Like brother, like sister

Graysen adores Hunter.  Everyday she wants to be more and more like him.  I find her trying to copy him in ways I couldn't have imagined she understood at this age.  Here is just one example of how much she wants to be just like him - already!

Day 6 - The Stress is Kicking In!

* This was originally posted on my adoption blog

I was rather stressed today over how we are going to make this really happen. I know God is going to provide, and I need to continue to wait on Him. I told Lincoln I just don't want our baby to be laying over in an orphanage because I can't get my stuff together! I would so much rather be the one sitting here waiting for a referral!

Accomplishments for the day:

• TOLD OUR FAMILIES!!!!! This is a huge step for us because it's really starting to make it real!
• Called David at PCB to discuss some ideas... possibly taking out a home equity loan and refinancing.
• Emailed some questions to AAI
• Made an email list of people we need to send the "announcement" to. I'm sure it's not complete, but hopefully we haven't forgotten too many people!

Day 6 - The stress is kicking in

I was rather stressed today over how we are going to make this really happen. I know God is going to provide, and I need to continue to wait on Him. I told Lincoln I just don't want our baby to be laying over in an orphanage because I can't get my stuff together! I would so much rather be the one sitting here waiting for a referral!

Accomplishments for the day:

• TOLD OUR FAMILIES!!!!! This is a huge step for us because it's really starting to make it real!
• Called David at PCB to discuss some ideas... possibly taking out a home equity loan and refinancing.
• Emailed some questions to AAI
• Made an email list of people we need to send the "announcement" to. I'm sure it's not complete, but hopefully we haven't forgotten too many people!

Curve Balls

You know, sometimes life throws you curve balls that you're just not ready for.  When one of these curve balls come my way I either handle it one of two ways.

Option #1:  Become depressed, withdrawn, and very very sleepy.  When I deal with a life issue in this way it is never a good thing.  I find myself all consumed with the issue at hand.  I spend HOURS on the computer or reading in books to try to find a solution.  I neglect my family, friends, and normal daily routines.  Sometimes I may find a solution, others I get so overwhelmed with the issue that I can't even see straight enough to find a solution.  At this point I have to turn to family to help me solve the problem, which always makes me feel in adequate.  

Option #2:  Ask for help right away.  Whether it's help with actually solving the problem or prayer, it's always more efficient when I ask for help from the beginning.  Although it's possible I may find myself ashamed of the problem that I've gotten myself in, those feelings are often less than the negative feelings of depression when attacking with Option #1.  I find that I can carry on with the rest of life much easier knowing that there are people there supporting me and carrying some of the weight.  

How do you deal? 

Day 5

• Called Dr. Sean and left a message asking if he would look over our referall medical info with us when it comes. He called back - would love to look over it, we can either drop it off and give him 3-4 days or we can make an apt. and have him look over it at the apt.
• Called Key Sport - they will make 25, 2 color, white t-shirts for 7.25 each...that's a better deal than the place I found online.
• Emailed Dani - this is becoming a daily (sometimes 2 or 3 times) occurance. She is being SO good about helping me through this process...what an angel!
• Spoke with Adoption and Beyond about their homestudy fees / process...sounds promising (and like we may be taking a trip to stay with the Lovin's while we do our workshop!)
• Got pre-approved for both AGCI and Bethany!
• Printed off several grant and loan applications
• Received AGCI's informational packet
• Spoke with a woman from Dillion International Home Study Agency - their costs are much higher than Adoption and Beyond

Day 4 - Designated Day of Rest...lol

Today is Sunday. I decided when we started this process that I would take one day a week and do nothing toward the adoption. I ALMOST succeeded! We went to church this morning and then ran to Walmart afterwards. Lincoln and I both got our picture taken for our passport photos (I will pick them up tomorrow). We also bought some dividers, pockets, and a pre-hole punched notebook for my binder. When I came home I took a 3 hour nap (obviously I was a little behind on sleep!) and then got up and organized my binder. Took all the old info out and put the new dividers in with tabs for Agency, Financial, Homestudy, Immigration, Travel, Dossier, Educational Resources, Post Placement, Referall, and Medical Info. I added my birth certificate and our marriage licence to the binder. I made a "to do" list for tomorrow and am getting ready to try to make a chart to compare four agencies when it comes to cost. (ACGI, AAI, Bethany, and Gladney.)

