Last night I was afforded the opportunity to imagine who I would be if I were not me. Odd as that sounds, I was able to go to Rolla by myself for almost an hour and a half before meeting up with my girlfriends. I took my notebook with me and was given some self reflection time. This is what I wrote:
Tonight I listened to Martina McBride's song "Where Would You Be?" and it got me to thinking - where would I be, where would I go, who would I love if I were without Lincoln? Now granted, our life is totally different now with kids than if I had never married. But...this is who I think I would be if I wasn't married:
I think I would be the girl who moved away from family to try to find herself. I would go to a city where there were lots of options in the art world. I think I would go to Panara (or a similar coffee shop) and sit outside with my headphones on listening to a wide variety of music (rap all the way to classical) with her laptop or pen and paper working on choreography or exploring her thoughts, while drinking an IC Moca. I can see myself attending live music shows and art exhibits on a regular basis. I might work at a Dance Studio or in the public school system. I wonder if I would've lost my self esteem when it comes to attracting men if things wouldn't have worked out with Lincoln. Maybe it's the married factor, maybe it's the extra weight from kids - either way, I can't imagine that any man other than my husband would find me attractive. Odd as it may be, I believe that if I hadn't married Lincoln I would've either married one of 2 of my best friends from HS, or never married at all. I would love my nieces or nephews when they arrive and devoted myself to them entirely.
I'm a huge fan of comfort.
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