I read this story on this blog and was SO impressed. I'm fairly traditional in my marriage / family thinking. I believe that a woman should take her husband's name, I believe that if at all possible the woman should stay home and care for the home and the children. I believe that children should obey their parents. I included this story on my blog for my children...yes, all 4 of them.
Graysen, I pray that you have this mindset when you get to the age to be married, I hope that you realize what a gift your husband is giving you. I hope that you make him proud to have given you his name. Hunter, Silas, and Blake, I hope that you look for a woman who believes this. I pray that you will give great thought and prayer to the fact that you will indeed be giving your future wife not only your hand in marriage, but your name...forever. Read, and enjoy!
"Because somewhere between the burning of the bras and my marriage license a shift occurred in the conscience of we woman. No longer were we lemmings, we were individuals and that is not a bad thing after all. Kind of like sex, our generation made a decision if we were going to have it or not...no longer did society dictate the definition of good girl vs. bad girl. We made the decision for ourselves.
All good right?
I don't know about that. Yes, in many ways, it is way more honest, but in the course of history, how many times has the quest for knowledge out smarted, at least for a while, wisdom? We are told in the Word of God to seek after Wisdom and God will give it freely. But in terms of knowledge, once we have it, we are responsible for it. There are things that our God never intended for us to know. And once we know it, we can't unknow it.
Am I suggesting that it is bad to have a choice in names after marriage? Yeah, maybe a little. Before you start contacting Gloria whats her name, who eventually got married and now we don't hear from her anymore by the way....hear me out. John gave me a really good ring when he proposed. I mean it is way, way, way good. A couple Karats that include both mine and Mom's diamonds. It is a RING! My mother-in-law told him he had to get me a really good ring so that when I was shaking the poop off the diapers one day, I might catch a glimmer on that diamond and remember why I married him in the first place! What a good woman she was!
But let me tell you, that ring, while still a contract, is an asset. More then once I have thought that I could sell it when things got real rough. I learned to wait on the Lord in those moments and I have to admit, I pretty darn glad it is still on my finger...but if in our nation, when things are so bad, there is ever a time I need to sell that really, really good ring for my family, I will. If it is a choice between food and ring or home and ring...off goes the ring into the shop.
The name I get to keep. John gave me his name. Think about it ladies, he gave me his name, and his name was pretty good until I started to wear it. I am no longer Maryellen Margaret Brennan, I am Maryellen Schlusser...Mrs. Schlusser to my kids freinds and teachers and I love when they trip over trying to say it. If I really don't like someone, I wait patiently until they say it properly or just smile as they call me Ma'am.
I did nothing to earn John's name. He gave it freely. His name is the only gift he can never take back. Even in court, a judge would have to decide that for him. He gave it to me for all of my life. Even in death, I still think on my mom as Ellen Brennan, not Ellen Durkin...There are certain gifts that are forever gifts. John Schlusser gave me his name.
So while my own girls will have to decide on moral issues even now and name issues someday, unlike their grandmothers and great grandmothers, I pray they accept the name of the man who becomes their husband. I hope someday, I have a daughter-in-law, who accepts our name, SCHLUSSER....
This morning, I am going to a wake. A woman in our church buried her daughter about four months ago. Today she is burying her husband...so much pain in one sisters life. I won't pretend to have answers to all that God is doing in her life...nothing I could say right now matters. We truly rest in the Lord's providence in seasons of suffering.
It just struck me as I wrote this, that today, she does not have to give back her husband's name. Even in death, she gets to keep it. She is still a "Mrs." and does not revert back to being a "Miss" and his name is her own. Maybe that is why our husbands are the priest of our homes and why we accept their name. This widow is still known by the name of the man she has loved all these years.
I am blessed to be given a name and to be taken as John's own in marriage. It was a gift freely given. Yes, dear feminists, I belong to John. He is my husband and I am his wife. John gave me the name of Schlusser to own as my mine.
In Glory, I get to stand on the name my God has given me: Child of the King. God made me royalty and by his grace I am a Schlusser dirt side and beyond.
“The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us.” Deuteronomy 29:29"
5 comments:
Agreed.
I think this is a good view point too, even though I want to keep my last night/hyphenate it. For one it's because I love my name and two, as another way to remember my Dad. I certainly respect other viewpoints though and do agree with what she said. :)
I guess I am nontraditional, Ashley, because I really don't think its an honor that I took Dan's last name. I think that it is a sacrifice on my part and an honor for HIM that I reliquished my birth name for him. I think I see it the exact opposite as the lady you quoted!
Thanks for the interesting perspective!
Mindy, do you love your middle name? I've known of some people who got rid of their middle name and moved their maiden name to that spot. Do you think you'll go by your maiden name and married name or just keep it for memories sake?
Bethany, Your view point is also interesting, I've never thought of it like that. I guess I was just so ready to get rid of my maiden name (because I was not proud of the man who gave it to me at that point in my life) that I was very grateful that Lincoln gave me his.
Ha, I just noticed I wrote "night" instead of "name" in my first comment. Sleep deprived, much?
Anyway, I do love my middle name too (Denean). I like the way my whole name sounds together and how it is unique. I have thought a lot about this name changing thing and still am not for sure what I'll do. I think I over-analyze it, really.
Also, in your point to Bethany about your Dad... if I marry Ryan, he doesn't even talk to his Dad or have a relationship with him anymore. Do you think that makes a difference as to whether I take his last name since that's who it came from? I've thought about that.
Oh and by the way, I would not give my kids my maiden name or my hyphenated name.
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