I need to find a place that has a printer for me to use. I need to print off tons of grant / loan applications so I can get started on those. I can't go to Charlie's or Mom's classroom until we tell them. The studio has a printer, but no internet. I'm not sure if the library has a printer that you can pay to use...maybe I should look into that.

Compared to the first 3 days, this was a very calm day...but I'm ready to go full force tomorrow and hopefully pick an agency, and a homestudy agency (if needed)!

Blogging Break

I'm taking a blogging break.

It will at most last a few days.

I'm kind of wiped out.

I'm having fun living my life rather than worrying about blogging all the memories and beliefs.

I think my fear of dying before my children really know who I am is starting to disappear...thanks only to God.

I hope you all will check back when I return!

:0)

Day 3

Today was the most frustrating day yet. (I know, it's only been 3 days, but it feels like an eternity already!) It is Saturday and therefore most every place is closed. My list of accomplishments is small.

1. Printed off Passport applications, mine is already filled out.
2. Received an email from one of the home study agencies I left a message for last night. I emailed a list of questions back.
3. Spoke with Dani on the phone again about how to understand the breakdown of cost. This is by far the most frustrating thing I've dealt with so far. All the agencies list their fees in a different way, with different things included, and with different words. It makes it nearly impossible to compare them. We want an agency we feel comfortable and confident with, but do not want to pay 6-8 thousand more than we should be. Extremely aggravating.
4. Did some research on fundraisers, didn't get too many ideas, but I did email someone who makes adoption T-shirts to sell for 10.00, if we sell them for 15 or 20 that would be a little extra money.

I'm going to ask Lincoln tomorrow if we can tell Charlie and Mom so that Charlie can sit down with me and go over the numbers. I get so overwhelmed by them that I can't even see straight, I know he would be the best one to make chart and help us make an educated decision on an agency.

I talked to Lincoln today about what he thinks his families reaction will be. He says he has no idea...I'm a little nervous simply because the topic of adoption has never come up with his parents and I have no idea what their stand is.

Tomorrow is my designated day of rest, so there most likely won't be a post, but if I get to tell Charlie and sit down with him I may post our findings...we shall see!

This is how I know...

My goodness...I can tell I'm going to learn a lot about myself through this process. I think I'm going to learn a lot about my trust in God, patience, diligence, organizational skills, planning, and money management.

I am so overwhelmed with not only the process of this adoption already, but with the feelings of love and desire for the child that God has planned to put in our home. It's amazing to me to think that before I was born, and before our baby was / is born, God has us knit together in His plan. I would never have thought that God had plans for me to travel half way around the world to bring home a child to love and raise. That is something much more awesome than I ever thought God had planned for me. I am feeling so privileged already to be a part of this!

I have always prayed for my children. I prayed for Hunter from the night I found out I was expecting him, and I prayed for each of my other children as we prepared to conceive them. I pray with them and for them every night when we go to sleep, and now I have one, if not more to pray for as well.

It is killing me not knowing if my child is born already, waiting for us to come and get them. I hope that they are being loved on every day, getting enough to eat, feeling God's arms wrapped around them while mine can not be, and resting comfortably at night. I hope that they smile and laugh and enjoy the others around them. I hope they feel my love from here.

If they are not born yet, I am praying for their birth parents. I can not imagine trying to take good care of my body for a growing baby in a nation where there is not enough food to eat. I can not fathom how the mother must feel everyday my baby is growing inside her womb knowing that she must let her baby go after it is born because she can not provide for it. I pray for her peace of mind. I pray she knows in her heart that I am here, waiting to love and provide for that baby just as I have my other children. I will continue to pray for her every day for the rest of my life, because giving a child up for adoption is probably the most selfless act one can make. I'm sure she will never forget our child, and although I will never meet her, I will never forget her.

