Reading a book to Blake sounds like this:

Story in "s
Blake is italicized
I am normal type...
See if you can follow this!

"Then what happened, Grandfather? Just as I was born...tell me that part." Is that a baby? Yes. Is it a boy or girl? A boy. Is that his mom? No, it's his Grandma. Is that his mom? Yes. Is she dead? No. Why are her eyes closed? Because she's tired, having a baby is hard work. "It was strange...strange." What is strange? Weird, odd, it means something isn't right. What wasn't right? I don't know son. "Just as you came forth and made yoru first cry, the wind stopped howling..." What is howling? Like this...wooooooo. The wind can't talk. I know, but it can make sounds. I've never heard it make a sound. Well, it does. Your trickin' me. "...and the storm was over..." What kind of storm? I don't know, maybe just a wind storm. No rain, or snow or loud booms? That's called thunder. What's it called? Thunder. Hmm. "...and the night became as quiet as soft falling snow..." Snow doesn't make noise either Mom. I know honey. "...the grandmother took you up in her arms, and said, He will walk in beauty...to the east...to the west...to the north, to the south, he will walk in beauty...forever." Is that his Dad? Yes. Why is he there? Because a lot of times Dad's are there when the baby is born. Why? Because they love the baby and Mom. "And I was born strong, wasn't I, Grandfather? No, you were not strong. You were sick and frail. We thought you would die." Did he die? No, or there wouldn't be this story. Is that the Grandfather? Yes. Why is he reaching for the baby? Maybe because he wants to hold him. Why? I don't know son. What did he say to the baby? I don't know, I wasn't there. "But I didn't die, did I? Tell me about that, Grandfather." Are you sure the mom isn't dead? Yes, I'm sure. Did she just have the baby? Yes. Did it come out here? (pointing to the bottom of the bed) Yes. Okay, Mom, next page please.

oh yes...that was just one page...

Remembering Ethiopia: The Weaver

Inspired by this post, I have been going back through some of our pictures from Ethiopia. The large majority of them are of beautiful faces from Layla House Transitional Home where our boys stayed and I am not allowed to share those with you. Some of them are other people's children now and they are theirs to share (yippy!), but mostly because some of them are still waiting, and that is illegal. Some, though, are of the land, the people, and the beauty that is Ethiopia.


There was one man in particular that amazed me. I was humbled by being around him. We took an afternoon trip to the Leprosy Colony in Addis (mentioned in this post). As you walked up to the "store" there were lots of people sitting around the building, some were hand dying fabrics, some were stitching beautiful designs into the fabrics, some were carving wood with little pocket knife type things, and some were weaving.


This man was crouched on the ground weaving this beautiful mat when we arrived. We stood and watched him in amazement for quite awhile. What you can't see in this picture is that he has no fingers. Yes, his body is extremely crippled, but God has given him a talent beyond what you can believe weaving these beautiful mats. After we went in the gift shop and bought one of his mats, I had to have a picture to remember the soul behind our new front door mat. As I asked him if I could take his picture he pulled up his stool and "posed" for me.


I hope he knows that I thought he was beautiful and perfect already. I hope he knows that God knows him by name, that He cares for him, and loves him unconditionally. Someday I hope I can shake this man's hand in Heaven, for his hands will be healed and perfect when I meet him again.

Celebrate, I've seen a miracle happen today!

Today is a great day.

Today a little boy has found a family.
A forever family.

I fell in love with this boy,
I have prayed for this boy,
I have stared into this boys eyes
for 6 months.

And now, a family has choosen him.
My silent prayers have been answered.

God is good,
God is faithful,
God is love.

When I first got the message from his new mom I got in the car.
This song came on.
and I think the chorus says it all for this situation:

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do





To his family
(you know who you are),
Thank you for being Jesus' arms to this precious boy.
Thank you for loving him,
for putting your hearts on the line,
for choosing to live simply so that he can simply live.
Thank you for obeying the call,
Always,
Ashley

I thought I had a few years.

I wrote this post a long time ago and decided not to publish it. I thought it was too personal. Too much of my son's life to share. But I can't count the number of times I've read another mom's post about her adoption struggles and I've just sat and cried. Tears of sadness, tears of sympathy, tears of relief...that we are not in this alone. I am not the only mother out there struggling to help their child deal with a loss so profound we can not wrap our brains around it. So...I will post this...and pray it helps someone else today.

