this I know already.

I will write again then,

Ashley"


This year my letter is very different. It's too personal to share
on here. I do want my boys to know that I am writing their
mother a letter every year on Birthmother's Day. I will save
them all together and they can read them when they get older.
Boys, please know that I have the utmost respect for your
mother, and I love her with all of my heart...

Mom

this morning I fell out of bed on my knees.

literally.
Never before have I been so completely terrified.
Never before have I lived this many days with the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I woke up this morning, having not shaken the feeling overnight, and decided there was no better way to deal, than to turn it over to the One who can calm all my fears. So, this morning, I rolled out of bed and straight onto my knees.

I prayed for peace, patience, and the motivation to complete my to do list rather than just hugging Hunter and Graysen all day.

I prayed for safe travels, for Hunter and Graysen's hearts during the time while we're gone. I prayed for those who will be keeping them, I prayed for Sintayehu and Bizayehu.

I told God I was turning all of these fears and insecurities over to Him. It's only been a few hours since I woke up and I'm already fighting the urge to take back the worries.

I keep telling myself that He would not have gotten us this far in the process if NOW was not the time for these boys to join our family. We would not be preparing to fly to Africa in 6 days if God hadn't planned and blessed this entire journey. His hand prints are all over the whole adoption and I've got to keep remembering that. Remembering the miracles that have happened over the last year, and the people who have been His hands and feet during our journey.

Here's to a great day together, further preparing our hearts and home for two more precious children of God!

10 days

Well, the airline tickets are officially purchased. We fly out at 9:55 a.m. on May 14th, making it just 10 days until we are off to finally meet our newest family members! We will be back on May 22nd around 6:30 p.m. Yes, you counted right, that's almost 9 days away from Hunter and Graysen. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it, but I know that God's Grace will see ALL of us through those 9 days.

I made the boys' first Dr. appointments today. Wow, it was odd calling and making Dr. appointments for kids that I've never even met, yet I called them my sons with pride!

I'm trying really hard to continue with my everyday life, such as laundry, work, and Pampered Chef shows, but it's getting harder and harder by the day to concentrate on such things. I just want to get packed and spend the rest of the days cuddling and playing with Hunter and Graysen before we leave on this journey for so very long. I've only been away from them for 2 nights in a row...8 nights is going to be a shock.

Kids, please know that your Dad and I love each and every one of you more than you'll ever know...well, until you have kids of your own maybe. Although it is killing us to have to leave Hunter and Graysen, we are thrilled to know that we're going to bring home Bizayehu and Sintayehu and learn all about Ethiopia, which is a country that will forever be a part of our hearts and lives. It's so hard to be a parent to 4 children who are split across the world. I feel so guilty letting Hunter and Graysen down while we leave, but Sintayehu and Bizayehu need us too, it's just so emotionally draining.

On that note I'm headed to do more laundry...

Ash

13

13 more days my dearest children,

So much has been happening in the last few days. So much physically, mentally, and emotionally! Yesterday was spent preparing for Hunter's Pre-School Graduation. We cleaned the house and even did some more deep cleaning! We laid down a new rug in your room and made all of your beds. Your room looks so cute, I can't wait to peak in late at night and see all four of my sleeping children. It will make my heart very, very happy.

Hunter, you did awesome at graduation. Daddy and I were so very proud of you! You sang loud and knew all the verses. You smiled and shook hands like a little man. You're really growing up and we're very proud of the boy you're becoming. Keep up the good work baby! I want you to know that I'm praying for you during this transition Hunter. I know that even though you have looked forward to having more brothers for a long time now, it will be hard to make the change to having two more kids to share your home with. I pray that you will create a bond with your brothers that no one can break, a love for each other that will not fail.

Graysen, we are praying for you too! You are a little possessive of your family members, and we're afraid that it might be hard on you to learn to share your Bubby, Mommy, and Daddy with two more siblings. Don't worry, we'll carve out special time for just you, we promise! I know you'll be very patient with your new brothers as they learn all about our family and lives together.

Sintayehu and Bizayehu, Daddy told me last night that he doesn't want to do anything else before he gets to hug you. He doesn't want to work, eat, sleep...nothing will be as good until he can hug you. You boys sure are lucky. Your Dad loves you so very much and can't wait to show you! I'm buying our airline tickets today and we're having lots of friends over on Wednesday night to help us pack...after that we'll be ready to come meet you! We wonder when they will tell you that we're coming. We're praying that you'll be ready to meet us as well!

All my love to my four beautiful children,
Mommy

15

Bizayehu and Sintayehu,

We are leaving in 15 days to come and meet you. I've been studying your pictures and praying for your hearts for almost 4 months now, but suddenly it's becoming real. Your Dad and I are really flying 1/2 way around the world to come and experience your country, your culture, and most importantly, meet both of you. I am praying without ceasing now. I have cried lots of tears since yesterday when we got the email asking if we could be there by the 18th of May.

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I'm over the moon excited to finally wrap my arms around you and tell you how madly in love with you I am. I am anxious about your adjustment to our country and our family. I am fearful that you will not be excited to meet me or to leave Ethiopia and come home with us.

Please know that your Dad and I will love you without fail, unconditionally, no matter what. We will continue to pray for your hearts every single day. You are both very strong boys, and we are amazed by you already.

16 or 17 days boys, and we will finally be together...and our life journey begins!

All my love,
Mom