Cupcakes Galore!

Yesterday was Graysen's First Birthday Party! As a side note, I love birthday parties. I know I've mentioned this before in previous posts, but today reminded me of why I love them. It's not because I enjoy myself at them, it's because I see the smiles on other people's faces. I love watching the kids interact, the excited screams as they chase each other with balloons, as the candy falls out of the pinata, the icing smeared all over their faces. I soak it in as I watch my friends and family interact, seeing the expressions on people's faces while in the middle of a deep conversation. I love playing hostess - before, during, and after. I love the anticipation of the day, the weeks building up to the party, all the little projects laying on every available surface of my house, a constant reminder that the day is coming, and I get to celebrate the birth of my child with those that I love. What's NOT to like about it?!

I hope that as my children grow older and look back on their birthday parties over the years they are able to see, through them, how much they mean to me!

Memories of Gray's birthday

Graysen,

Today you turned one. I was very scared a year ago today. I wasn't convinced that even though you were born that God would let me keep you. Yes, I loved you when they laid you on my chest, but I kept a distance in my heart. You have torn through that wall and I can not imagine life without you ever being in it. You have saved me. You have restored my faith in the good of the world. I will forever be grateful for that.

I'm amazed at how you have developed over the past year. You are a beautiful little girl, both in and out. I adore your big brown eyes, your sweet blonde hair with wisps over your ears and on your neckline, and your fingers that wrap around mine. I love the faces you make with your cheesy smile and scrunched up nose; your teeth with a space between the top middle ones, the way you have 4 on top and only 3 on the bottom. You have such a calm personality. You are an extremely happy baby, only recently have you started to weary of strangers. You bring such joy and happiness into our home.

Last night as your Dad and I lay in bed we talked about what our lives were like a year ago. We went to the hospital on the evening of the 27th thinking that we were going to be induced and have a baby. Once we got there Dr. Karrie Cunningham came in and explained that there had been some miscommunication. We were only to be observed, not actually induced. Your Dad and I tried to convince her to let us stay and go ahead and have the baby (I was already having some natural contractions), but she explained that if there were any complications with you when you were born she would rather it not be in the middle of the night when every emergency response team is a bit slower. That's all she had to say, we were okay with going home, only to return in less than 12 hours. Hunter was spending the night with Grammie, so we just left him there, as not to confuse him. We came home to an empty house, knowing that the next time we entered we would have TWO children with us. It was so hard to fathom at that point, and so hard to imagine the opposite now, just one year later. We got up in the morning and had to check in at the ER entrance. We went upstairs, started the pitocin, and we were on our way! It didn't take long for Mommy's contractions to kick into high gear...I knew you were going to come fairly quickly. Grammie came to Rolla and dropped Hunter off with Rita Wells. She came on to the hospital and helped your Daddy try to comfort me during the toughest of labor. By 9:30 we knew that you were going to be here very soon and we called Aunt Sissy out of school (she was going to cosmetology school in Rolla at the time), Grandma from work (she was working at Triad in Rolla) and Rita to bring your big brother. Aunt Sissy got there right after the nurse told me I was a 10 and was able to give me a quick hug before Dr. Cunningham came in to deliver you! There was an intern with her and so she showed him how to do everything. I pushed one time and there you were! You were 7 lbs. 1 oz., 20 inches, and were born at 9:51 a.m. You were READY to meet your family! I should've known then you were going to be a very easy going baby! Although there weren't any major complications you had trouble keeping your body temperature up, so they wisked you away to the warmer very quickly after you were born. Our family was able to come back, but just to see us, Dr. Sean McEnaney was looking you over in the nursery. You took to nursing pretty well, although you weren't very interested after you went into your "sleep stage". I even called the lactation consultant in for suggestions on ways to wake you up and make you eat! We wanted to get out of the hospital and back home as soon as possible, so we left the hospital 26 hours after you were born.

I think every girl wants to know the story of her birth, so there it is. Your birth was a wonderful experience. Holding you for the first time was like nothing else in the whole world. We had prayed for you for almost 2 years before you were even conceived, and then we continued to pray for you the entire 9 months that you grew in my tummy. You are proof that God does answer prayers in the way that we hope at times.