This is how I know that adoption is right for my family right now. Our child(ren) are out there, and God has called us to bring them home!

This is how I know...

*This was originally posted on my adoption blog

My goodness...I can tell I'm going to learn a lot about myself through this process. I think I'm going to learn a lot about my trust in God, patience, diligence, organizational skills, planning, and money management.

I am so overwhelmed with not only the process of this adoption already, but with the feelings of love and desire for the child that God has planned to put in our home. It's amazing to me to think that before I was born, and before our baby was / is born, God has us knit together in His plan. I would never have thought that God had plans for me to travel half way around the world to bring home a child to love and raise. That is something much more awesome than I ever thought God had planned for me. I am feeling so privileged already to be a part of this!

I have always prayed for my children. I prayed for Hunter from the night I found out I was expecting him, and I prayed for each of my other children as we prepared to conceive them. I pray with them and for them every night when we go to sleep, and now I have one, if not more to pray for as well.

It is killing me not knowing if my child is born already, waiting for us to come and get them. I hope that they are being loved on every day, getting enough to eat, feeling God's arms wrapped around them while mine can not be, and resting comfortably at night. I hope that they smile and laugh and enjoy the others around them. I hope they feel my love from here.

If they are not born yet, I am praying for their birth parents. I can not imagine trying to take good care of my body for a growing baby in a nation where there is not enough food to eat. I can not fathom how the mother must feel everyday my baby is growing inside her womb knowing that she must let her baby go after it is born because she can not provide for it. I pray for her peace of mind. I pray she knows in her heart that I am here, waiting to love and provide for that baby just as I have my other children. I will continue to pray for her every day for the rest of my life, because giving a child up for adoption is probably the most selfless act one can make. I'm sure she will never forget our child, and although I will never meet her, I will never forget her.

This is how I know that adoption is right for my family right now. Our child(ren) are out there, and God has called us to bring them home!

Day 2

• Decided on either Bethany Christian Services or All God's Children International.
• Called both places and asked questions about cost, wait time, Assests vs. Liabilities, homestudies, and Graysen's age.
• Submitted our pre-applications to both places
• Called Randi to verify our Personal Property numbers - did not recieve a call back
• Left messages with four different homestudy agencies here in Mo in case we decide to go with AGCI.

List of Local Places I Want / Like to Visit

STL
Zoo - http://www.stlzoo.com
Children's Museum
Magic House
Science Center - http://www.slsc.org
Grant's Farm
City Museum


Kansas City
Kaleidoscope - http://www.HallmarkKaleidoscope.comCahokia Mounds
Paradise Park - http://www.Paradise-Park.com


Springfield
Discovery Center - http://www.discoverycenter.org
Incredible's Pizza - http://www.incrediblepizza.org/springfield


Saint James
Meremec Springs Park


Ironton
Elephant Rocks - http://www.mostateparks.com/elephantrocks.htm


Middle Brook
Johnson's Shut-Ins - http://www.mostateparks.com/jshutins/recovery.htm


Weston
Weston Red Barn Farm - http://www.WestonRedBarnFarm.com


Illinois
Cahokia Mounds - http://www.cahokiamounds.com

A Change of Heart

* This post was originally written on my adoption blog.

Last night Lincoln and I had a long talk about adoption and whether it was right for our family or not. I told him I didn't think my body was cut out for another pregnancy and he agreed. We decided that we both felt like God was leading us to adopt. We decided to go with an Ethiopian program. We both agreed that we wanted a boy under 1 year old.

Now...where and how to start?!

Today I...

• Got out all the information that I gathered over 2 years ago and threw out all the domestic adoption stuff.



• I called Gladney and spoke with a women there. She explained the steps for that specific agency to me.



• I emailed two references for America World Adoptions.



• We watched a video from America World Adoptions.



• We made the decision to keep this adoption very quiet for now...we are only telling the Lovin's and the Chrisco's.



• We talked about possible ways to fund the adoption - need to talk to Dani more about this when she calls.