Adoption is hard.

How many posts have I started with that line? It's true though!
It's worth it, it's amazing, it's a blessing, but it's hard.

Lately one of the boys has started telling me that he wants to go back to his "Mommy's house".
At first I responded with "we'll go home soon Babe".
But from the look on his face I realized...he doesn't mean me. Or my house.

He means his first Mom, the one who birthed him, loved him, and gave the ultimate sacrifice for him so that he could have a safer, healthier life.

He says it when he's mad at me, when I'm requiring him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Maybe he's trying to hurt me.
I don't know.

What I do know is that I can't take it personally.
It's not about me, and I know that.

It's about him.
About the heartache he's trying to work through.
About the loss he's had.

Is his life here in America better?
In some ways.
He eats every meal.
He no longer has parasites.
He has a cool house in the summer and warm one in the winter.

But he's lost a. lot.
His first family.
His food.
His music.
His smells.
His culture.
His language.

I knew there would come a day when we had to deal with anger for what has happened in his life. I could tell you from day 1 that he was going to be the one who struggled with it the most. I just thought I had a few years before it started.

Weekend Wanderings

Graysen and I spent Friday baking cupcakes!

50 cupcakes later, they looked like this...

MS&T had their last football game. A bittersweet day. We were thrilled to be there to cheer Chad on during his last college football game. We braved 45 degree weather, which is why there aren't any pictures us there, we were too bundled up and snuggled under blankets!




We are really proud of Chad, not only on the field, but even more off the field. He is a stand up man who has a huge heart. We love you, Chad.

Saturday night the kids had their weekly sleepover at Grammie and Papa's. When I came Sunday morning, here is what I found them doing.

Sunday afternoon was spent raking and burning leaves in our backyard! I remember burning leaves at our house here in Missouri and they are not really fond memories (of course for this bookworm who never wanted to go outside!), so I was dreading the afternoon. But...I was wrong! We had a lot of fun outside...all. afternoon. because the burning went on for 3.5 hours!

Chad came over and played a little backyard football. On his first official day off of football, bless his heart!

Blake loves to sing. He also loves to be loud. These two are great...in the backyard!

Mommy and Daddy got a date Saturday night (thanks Grandma), and came home with new winter coats...we sure could've used them Saturday afternoon!

Another great Fall weekend in the Redburn household! I hope the kids look back on these quiet weekends with fond memories. I know I will!

The Three Bears

I'm not exactly sure when this song became a part of our family, but I remember singing (and doing the hand clap) to it waaaaay back... Now I sing it daily to Graysen, and Hunter now has it memorized on his own. Without further ado, the words to "The Three Bears". (I considered videoing myself singing and just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'll get Hunter to do it sometime soon...)

Once upon a time
in a nursery rhyme,
There were three bears.
Three bears.
The Papa Bear, the Mama Bear, and the Baby Bear.

Once they went a walkin'
in the deep woods talkin'
and along came a girl
with long golden curly hair
and knocked upon the door.
No one was there.
She didn't care.
She walked right in and sat right down.

Home came those three bears.
Someone's been eating my porridge said the Papa Bear
Said the Papa Bear.
Someone's been eating my porridge said the Mama Bear
Said the Mama Bear.
Hey Mama Re-Bear said the little Wee Bear,
SOMEONE HAS BROKEN MY CHAIR!
Ahhhhh

Someone's been sleeping in my bed said the Papa Bear.
Said the Papa Bear.
Someone's been sleeping in my bed said the Mama Bear,
Said the Mama Bear.
Hey Mama Re-Bear said the little Wee Bear,
SOMEONE HAS BROKEN MY CHAIR!
Ahhhh

Goldie Locks woke up, broke up the party, and beat it out of there.
Beat it out of there.
Bye, bye, bye said the Papa Bear
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye said the Mama Bear
Hey Mama Re-Bear said the little Wee Bear
SOMEONE HAS BROKEN MY CHAIR!

ahhhhhh.....

Thankful Tree: Week 2

As the days go by I am having to challenge the kids to "think outside the box" on things they are thankful for. Should be really interesting here in another week! Here are the things the kids are thankful for this week!