Today, your first birthday, was a fairly quiet day around our house. You have a cold, runny nose, cough, breathing difficulties, so we gave you lots of medicine, nose wipes, and breathing treatments. Mommy baked about 70 cupcakes for your birthday party on Sunday and Aunt Sis, Grammie, Charlie, and Jamie came over for cake after dinner. We sang you happy birthday. You weren't real sure what to think about it, but after we were all done you decided it was good enough to clap for. :0)

I love you with all of my heart - you have made me into who I have become over the last year, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Moving Song

This is a new song to me. We sang it in church last Sunday and I was just especially touched by the lyrics. I thought others might be as well. Often times I find myself getting so caught up in the noise and commotion of the world that we live in. It was nice to voice the chorus.

"Word Of God Speak" by Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Lincoln "The Great"

My husband makes me laugh. We are currently sitting in the kitchen. He is doing the dishes at the sink and I am sitting at the computer ordering Christmas gifts. I say to him, "oh man - I have to write a new blog for tomorrow, all of mine have posted". His response? "Write one about how great I am!" LOL Whew, comic relief! I laugh and he says, " that should be easy right?!" After a louder laugh from me, he responds "you can say that I said that too! Just start the post...as Lincoln was slaving away at the sink today..."

What a crack up. But seriously, I am blessed with a great husband. He is wonderful at listening to me and making me feel better about whatever the situation may be. He cares about my physical and mental health and always encourages me to do whatever it is that will make those things better. When I actually express my needs he is always there to meet them (he cleaned the entire house yesterday!!!).

I am Thankful.

What Moves Us to Tears?

After the sermon on Sunday I got to seriously thinking about this question. The pastor presented us with the question at the beginning of the sermon.

So - what moves us to tears? Do you cry over the things that hurt us directly? The things that make us sad. Or...do you cry over the things that God would cry over? What is the difference in the things that move us to tears vs. the things that move God to tears?

I have come up with a brief list of some of the things that have moved me to tears in the last week:

1. My daughter blowing me kisses when I walked in her room to get her up a few mornings ago
2. Thinking about and feeling the pain of losing my middle daughter almost 3 years ago
3. Thinking about my daughter's 1st birthday that is coming later this week
4. The thought of not having any more children
5. My son's attitude a few nights ago

I thought more in depth about each of them:

1. These were good tears - something that made me so extremely happy! I think God may cry when we blow Him kisses too! That's how much He loves us!
2. Although I know it's normal to cry when we experience loss or feel pain, but God isn't crying over Claire not being here with me. He's happy that she's in Heaven with Him...so maybe I should just look forward to the day when I can be there with her!
3. Again - a bittersweet kind of crying...
4. I shouldn't cry over this! I am so very blessed to have two healthy children here on earth with me. I should focus my attention and energy on raising these two!
5. This was more of a fear of failure in myself. My husband and I have tried so hard over the last 4 years to balance discipline with self-confidence. Being a parent is such a challenge - never knowing until it's too late whether you did the right thing or not. Overall Hunter is a wonderful boy - I'm sure every parent wonders what happened to their "sweet" child at some point or another.

What things move God to tears though? Do we cry for the babies who never get a chance at life because their parents made the decision to abort them? Do we cry for those who are homeless on the street and no one gives them a second chance? Do we cry for those around us who don't know the love and saving grace of our Heavenly Father? I believe in my heart that those are the types of things that move God to tears.

Maybe we should stop being so "all about me" all the time and think about what makes God cry everyday. What can we do to help eliminate His tears? Isn't that what we try to do for others that we love? Try to fix things so that they aren't sad, hurting, etc.? Haven't we all said "I'd take the pain, sickness, hurt, if I could"? Let's try to do that for God!

Doing the impossible

A blogging friend of mine has recently written a couple of posts about how hard it is as a woman to keep up with everything that is expected of us. Although I empathized with her at the time of her posts, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed with my own life at that point. Well - the time has come. I'm overwhelmed. I know this is the same as every woman feels, but sometimes it's just nice to vent right?

Don't misunderstand me - I have a wonderful husband who is very helpful when it comes to keeping the outside of our home in order, repairing things that are broken around the house, taking care of the children, etc. Unfortunately, he's just not too helpful when it comes to the inside of our home. I find this odd because I know that he had chores while growing up. Pretty much he leaves the cleaning and picking up to me. That would be fine if I only had to pick up after myself and the children...but I don't. He is famous for leaving his dishes by the recliner or on the bedside table, shoes all over the living room, dirty clothes in the floor, and trash on the counter.