• We talked about where all of our important family documents are located (birth certificates, marriage license, etc.)...we think they are in the Redburn's safe.



• Emailed Marcinda and asked her to check the safe tonight and see if they are in there.



• Called the Rolla Division of Family Services. They don't do home studies for other agencies.



• Sent off for information from American Adoptions, who appear to do home studies for other agencies.



• Called and got all the info about getting our passports - 8-430 M-T, 8-4 F, need to bring 2 photos (Walmart), Birth Certificate with a raised seal, and Drivers License. Cost - 100.00 in cash, takes 4 weeks to get back.


• Started figuring our liabilities vs. assests...whew, this is going to be a challenge!

Things to gather

• Ashley's Birth Certificate - done


• Lincoln's Birth Certificate -


• Marriage Licence - done


• Morgage Statement -


• Student Loan Statements -


• Credit Card Statements -


• Passports -

A Change of Heart

Last night Lincoln and I had a long talk about adoption and whether it was right for our family or not. I told him I didn't think my body was cut out for another pregnancy and he agreed. We decided that we both felt like God was leading us to adopt. We decided to go with an Ethiopian program. We both agreed that we wanted a boy under 1 year old.





Now...where and how to start?!





Today I...

• Got out all the information that I gathered over 2 years ago and threw out all the domestic adoption stuff.



• I called Gladney and spoke with a women there. She explained the steps for that specific agency to me.



• I emailed two references for America World Adoptions.



• We watched a video from America World Adoptions.



• We made the decision to keep this adoption very quiet for now...we are only telling the Lovin's and the Chrisco's.



• We talked about possible ways to fund the adoption - need to talk to Dani more about this when she calls.



• We talked about where all of our important family documents are located (birth certificates, marriage license, etc.)...we think they are in the Redburn's safe.



• Emailed Marcinda and asked her to check the safe tonight and see if they are in there.



• Called the Rolla Division of Family Services. They don't do home studies for other agencies.



• Sent off for information from American Adoptions, who appear to do home studies for other agencies.



• Called and got all the info about getting our passports - 8-430 M-T, 8-4 F, need to bring 2 photos (Walmart), Birth Certificate with a raised seal, and Drivers License. Cost - 100.00 in cash, takes 4 weeks to get back.


• Started figuring our liabilities vs. assests...whew, this is going to be a challenge!

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Lincoln turns 27 today! He says he might as well be 35 at this point. :0) Today Hunter is going to give his Daddy a bike so that they can ride together this summer. This is the first birthday gift that he has thought of by himself and he can't wait to give it to him! I got Lincoln a NIV Bible. It is very easy to read and I can't wait to spend some time with him reading it together! We will go out to dinner together tonight just the two of us and then we will go out as a family on Saturday...two great meals in one week...it doesn't get any better than that!!!

I love it; not so much

I love when Graysen brings me something she wants to put on and lays down flat on the floor. It could be a shirt, a hair bow, or a pair of shoes, she always lays flat on the floor!

When she throws herself on the ground because she doesn't get her way; not so much.

I love it when Hunter wants to have a real conversation with you.

When he bursts into tears because he's not winning at something; not so much.

I love it when Lincoln is home and involved in our daily activities.

When he works all 7 days of the week; not so much.

Five Guilty Pleasures

1. Ordering two 1/2 price appetizers at Applebees on Thursday nights
2. Falling asleep during long hot baths
3. Quitting work in May
4. Grey's Anatomy and The Bachelor
5. McDonald's 42 oz. drinks on my way to dance

What are yours?!

Sometimes I feel like I get nothing accomplished

...so today I'm going to keep a list of everything that I do.

• Worked for 45 minutes this morning before the kids woke up


• Brushed my hair and teeth


• Made a menu and grocery shopping list


• Got Hunter and Graysen dressed and Graysen's hair done for the day


• Cleaned up the Cheerios that Graysen dumped all over the living room floor


• Cleaned up the Cookie Crisp that Graysen dumped all over the couch (we're talking the entire bags here folks...)