Hunter:
Our house
Daddy playing basketball with me
Horses
Soccer shoes and soccer balls
Mommy
Sissy
Grammie

Silas:
Slides
Daddy jumping on the trampoline with me
Clothes
That G.G. is in Heaven
Silly Papa Charlie
Daddy
Chad

Blake:
Trampoline
Special nights with Sissy and Chad
Riding Susan's horses
God and Jesus
Mommy
My brothers and sisters
Grammie

Graysen:
G.G.
Balls
The pretty weather
Songs
Heads
Cookies
My Birthday!


Aren't our trees looking pretty?!

Hunter's 6 year old pictures

I'm finally getting around to posting my two favorites of Hunter's 6 year old pictures! I was late getting them taken this year (about 1.5 months late!)...but we got them done, none the less.

Hunter,
This year you have grown in so many ways.
Your heart has grown two sizes, and so has your brain!

I'm so proud of the young man you're becoming.
You have a love for God, and a compassion for those around you.
I'm always impressed by your knowledge of all subjects, and your interest in learning.

My promise to you is to always be here,
to listen and to love.
Yours always,
Mom

These pictures were taken by Kelley at Life By Light.

"I'm a Princess"

Me: Graysen, PLEASE stop pulling on my arm while I'm trying to type!

Graysen: *crying* Mommy, Sissy always says I'm a Princess, and you don't yell at Princesses!!

oh boy...I'm in trouble.

So Full of Personality!

Graysen,

You are sooo full of personality these days!

Your perfect day includes dressing up, getting your hair done, painting your nails, choosing your own shoes and a hair bow, and singing the day away while playing with your imaginary tiger.

You adore all things girl. Purses, coloring, and Tinkerbell.

You are crazy about dance class and your Aunt Sissy.

You're quite the show off, but get very shy around people that you don't know. Nothing is better than having you snuggle up next to me, and wrap your hand around my finger.

I love you not because you're beautiful on the outside,
but because you're gorgeous on the inside.
Mom

These pictures were taken by Kelley at Life By Light. I can't count the number of hours she has spent capturing my children...thanks for this spur of the moment photo shoot Kel. You captured her essence perfectly!

M2 Video

How cool is it that my kids are featured on Mindy's newest video promoting her photography business?! She's seriously great, hop over to her blog and look at some of her work!

I Will Follow By Chris Tomlin

That is my prayer...

Can you tell something is stirring in me? I am so looking forward to my conference in February...I just know God is going to very obviously show me what we are to do. I can't put my finger on it, but I know God is working in me, and I am praying my husband's heart is being stirred in the same direction...


ps - remember to enter this giveaway...It's a great one!!!

Kids are Mean.

That's how I'm feeling right now.
Some kids are just plain mean.

Why? I don't know.
Do they see it modeled at home?
Do they hear their parents speaking harshly toward them or others?
Are they not valued so much that they feel that in their souls and take it out on others?
I don't know any of the answers.

I do know that days like today make me want to hug my kids close,
whisper reassurance that they are perfect in my eyes.
Remind them that God loves them even more than I do,
and He doesn't care what color their skin is,
how they speak,
or what their hair looks like.

I so badly want them to know that what really matters is their hearts.
What really matters is how they treat other people.
What really matters is how they love God and follow Him.

Pray with me that I will be able to raise children who value Him more than the world.
Pray with me that I will raise children who are soft spoken.
Pray with me that I will raise children who desire to live counter-culturally.

Thankfulness

I am going to get on my soap box just for a moment and say how sad I am that "Christmas" is already upon us. Because is Christmas really here? NO! The stores want you to think Christmas is here because they want you to shop. Boo. News flash: Christmas is not about shopping and presents. It's about Christ. It's a birthday celebration.

Also...what happened to Thanksgiving?! You know, that holiday we have at the end of November every year? Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday and it's already being overlooked and overshadowed! So sad. It's so very important that we spend time being Thankful. Not just once a year, but daily, hourly.

So...all of that being said, we are celebrating THANKSGIVING at our house. No Christmas will sneak in here until Thanksgiving is over.



