We're home. We're home. I just have to keep repeating it to myself.
I'm nervous to write this post, I'll be honest.
I'd love to say things are all sunshine and flowers...but they aren't. We're struggling.
Let's look at the facts. We are a family, this is for sure...but for the first time in our lives, being a family doesn't automatically mean security and happiness.
This time, being a family means that we've promised to stick by each other's side no matter what. At this point in our lives, being parents means that we've promised to love each child in our home, we've promised to do whatever we have in our power to give them a good life...
and we're doing the best we can.
I sit here, far too early in the morning writing this post, with tears streaming down my face, not sure I'm ready to face day 2 of being home. The boys have a doctor appointment this morning, and I don't even know how to explain to them where we're going or that they'll be getting shots.
It's a horrible feeling not being able to communicate effectively with your own children.
I was not prepared for the emotional and physical defects that older children living in an orphanage come with. Not only did they fend for themselves for the first 5 years of their lives, they have lived in institutionalized care for the last 5 months...this does hard things to kids.
Am I a strong enough mother to help correct these things?
Can I portray our commitment to these children enough without having common words to use?
Can I teach them to trust me?
Life is not all flowers and sunshine right now, but it is life. We have followed God's calling in our lives, and it's not been an easy road. There has been heartache the whole way. I think this is a sure sign that you're in God's Will...it's not going to be easy, but you will be confident.
I will keep repeating Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I know that this is truth.
Please keep us in your prayers as we begin our journey to become the family that God intended us to be.
Please remember Hunter and Graysen as they get to know their new brothers, and Lincoln and I's marriage, as we learn to parent two new children.
Today we will take it one hour at a time...and it will be good.
I'm nervous to write this post, I'll be honest.
I'd love to say things are all sunshine and flowers...but they aren't. We're struggling.
Let's look at the facts. We are a family, this is for sure...but for the first time in our lives, being a family doesn't automatically mean security and happiness.
This time, being a family means that we've promised to stick by each other's side no matter what. At this point in our lives, being parents means that we've promised to love each child in our home, we've promised to do whatever we have in our power to give them a good life...
and we're doing the best we can.
I sit here, far too early in the morning writing this post, with tears streaming down my face, not sure I'm ready to face day 2 of being home. The boys have a doctor appointment this morning, and I don't even know how to explain to them where we're going or that they'll be getting shots.
It's a horrible feeling not being able to communicate effectively with your own children.
I was not prepared for the emotional and physical defects that older children living in an orphanage come with. Not only did they fend for themselves for the first 5 years of their lives, they have lived in institutionalized care for the last 5 months...this does hard things to kids.
Am I a strong enough mother to help correct these things?
Can I portray our commitment to these children enough without having common words to use?
Can I teach them to trust me?
Life is not all flowers and sunshine right now, but it is life. We have followed God's calling in our lives, and it's not been an easy road. There has been heartache the whole way. I think this is a sure sign that you're in God's Will...it's not going to be easy, but you will be confident.
I will keep repeating Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I know that this is truth.
Please keep us in your prayers as we begin our journey to become the family that God intended us to be.
Please remember Hunter and Graysen as they get to know their new brothers, and Lincoln and I's marriage, as we learn to parent two new children.
Today we will take it one hour at a time...and it will be good.
13 comments:
Call me when you get a chance (I know, that's comical). - JOANNA
We are praying for y'all! Just take it minute by minute, you will make it through this transition period. I can't imagine what the boys are thinking. Keep in touch and if you need something please let me or someone know.
I am praying for you, Ash! I pray about you every time I think of you, which is often! I will be praying for you as you go to the boys' doctors' visits today - I'm sure Dr. Sean will be great with them!
I so want to come see the boys, but I don't want to share our germs. :) Maybe this is God's way of holding off the overwhelming-ness of meeting so many people in a short period of time.
So, I will just keep praying for your adjustment period.
Praying for you. I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me.
Blessings,
Amy
I feel confident that if anyone in STJ can do it, it is YOU.
Praying for you all!!!
I'm SO sorry that this is so hard! I really appreciate your openness and honesty though - it lets me know how to pray. Know that I am praying for you guys as you make this transition into being a family of 6!
Love and hugs,
Charity
Hang in there Ash and let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Still praying for you guys...
I read an article a few weeks ago that repeated your exact sentiments, and the author was slammed by more negative comments than I thought imaginable. Thank you for your honesty. It is refreshing. I used to work with kids at BGTM that faced overwhelming challenges in their short lives and I learned that people who will accept God's challenge to love them can truly change their lives.
I'm glad you all made it home safe. I'm praying...
I am praying for you and your family Ashley as you go through this difficult adjustment. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help (besides lots of prayers)
I know, I don't really know you, as a person, as a parent, at all other that the words on you blog, and through Lincoln. Through Lincoln, I feel that I have an advantage beyond those limits. You all will overcome the limits of language, of patterns, and most of all, I'm sure your family will be very happy.
Ashley, I've been meaning to comment as I have been checking your blog often for updates. I have been been thinking and praying for your family as you all are adjusting.
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