• Vacuumed the living room and under the couch cushions


• Tried to explain that unplugging the vacuum while it was running was dangerous to Gray (had to put her in her crib while I finished so that she would stop)


• Swept up the macaroni noodles that Graysen spilled in the kitchen (had to put her in the highchair so she would stop messing up the piles before I could get them up)


• Swept the whole kitchen 3 times today


• Got the idea to do macaroni noodle art with the kids while sweeping up the noodles
• Loaded the dishwasher
  
• Took out the trash and replaced the bag
  
• Put the Easter Egg stickers back on the window that Gray pulled off


• Took pictures of the Easter Egg Tree for a future blog post
  
• Got the kids drinks / food through the day
  
• Washed the big pots and pans by hand


• Checked my email and responded to a few several times through the day


• Read all the new blogs posted last night and today


• Did 3 loads of laundry and folded it
  
• Changed Gray's diapers during the day


• Took Libby potty during the day


• Kept Graysen from spilling the whole box of Rice Crispies (she loves the Lazy Susan...)


• Took several phone calls throughout the day


• Used the Magic Eraser to clean one of the back doors (the other will have to wait until tomorrow)


• Unloaded the dishwasher and loaded a few more then eventually ran that load
  
• Gave Graysen her medicine


• Wiped Gray's nose several times during the day


• Made an appointment for an inspection for the truck
  
• Updated the calendar with several new things
• Had several conversations with Hunter about various topics


• Picked up the legos that Graysen dumped out


• Helped the kids pick up the living room before lunch and rest time


• Dealt with a few arguments between children
  
• Got all three kids down for rest time
  
• Managed to eat a burrito for lunch myself


• Did the macaroni noodle art project with Hunter and Libby


• Refolded the throw blankets in the living room several times


• Changed Graysen's bedding


• Went to my Grandma's to look for silver dress shoes (to no avail)


• Watched 1/2 of Bolt with the kids


• Took a "Mommy time-out" for 5 minutes in Gray's room by myself. Did some deep breathing.


• Played beach ball with Hunter


• Looked online for Easter shoes for Graysen


• Researched dogs that don't shed (we're considering getting Hunter one for his birthday, but it's a HUGE secret...shhhhhh!)


• Refilled water bottles for the fridge


• Got Hunter set up to play his computer games


• Made baked potatoes for dinner


• Worked for 45 minutes during rest time


• Cleaned out and alphabetized our CD rack (I should've timed this activity...you have NO idea!)


• Did some general cleaning / picking up around the house (3 different times)


• Played outside with the kids


• Ran to the store for sour cream


• Went over to Charlie's for dinner


• Got both kids bathed


• Layed out PJ's


• Got both kids in PJ's and finished with night-time routine


• Posted this blog


• and at the end of this day I am determined to have some energy left for my husband! :0)

Things on my "to do" list that didn't get accomplished today:

• Find shoes for the Wedding I'm in in 2 weeks



• Tan



• Re-organize my pan cabinet



• Clean out fridge



• Put check in the bank



• Find Graysen Easter shoes


• Take St. Pat's Day items out to the shed and bring in the Easter stuff

Small Group Discussion

We had a very good conversation at Small Group several weeks ago. We discussed and questioned why Christians aren't better at crossing denominational lines and working together for the good of the Kingdom. Why is it that we generally get suck in our church groups and so rarely venture out and work hand in hand with groups from other churches? Why don't our churches encourage this more? Why are denominations poking fun at others? There seem to always be jokes like "we let you out early so you can beat the Baptists to lunch". Yes, I know these jokes are meant in loving fun, but does it give our young people a good view of how we should treat others? I don't think so.




If We are the Body by Casting Crowns:

It's crowded in worship today
As she lips in
Trying to fad into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know


Chorus:
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way


A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road


Chorus


Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ


Jesus is the way



A few places where I think Christians of all denominations would be of great assistance:

• Pregnancy Resource Center
• The St. James Caring Center
• Red Cross
• Putting together Easter / Thanksgiving / Christmas baskets for the community
• Operation Christmas Child

**I am not saying that this an absolute. Obviously there are churches that encourage participation in the Christian community.