I had a "Thankful Tree" made for our home this year. (Although I LOVE this Thankful Tree ...we might just do that next year!) Each day the kids tell us one thing they are thankful for that day and we add them to the tree. I am excited to see our tree "sprout". I think it serve as a good reminder to be thankful for everything that God has given us, and also serve as a visual reminder that when we are thankful to God, our relationship will grow, just as our tree is "sprouting fruits"!

Here is what they were each thankful for during the first week:

Hunter:
The Army and God
Freedom
Food
Monkey Bars
Daddy
Footballs
Chad

Blake:
School
French Fries
That God made us
That I will play football when I'm bigger
Riding motorcycles when I get big
Mommy kissing me
Mommy and Daddy giving us food

Silas:
Lunch
Chocolate Pudding
Ethiopia and America
God
Daddy coaching basketball
Chad playing football and us going to his last game
That I will play football when I'm 9

Graysen:
Cupcakes
Catcher (our outside cat)
Mac and Cheese
God and Jesus
Grammie
Grandma
Sissy

I also had these Thanksgiving placemats made for our table this month. You can print them off yourselves here. I had our laminated because I thought it would be fun to switch them up (there are two different designs) each night and use dry erase markers to mark the things we are most thankful for each night! Simple, but good reminders!


One more thing I'm thankful for are these pictures of my precious family! Thank you Mindy for taking them for us. I will treasure them forever, that is for sure. I can't wait to get the rest of them and share them on here!

While we're on the topic of thankfulness, I am also thankful for late night coffee dates with two long time friends who I don't see enough of. I'm thankful that I am able to trust them with my heart and that they will trust me with theirs. I am thankful that we can dream, and plan, and laugh together. Thanks girls...

One more, I promise, just one more today! I'm thankful for other families like this one (you know, the one I mentioned yesterday) who have a heart for adoption and will stop at nothing to raise the ransom to bring another child home! Go support them and enter their giveaway!

What are you thankful for?

Love Wins!

You all know how excited I am when I get the opportunity to help other adoptive parents bring their kiddos home...and today is no exception!

The Bricker family is fundraising to bring home a baby girl, whom they will name Zoey, from Ethiopia! They are even from the good old state of Missouri!!! She is having the most spectacular giveaway EVER on her blog this week! You can't believe the number of awesome things that are being given away...and so many! I would be thrilled to win any of the prizes available!! There are so many ways to get entries, you all should hop over to her blog and show her some support and love...and help raise the ransom for their precious new daughter!

You could also stop by her Etsy store and by purchasing something there! I'm trying to decide between a new baby doll for Graysen and aprons for all the kids for Christmas...hmmm...

Orphans

I just couldn't bring myself to write a post on Orphan Sunday. Some may think this is odd because of our obvious involvement with orphans. But I'm just so torn...

Yes, at one point two of my children were orphans.

But that is not their identity...I don't ever want them defined as "orphans".
I don't ever want them to feel like orphans.

Yet, I want them to remember.
I want them to have compassion for those who have to face the tragedy that they did.
I hope their hearts are not hardened from this event,
but softened.

They are two sons.
Two sons of their first family, two sons of ours, and most importantly, two sons of our Lord.

The day we met them they were expecting us.
They were nervous,
but they were not shy.

(Meeting Sintayehu and Bizayehu for the very first time.)

As other children, too many to count, gathered around to watch our first meeting,
They knew they finally had what all of the other children at Layla are still dreaming of.

A family. They were orphans no more.

(just 10 minutes after meeting)

They took bottles of water back to Layla with them each time we visited.
To share with the other kids.
They gave away their new bubbles, stickers, and balloons.
Because they understood.

Is our responsibility of caring for the orphans over because we brought two of them home?
Absolutely not.

So...
our quest continues.
To pray and seek where God would lead us next
in caring for the orphans and widows.

Where is He pulling your heart?

Ice Cream and God's Animals

...you shall rejoice in all the good things the LORD your God has given to you and your household. —Deuteronomy 26:11

I love being a mom. But what I love more than just being a mom, is being an intentional mom! We had all Saturday afternoon with no plans, so why not make the most of our free day?! As the kids put away their folded laundry I make preprations for an ice cream social! I had gone by Redbox earlier in the day and rented Disney's Oceans. I surprised the kids with fun ice cream toppings (all just found around my house) and we had a hay day!

