Sometimes I wish that I sent my kids to daycare.

So that I could get out of the house?  No. 

So that I could have a job and we would have more money?  No.

Sometimes I wish I sent my kids to a daycare so that they would be used to being around strangers.  So that they would be more confident in going with someone that they don't know.  So that they weren't so attached to me.  

wait.  that's not what I mean.  I LOVE the attachment that my kids and I have to each other...

...but with surgery day coming up I'm totally dreading sending him into the OR with a nurse that he doesn't know.  I can only imagine the trauma that this is going to cause both him and I.  Let's be honest, I started crying on the phone with the nurse today as she was explaining the process of surgery day to me.  He will get some liquid meds that will make him "drunk" before he leaves me, so let's hope that it won't be as traumatizing to him as it will be to me.  

As I'm crying on the phone this afternoon the nurse says "just think of it this way.  If he is crying really hard he will only have to breathe like twice before the anesthesia will put him to sleep!"  Great.  Nice mental picture.  

No, really, I can't say a single bad thing about Children's Hospital thus far.  This poor nurse today spent a solid 30 minutes on the phone with me going over and over my questions.  Explaining the schedule of the day to me several times.  She was never short, cross, or ill-tempered.  She was very reassuring, very encouraging.  

Anyway - that was off topic - like I was saying...  Being a stay at home mom is the most rewarding, best thing I could ever do.  But when times like this come up, it's very, very hard to give up the reigns and let someone else take care of my baby.  That's my job...that's why God gave him to me.  I do it every day, all day...and on Wednesday I won't be able to.  

It's killing me.  Like acid eating my stomach, not going to be able to eat until after surgery on Wednesday killing me...or maybe I need a HUGE Big Mac and a bowl of ice cream.  I'm not sure...but I'll keep you informed.  

Do I really wish I sent my kids to daycare?  Not a single day in my life have I ever wanted to do it.  I'm glad that it's me that they're attached to.  I'm glad it's me that they copy.  I'm glad it's me they hang onto when they're sad, scared, or mad.  

Lord, please prepare Hunter and my hearts for Wednesday.  I know that you are in ultimate control.  I know that you can give us both a peace that comes from no other.  Please fill our hearts, minds, and bodies with that blessing.  I pray that you guide the surgeon's hands and that you cover Hunter with your love while he is in surgery.  You'll be hearing from me again on the subject on Wednesday...for several hours straight...I hope you're ready!  :0)