I hit my wall last night and made a chore chart. Yes, I'm aware he might take offense to this and that it seems extremely elementary. I'm not saying that we'll post it on the fridge and get stickers or anything, I just want something to use as a guide. Something that he can look at and know what needs to be done and how he can help me around the house.

I'll let you know how it goes. ;0)

To Read List:

Here is my list of books that I would like to eventually find time to read:

1. The Professors Wives Club
2. The James Miracle
3. All We Know Of Heaven
4. Captivating
5. Do You Think I'm Beautiful?
6. The Christmas Sweater
7. The Difficult Child
8. A Million Little Pieces
9. Sunset
10. Twilight
11. The Mommy Diaries

If anyone has any other suggestions for me to add or have read any of the above books and would like to give me their input on them I would greatly appreciate it! :0)

What do you hear?

I'm listening to my home right now. I hear the muffled sound of the washer and dryer running behind the closed laundry room door. I hear Charlie and Lola in the living room (they are regular guests of ours on TV...). I hear a bird outside in the tree. It's a crisp sunny day outside. I hear the clicking of the keys on my keyboard as I type.

I also hear my own thoughts. Do I make this house a home? Do I do enough to keep it presentable, functional, and cozy? I know I don't. Sometimes I feel as though I could do a better job, sometimes I feel as though I'm tapped out; like I'm extended to the fullest extent. Sure, I should use these minutes blogging to unload the dish washer...but sometimes I just need some time for ME!

Here's my list of things that I do for me that I will NOT let myself feel guilty for:

1. Blogging
2. Baths that include shaving my legs
3. Reading my book for less than 30 minutes a day
4. Time spent on choreography
5. Taking a walk

That (not so loving) feeling

Do you ever make a decision and then regret it?
Do you ever wish you would've stuck to your guns a little longer?
Wish that you had put up a bigger fight to get what you wanted?
Wish that you prayed a little longer about it?

Do you ever feel sick to your stomach when you think about it?

whew. I hate that feeling.

Volunteer Work

If you had the freedom to do volunteer work for three months (with all barriers removed such as finances and childcare,) what would you do?

I saw this question on a blog that I read daily and I was so excited to answer the question. Then I sat down to answer it...


and nothing. I had no idea where to start! I have so many things I'd love to do, but how could I possibly pick one?! I want to volunteer in a pregnancy resource center, I want to travel overseas and work in an orphanage, I want to work in a home for battered women, the list is endless.

What would your answer be?

80's fans beware...

I have never been a huge fan of the 80's. Odd because I grew up during them. I thought I hated the off the shoulder shirts, stretch pants, bright colored costume jewelry, and leg warmers...but I was wrong, I have come to love each of those styles as they have recently come back around. If I had to choose one clothing trend to never come back I would venture to say it would be the scrunchie. Let me be more specific. Those huge cloth covered rubber bands that come in all colors and fabrics. If I ever see someone wearing one again it will be too soon... I'm all for hair bows, ribbons, colored rubber bands, clips, etc. It's just something about those scrunchies. :0)


What past clothing trend do you think should never come back in style?

Comfort Food

Does everyone have a comfort food? Yes, I eat for comfort, but I don't have a specific food. I think I might be the minority on this one. I love holiday food - holiday food in my family includes 7 layer salad, turkey, ham, green bean casserole, rolls, corn, pumpkin pie, and apple pie. These are the staples at any holiday gathering. Of course there are many more mixed in there, but they differ year to year. If it's not holiday time I eat anything. Cheese-it's, brownies, spaghetti...basically anything in my house that is unhealthy.

Why is comfort food never healthy for me?!?! (aside from the quantity of it I eat...I'm talking about the type of food...)

Love, hate, lucky

I love to cook dinner.
I hate to clean up the dishes afterward.
I'm lucky I have a husband who will do that for me.

Pampered Chef Closing...

Just wanted to let all of you fellow bloggers out there know that I'm getting ready to close my Pampered Chef Party tomorrow! I honestly am not one to do these kinds of parties, but I love their stuff. I own tons of it and use it every single day. If you are interested in browsing through the stuff you can look online. You may place your order at the website below or call me and I'll do it for you.