Toppings included: fruit snacks, sprinkles, cookie dough, crushed Oreos, chocolate chips, M&M's, carmel sprinkles, moca sprinkles, chocolate syrup,and carmel syrup! Yum, yum.

The kids had such a good time putting their toppings on, seeing what toppings their siblings would choose, and encouraging each other to try new things!

We talked about how God makes everyone different, and how just like our ice cream, even though they (we) look different, we're all delicious!

Yummy! What could be better than this on a mid-morning Saturday?!

After we got done making our sundaes, we sat on a blanket in the living room and watched our movie. We were all amazed by the beautiful creatures that most of us had never seen before! We talked about whales, sharks, fish, sea lions, jelly fish, and dolphins. We talked about the importance of not littering and taking care of God's creations, both animals and people. After the movie we Googled how long the longest whale is and then we measured it out...they were amazed!

I couldn't have asked for a better Saturday afternoon with my kids. Thank you Lord for entrusting me with each of their lives. I'm doing my best...

I Refuse by Josh Wilson

I'm totally lovin' this song!



And have you seen a better shirt than this?


You can buy it here. I really want one!

This is what Josh Wilson has to say about writing this song:

We've just finished a new video, sharing the story of the Nashville flood that happened earlier this year, and how it served as an inspiration for my song, "I Refuse". The response to the flooding last May was unbelievable - the local churches served their neighbors, the local businesses served their neighbors - people from other states and other countries served perfect strangers. It was an incredible experience and I'm thankful to share a little of it with you.

Of course, as influenced as I was by the Nashville flood, it wasn't my only influence. There is need in every corner of this world, and God has called us to be His Hands and His Feet. I'm including some links of a few movements that I'm passionate about it, but encourage you to do your own research. If you're willing to refuse to do nothing, what do you choose to do?

http://www.crosspoint.tv - this is the church in Nashville that shared all the video and photographs with us. They have a flood fund that directly goes to flooded homeowners.

http://fathershouseghana.com/ - this is an orphanage in Ghana - they'll soon be rescuing 8 boys from slavery. We've chosen to donate some of the proceeds from our t-shirts sales to their work.

http://stopthenakedness.com/ - this apparel company is providing clothing for impoverished children

http://www.tinyhandsinternational.org/ - great organization that is fighting human trafficking

http://www.mercyministries.org/homepage/ - a great Nashville-based organization that provides hope and healing to young women

We are praying about God has called US do...are you?

One of my Pet Peeves

Son,

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people sing when they don't know the words. Please listen to me next time I say this to you in the car. I can't count the number of times I've told you this in the last 5 months, but for some reason you aren't taking note. Maybe God keeps erasing it from your brain to teach me patience and self control. I don't know, but it. drives. me. nuts.!!!!!

Full House, Full Heart!

I've been getting lots of comments from people lately on the size of our family when we're out and about. At first I was a bit concerned, wondering if my children were being ill behaved and drawing attention to us, but after some observation, I realize that it's just the size of our group of 5 or 6 (if Daddy's with us) that draws the attention. In the beginning I was so flustered by people's comments that I wasn't sure how to respond and usually just kind of chuckled awkwardly, but I've come up with kind of a "pat answer" now...

"Full house, full heart!"

I really do believe that, and yes, a full house also comes with some frustration, and loudness, there's nothing better than having us all together! I also laugh inside when people comment on how many children we have (remember...we only have 4!), because especially in the adoption world, there are some families who really ARE big...we're talking 20 children! We're NOTHING compared to that!

I have come up with (with the help of some fellow AAI moms) the top 5 reasons why it's great to have a "big" family!

5. You can field a whole team in the local pick-up soccer games (and win!) Or you very own band. Or your own event production team. The possibilities are endless!

4. You have a built-in awesome cheering section at family events such as band concerts, sports games, school plays, etc.

3. You can play all those fun classroom party games at home...again, and again, and again!

2. Joy, joy, joy. So much laughter.

1. Having a bigger family gives you a really good reasons to Get Rid of Clutter...more room for people, less room for stuff, stuff, stuff. (This principle can be applied to your actual house, and also to your heart!)