Remember all the unglazed stoneware is 20% off right now!!! That's a great deal for all of your holiday foods that are waiting to be prepared! :0)

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/jshaner

The next stage...

I'm entering a new stage of my life. Okay, so really it has nothing to do with me, but since this is my blog I'll tell it from my perspective.

My mom is engaged. Yup. She says she's not calling it that, but that's what it is. Charlie (Charles, Char, Chaz, LC, Chuck, etc.) bought her a beautiful diamond ring. She's wearing it on her left ring finger. It's an engagement. My mom is getting married!

I'm happy for her. I really, honestly, can say that I am. Until the past 6 months or so I don't know that I could've said that truthfully. This has been a long time coming, a long hard road. My dad left us almost 6 years ago and Mom met Charlie 4 months (or so) afterwards. He's been around in one capacity or another ever since. He was there for my wedding, the birth of all of my children. He has helped me through lots of things over the past 6 years. Whether or not he knows it, I feel like we have an unspoken connection, an understanding that only comes from people who have experienced what we have. Charlie is a wonderful man.

It's odd to say that I'm going to have a step-dad, or step-sisters. Only little kids have those things. That's something that a child of a broken home grows up with. I am not one of those children. Although the "technical terms" of things like that sound odd to me, I am happy to say that Charlie will be a wonderful addition to my family.

Welcome!

TWLOHA

Check it out. I dig it.

http://www.twloha.com/index.php

Let Down...?

Have you ever built something up so much in your mind that it's then impossible for it to go as smoothly as you had pictured it? It seems that I let myself do this all the time! I have a real problem with change, I'm able to admit this, but if I have something in my mind then it should just go that way - no matter what! Very unrealistic, I know.

Take Christmas Tree Putting Up Night for instance. (And yes, it should all be capitalized, it's a proper name - like Christmas or something. ha ha) I had this picture perfect night in my mind with Christmas music playing, Lincoln, Hunter, and I putting the tree up, Graysen playing with the santa dolls and a few ornaments. All gathered around the stove making home made pizza and then eating it under the lights of the tree.

What I didn't picture was a husband who was VERY tired (but trying desperately not to act like it), a son who had an ear infection and was acting up more than usual, a strand of Christmas lights that were burnt out, a daughter who would pull every ornament off the tree as soon as we could put it up there, a kitchen that had to be cleaned, a pizza that took twice as long to bake as I had guessed it would, and me, putting the rest of the decorations up by myself after the other three had gone to bed.

I have to admit, I am rather proud of myself. Despite the "set-backs", we had a wonderful evening together and I didn't stress out one single time. Amazing. Lincoln even commented to me how impressed he was before heading off to bed...that's how I know I was truly successful.

A Good Daddy Memory...

One of my favorite memories of my dad from my HS years was the time that he took me to the Fox on Homecoming night. I can't tell you what show we saw...actually, I couldn't even tell you if it was homecoming, courtwarming, or prom. All I remember is that I didn't have a date and my Daddy came to the rescue. Instead of me having to go to the dance alone he bought me tickets to the Fox, and we had a date together. We planned to be home about the same time that the dance was getting out and we had the usual post-dance gathering at my house. My mom was home and got all the food ready for my friends and they were all there when I got home from my date with my daddy. I had the best of both worlds that night, a date with my dad, a show at the Fox, and a slumber party with my friends!

My dream spot

One day I'm going to have a "spot" in my home. I'm going to have a cozy corner in a spare bedroom where I have a chase lounge and a tall stand lamp. It's going to have a cozy throw blanket over the back of it to tuck in around my feet while I sit and a small antique table beside it to put my ice tea and book on. I'm going to curl up there by myself and read my book and sit on my laptop...

Someday.

Coupon Codes

Maybe I'm way behind times - but... Yesterday I finished ordering the stuff for Graysen's birthday party. In MOPS last week we were discussing frugal living and someone mentioned that you can google coupon codes and come up with all those codes that give some sort of a discount when you're online shopping. I decided to give it a try. So, I found a site where all you had to do was type in the store that you're shopping at (online) and it gave you a variety of codes that did different things. I found one that gave free shipping for orders over 40.00. Luckily mine was 52.00! I typed it in and what do you know, I save 9.95 on shipping!!! Awesome! I was so excited. For about 60 seconds of work I saved almost 10.00! Just wanted to share, obviously it was thrilling to me!